The Best Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 6, Episode 11 Quotes

Dr. Frederick Tate: Now, I'm sorry, but our session is coming to a close. I guess I'll have to bill your widow.
Jake: Wow, that is cold-blooded, but I got to hand it to you, it's a pretty dope kill line.

Charles: Why do you think Dr. Tate's the murderer?
Jake: He already knew where the bathroom was. He's clearly been here before.
Charles: Well, he probably just guessed, because it's obvious.
Jake: This is New York. It's never obvious where the bathroom is. I once had an apartment where the toilet was literally in the refrigerator.

Jake: Okay, unlike Kooky Charles and Tearful Terry, I am healthy and don't need therapy.
Hitchcock: I hear that. I don't go to therapy either. Jake and I are like two penises in a pod.
Jake: Damn it, Hitchcock, we talked about this. It never helps when you back me up.

Terry: I get my protein from real food. 22 meals a day, one every 40 minutes.

Captain: [about Jocelyn, Diaz's girlfriend] Now that the squad has all met her, surely you can't object to her having some rice with Kevin and me?
Rosa: Okay, it's just that you can be a bit judgmental.
Captain: What a stupid thing to say. Name one time when I have been judgmental.
Rosa: Okay.
Captain: [flashback] What a stupid thing to say.
[Back to present]
Captain: Oh, I see. Mere seconds ago.

- Beautiful. Be brave, bro. Be brave.
- Bowl!
- Bam!
- Bull's-eye! Booyah!
- Babushka!
- All: Babushka!

Jake: Oh, that guy looks like he's wearing a skin mask over his own face, so I'm guessing it's Dr. Tate.
Charles: He has a normal man's face, Jake.
Jake: Yes, he does have a normal man's face, stretched out over his own face, because he is a Hannibal.

Jocelyn: Excuse me, do you have a less crinkly dollar I could trade you for?
Captain: Of course I do. None of my dollars has a single crinkle. When they do, I steam them.
[Hands her a dollar bill]
Jocelyn: Oh. Wow, that is crisp.
Captain: [Looks at the crinkly dollar she gave him] Can't wait to get this baby home and flatten it out.

Jake: [Looks around the bullpen, sees some big water bottles and starts formulating an idea] Bottles. Boyle. Bullpen.
Terry: What are you...
Jake: Uh-buh-buh. Bottles, Boyle, bullpen.
[Beat]
Jake: Bowling.
[Cut to Boyle, strapped on a chair, ready to act as a human bowling ball]
Jake: Behold, Brooklyn buddies, Boyle bullpen bottle bowling.
Charles: Beautiful.
Jake: Be brave, bro. Be brave. Bowl!
Rosa: [Boyle knocks over all the water bottles] Bam!
Charles: Bull's-eye!
Jake: Booyah!
Elderly: Babushka!
Jake: [Beat] Babushka!

Jocelyn: [Jake pretends to be Garrett, a mental patient with multiple personalities syndrome] Well, Garrett, our time is up. Shall we pick up here next week?
Jake: No, I can't go. There's still someone left inside that wants to talk.
Jocelyn: Do you mean Satchel, the "gentle African-American man who was born in 1908"?
Jake: Oh, no. You know what? Satchel probably shouldn't come out right now. Or ever, for that matter.
Jocelyn: Garrett, I can only help you if you open up.
Jake: [sighs]
[deep voice]
Jake: And then Dufresne escaped through the tunnels of Shawshank Prison. He was my friend.
Jocelyn: Are you just doing Morgan Freeman?
Jake: Ah, yes! You calling me on it just gave me a major breakthrough. I'm cured! Anyway, deuces, Doc!

Jake: [Pretends to be a mental patient with multiple personalities syndrome] Uh, I was just talking to another one of the voices.
Dr. Theresa Moore: Is it Tatiana?
Jake: Who now?
Dr. Theresa Moore: The mischievous seven-year-old British girl you told me about on the phone? May I speak with her?
Jake: Uh...
[high-pitched British accent]
Jake: Yes? Hello, Doctor. I'm from Wussex.
Dr. Theresa Moore: Is that an actual place in England?
Jake: How should I know? I'm just a little girl, I am, I am.
Dr. Theresa Moore: Well, it's nice to speak with you, Tatiana. Can I say hello to Brian, the bookkeeper from Central London?
Jake: [In a male British accent] Cheers, I'm Brian. I like bookkeeping right in the middle of London. Did I tell you a full list of my many personalities when I called you on the ol' telly, innit?
Dr. Theresa Moore: Yes, you did.
Jake: And are any of 'em, hopefully, not from England?
Dr. Theresa Moore: There's Geoffrey. You said he's Australian.
Jake: [In an Australian accent] Aww, crikey.

Charles: Sorry, my partner doesn't believe in therapy.
Dr. Frederick Tate: Oh, that's fine. It's hard for some people.
Jake: Title of your sex tape.

Captain: [Diaz knocks on the door] Come in, Diaz.
Rosa: How'd you know it was me?
Captain: The restrained knock. Everyone else in this office plays my door like it's a marimba. The other day, Jeffords gave it three taps and two raps.
Rosa: Was he drunk?
Captain: One can only assume.

Sheena: Hey, so you don't by any chance need any molly, do you?
Rosa: I'm a cop.
Sheena: And scene. Now I'm out of character, and I don't sell any drugs.