The Best Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 7, Episode 13 Quotes

Kayla: Oh, yuck, none of you are cute with the lights fully on.
Charles: You wanna play mean girl, Kayla? Two can play at that game. Let's talk about your bangs.

Terry: Hello? Anyone? We're stuck in the elevator!
Raymond: Can't you yell any louder? Use those big strong lungs you're always flexing.
Terry: These are my pecs.
Raymond: So this is all just for show then. It has no functional purpose.
Terry: I mean, I am pretty strong.
Raymond: Good, then rip those doors open.
Terry: I can't do that.
Raymond: Oh, well at least you haven't dedicated a significant portion of your life to looking like this.

Charles: This is it. My purpose is clear. I was put on this Earth to get you back in time to see your baby's birth.
Jake: I mean, you're a grown man with your own hopes and dreams.
Charles: [Decisively] My purpose is clear.

Raymond: Fine, look... I don't have to go to the hospital until my contractions are three minutes apart and last for at least 45 seconds.
Rosa: Yeah, but don't you need to go home and pack some stuff?
Raymond: I'll be fine. Scully, you have a hospital go-bag at your desk, right?
Hitchcock: Yep, what do you need? One-day, three-day, coma kit?

Jake: [about a suspect missing from an accident scene] Okay, Charles, I see two possibilities. One, he was vaporized into a being of pure electricity, becoming a supervillain known only as "The Surge Freak."
Officer: Seems unlikely.
Jake: Yeah, I know, Officer Rick, that's why I said there were two possibilities. He probably just hobbled off so he wouldn't get a DUI. Here, we'll follow this very obvious trail of blood. Happy now?
[Muttering to himself, as he and Charles leave]
Jake: Stupid Officer Rick and his stupid joyless approach to life!

Amy: Charles, meet Mac.
Jake: Short for McClane.
Charles: As in Shirley? I love it.
Jake: No, as in John, from "Die Hard."
Charles: I mean, they're both incredibly cool. Only one Oscar winner.

Jake: [Dotty is torturing the suspect to get information] Dotty, that's against the law.
Dotty: I am the law.
Jake: What made you like this?

Scully: Aw, this ice cream is melting.
Hitchcock: Who cares? We can drink melted ice cream. We can't eat spoiled ham. We have to prioritize!
Scully: What if we combine them? Wrap the ice cream in the ham like a taquito.
Hitchcock: [Proudly and affectionately] This man. This man is my best friend!
Rosa: You two are the worst people to have around in an emergency. I literally can't imagine a scenario where you'd be helpful.
Scully: Murder at a Cinnabon. Who would you call?
Rosa: Someone who wouldn't be distracted by the frosting.
Scully: Yeah, I do love that frosting.

- Peralta: Uh, what was that?
- Wow, all of Brooklyn lost power.
- Peralta: You know, I've always kind of liked blackouts.
- Listen to how quiet it is. It's so peaceful.
- Nope, it immediately turned into a purge. [Car alarm blaring]
- Way to go, New York.
- All right, let's suit up!

Amy: Hey, what's taking so long?
Fireman Curt: Look, I can do it safely or I can do it quickly.
Amy: Do it quickly!
Fireman Curt: Oh, I can't do it quickly. You called my bluff.

Dotty: In my day, people respected police.
Jake: They respect us; they just have nowhere to go.
Dotty: God knows they won't go back to their own country.
Jake: Dotty, I really wish you weren't such a big part of my son's birth story.

Amy: I see you changed.
Rosa: Oh yeah. That other outfit had a lot of afterbirth on it. Also during-birth and pre-birth. The point is I burned it.

Raymond: This is a nightmare of mine. I have a phobia of elevators. It stems from a traumatic experience I had as a child.
Young: [Flashback] They only perform rated-load testing on city elevators every five years? Oh, my.
Raymond: [Present] That was the last time I read the municipal code before bed. But... the damage was done.

- All right, look, dotty, you're under arrest.
- Jake, we gotta go.
- I can't walk on this leg.
- Peralta: Great, then we're stuck here.
- We're never gonna make it back to the precinct.
- Yeah we are. I have an idea.
- Boyle: Pedal pub coming through! I'm on my way, Amy!

Jake: [about Holt and Terry, who are trapped in the elevator] Yeah, they're trapped in there.
Rosa: Oh no, that means we have to call the fire department.
Jake: Or, hear me out, we leave them in there forever, and move on emotionally.

Jake: This is great, Dotty, but we're kind of in a hurry. My wife just went into labor and I want to get there in time for the birth.
Dotty: Why? The only man in the room should be the doctor.
Jake: Okay.
Dotty: All the dad needs to do is to make the money and have a nice, thick belt for when it's time to teach him a lesson.
Russ: My dad hit me with a belt. Soon as I got big enough, I shot him.
Jake: Wow, what a fun group for this, the most important day of my life.

Scully: It's just nice to have a win after what we went through today. So many deviled eggs were lost, and for what?
Hitchcock: Hey, hey, you can't focus on that. There were hundreds of meatballs that were eaten because of you!
Scully: I could've eaten more. Just one more!

Russ: She shot me! She shot me in the leg.
Dotty: You made a sudden motion!
Russ: I sneezed!
Jake: Okay, Dotty, what do you have a gun for?
Dotty: To protect myself. Cops are all wimps now.
[mockingly]
Dotty: My wife is having a baby and I have to be there to brush her hair.
Jake: I wasn't gonna brush her hair.
Charles: You weren't?