The Best Carl Quotes

Carl: Hmm...
- Shall we just have one more?
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Vera!

- See you later.
Abigail: Okay.
[Man] Pirate! Pirate! He's coming! He got caught!
- Disgusting.
- What?
Carl: What the fuck?
- Oh, fucking hell...

Carl: I'll make you love me. It'll be real love as well.

Carl: The thing is, Yaya, I like to take you for dinner. I enjoy paying for you. But there comes a point where I do feel used.
Yaya: I use you?
Carl: Well, I'm just referrng to my feelings now, but sure, if we... No, no. Just wait. If we go back the last week or so, then, yeah, maybe there is a point.
Yaya: Are you being serious? I got you this shirt. I invited you for dinner. You're staying at my hotel.
Carl: Well, you got this shirt for free. And actually you didn't pay for dinner.
Yaya: That's because my credit card didn't work. There's a cash machine in the lobby. I'll pay you back every last cent.
Carl: D'you know... it's okay.
Yaya: Carl, I always intended to pay you back. I didn't realize you wanted the money right now before going to bed.
Carl: So your intention was to pay me back?
Yaya: Yes.
Carl: Really?
Yaya: Yeah.
Carl: So why did you take the 50 Euro bill? Once I realized you didn't have enough cash, I paid the bill. And instead of giving me the 50 Euro bill, you put it back in your purse. What? I'm just saying what happened, Yaya.
[she puts money in his clothes]
Carl: What are you...? Don't! What the fuck are you doing? Don't fucking do that to me! Don't... fucking do that to me, Yaya! Don't do that to me! Don't fucking shove things down me! You fucking child!
Yaya: Seriously... you're behaving like a crazy person.
Carl: Shut up! Don't do things like that to me!
Yaya: [Carl shoves the money inside the elevator door passage] What the hell are you doing with my money?
Carl: YOUR money? Oh my God! It's not about money, Yaya! It's not about... It's not about the fucking money, Yaya!
Yaya: Oh!
Carl: This is... No, it's not! You're not understanding the point. It's not about the money! I'll give you that 50 Euros! I'll give you a 100 Euros!
Yaya: Oh yeah?
Carl: No! I'm serious now! This is not about the fucking money! Why won't you understand it? Understand my point! This is not about the money!
Yaya: Oh my God! Okay, okay.
Carl: I want it to be equal, Yaya!

- Therese... Wow!
Carl: Where is it?
- Give it to me!
- Take it! Take it.
- You're acting like children.
- Give me the whistle!
- Give me the whistle now!
- So childish!

Yaya: What? I don't know, you looked like you were thinking there.
Carl: No, I'm not. I'm not. Cool.
Yaya: I can tell there's something's wrong. Just talk to me, what is it?
Carl: No, it's just... when you say... When you say, "Thank you, honey" like that... You don't really give me an option but to pay. It was just an observation. Just something I've noticed.
Yaya: We can split the bill if you like.
Carl: No, no...
Yaya: I can whip out a calculator...
Carl: No, no, okay.
Yaya: How many glasses of wine did you have?
Carl: Oh sure, oh sure...
Yaya: You had, like, three more.
Carl: Ok. That's not what I mean. That's not what I mean.
Yaya: Yeah, I think it all evens out, you know.
Carl: Don't remember last night? You said you were gonna... You said you were gonna pay for food today. At the end of the meal, you said, "Thanks. Tomorrow I'll get it".
Yaya: Sure, but then you picked up the bill, and I thought you wanted to pay, so I said, "Thank you, honey."
Carl: Ok, but it was there for such a long time...
Yaya: I didn't see it.
Carl: You didn't see it?
Yaya: No, er... No, I didn't. I didn't see it. Or I didn't notice it. We were just having a nice dinner.
Carl: You didn't see the bill when it got put on the table?
Yaya: No, I didn't Carl.
Carl: So the waiter came in, and put it in the middle of the table just there. And you didn't happen to see it?
Yaya: Oh my God!
Carl: What? I'm asking you seriously now, because...
Yaya: Wow!
Carl: What's... What's "wow"?
[she leaves the table]
Carl: What are you doing? No, no, no. Just don't... Wait. Can you sit down? Sit down.
Yaya: I'm just trying to figure out what exactly I did wrong! Seriously?
Carl: Calm down. Please, just sit down.
Yaya: You're fighting over money!
Carl: No! That's not what's...
Yaya: That's literally what's happening.
Carl: I'm just pointing out the fact that...
Yaya: Why are you so obsessed with money?
Carl: I'm not obsessed. Can you just sit down, please? I'm not obsessed with money. It was just an observation from yesterday. Can you please sit down?
[she returns to the table]

Carl: Which one?
- Seriously?
- I'm just resting it on the chair.
- Why is your hand under her jacket on a chair?
Carl: What...?
- It was just...
- I don't know, it was there, resting on the side of... the chair.

Carl: So what do you do?
Dimitry: I sell shit.

- Wait, wait, wait...
- Maybe...
- ...if we just make a little hole here...
- Take two out. One each.
- They'll never notice it.
Carl: Okay, let me try.
- Stop it, stop it, stop it...
- Now?

- My, oh my, oh my!
- Hey!
Carl: What?
- Look!
- Oh, shit...
- Yaya, wake up, wake up.
- Look!

Carl: When it comes to you and me, we're dealing with roles that I hate. I don't want to be the man whilst you're the woman. I want us to be best friends.
Yaya: I don't wanna sleep with my best friend.
Carl: No, that's not... You don't understand what I'm trying to say. I mean... we shouldn't just slip into the stereotypical gender roles that everyone else seems to be doing. I want us to be equal.

- That was perfect!
- I don't wanna eat it!
- I wanna save it!
Nelson: So good!
Carl: Put it back.

- This is not about the fucking money! Why won't you understand it?
- Understand my point!
- This is not about the money!
- Oh, my God. Okay, okay.
- I want it to be equal, Yaya!
[Man] Thought he might be dangerous, but he just looked like...
Carl: Bullshit feminist.

Carl: Huh?
- He's hunting!
- Big dilemma.
- Should he take risk, or go to the room, huh?
- Come on.
- Look, look!
- Maybe has a little chance!

Carl: I love you, you give me fish.

Carl: So, what business do you have together?
Winston: Oh, it's a family business. Producing products in precision engineering.
Carl: What do you manufacturate?
Winston: Well, our products have been employed in upholding democracy all over the world.
Carl: What product is that?
Winston: Basically, our best-selling product is the hand grenade.
Carl: Sorry, the what?
Clementine: The hand grenade, dear.

- I'm sorry, we don't accept that one.
Carl: Just take this one.
- Carl! Just give me a second.
- Just wait!
Carl: Let me pay.
- Just wait!
- It's fine, you don't have enough cash. Take that.
- You accept that one, yeah?
- Yes.
- Thank you.
- Thanks so much.