The Best Cobra Kai, Season 1, Episode 9 Quotes

- ♪ You're putting on your bedroom eyes ♪
Daniel: This is the old place.
- Used to be three palm trees up there.
- I remember I kicked your ass around that corner.
Daniel: Yeah? How'd that end?
- Hey, how are you? Thanks.

Yasmine: Hey! You think it's funny crashing my party?
Aisha: It's not really your party, 'cause we were here first.
Yasmine: Yeah, well, I know you and your little karate gang think you're cool, but we all remember who you really are. You're just a fugly bitch and your friends are all freaks. Come on, Moon, let's go.
Moon: No. I'm staying. I apologized to Aisha for what we did, and you should too.
Yasmine: Whatever. You deserve them, Moon.
[Yasmine turns to leave]
Aisha: Hey, Yasmine!
Yasmine: Huh? What?
Aisha: Let me help you to your car.
[Aisha lifts Yasmine off the ground by her underwear, and Yasmine yelps in pain]
Aisha: No mercy, bitch!

Amanda: What is going on?
Anthony: Dad's about to fight this guy!
Daniel: Amanda, please, just go inside. This is between me and Sensei Lawrence.
Amanda: Yeah, you two seem to have this pretty well in hand. Just a normal Saturday afternoon, a couple of grown men about to kick each other into a pool. You know, as much as I would love to watch you and your childhood karate rival duke it out, I kinda don't wanna get any blood on the patio, so what do you say we try to resolve this over some breakfast instead?
[pause]
Daniel: Want to go inside?
Johnny: I could eat.

- Besides, she never friend-requested me either, so…
- Hold on. Is that her husband?
- Let's see what this loser looks like.
- -Look at that dumb face.
- -Yeah.
- What an asshole.
- Another round.

- Do you really think I'm underage?
- That's my frickin' kid right there.
- Yeah, I still need to see it.
- It's required by law.
- Oh yeah, for sure. Just upholding the law.
- It's all good.

- -Not really feeling this.
- -[Brucks] Yo, this is you.
Yasmine: You guys are pussies.
- You know that, right?
- Yeah, whatever. Brucks, let's roll.
- -Moon, what the hell are you doing?
- -I'm just going to get a beer.
Yasmine: We have beers!
- Last chance.

Daniel: [arriving home with Johnny; both drunk] Sober my ass! You're lucky there were no cops on the road.
Johnny: Ha! Save it for the mat.
Daniel: Hey, I didn't say yes.
Johnny: Oh, come on. One time. You know, like the end of "Rocky III", Rocky and Apollo...
Daniel: Yeah, yeah, when Rocky and Apollo fight for fun, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right, one time, and one time only.
Johnny: It is on!

Johnny: [approaching a car on Daniel's trade-in lot] This one's not half bad.
Daniel: It's a 2009 Challenger, 5.8 liter.
Johnny: 5.7.
Daniel: What, you know cars?
Johnny: What kind of man doesn't?

Daniel: [At Daniel's car dealership] Okay, choose.
Johnny: I thought you sold Porsches.
Daniel: Yeah, right. In your dreams. Just pick one out and get the hell out of here, I don't have all day.
[points to a beat-up Subaru]
Daniel: What about this one?
Johnny: Forester? What do I look like, a lesbo?

Johnny: [stalking Ali's Facebook page] "Ali Mills Schwarber"? That's her last name now?
Daniel: Yeah.
Johnny: Wow, what a downgrade. Are there any photos? I wonder how she's holding up.
Daniel: Nah, you gotta be her friend to see them. I never friend-requested her.
Johnny: Why not?
Daniel: Because I'm a happily married man, I don't need snooping around my ex's photos.
[sighs]
Daniel: Besides, she never friend-requested me, either, so...
Johnny: Hold on. Is that her husband? Let's see what this loser looks like.
[Daniel pulls up the photo; both men stare at Ali's handsome, athletic husband]
Johnny: Look at that dumb face.
Daniel: Yeah. What an asshole.

Daniel: [on a test drive with Johnny] Hey, take it easy! This car isn't technically yours yet.
Johnny: Relax, Danielle. How many speakers does this thing have?
Daniel: It... has enough. Here.
[Daniel turns on the car stereo, which is playing "Take It on the Run" by REO Speedwagon; both men start nodding their heads in time to the music]
Johnny: You like Speedwagon?
Daniel: What kind of man doesn't?

- -You guys got any ketchup?
- -Yeah.
- Get it yourself.
- Douchebag.
- Dick.
- So after everything this guy's done,
- I've got to be the one to make amends?
- Just give him a car, and get him out of your life forever.

- Whatever.
- You deserve them, Moon.
Aisha: Hey, Yasmine!
- Huh? What?
- Let me help you to your car.
- No mercy, bitch!

- All right, be sure to stock up good.
- I'm inviting everyone.
- "VIP only," my ass.
- I still don't understand how we're gonna buy alcohol.
- Oh please.
- Never underestimate the power… of the Hawk.

Daniel: You've lied to me! Get out now! And don't come back to this house, not to the dealership, not ever! You got that? Ever again!

- Nope.
- Maybe her phone died.
- Whatever.
- Let's get the party started without her.
- ♪ I got the feeling
- That you're getting over her ♪
- ♪ Let me help you
- Let me tell you ♪

Anthony: You're lucky my dad didn't kill you.
Johnny: Yeah? You're lucky I didn't kill *him*.
Anthony: I'm gonna tell him you said that.
Johnny: Good. I want him to know. You guys got any ketchup?
Anthony: Yeah. Get it yourself. Douchebag.
[Anthony walks away]
Johnny: [indignant] Dick.

- You know, as much as I would love to watch you and your childhood karate rival duke it out,
- I kinda don't wanna get any blood on the patio.
- So, what do you say we resolve this over some breakfast instead?
- You wanna go inside?
- I could eat.