The Best Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 3, Episode 22 Quotes

Angel: Faith's out of the picture. Buffy put her in a coma.

[watching the mayor address the school]
Buffy: My God. He's gonna do the entire speech.
Willow: Man, just ascend already.
Buffy: Evil.

Oz: Guys, take a moment to deal with this. We survived.
Buffy: It was a hell of a battle.
Oz: Not the battle... High School.

Buffy: That's the basic plan. So, am I crazy?
Willow: Well, "crazy" is such a strong word.
Rupert: Let's not rule it out, though.

Buffy: I'm gonna need every single one of you on board, especially you, Xander. You're sort of the key figure here.
Xander: Key...? Me...? Okay, pride, humility... and here's the mind-numbing fear... What do I have to do?

Willow: You're awake.
Angel: You... You've been watching over me?
[takes Willow's hand and kisses it]
Willow: Well, we've been takin' turns.
Angel: I thought... I thought I'd never see you again... I can't leave you. I-I... I was wrong. I need you.
Willow: Oh... You mean you need Buffy.
Angel: [pauses] Willow?
Willow: Yes. Right. Willow.
Angel: Where is she?
Willow: She'll be back soon.
[Angel falls back asleep and Willow leaves]
Oz: Any change?
Willow: He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy.
Willow: You, too, huh?

[first lines]
Vamp: There's nobody here, sir.
Mayor: No... No, she'd take the fight outside... My Faith doesn't like to be cooped up... We have to find them. Put everyone on it. Do it now.
Vamp: But, sir, the Ascension...
Mayor: *Find them*!

Oz: Well, Angel, you hung with him the most. Was there something that he's afraid of?
Angel: Well, he's not crazy about germs.
Cordelia: Of course. That's it! We'll attack him with germs!
Buffy: Great! We'll get him cornered, and then you can sneeze on him.
Cordelia: No! No, we'll get a container of Ebola virus and, and, uh- or it doesn't even have to be real. We could just get a box that says "Ebola" on it and, um, chase him.
[long pause]
Cordelia: With the box.
Xander: I'm starting to lean towards the hummus offensive.
Oz: He'll never see it comin'.

Mayor: It's been a long road getting here, for you, for Sunnydale. There has been achievement, joy, good times... and there has been grief... There's been loss... Some people who should be here today... aren't... But we are. Journey's end. And what is a journey? Is it just distance traveled? Time spent? No. It's what happens on the way. It's the things that shape you. At the end of the journey, you're not the same. Today is about change. Graduation doesn't just mean your circumstances change. It means you do. You ascend... to a higher level... Nothing will ever be the same. Nothing...
[eclipse starts]
Mayor: And so, as we look back on...
[winces in pain]
Mayor: On the events that have brought us to this day...
[more pain]
Buffy: [whispers to herself] Come on.
Mayor: We... We must all...
[yells and groans]
Mayor: It has begun... my destiny... It's a little sooner than I expected. I had this whole section on civic pride... but I guess we'll just skip to the big finish.

Buffy: I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels... It's pretty much, "fire bad, tree pretty."
Rupert: Understandable. Well, when it's working again, congratulate it on a, a good campaign. You did very well.
Buffy: Thank you. I will.
Rupert: I, uh, I ferreted this out of the wreckage. Now, it may not interest you, but, uh...
[reaches into his jacket and pulls out a high school diploma]
Rupert: I'd say you earned it.
[takes a deep breath and looks around at the remains of the school]
Rupert: There's a certain, um... dramatic irony attached to all this... a synchronicity that borders on-on predestination, one might say.
Buffy: Fire bad, tree pretty.
Rupert: Oh, yes. Sorry. I'll... I'll go and tend to Wesley. See if he's still, um, whimpering.

Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Oz: We attack the mayor with hummus.
Cordelia: I stand corrected.
Oz: Just keeping things in perspective.
Cordelia: Thank you.

[introduction to graduation]
Principal: Congratulations to the class of 1999. You all proved more or less adequate. This is a time of celebration, so sit still and be quiet.

[to ascended Demon Richard Wilkins]
Buffy: Hey!
[holds up Faith's knife]
Buffy: You remember this? I took it from Faith. Stuck it in her gut... Just slid in her like she was butter... You wanna get it back from me... Dick?

Mayor: [last words] Well, gosh.

[mayor is smothering Buffy at the hospital when Angel stops him]
Angel: Don't do that!
Mayor: [angry] I will. I'll do worse. Murderous little fiend! Did you see what she did to my Faith?
Angel: Hadn't made plans to weep over that one.
Mayor: Well, I'd get set for some weeping if I were you. I'd get set for a *world* of pain! Misery loves company, young man, and I'm looking to share that with you and your whore!
[Angel pushes the mayor, who flies back against a window, who gets back up and regains his composure]
Mayor: [laughing] Well... Looks like somebody's been eating his spinach.
[to hospital staff]
Mayor: No, it's okay, folks. It's all right. The show's not *over*, but there will be a short intermission.
[to Angel]
Mayor: Don't want to miss the second act. All kinds of excitement.
Angel: [as the mayor leaves] I'll be there.

Xander: Here's your coffee. Brewed from the finest Colombian lighter fluid.
Rupert: Thank you.
[takes a sip]
Rupert: Horrible.
[takes another sip]
Xander: Aren't you supposed to be drinking tea, anyway?
Rupert: Tea is soothing. I wish to be tense.
Xander: Okay, but you're destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here.

[last lines]
[as the group walks away]
Willow: Why do demons even come here, anymore? I mean don't they know...

Buffy: You and Xander are gonna have to work together now. Can you guys handle that?
Xander: I'm still Key Guy, right?
Buffy: Right.
Xander: Great. Then Angel, in his non-Key-Guy capacity, can work with me.
Angel: What fun.
Xander: Hey, Key Guy's still talkin'.

Buffy: There's something I'm supposed to be doing.
Faith: Oh yeah. Miles to go. Little Miss Muffet counting down from 7-3-0.

Buffy: Faith told me to play on his human weakness.
Willow: Faith told you? Was that before or after you put her in a coma?
Buffy: After.
Willow: Oh.

Cordelia: I demand an explanation.
Xander: For what?
Cordelia: Wesley.
Xander: Uh... inbreeding?
Cordelia: So very funny. Any minute I am sure to laugh.

Rupert: Buffy's quit the Council... She'll not be working with Wesley from now on.
Cordelia: But he's her Watcher.
Rupert: Buffy no longer needs a Watcher. She'll not be working with Wesley from now on.
Cordelia: But he is her Watcher.
Xander: Buffy no longer needs a Watcher.
Cordelia: Well, does he have to leave the country? I mean, you got fired, and you still hang around like a big loser. Why can't he?
Xander: Cordelia! We're trying to stop a massacre here. Wanna give us a hand?
Cordelia: Sure... This is just *such* a Buffy thing to do. She's always thinking of herself.

Xander: [to Angel] Well, it's just good to know that when the chips are down and things look grim, you'll feed off the girl who loves you to save your own ass.

Cordelia: Well, that was the most fun you can have without having any fun.