The Best Breaking Bad, Season 2, Episode 8 Quotes

Saul: The cops are like butchers. Always got their thumbs on the scales.

- Hey, Francesca, how about I follow you home?
- For safety.
- What?
- God, you are killing me with that Booty.

Marie: Yesterday I got home and found him. He didn't even tell me he was coming.
Walter: A man was killed?
Marie: A Federale, right in front of him. Three agents wounded, one lost his leg. It's like what you hear about from Iraq or something. The IEDs.
Walter: Oh, Jesus.
Marie: I had to hear about it from Steve Gomez. Hank talked to his ASAC for about an hour. Hank could win an Oscar. He's so damn breezy with the man. He hangs up the phone, goes right back to bed. And all he keeps saying is "I'm fine. I'm fine. Leave me alone."

- So who goes inside?
- I don't need them seeing my face.
- Well, I don't need them seeing my face.
- Why not?
- You look like his typical clientele.
- Fine.
- We'll flip for it, all right? Call it.
- Heads.

- Ask it, like, official.
- Are you a police officer?
- No, I am not a police officer.
- Okay, then. Hundred and seventy-five for a teenth.
- The price is the price, yo.
- All right.

Saul: Anything that gets the DEA's panties in this big a bunch, you're on to something special. And I would like to be a small and silent part of it. Food for thought, yeah? So if you wanna make more money and, uh, keep the money that you make... better call Saul!

- There you go. Enjoy.
- Thanks, man.
- Albuquerque police! You're under arrest! Get down on the ground!
- Get on your stomach now!
- On your stomach. Get on the ground!
- Hold it right there. Don't move.
- Stay down.

- Sure. Your commercials?
- They suck ass.
- I've seen better acting in an epileptic whorehouse.
- Is that like the one your mom works at?
- Is she still offering the two-for-one discount?
- DEA, huh? For a street bust.
- Now, what would two feds want with that little twerp?

Saul: Faith and begorrah! A fellow potato eater! My real name's McGill. The Jew thing I just do for the homeboys. They all want a pipe-hitting member of the tribe, so to speak...

Steven: Got more lives than a damn cat.
Hank: Now if I could only learn to lick myself.

Walter H. White: This only works if they're scared of you

Saul: Hey, Francesca, how about I follow you home?
Francesca: No.
Saul: For safety. What?
[to himself, watching her leave]
Saul: God, you are killing me with that booty.

- What, dude wouldn't take a bribe?
- That dude in there?
- Saul Goodman we're talking about?
- Yeah. "Morally outraged," he said.
- Threatened to call the police.
- Wait, and badger is gonna spill?
- Like the exxon valdez.
- So, what do we do about it?

- Too slow! What's up?
- Got more lives than a damn cat.
- Now if I could only learn to lick myself.
- What's up, guys? Good to see you.
- Good to see you. Good to see you.
- All right. Let's all get back to work, for Christ sake, okay?
- In my office, man. Let's see what you bozos been up to lately.

- So you wanna go grab some dinner?
- I could really go for some Chinese.
- No, I better hit it.
- We cool?
- Your satellite is on, by the way.
- That screen is badass.

- I'll leave you alone.
- We'll talk later. Just go.
- Where'd he go?
- Where the hell did he go?
- Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Got him.
- Looks like it's going down.
- Take him.
- Freeze! Hey, right there.
- Don't move.
- Come on, get him up.

- You look nice is all.
- It's work, Walt.
- And everybody is gonna be there.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Maybe we'll order a pizza tonight?
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.

Jesse: You don't want a criminal lawyer... you want a "criminal" lawyer,

- Well, is it cool if! Burn one?
- Maybe you'll change your mind.
- Do what you wanna do, I guess.
- Hey. What'd I say?
- Nothing.
- I just have to go is all.

- Well?
- They were too scared to tell me.
- Badger got busted.
- He's in jail.

Saul: I'm gonna get you a second phone call, OK? You're gonna call your mommy or your daddy or your parish priest or your boy scout leader, and they're gonna deliver me a check for $4650.00. I'm gonna write that down on the back of my business card. Four, Six, Five, Zero, OK? And I need that in a cashiers check or a money order, doesn't matter. Actually, ah, I want it in a money order and ah, make it out to "Ice Station Zebra Associates." That's my loan out. It's totally legit... its done just for tax purposes. After that we can discuss Visa or Mastercard, but definitely not American Express, so don't even ask, alright? Any questions?

Walter H. White: What are you offering me?
Saul: What did Tom Hagen do for Vito Corleone?
Walter H. White: I'm no Vito Corleone.
Saul: No Shit! Right now you're Fredo!

Saul: Conscience gets expensive, doesn't it?

Saul: You got a grand total of two. Option A: Brandon takes the deal. Option B: Brandon goes up to the penitentiary and gets his rectum resized about yay big.

Walter: I have spent my whole life scared. Frightened of things that could happen; might happen; might not happen. 50 years I've spent like that. Finding myself awake at 3am. But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine. I came to realize it's that fear is the worst of it, that's the real enemy. So, get up, get out in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard as you can, right in the teeth.

Saul: Gentlemen, I sense you're discussing my client. Anything you care to share with me?
Hank: Sure. Your commercials? They suck ass. I've seen better acting in an epileptic whorehouse.
Saul: Is that like the one your mom works at? Uh, is she still offering the two-for-one discount? DEA, huh? For a street bust. Now, what would two feds want with that little twerp?

- I think they bought it.
- Absolutely.
- Textbook bust, sir. Yes, sir.
- Looks like we got a full pound of the blue stuff.
- Oh, and Heisenberg's real name?
- James kilkelly.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- It was my pleasure.

Walter: [pretending to be Badger's uncle] If Brandon informs on this Heisenberg, I mean, what if, God forbid, that they decide to... take revenge?
Saul: What have you been telling him? The kid keeps spouting off about "I-If I talk, they'll kill me," blah, blah, blah. You know, right now, he's the only thing holding up this deal.
Walter: [more to himself] Good
Saul: No, that's not good. That's terrible. Trust me, sir, your nephew won't last in prison two weeks, all right? You let him take his chances on the outside. Maybe I can work in some witness protection.
Walter: No, look, look. These are... are vicious, desperate people. I-I... I-I have been told that-that one of them killed another man by crushing his head with an ATM machine.
Saul: [laughing] People love to take credit for the fun ones. Yeah, the guy who got his head smooshed used to be a client of mine. His wife killed him, all right? It was open and shut. Trust me, you folks have nothing to worry about, okay? I'm gonna set your nephew straight, get him singing like a canary, all's right with the world.
Walter: $10,000.
[having opened the door for Walt to leave, Saul shuts it again]
Walter: 10,000, cash to you. I'm... I'm not saying to throw the case. Just no talking to the DEA.
Walter: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Walter: Yes. What's it going to be?

- Hey.
- You weren't home, so I let the delivery guys in.
- I hope that's okay.
- -absolutely.
- So you bought a bed.
- What is that, a king?
- Pillow top?

Jesse: We got 10, 20, 30, 44, five each.
Walter: Three pounds should be 48 each. Who's short?
Jesse: Don't freak, all right? We didn't get ripped off. But Badger hasn't kicked in his full amount. I know he was planning on pulling an all-nighter, so he's probably still in the sack.
Walter: Then wake him up. He can sleep after we're paid.

- Secondly, he gets 30.
- Fifty goes to me.
- You get 50? For what?
- For facilitating.
- Who's taking a bigger risk here?
- He likes prison.
- You did bring the cash, didn't you?
- Look, if this option is too expensive...
- You can still always... badger in the chow line.

- Baby, not now.
- It's... it's me, Hank. Sorry.
- Hey, buddy. What's...?
- What's up?
- I just...
- Do you mind if I...

- The guy who got his head smooshed used to be a client of mine.
- His wife killed him, all right?
- It was open and shut.
- Trust me, you folks have nothing to worry about, okay?
- I'm gonna set your nephew straight, get him singing like a canary...
- All's right with the world.
- Ten thousand dollars.

Saul: Better safe than sorry. That's my motto.

- Where's the stuff, man?
- Where are we going?
- Just shut up.
- Get out. Go stop him.
- The DEA is right there.
- If they see me, we're screwed.
- Get out. I'll do something.
- What?
- Just go!

- No, no.
- Oh, my god.
- Jimmy is on the wrong bench. Crap!
- We are screwed!
- What are you doing?
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I don't get it. What's the holdup?

- The ieds.
- Oh, Jesus.
- I had to hear about it from Steve Gomez.
- Hank talked to his asac for about an hour.
- Hank could win an Oscar.
- He's so damn breezy with the man.
- He hangs up the phone, goes right back to bed.
- And all he keeps saying is,
- "I'm fine. I'm fine. Leave me alone."

Jesse: What, dude wouldn't take a bribe? That dude in there? Saul Goodman we're talking about?
Walter: Yeah. "Morally outraged," he said. Threatened to call the police.
Jesse: Wait, and Badger is gonna spill?
Walter: Like the Exxon Valdez.
Jesse: So, what do we do about it?

Getz: [Interrogating Badger] Hey, I'm trying to help ya here, man. Now, if you just tell me who your supplier is, I think this can end very well for you.
Saul: EHHHHH! Whaddya doin' Detective? What're you doin' talkin' to my client without me present? You Sneaky Pete! Which is which? What'd the academy hire you right outta the womb? You guys get younger every...
Saul: [Turning to Badger]
Saul: What'd you say to Babyface? Huh? Didja say anything stupid? And by "anything stupid" I mean anything at all!
Badger: I... I, uh...
Saul: Ah, look at you, mouth open, vocal chords all atwitter! Yeah, we'll talk about that later!
Saul: [Turns back to Getz]
Saul: Right now, you, OUT! TEN MINUTES AGO. There are laws, Detective, have your kindergarten teacher read 'em to ya! Right, go grab a juice box, have a nap, go on!

Saul: [on the phone with his assistant] Yeah, but, Francesca, I took these already. Didn't I take these already? Okay. Look, it's on your head. You're not supposed to double up on Vitamin A, it's bad for the liver. Okay, who's next? Did him. I did him. Well, that one went public defender. Thanks for nothing. Hey, what happened to my masturbator, Francesca? You got me all turned around.

- Voicemail?
- Just chill, okay? Count your money.
- Combo.
- Yo, what's up?
- You seen badger?
- Don't you cover for him, bitch.
- I ask you a straight-up question,
- I expect a straight-up answer.

Saul: [Counseling Badger]
Saul: Alright, who do we have?
Badger: Brandon Mayhew.
Saul: "Brandon Mayhew." Alright. "Brandon Mayhew." Ahhhh, here we go; "public masturbation."
Badger: What?
Saul: I don't get it, what's the kick? Why doncha do it at home like the rest of us, with a big flat-screen TV, 50 channels of pay-per-view? In a Starbucks, that's nice!
Badger: That ain't me, man! I was the guy selling meth... allegedly...
Saul: [Flipping through files...]
Saul: Ok, alright, I gotcha. Meth, right? That was just a little transpositional error, nothin' a little white out can take care of.

Skyler: [Skyler is about to leave for work on a Saturday morning but is wearing a sexy black dress with deep cleavage. Walt is staring at her quizzically as she prepares to leave] What?
Walter H. White: What, you don't even get casual Saturday? No, I just you... You look nice is all.

- All right. There's our boy.
- Right on time.

- Okay.
- And I came to realize it's that fear that's the worst of it.
- That's the real enemy.
- Get up.
- Get out in the real world.
- And you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth.

Saul: Okay, you're now both officially represented by Saul Goodman and Associates. Your secrets are safe with me under threat of disbarment, all right? Take the ski mask off. I feel like I'm talking to the Weather Underground here.
Walter: Just do it.
Saul: [Jesse reluctantly does so] Okay, so if a prison shanking is completely off the table... and we're sure of that?
Jesse: [seeing Walt considering it] No shanking!
Saul: All right, all right. The way I see it is somebody's going to prison. It's just a matter of who.

Saul: Oh, my god. You really are a chemistry teacher. Uh...
[shutting the classroom door]
Saul: You mind? I was terrible at chemistry. I'm, uh, more of a humanities guy.
Walter: How did you find me?
Saul: We should talk about that. It should be much, much harder for people to track you down. My P.I. charged me for three hours, so I seriously doubt it took him more than one.
Walter: So this is, what, blackmail?
Saul: Walter, I'm your lawyer. Anything you say to me is totally privileged. It's... I'm not in the shakedown racket. I'm a lawyer. Even drug dealers need lawyers, right? Especially drug dealers.
Walter: So, what, you're just doing this out of the kindness of your heart?
Saul: Oh, come on. Have you seen my hourly rate? Oh, by the way, where do you keep the money? Is it in your mattress? Is it in a jelly jar buried in the side yard, huh? You know, this kid Mayhew may be the first of your guys to get picked up, but he won't be the last. And if I can find you, how far behind can the cops be?

Jesse: Sooner or later, this was gonna happen. You want your exponential growth, guys are gonna get busted. Simple as that.
Walter: [seeing Saul's strip-mall law office] So how about we get him a real attorney? I mean, what the hell is this? This is who he hires?
Jesse: What? Are you kidding me? This is the guy you want. This is the guy I'd hire.
Walter: Oh, it's the guy you'd hire.
Jesse: Look, you remember Emilio? Okay, this dude got Emilio off, like, twice. Okay? Both times, they had him dead to rights, yo. And then, poof. Dude is like Houdini.

Saul: 1963, James Edward Kilkelly is convicted of stealing a vending machine. 1975, breaking and entering. 1982, grand theft auto. 1984, armed robbery. 1987, 1992, you get the idea. And here he is today. Better known as Jimmy In-N-Out. City, state, and federal, he's spent 44 of the last 58 years inside.
Walter: Hmm. Entire life behind bars.
Saul: Jimmy provides a very special service. For a price, Jimmy will go to prison for you.
Jesse: On purpose? The guy goes to prison on purpose?
Saul: He's actually more comfortable inside. The outside world hasn't been too kind to him. Sometime during the Clinton administration, Jimmy figured out how he could use his talents to turn a profit.
Walter: So, when does all this happen?
Saul: It's already happening. The buy is set for tomorrow. Cops bust Jimmy, Badger gets out, everybody's happy, and all it's gonna cost you is 80,000 and one pound of your finest meth.
Walter: $80,000 for eight years of his life, huh?
Saul: First of all, he's not gonna do eight years. I'm gonna represent him, and I guarantee there's gonna be some unexpected problems with the prosecution's case. Second, he gets 30. Fifty goes to me.
Jesse: You get 50? For what?
Saul: For facilitating. Who's taking a bigger risk here? He likes prison. You did bring the cash, didn't you? Look, if this option is too expensive, uh, you can still always...
[pantomiming a shanking with a letter opener]
Saul: ...ugh! Badger in the chow line.