30 Best Alexis Denisof Quotes

[last lines]
Duncan: One more chance, Steve.
Steve: For what? Prison?
Duncan: Redemption.
[Steve walks away from Duncan and curls up in a chair, shaking. Duncan gives up and walks from the room, the door swinging shut behind him]

Wesley: As I'm sure none of us is anxious to waste any time on pleasantries... why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol.
Buffy: Vampires.
Wesley: Yes?
Buffy: Killed 'em.

The: Me next! It's my turn - nothing as stupid as a giant boomerang! Firstly, I get 400 cases of fake dog-vomit, I grease the bottoms of them, and when the Flash runs into them, the whole mess slides into a wall of metal spikes! The cases break open, and what's left of the Flash is buried alive in phony barf! And then...
[giggles]
The: Everything EXPLODES!
[the other rogues just stare]
Captain: You know what? Taking turns is dumb. Let's just all jump him at the museum.
Mirror: Brilliant.
Captain: Good deal.
The: Aw come on, it'll be great! Okay, you don't like the barf? I can make do with 50,000 rotten eggs and a chainsaw!
[the others ride off without him]
The: Well, if that's the way you're gonna be, forget about it! I quit! Nobody gets me.

Wesley: You're not helping.
Rupert: I know. I feel just sick about it.

Narrator: Robin's boss, Sandy Rivers, hosted this cruise every year, mostly to hit on new employees. And he found a clever way to never spend a cent.
Sandy: [on air] Up next: Another four deaths in Arizona's record-breaking heat wave. You want real record-breaking heat? Try Kristoff's jalapeno coconut martini! Muy caliente!
[breaks into a giant smile while holding up the bottle]

Sandy: We should have sex.
Robin: [Stunned] What?
Sandy: Why not? We're both available, we're both attractive, we're both good at it. At least, I'm good at it. And even if you're not, don't worry, I'll have a good time either way.

Wesley: Buffy, this is a job for the both of you. This demon could be anywhere. If these books are as important as he says, he has good reason to hide. Finding him's going to be extremely difficult.
Xander: [entering] Found your demon.
Buffy: Fashion tip, Wes. Mouth looks better closed.

Cordelia: What are you doing Friday night?
Wesley: Uh, uh... As always, my sacred duty as a Watcher prevents me from... Why?
Cordelia: I have a paper to write for English, and... you're English, so I thought...
[at everyone's looks]
Cordelia: What? Is it so wrong to be getting an insider's perspective?
[to Wesley]
Cordelia: I study best in a good restaurant, around eightish? Think it over?
[she leaves]
Xander: And on the day the words "flimsy excuse" were redefined, we stood in awe and watched.

[a hologram appears]
The: Mirror Master!
Mirror: You're quick as ever.
The: Yeah? Well, you're... you're not really all there!
Mirror: Oh, nice try. If you'd had another minute, you might have thought of a decent comeback.

Wesley: Does everybody know about you?
Buffy: She's a friend.
Cordelia: Let's not exaggerate.

Richard: [he's just cornered Rossendale in a wood, broken Rossendale's pistol and sword and and made him write a promissory note] You're not worth fighting. You want her? I'll sell her to you. What we do where I come from, we take our faithless wives to market, put a rope around their necks and bid for 'em! You pig-bastards do that! My lord?
Rossendale: [terrified] I don't know.
Richard: You don't know? I know.
[he takes a length of cord from his saddlebag]
Richard: Here's the rope.
[he throws it at Rossendale, who barely manages to catch it]

Wesley: If I'm not mistaken, this is a hellhound.
Rupert: Yes. It's particularly vicious. It's a sort of, um, demon foot soldier, bred during the Mahkash wars. Trained solely to kill, they... feed off the brains of their foes.

Wesley: I'm sorry. Uh, Lohesh was a four-winged soul killer, am I right? I was given to understand that they're not that fierce. Of all the demons we've faced...
Anya: You've never seen a demon.
Buffy: Uh, excuse me. Killing them professionally four years running.
Anya: All the demons that walk the Earth are tainted, are human hybrids, like vampires. The Ascension means that a human becomes pure demon. They're different.
Rupert: Different?
Buffy: How?
Anya: Well, for one thing... they're bigger.

Wesley: Find anything?
Rupert: Six-course banquet of nothing with a scoop of sod all as a palette cleanser.

Wesley: Mr. Giles... I'd like your opinion... While the last thing I wish to do is model bad behavior in front of impressionable youth... I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance would...
Rupert: For God's sake, man, she's 18. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you? And stop fluttering about.

Captain: Now they tell me I'm reformed.
Mirror: Reformed? The man who hijacked a whole fleet of armored cars in one month?
Captain: Now that was a crime.
Mirror: Too bad the Flash busted you before you could spend a dime.
The: And you know what else...?
Captain: Well, at least he didn't make me eat my own laser kaleidoscope!
Mirror: That's a rumor! A complete exaggeration! And anyway, it was a laser pistol.

Buffy: Okay, ready?
Angel: Yeah.
Buffy: On 3. 1...
[pulls out arrow]
Angel: Ahh. I knew you were gonna do that.
Rupert: Not too much blood here.
Angel: I heal pretty fast. I should be all right.
Buffy: I'm just glad Faith's such a suck shot.
Rupert: We're sure it was her?
Buffy: Well, I've narrowed down my list of one suspect.
Wesley: Fascinating.
Rupert: What?
Wesley: It seems our Mr. Worth headed an expedition in Kauai, digging through old lava beds near a dormant volcano.
Buffy: I'm not fascinated yet.
Wesley: He found something underneath. A carcass, buried by an eruption.
Rupert: A carcass?
Wesley: A very large one. Mr. Worth posits that it might be some heretofore undiscovered dinosaur.
Angel: A demon?
Rupert: Well, yes, that would be something that the-the mayor would want to keep a secret. If it's the same kind of demon he's turning into and it's dead, then it means that... well, he's only impervious to harm until the Ascension. In its demon form, he can be killed.
Buffy: Great. So all we need is a million tons of burning lava. We're saved.
Angel: Well, it's a start anyway...
[he tries to stand up]
Buffy: Ok, you have been a real klutz today. You need to...
Angel: Damn.
[he falls to the ground]

Mirror: Boomer, must you always plead poverty?
Captain: I've got my overhead! What do you know about poverty? All you have to do is pull another mirror out of your blinkin' arsenal!

[after meeting Cordelia]
Wesley: My... She's... cheeky, isn't she?
Faith: Uh, first word "jail," second word "bait."

Richard: [has stumbled across Jane and Rossendale] You, madam! You!
Jane: Don't hurt me, please!
Richard: And you!
[grabs Rossendale]
Richard: You dare to come! You dare to join! You dare to be in the same bottle-beggary army as me!
Richard: [chases Rossendale until Rossendale trips and falls] Get up!
[kicks Rossendale in the ribs]
Richard: Get up and fight!
[turns to the crowd]
Richard: Somebody give him a sword!
[turns back to Rossendale]
Richard: You have a friend?
Rossendale: [recognizing the duel challenge] No, no, no, no, please!
Richard: Then give me the money, you can keep the whore for an arse-wipe, you yellow-livered...
[feels the shame of being cuckolded]
Richard: No... no, by God, I'll kill you anyway!
[draws his sword and points it at Rossendale, who wets himself in front of the assembled guests]
Uxbridge: [intervenes] Enough!
[looks down at Rossendale in disgust]
Uxbridge: Get up.
Richard: [does not move his sword] By God I'll fillet you also!
Uxbridge: You will not!
Harry: [mutters in Sharpe's ear] Harry Paget, Richard... Earl Uxbridge as is, Lord Wellington's second-in-command as is... don't do it.
Richard: [sighs in defeat] You tell him Harry.
Rossendale: [looking up, embarrassed] I fell... just fell.
Richard: Tell him he can have the whore
[glares over at Jane, who stares back at him in loathing]
Richard: but I want my money.

Patrice: [Robin is administering Patrice's year-end performance appraisal - and she just fired her] Why would you fire me?
Robin: Because nobody should be as happy as you are!
[goes to door and opens it]
Robin: and also, your cookies? They're only... pretty good.
Patrice: Robin, is this really about me?
Robin: [cracking] No. It's not.
[Patrice embraces her]
Sandy: [enters] The old fire and bang. Respect, Scherbatsky.
[Leaves]

Rossendale: [confessing the truth of how his sword was broken] There were no bloody Lancers today. He broke my sword, Witherspoon... .Sharpe.
Witherspoon: I won't tell.
Rossendale: Thank you. Well, he got his note for the money. Much good will it do him; I have no money and Jane won't give me any more 'till I marry her. He gave her to me... said he'd sell her, some ghastly country custom that swine sell their wives, Withers. I love her to distraction, you know... more than honor... but to keep her I must kill him. He's a far better man than I, sir... so tomorrow I lose her and my honor.
Witherspoon: [looks at Rossendale for a moment, then:] It is to do with honor, isn't it, old chap? Not duels. There is one way you can win all, you know.
Rossendale: Is there? How?
Witherspoon: Fight like a blue hero tomorrow.

Wesley: [to Buffy] Well... hello.
Buffy: [to Giles] New Watcher?
Rupert: New Watcher.
Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce.
[sticks out his hand which Buffy ignores]
Wesley: It's very nice to meet you.
Buffy: [to Giles] Is he evil?
Wesley: Evil?
Buffy: The last one was evil.
Wesley: Oh, yes. Gwendolyn Post. We all heard. No. Mr. Giles has checked my credentials rather thoroughly and phoned the Council, but I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well... A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer.
Buffy: [to Giles] Is he evil?
Rupert: Not in the strictest sense of the...
Wesley: Well, I'm glad that's cleared up.

Rupert: You seem to know a lot about them.
Wesley: I didn't get this job because of my looks.
Buffy: I really, really believe that.

Mirror: The hardest men in town, and we all have something in common.
The: Bilateral symmetry!

Waitress: [to Flash villains] What'll it be, boys?
Captain: Arnold Palmer.
The: Cherry Cola.
Mirror: Decaf Soy Latte.
Captain: Milk.
[the others stare in confusion]
Captain: [embarrassed] My ulcer's been acting up.

Wesley: All right, everyone. Monsters, demons, world in peril.
Buffy: I'll betcha they have *all* that stuff in Illinois.
Wesley: You cannot leave Sunnydale! With the power invested in me by the Council, I forbid it.
Rupert: Oh, yes, that should settle it.

Sandy: Erika, I've been meaning to speak with you all night.
Erika: Really? What about?
Sandy: About me bending your hard little body over the railings of this boat and copulating furiously while I admire the New York City Skyline, or if you're feeling dirty we can always face towards Jersey.

Xander: What's this ascension mean?
Rupert: I'm not sure.
Wesley: No, not really a common term in demonology.
Willow: Ooh, ooh! The-The Merenshtadt text! Uh, I think in the section on genocide, they mention ascension.
Buffy: Well, we have a winner.
Xander: And more importantly, two losers.

[telling Buffy about a new assignment]
Wesley: Yes, well, you will go tonight, look over his apartment, anything of note, report back here.
Buffy: I just *love* it when you take charge, you man, you.