The Best Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2, Episode 5 Quotes

Xander: So, Cor, you printing up business cards with your pager number and hours of operation, or just goin' with a halter-top tonight?

Cordelia: You know what's so cool about college? The diversity. You've got all the rich people and... all of the other people.

Willow: Oh, sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have. Angel, how do you shave?

Buffy: Taking on the undead doesn't exactly do wonders for your social life.

Xander: And we thought just because we didn't have any money or any place to go, this'd be a lackluster evening.
Willow: I know, we could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own teabags and ask for hot water.
Xander: Hop off the outlaw train, Wil, before you land us all in jail.

Angel: I knew this was gonna happen.
Buffy: What? What do you think is happening?
Angel: You're 16 years old. I'm 241.
Buffy: I've done the math.
Angel: You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you want.
Buffy: Oh, no, I-I think I do. I want out of this conversation.
Angel: Listen. If we date, you and I both know one thing's gonna lead to another.
Buffy: One thing already has led to another. You think it's a little late to be reading me a warning label?
Angel: I'm just trying to protect you. This could get out of control.
Buffy: Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?
[Angel grabs her, pulls her close and she gasps]
Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you... you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No... When you kiss me, I wanna die.

[first lines]
[watching a foreign television program]
Xander: Is she dying?
Buffy: I think she's singing.
Xander: To a telephone, in Hindi. Now, that's entertainment. Why is she singing?
Willow: She's sad because her lover gave her twelve gold coins. But then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big Maypole... fish thing.
Xander: Uh-huh. Why is she singing?
Buffy: Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor?
Willow: Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal.

Xander: I'm goin' to the party.
Willow: What?
Xander: I've gotta keep an eye on Buffy. Those frat guys creep me.
Willow: You wanna protect her?
Xander: Mm-hmm.
Willow: And prove you're just as good as those rich, snobby guys?
Xander: Mm-hmm.
Willow: And maybe catch an orgy?
Xander: If it's on early.

Buffy: Well, say it.
Xander: I'm not gonna say it.
Willow: You lied to Giles.
Xander: 'Cause she will.

[last lines]
[Angel is walking up to the table from behind Xander]
Xander: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak?
[Angel reaches Xander's side]
Xander: Hey, man, how ya doin'?
Angel: Buffy.
Buffy: Angel.
Xander: Xander.
Angel: I hear this place, uh, serves coffee. I thought maybe you and I should get some... sometime. If you want.
Buffy: Yeah. Sometime... I'll let you know.

Willow: Some guy's attacking Buffy with a sword! Also, there's a really big snake.

Buffy: History stumps me. I have a hard enough time remembering what happened last week.
Tom: No, nothing happened last week. Don't worry. I was there.

Cordelia: Come on, Richard and his fraternity brother wanna meet you.
Buffy: Well, I don't really wanna meet any fraternity boys.
Cordelia: And if there was a God, don't you think he'd keep it that way?

Buffy: I told one lie. I had one drink.
Rupert: Yes. And you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words, "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.

Xander: I hate these guys. Whatever they want just falls into their laps. Don't you hate these guys?
Willow: Yeah. With their charmed lives and their movie-star good looks and more money than you can count... I'm hating.

Xander: So, Cor, you're datin' college guys, now?
Cordelia: Well, not that it's any of your business, but I happen to be dating a Delta Zeta Kappa.
Xander: Oh, an extra-terrestrial. So that's how you get a date after you exhausted all the human guys.

Willow: You dreamed about Angel again?
Buffy: Third night in a row.
Willow: What did he do in your dream?
Buffy: Stuff.
Willow: Oh! Stuff. Was it one of those vivid dreams where you could feel his lips and smell his hair?
Buffy: It had surround sound! I'm just thinking about him so much lately.
Willow: You two are so right for each other. Except for the, uh...
Buffy: Vampire thing.

Rupert: She lied to me?
Willow: Well...
Angel: Did... she have a date?
Willow: Well...
[Angel huffs]
Willow: Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off.
[to Giles]
Willow: And you never let her do anything except work and patrol. And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure. I mean, she's sixteen going on forty!
[to Angel]
Willow: And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever. You don't have time for a cup of coffee?
[pause]
Willow: Okay... I don't feel better now, and we've gotta help Buffy.

Rupert: I... I drive you too hard because I-I know what you have to face. From now on, no-no more pushing, no more prodding. Just, um... an inordinate amout of nudging.