The Best Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 5, Episode 11 Quotes

Xander: It's like, where's Riley? Oh, wait, the Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell.

- You know, um, with the whole... abjuring the company of men, you know?
- How's that working for you?
- The abjuring.
- Um, good.
- Yeah, do you have to be, like, super-religious?
- Well, uh--
- How's the food?

Willow: [impersonating Anya] "I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services."

Xander: Also, sometimes I'll say something about Anya and Willow will get this look, this, um, What-The-Hell-Do-You-See-In-Her look.
Spike: I know that look. A lot of people never really got Dru, you know.
Xander: Well, she was insane.

- I don't think it's a pattern with her.
- No, it's just, you know, now that it happened again, man number two,
- I wonder how she's dealing with it.
- Sister Abigail, the choir is ready.
- Hmm, thank you.

- but I guess the green one and then at the last second,
- "No, the red one," then click, it stops with
- 3/10ths of a second left, but then you don't leave.
- Like that, okay?
- Check. Big bomb clock.
- Come here.

Xander: Don't let me stop you from not being here.
Spike: I was here first, you know.
Xander: Uh-huh. Go away.
Spike: Now, why would I do that when it's bugging you so much having me here...? They have chicken wings, too. Also, a sort of a flower-shaped thing they make from an onion. It's brilliant.
Xander: Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you?
Spike: Lovely thought. If I don't hurt you myself, the chip wouldn't zap me. I could eat you that way. Beat the onion thing all to hell.

- "Let the conjuring be undone, return the beast to native form."
- Witch, you must stop!
- "Keep him far from us and ours as long as my voice shall sound."
- -It did not work.
- -Wait. "Let the conjuring--"
- -[growling]
- -[grunting]
- -[troll straining]
- -[Buffy grunting]

Olaf: You there! Do you know where there are babies?
Spike: [to Xander] What do you think, the hospital?

Buffy: It's okay. You can say his name. I'm doing all right. These things happen. People break up and they move on. For a while it feels like the end of the world, you know, but big picture...
Rupert: Not so huge.
Buffy: Not so huge? I just said it feels like the end of the world! Don't you listen...? I'm teasing.
Rupert: Oh.
Buffy: Sort of... I'll be okay.

- Hey. Hey, good job.
- You too.
- Very irritating.
- Thanks.
- So, your power's in your hammer.
- Oh, yeah! I forgot.
- He still has all that troll strength.
- You shall all die!
- I will dispense no mercy now!

[last lines]
Buffy: They don't know that it's Dawn.
Rupert: No.
Joyce: I still can't even begin to grasp this. She's my little girl.
Rupert: It is disorienting.
Buffy: Giles, what happens if they figure it out? What would they do?
Rupert: I don't know...
Joyce: Oh, I can't even think about this. it's too... I'll get some more milk.

Willow: Come on. It'll be fun. We could show you how to do some stuff. Yo-You could be floating pencils by the end of the day.
Anya: Sometimes I miss having powers... Oh. Oh! I know what this is! This is peer pressure! Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and-and have drugs.

Willow: I wish Buffy was here.
Buffy: [enters the room] I'm here!
Willow: I wish I had a million dollars!
[everyone stares at her]
Willow: Just checking.

Tara: Is it that bad?
Buffy: Sort of. But I'm starting to get perspective on the whole situation. You know, maybe Riley's where he's supposed to be. You know, maybe he needed to be where he was needed.
Tara: Willow says that things always happen for a reason.
Buffy: But you ever notice people only say that about bad things?

Anya: Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a Vengeance Demon. Some guy dumps a girl. She calls me. I exact vengeance, blah, blah, blah. The next year, same girl, different guy. I mean, after you smite a few of 'em, you-you start going, "My goodness, young lady, maybe you're doing something wrong here, too."

[first lines]
Xander: You ever have that feeling where there's something you know you're supposed to do, and you forgot what it was.
Anya: Nope.

Rupert: The resources that the Watchers Council have at their disposal, I mean, the central library alone is...
Buffy: Don't talk about the books again. You get all... And sometimes there's drool.

- I don't know how.
- Anya,
- I have faith in you.
- There is no one you cannot piss off.
- Um, hey, Olaf!
- -You're as inadequate a troll as you were a boyfriend.
- -[growls, groans]
- Uh, you-you-- you're hairy and unattractive, and even the women trolls are put off by your various odors.

[Buffy is fighting a troll]
Anya: How can I help?
Willow: Uh, distract him from Buffy. Uh, piss him off.
Anya: I don't know how.
Willow: Anya, I have faith in you. There is *no* one you cannot piss off.

Xander: Well, we can take care of the hungry. So, how's about you just sit down in one of the sturdier chairs, and we can have a calm talk and something to eat.
Olaf: Can it be babies?
Xander: Well, not so much.
Olaf: Ooh.
Xander: But maybe... some roast pigs and stags and... much hearty grog.
Spike: They've got this onion thing.

Spike: I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. I mean, look at all these lovely blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. I knew you wouldn't like it.
Buffy: You want credit for not feeding off bleeding disaster victims?
Spike: Well, yeah.
Buffy: You're disgusting.
[leaves]
Spike: [to himself] What's it take?

Dawn: I was just starting to kind of like the guy, and then... gone. So fast.
Buffy: It wasn't really so fast, him leaving. According to everyone else who isn't me, it was kind of gradual.
Dawn: Oh... Does that make it any better?
Buffy: No.
Dawn: Because you should have noticed earlier?
Buffy: Stop being insightful. It's creepy.

Anya: I know what broke up him and Cordelia, you know. It was you, and your lips.
Willow: No, it was not! Well, yes, it was so, but, uh, that was a long time ago. Do you think I'd do that again?
Anya: Why not?
Willow: Well, hello? Gay now.

- Your friends, these two? they will never last.
- Anyanka is very difficult to live with, and he--
- He's ludicrous and far too breakable.
- Their love will never last.

- Do you wanna screw this up?
- No, no. I'm sure you can do that all on your own.
- Hey, Anya, whatever really has you mad, why don't you just say it, like you do every other thought that stomps through your brain?
- -I believe
- I have said it.
- -No, you haven't.
- Come on. Let it out!

- Where is he?
- Gone.
- Xander, follow him.
- Anya, Willow, head back to the magic shop.
- Find a spell that will actually stop him.

Olaf: You... told the witch to do that, Anyanka. You seem determined to put an end to all my fun, just like you always did when we were *dating*!
[everyone looks at Anya in disbelief]
Anya: Uh, um...
Xander: You dated him?
Buffy: You dated a troll?
Willow: And we're what, surprised by this?

Anya: Xander...? If you ever decide to go, I want a warning. You know, big flashing red lights, and-and-and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of, of colored wires, and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one, and then at the last second, no, the red one, and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left, but then you don't leave. Like that, okay?

- I'm the one who's on your side.
- Me, doing you a favor.
- And you being dead petty about it.
- Me, getting nothing but your hatred and your venom and-- you ungrateful bitch!
- Bitch!

Olaf: I shall reward you. Only one of your women shall die, and you shall be the one to choose.
Willow: Did you just say...
Olaf: Choose. Anyanka or the witch. One of your women must die.
Xander: No... You are one crazy troll. I-I'm not choosing between my girlfriend and my best friend. That's insane troll logic.

- And your roar is less than full-throated!
- Desist!
- My god, woman, it's been a thousand years, and yet you are as aggravating and emasculating as ever you were.
- Aaargh!

Anya: Is this the spell?
Willow: Only if you want him to double in size and grow extra arms, which- Let's not.

Anya: You're referencing literature I have no way to be familiar with. You're trying to make me feel left out, and you're stealing.
Willow: I'm not stealing. I-I-I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what *twisted* dictionary is that stealing?

Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
Tara: I said "quirky."

- making merry with the local virgins!
- But instead, I had to come all the way back here to kill you!
- Anya, run!
- No! Get away from them!
- I will get away from them,
- -after I kill them.
- -You are not touching these women.

[in response to being asked to fight a troll]
Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.

Rupert: Um, Anya, while-while I completely trust you, uh-uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um... dealing with people requires a certain, uh, finesse.
Anya: I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my *bottom*! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles and-and bribe him with money and goods.

- I don't think the rest of us will miss it much either.
- It was getting a little ripe, Mom.
- Maybe we should burn it.
- -It would keep the bugs away.
- -It doesn't smell!
- Fine, fine, make your funny jokes... at the expense of the woman with a hole in her skull.
- Let's go. I think we've tired her out.

Xander: So, how goes the slaying?
Buffy: I killed something in a convent last night.
Xander: In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. Tell us all about the killing, Buff.
Buffy: Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Oh! But I met a nun and she let me try on her wimple.
Xander: Okay, now we're back to frightening.