50 Best Diane Guerrero Quotes
Crazy: Let's explode in peace and quiet.
Lina: Frankie heard cuts are coming. Will you ask Rafael if it's true and who's getting fired?
Jane: Oh, I don't think that's a good idea.
Lina: Oh, please, Jane? I need this job. I drink for free and it's so close to my gym.
Lina: Yeah, I don't think I can use that argument with Rafael.
Marisol: You're making my ass so happy right now. Those saggy prison panties have been depressing my cheeks. Like, I think they've been drooping from sadness.
Maritza: Yeah, me too. I gotta turn around my booty frown.
Larry: I--I don't understand.
Crazy: I don't need you to understand. I need you to hold the rope.
Cliff: So, you want to go fuck these Immortus chumps up, or what?
Crazy: You bet your copper-plated ass.
Maritza: Can you believe this whole maxi pad thing? I got a wad of toilet paper so far up my hoohoo, I'm not sure it's ever gonna come out. And it's giving me a not-so-fresh feeling.
Crazy: The toy fucking lamb can talk now?
Bottle: Be careful. Karma is a bitch.
Maritza: Who's Karma? That new girl?
Crazy: Your options are endless, but also less than five.
Maritza: Okay, so what I'm doing now is contour and highlight. When I wasn't in prison, I would do this with a MAC Pro Palette and a #19 fan brush. But in here, I use 3 spices that you can find in any kitchen: cinnamon, cumin, and Sazon Goya. Yes, your face will smell like your abuela's pork, but listen, you gotta make sacrifices if you wanna look DIY fly like me.
Crazy: [about Niles] He really was a rat bastard, wasn't he?
Rita: What a cruel thing to say about rats.
Niles: Are you experiencing any withdrawal symptoms?
Crazy: Is being a pathetic piece of shit a withdrawal symptom?
Crazy: Your dad shot a pegasus. That's like, worse than shooting a unicorn by magnitudes of billions.
Harrison: This doomed patrol is the El Dorado of psychological dysfunctions.
Crazy: Holy shit, we're doomed.
Cliff: At least you got to have a fucking orgasm before you die.
Crazy: You can't survive without me.
Kay: I'd like to try.
Harrison: I suspect Cliff has a low IQ due to poor breeding, a Florida public school education, and race car fumes. Diagnosis, a grade A simpleton.
Marisol: I'm having, like, a total kindergarten flashback.
Maritza: The shooting in the head part, or the holding the rope part?
- We'll do it.
- But before we go into that painting, we should come up with a plan, first.
Baby: Ready or not, here I come.
Victor: Jane... would you like to join me on a mission to save the world?
Crazy: Hmm... Yeah, fuck it. Sure, yeah.
Crazy: [after Cyborg is having a bad day, locked out of his own mind, Jane presses her finger against his chest circle] Hey Siri, what is the Doom Patrol?
Crazy: [to Laura] Hey, Doctor Who, did you get us all in here so we can watch you do your kiegels, or did you actually have something to say?
Marisol: I feel like I've got a secret, you know? Like we're a part of this secret club that no one knows about. I feel cool.
Maritza: Oh my god, you just said that, and my nipples got, like, super-hard.
Crazy: Pretty, pretty Polly. Wake the fuck up. We're a construct. Kindness may be one of our only commodities.
Maritza: You know what gets me so hot? Is when guys compare me to breakfast, and when they talk about me like I'm not even here. how 'bout you call me "that oatmeal in the front seat," and I'll be so yours?
Crazy: You were about to operate on Roni.
Roni: He had a labcoat on.
Crazy: Because I can think of better ways of wasting my time, like trying to eat my own face.
Crazy: So, are you gonna tell us who you are or does someone need to jam a foot up your peehole?
Madame: Oh! Aren't you charming?
Crazy: Is anyone ever not scared of a creepy kid?
Crazy: What kind of Captain Kangaroo, Jim Henson devilry is this?
Crazy: Hey! Hey! I know I'm new to the group, and I don't know how you handle things like this.
Larry: Well, typically, we just kind of wing it and everything works out.
Marisol: Flaca and Maritza, together again.
Maritza: It's like we're back in the kitchen, but crime-ier.
Cliff: Bullshit! There's no such thing as time travel. 'Cause if there was, a certain sixth grade assbag named Jimmy Decker would've never pulled my pants down in assembly. And I never would've had the nickname "Cheeto Dick" for six years.
Crazy: That's what you would go back in time and fix?
Dorothy: I know being a grown-up is hard. And sometimes you have to yell to get all the bad feelings out.
Crazy: Yeah, well, being a grown-up doesn't give you a pass on being an asshole.
The: As you guessed, this is an intervention.
Crazy: Your face is an intervention.
Cliff: [people around him moaning] What the fuck is going on?
Rita: We're all reaching -
Crazy: We're fucking coming, man!
Maritza: I'm not a prostitute. Not even if the guy's kind of hot in a mean-dad way.
[the inmates are in their underwear after a bed bug infestation has rendered their uniforms unwearable. CO Maxwell holds up a blue paper uniform]
Joe: Until every uniform in this prison is washed and rewashed, you will be wearing Office Depot's new fall line.
Marisol: I ain't wearing that fucking paper shit!
Maritza: That's my color. I'm wearing it.
Cliff: Whatcha doing?
Crazy: Playing Frisbee golf. What does it look like, dipshit?
Larry: How does this crap keep happening to us?
Crazy: Because no one else gets sent on a mission by a time travelling bird lady to go hunt down some art freaks who pissed off a half-man/half-butt monster who may be trying to destroy the world.
Larry: Yeah, got it.
Marisol: How could you go to a riot without me? What happened to Team Flaritza?
Maritza: I got called up for van duty last minute! And I thought we decided on Team Maraca.
Marisol: No, we didn't. We said that sounded like two rumba shakers, not two unique individuals sharing one nickname.
Maritza: Oh yeah, that's right.
Flex: [Flex is preparing to use his flexing powers to send the Doom Patrol into the White Space] Alright, everybody focus! I need you to focus on the White Space.
[Flex holds up an open comic book and flexes his muscles]
Cliff: Anybody? Anything?
Elasti: I... I feel... s-something.
Larry: Me too.
Cliff: [Cliff is unable to feel because of his robot body] Is there something that I should be feeling right now?
Larry: It's like... oh? OH!
Elasti: Oh my...! Huh!
Cliff: [Cliff looks around and sees people in the street acting strangely] What the fuck is going on?
Elasti: We're all reaching... .!
Larry: Oh... oh!
Crazy: We're fucking cumming man!
[Everyone including the Doom Patrol but except for Flex and Cliff begin to simultaneously orgasm]
Larry: Oh oh!
Elasti: Oh! Oh! Ohhhhh!
Flex: [Flex realises what's happening] I think I flexed the wrong muscle.
Cliff: No shit dummy!
[Cliff realises that he is unable to orgasm because of his robot body and begins to fake an orgasm]
Cliff: Oh, err... oh oh, oh yeah!
Crazy: [Crazy Jane looks at Flex] I'm gonna fucking kill you! Oh fuck!
[Everyone except for Flex and Cliff simultaneously orgasm]
Flex: I am so, so, so, so sorry. I was shooting for the splenius capitis, and I accidentally flexed the splenius cervicus. You did the right thing...
Elasti: Just give us a moment!
Flex: Take as much time as you need... I... I'm stupid...
Maritza: Never work with animals, children, or naked buttholes.
Maritza: Bitch, I was born here. I committed my crime legally.
Rita: Oh, dear God.
Crazy: Quiet, sack.
Willoughby: That was a de-aging spell you... whatever the female equivalent of a dick-head is!
Maritza: [in Spanish] He looks like someone left a cake out in the rain.
Marisol: [in Spanish] I love that song!
Maritza: [in Spanish] Me too!