The Best Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 5, Episode 12 Quotes

Buffy: You know what, Spike? The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn't.

Buffy: [about Dawn] She was listening.
Willow: Does it matter? I mean, is she really gonna set the junior high school buzzing with, "Ooh, there's a delegation a-comin'."

Spike: Ladies, come on in. There's plenty of blood in the fridge.
Dawn: Do you mean, like, real blood?
Spike: What do you think?
Dawn: Mostly, I think, ew.

- Uh, guys?
- Any way we could not do this?
- Unh!

Quentin: You used to respect us, Giles. You used to be one of us.
Rupert: You used to pay me. If you recall, firing me was not my idea.

- All you need is the Key.
- Yes, and I bet
- Mousy the vampire slayer has an idea where it is.
- If I may remind
- Your Eminence, you don't have much time.
- Oh, baby, if that girl's the only thing between me and my Key,
- I don't need much time.

[first lines]
Buffy: Here. I'll get that. Sorry... Mom's still not 100% and I guess I haven't really been taking up the slack.
Willow: No, the place looks fine, Buffy.
Tara: Yeah, it's just us.

[Joyce and Dawn are staying with Spike]
Spike: Just don't break anything... And don't make a lotta noise. Passions is comin' on.
Joyce: Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?
Spike: Oh, no, no. She can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for God's sake.
Joyce: Ah, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.

- where I was raised by both a mother and a father.
- Anya, just go.
- You don't have to talk to him.
- She works for me.
- Now, tell me about this review.
- No one said anything to me about this.
- Let's sit down and talk about it over here.

Buffy: They're gonna expect me to... to be like a Slayer and-and know stuff, but I'm just me, and-and I don't know anything and they're gonna to go away and they're not gonna tell me how to fight Glory and I'm not gonna be able to protect Dawn.
Rupert: Buffy, calm down. The scandal here is not anything you've done wrong. It's the way *they're* behaving, holding what they know hostage, with a gun pointed at my bleeding green card, no less.
[sighs]
Rupert: It's humiliating.
Buffy: Also smart... They picked the perfect thing... I can't lose you.

- In fact, if you insist on fighting us, we'll arrange to have
- Mr. Giles deported within the day.
- Never set foot in this country again.
- Now, perhaps you're used to idle threats and sloppy discipline, Miss Summers, but you're dealing with grown-ups now.
- Am I making myself clear?

- they're condemning the man to a lifetime diet of blood sausage, bangers and mash.
- Well, your slayer's
- 20 minutes late and counting, Rupert.
- Buffy will be here,
- I assure you.
- Yes. But when?
- Crap.

[last lines]
Buffy: Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.
Quentin: Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon.
Buffy: What is she?
Quentin: She's a god.
Buffy: Oh.

Buffy: They put me through that test and almost killed me. And then when I was Faith, they almost killed me again. Honestly, I really can't handle almost being killed right now.

- Mom?
- Long day, sweetie?

Rupert: I should have set you loose on them. That's what I should have done.
Buffy: Giles, that Travers guy is like, 60. I can't hit him...
[eagerly]
Buffy: Can I?

Philip: The boy? No power there.
Buffy: "The boy" has clocked more field time than all of you combined. He's part of the unit.
Willow: That's Riley-speak.
Xander: [proudly] I've clocked field time.

Quentin: We'll skip the more obvious questions.
Buffy: There isn't gonna be a review.
Quentin: Sorry?
Buffy: No review. No interrogation. No questions you *know* I can't answer, no hoops, no jumps...
[Nigel starts to say something]
Buffy: ...and no interruptions... See...
[sighs]
Buffy: I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just *lining* up to tell me how unimportant I am... And I've finally figured out why... Power. I have it. They don't... This bothers them... Glory... came to my home today.
Rupert: Buffy, are you all...
Buffy: Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug. I'm a flea. She could squash me in a second. Only she didn't... She came into my home, and we talked. We had what, in her warped brain, probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me, because I have power over her.

- Look into your strategies, plans.
- Figure out what's going on in that head.
- Good. Head stuff.
- We start at 7:00 tonight.
- Give you time to, uh... well... however you prepare.

- -What do you think?
- -Mostly, I think, ew.
- Keep Dawn here as long as you can.
- I'll be back soon.
- Okay.
- I don't think I need to remind you, but--
- Yeah, yeah.
- "Anything happens to 'em,
- I'll stake you good and proper."
- Sing me a new one sometime, eh?
- That bit's gone stale.

- -A thousand?
- -So long as you protect the Key, the Brotherhood will never stop until we destroy it and you.
- You are the slayer, and we know what we must do.
- Now, be done with it.
- Kill us, and let legions follow.

Joyce: I love what you've, um, neglected to do with the place.

Buffy: You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in... You came to beg me to let *you* back in... to give your jobs, your lives, some semblance of meaning.
Nigel: This is beyond insolence...
[Buffy throws a sword into the wall next to him]
Buffy: I'm fairly certain I said no interruptions.
Xander: That was excellent.

Lydia: [about Buffy] I'd think you'd want to kill her. You've killed Slayers before.
Spike: [steps forward] Heard of me, have you?
Lydia: I... wrote my thesis on you.

Tara: Why doesn't Mr. Giles put them all out of here?
Xander: Because if they deport him, they're not just destroying his career, they're condemning the man to a lifetime diet of blood sausage, bangers and mash.

- Japanese?
- And... go!
- Whoa!
- Hold on a second.
- We in America, we usually work our way up to "go."
- Huh?
- He wants you to bow.
- Take a bow.
- Oh.

- Now, some of us are here to learn.
- Believe it or not, we're interested in finding out what actually happened.
- It's called studying history.
- You can sit down now.
- Unless you have something else to add, Professor?
Buffy: Miss Summers!
- Some of us are here to learn, Professor!

- Sorry.
- GILES: Um-back kick. Elbow.
- Su-elbow!
- Strike.
- How have you been training her?
- I've trained her to win.
- Know what? I'm gonna have to do it my way, guys.
- Oh!

Quentin: Miss, excuse me. You, uh, you work here?
Anya: Yes, I do... ever since I moved here from South Eastern Indiana, where I was raised by both a mother and a father.

Lydia: There are some very potent elements here: focusing crystals, runic artifacts, an Amulet of Cauldys. Also this statue. Its removal from Burma is a criminal offense, and when triggered, has the power to melt human eyeballs.
Rupert: In that case, I severely under-priced it.

Anya: Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins, 20 years old, born on the 4th of July, and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, Mister, 'cause there were. "Who's our little patriot?" they'd say, when I was younger and therefore, smaller and shorter than I am now.

- Just give me the Key.
- You either have it or you know where to find it.
- Obviously, this is a one-time-only deal.
- Next time we meet, something you love dies bloody.
- You know you can't take me.
- You know you can't stop me.

Willow: Questions. Great.
Tara: W-we can answer questions.
Nigel: Well, I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer, and about the both of you, your relationship, whatever you can tell me.
Tara: O-O-Our relationship?
Willow: We're friends.
Tara: Good friends.
Willow: Girlfriends, actually.
Tara: Yes, we're girlfriends.
Willow: We're in love. W-we're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.
Nigel: I meant your relationship with the Slayer.

- Or is it the other?
- Maybe you cling too much.
- Or maybe your beauty's fading, the stress of slaying aging you prematurely-- things not as high, not as firm.
- You know what, Spike?
- The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn't.
- Or maybe you just don't hold their interest.

Buffy: You're Watchers... Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater... You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the "Everyone Thinks We're Insane-Os Home Journal." So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary...
Rupert: [fake cough] Retroactive.
Buffy: ...to be paid retroactively from the month he was fired. I will continue my work with the help of my friends...
Lydia: I-I-I... don't want a sword thrown at me, but-but, civilians, I- we're talking about children.
Buffy: We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand-year-old ex-demon.
Anya: Willow's a demon?

[about the Watchers Council]
Xander: Yeah, don't they have phones?
[attempts a British accent]
Xander: 'Allo, Buffy. Here's some stuff we know. Pip pip.