The Best Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 3, Episode 1 Quotes

Demon: Who are you?
Buffy: I'm Buffy. The Vampire Slayer. And you are...?

Xander: Go away. This is my hiding spot.
Cordelia: Where do I hide?
Xander: You don't hide. You're bait. Go act baity.
Cordelia: What's the plan?
Xander: The vampire attacks you.
Cordelia: And then what?
Xander: The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice.

Ken: Ricky's no more dead than I am.

Buffy: Hey Ken... wanna see my impression of Gandhi?
[kills him with a blow from a club]
Lily: Gandhi?
Buffy: Well, you know, if he was really pissed-off.

Rupert: I mean, uh, you know, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but, uh, well if anything should happen to you, or you... should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.
Willow: You'd be cranky?
Rupert: Entirely.

Buffy: You know, I just... - I woke up and I looked in the mirror, and I thought, "Hey, what's with all the sin? I need to change. I'm... I'm dirty, I'm-I'm bad with the... sex and the envy and that-that loud music us kids listen to nowadays. But..." Oh, I just suck at undercover.

[first lines]
[a new vampire rises from a grave]
Willow: That's right, big boy. Come and get it.
Xander: [grabs it from behind] I got him! Go!
[Oz appears but stops to fumble in his pocket]
Xander: [to Oz] Any time now.

Larry: This is our year, I'm telling you. Best football season ever. I'm so in shape, I'm a rock. It's all about egg whites. If we can focus, keep discipline, and not have quite as many mysterious deaths, Sunnydale is gonna *rule!*

[repeated line]
Various: I'm no one.

Lily: Always knew I would come here... sooner or later... I knew I belonged here.
Buffy: Where?
Lily: Hell.
Buffy: This isn't hell.
Ken: Isn't it? What is hell but the total absence of hope? The substance, the tactile proof of despair... You're right, Lily. This is where you've been heading all your life.

[on Oz repeating a grade]
Willow: I'm trying to get to cute, really. But I'm still sorta stuck on "strange."
Oz: Well, I'd be willing to bargain down to "eccentric" with an option on "cool."

Ken: Welcome to my world. I hope you like it... You're never leaving.

Ken: That... was not... permitted.
Buffy: Yeah, but it was fun.
Ken: You've got guts. I think I'd like to slice you open and play with them.

[last lines]
Lily: Hey... Can I be "Anne"?

Xander: I can't wait to see Cordelia... I can't believe I can't wait to see Cordelia.
Willow: I wonder what our first homework assignment's gonna be.
[Xander raises his eyebrows at her]
Willow: Hey, you're excited over Cordelia, okay? We've all got issues.

Cordelia: Las Palmas was the nightmare resort. They order you around and make you have organized "fun," and I use sarcastic quote marks.

Lily: I'm not... great at taking care of myself.
Buffy: Gets easier... Takes practice.

[after a vampire Andy Hoelich escapes them]
Xander: First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen?
Oz: Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team?
Xander: That's right, he was.
[shouts to the retreating vampire]
Xander: Cheater!

Ken: Humans don't fight back... Humans don't fight back...! *That's how this works*!

Buffy: This'll probably go faster if we split up.
Lily: Can I come with you?
Buffy: Okay, where did I lose you on the whole splitting up thing?

Lily: Lily's from a song. Rickie picked it. I'm always changing anyway. Chantarelle was part of my exotic phase.
Buffy: It's nice. It's a... it's a mushroom.
Lily: It is...? That's really embarrassing.
Buffy: Um, well, i-it's an exotic mushroom, if that's any comfort.
Lily: Well, before that, I was following this loser preacher and calling myself Sister Sunshine.
Buffy: What do they call you at home?

Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement. 'Don't get killed.'

Blood: What are you doing?
Buffy: Breaking into your office and going through your private files. Candidate for what?
Blood: I'm calling the police.
Buffy: [rips phone off wall] Now, you've got a whole bunch of candidates here. I wonder if any of them are missing like Rickie... Gosh, I bet they are.
Blood: You're getting yourself in a lot of trouble.
Buffy: I don't want any trouble. I just wanna be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one. Instead, I keep getting trouble, which I am more than willing to share.

Xander: Yeah, and the slaying isn't getting any easier, either.
Oz: Oh, I don't know, I think we're kinda gettin' a rhythm down.
Xander: We're losing half the vamps.
Oz: Yeah, but... rhythmically.

[showing Lily around her one room apartment]
Buffy: Let me give you the tour... This concludes the tour.