The Best Dan Bakkedahl Quotes

Jake: Hey there, Jake Peralta.
Lt. Andrew Miller: I'm sorry, handshakes are the greatest avenues of germ transmission. I generally prefer simple nods.
Jake: Ok.
Lt. Andrew Miller: Would you ah. Pass me that hand sanitizer, please?
Jake: Yah.
Lt. Andrew Miller: No, no, no! Use your elbows, keep your nostrils closed. Don't, BREATHE on it!
Jake: [drops the sanitizer] Ah!
Lt. Andrew Miller: Forget it, I'll just use the wipes.

Dr. Daniel Allen: You know, I never wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up, Hank. I didn't want to play for the Yankees. Not me; I wanted to be a dentist... and I wanted to marry a busty blonde hygienist.
Hank: Oh my.
Dr. Daniel Allen: And when Julia walked in my office that very first time, I knew she was the one.
Hank: Is she aware of her role in your manifest destiny?
Dr. Daniel Allen: Well, we haven't discussed it per se, but... the chemistry is quite palpable. We are very good for one another. We're a team. Isn't that the very definition of a great relationship? Teamwork?
Hank: I thought it was laughter, hot sex, and the occasional Dutch oven. At least, that's what my grandma always said.

Carl: What are you talking about? Intimate?
Jon: I'm talking about me and Zelda. In 1990? Oh, she was smokin' hot back then. Long story short, we spent a night in the hot tub and a morning in bed; and, unfortunately, that made her mine for life.
D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs: [in the monitor room] He's doing really, really well, isn't he?
Louie: Good Lord.