The Best Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1, Episode 10 Quotes

Buffy: Okay. Everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit 'cause that's how stupid I feel saying this.

Buffy: The school talent show. However did you finagle such a primo assignment?
Rupert: Our new Führer, Mr. Snyder.
Willow: I think they call them principals now.

Rupert: Cordelia, there, uh, th-there's, uh-uh, an adage, uh, that, um, if you're feeling nervous, then, uh, you should imagine the entire audience are in their underwear.
Cordelia: Eww! Even Mrs. Franklin? Ugh.
Rupert: Perhaps not.

Willow: [reading] "On rare occasions, inanimate objects of human quality, such as dolls and mannequins, already mystically possessed of consciousness, have acted upon their desire to become human by harvesting organs."

Principal: Kids today need discipline. It's an unpopular word these days: discipline. I know Principal Flutie would have said, "Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings." That's the kind of woolly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
Rupert: I-I think perhaps it was a little more complex than, um...

Cordelia: All I can think is, "It could have been me."
Xander: We can dream.

Principal: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed, and also smoking.

[last lines]
Principal: I don't get it. What is it, avant-garde?

[Cordelia's droning on and on. Giles starts staring at her hair]
Cordelia: What?
Rupert: Oh, I-I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh...
Cordelia: [concerned] There's something wrong with my hair?
[she touches her hair for a second]
Cordelia: Oh my God.
[she runs off]
Rupert: Xander was right. It worked like a charm.

Willow: I think dummies are cute. You don't?
Buffy: Uuuhhh. They give me the wig, ever since I was little.
Willow: What happened?
Buffy: I saw a dummy, it gave me the wig. There really wasn't a story there.

Sid: This is what I do. I hunt demons. Yeah. You wouldn't know it to look at me. Let's just say there was me, there was a really mean demon, there was a curse, and the next thing I know, I'm not me anymore. I'm sitting on some guy's knee with his hand up my shirt.

Principal: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense... but he was eaten. You're in my world now, and Sunnydale has touched and felt... for the last time.

[Giles is in charge of the school talent show]
Buffy: Giles, into every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
Rupert: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated or at least, um... helped.
Buffy: Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch.
Xander: And mock.
Willow: And laugh.

Rupert: A demon is a creature of evil, pure and very simple. A person driven to kill is, is, um... It's more complex.
Willow: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me.
[everyone looks at her]
Willow: It's not, though.

Rupert: Every seven years, these demons *need* human organs, a-a brain and a heart, to maintain their humanity. Otherwise, they-they-they revert back to their original form, which is, uh, slightly less appealing.

Buffy: Okay, Morgan, we get the joke. Horny dummy. Ha, ha. It's very funny, but you might want to consider getting some new shtick unless you want your prop ending up as a Duraflame log.

Xander: Does anybody else feel like they've been Keyser Soze'd?