The Best Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 3, Episode 5 Quotes

[Buffy and Cordelia arrive at the Homecoming Dance disheveled and dirty]
Xander: Oh, God! What did you two do to each other?
Buffy: Long story.
Cordelia: Got hunted.
Buffy: Apparently, not that long.

[first lines]
Cordelia: I think we should get a limo.
Xander: A limo?
Cordelia: Yeah.
Xander: A big, expensive limo?
Willow: That sounds like fun. And it is our last Homecoming Dance, so maybe we should make a big deal out of it.
Xander: You wanna talk fun? Public bus. You meet the funnest people. Back me up here, Oz.

Cordelia: Those animals! Hunting us down like poor defenseless... well, animals.

Buffy: Ah, it's okay. Gave Cor and I a chance to spend some quality death time.
Cordelia: And we got these free corsages.

Cordelia: After all that we've been through tonight, this whole who-gets-to-be-queen capade seems pretty...
Buffy: Damn important.
Cordelia: Oh, yeah.

Rupert: I suspect the, uh, finger food contains... actual fingers.

Lyle: I'm gonna kill both you Slayers for this! You hear me?
Cordelia: I hear you, you redneck moron. You got a dress that goes with that hat?
Lyle: I'm gonna...
Cordelia: Rip out my innards, play with my eyeballs, boil my brain and eat it for brunch? Listen up, needle-brain. Buffy and I have taken out four of your cronies, not to mention your girlfriend.
Lyle: Wife!
Cordelia: Whatever. The point is, I haven't even broken a sweat. See, in the end Buffy is just the runner-up. I'm the queen. You get me mad, what do you think I'm gonna do to you?
Lyle: [thinks for a second] Later.
[he walks away without turning his back on her]

Buffy: I just thought... Homecoming Queen. I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, "I was there." I went to high school. I had friends. And... for one moment, I got to live in the world. And there'd be proof, proof... that I was chosen for something other than this... Besides...
[racks her gun]
Buffy: I look cute in a tiara.

Oz: As Willow goes, so goes my nation.

Rupert: We have to find Buffy. Something terrible's happened.
[Willow and Xander stare at him]
Rupert: [smiles] Just kidding. Thought I'd give you a scare.

Cordelia: Why is it every time I go somewhere with you, it always ends in violence and terror?
Buffy: Welcome to my life.

Lyle: Well, me and Candy... we blown our whole honeymoon stash on this little game here.

Buffy: [to Cordelia] Your brain isn't even connected to your mouth, is it?

Xander: Buffy and Faith are in the library gettin' all sweaty.
Cordelia: They're training.
Xander: I stand by my phrase.

Buffy: We are gonna get out of here, and we are gonna head back to the library, where Giles and the rest of the weapons live. Then I'm gonna take out the rest of these guys just in time for you to congratulate me on my sweeping victory as Homecoming Queen.
Cordelia: I know what you're up to. You think if you get me mad enough, I won't be so scared. And, hey... it's *working*! Where's a damn weapon?

Buffy: You really love Xander?
Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet.

[last lines]
Michelle: I'm just so honored! I can't believe it! I mean, that you would pick me, or us, out of every girl in the whole school! It's just... It's so wonderful! I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry.

Mr. Trick: Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us strive. It... makes us accomplish. Occasionally, it makes us kill. We all have the desire to win, whether we're human... vampire... and whatever the hell you are, my brother. You got them spiny-looking head things. I ain't never seen that before.

Xander: Okay, let's not say something we'll, uh, regret later, okay?
Cordelia: You crazy freak!
Buffy: Vapid whore!
Xander: Like that.

Xander: Are you kidding? I've been doing the Vulcan death grip since I was four.

Cordelia: [about the corsages] Oh, God, get rid of these things!
Buffy: [to Giles] I need some wet toilet paper.
Cordelia: [sarcastically] Yeah, that'll help.