Top 30 Quotes From Hawaii Five-0

Leroy: I was employed by the Hawaiian Syndicate in the '70s and '80s.
Steve: I'm sorry, did you just, uh... did you just tell me you were involved in organized crime?
Leroy: I painted houses. Not literally, of course.
Steve: I know what the term means. You were a hitman?
Leroy: That's right.
Steve: And yet somehow you're sitting in my office instead of a six-by-eight cell somewhere. How's that?
Leroy: I was very careful.
Steve: Mm.
Leroy: It also helped that there were so many corrupt cops during the years that I was active. The guys that weren't, well, they were too scared to come after me. Except for one.
Steve: My father.
Leroy: Day I met him, I knew he was going to be trouble.

Travis: This is crazy. I didn't do anything. You want to talk? Call my dad's lawyer. He can straight...
[Harry slaps him]
Travis: Ow!
Steve: Kind of had that coming.
Travis: That, like, really hurt.
Harry: Good. Now that I have your attention, let's start with where Lady Sophie Mortimer is. Looks a little like the girl that you were playing tonsil tennis with. Yea high, blonde, very smart, English. Way out of your league.
Travis: I don't have any idea, dude.
Harry: Well, that's not the right answer, is it, matey? Which means I'm gonna have to break one of your arms now. But I'll be a gentleman about it and let you choose which one.

Steve: How does he look, Doc?
Dr. Shaw: Well, I gotta say, the surgeon did an amazing job here.
Steve: Right on.
Dr. Shaw: You know, it helps that Eddie's a lucky boy. The bullet missed all of his major organs. And I'm-I'm amazed that he was able to stay away from the sutures without a cone.
Steve: Oh, no, he's been licking himself. Just not there.

Steve: Why'd you kill Jake Ozuki?
Leroy: Uh... the cop?
Steve: Yeah. What'd he do that deserved a bullet?
Leroy: I never asked my employers why they wanted someone dead. I just pulled the trigger. I didn't need a reason.
Steve: But with my dad, you actually had a reason. Didn't you? You said so yourself, you had a good reason. You knew he-he'd eventually catch up with you. However, you let him live. Why?
Leroy: I only killed when I was ordered to. Though I admit, in the case of your father... I came very close to making an exception.

Tani: Anonymous package, no return address. What do you think the chances are we watch this and it isn't deeply disturbing?

Steve: What are you talking about? You brought your own contract?
Kamekona: Yeah, but you don't have to read it all. Most of it's just boilerplate.
Danny: Is this a joke?
Steve: In exchange for capital investment, lender gets approval over name, menus, uniforms .
Danny: 40% of modified adjusted gross receipts, plus franchise and licensing rights in perpetuity and throughout the universe.
Steve: Licensing rights?
Kamekona: Correct.
Steve: What do you need licensing rights for?
Nahele: Cookbooks. Sauces. Pasta.
Danny: There's not gonna be any cookbooks. No cookbooks.
Flippa: You don't know that. A successful restaurant will often have certain ancillary streams that generate more profit than the actual brick-and-mortar.
Steve: I'm so confused. I'm sorry. I thought you were coming in as a silent partner.
Kamekona: I am. But if this thing goes under, I don't want nobody to know I'm involved. But if it blows up, - I want to make sure I'm protected.
Danny: Okay Uh, I'm-I'm not signing that.
Steve: Me either.
Danny: And I haven't seen any financial statements. Have you seen any financial statements?

Kamekona: I also got us a liquor license.
Danny: Wait. - How did you do that?
Steve: What?
Kamekona: Restaurants go under all the time, and when that happens, their liquor license just don't go away. They become inactive. A smart businessman can swoop right in, buy them from them for pennies on the dollar. That's what I did.
Steve: That is smart. Why didn't Vito do that?
Danny: I don't know, you want to call him and ask him?

Steve: Mr. Malkin, you should know that we did our homework on you on the way over. Okay, we know you like it here in Hawaii. According to our source, you're-you're dating a local woman, is that right? Who is not your wife. Or am I mistaken?
Nikolai: And I suppose you will tell her if I don't do what you say?
Steve: No, no, no, I wouldn't do that. I'm just trying to point out the fact that you're a scumbag. What I will do is stop by the State Department and have your diplomatic credentials revoked, have your ass sent home. That I'll do.
Danny: Or you can help us out, right?
Nikolai: What kind of policemen are you?
Steve: The kind that don't like to be stonewalled.

Danny: Tommy Boyle. That's a wise guy from Boston, moved out here a couple years ago. He's a big-shot guy, right?
Steve: Danny, if it's the same Tommy Boyle, we got trouble.
Danny: Why?
Steve: Danny, you get the exact same HPD daily briefs each morning that I do, do you not?
Danny: I do, uh, but I also feed, uh, two children and take them to school. Plus, I don't like to read, so...
Steve: Tommy Boyle, he killed himself last night. The alert said he swallowed a bullet.
Danny: So you got a doctor and a patient, they both die the same night, and, uh, doctor's apprentice, she goes missing. This is not a coincidence.

Steve: Are you serious right now?
Danny: I'm hungry.
Steve: Oh, yeah, I know. We're all hungry. Where'd you get the animal crackers?
Danny: I was with Charlie today. And he's five. So you have to have snacks for five year old kids, 'cause if their blood sugar drops too low, they act like, um, psychopaths.
Steve: Give me a cracker.
Danny: No.
Steve: Give me a cracker.
Danny: This is my food.

Jerry: Getting shot's not like it is in the movies.

[Steve gets on a boat to go to the Russian submarine]
Danny: Steve's. He wanted me to name the restaurant Steve's. I'll do it now in his memory.
Lou: That's what we love about you Danny, always thinking positive.

Danny: Do you... do you want to discuss the, uh, pink donkey in the room?
Steve: There's a pink donkey in the room?
Danny: The pink elephant. You know what I mean?
Steve: What's that?
Danny: The elephant. Elephant.
Steve: What are you talking about?
Danny: Noriko.
Steve: What about her?
Danny: What about her? Well, uh, after everything she put Adam through, uh, you think it's just a coincidence that the same day she dies is the same day that Adam skips town? You don't find that to be a little cause-and-effect-ish?
Steve: Until I have some clear evidence in front of me that implicates Adam in any of this, there's nothing to discuss, Danny.
Danny: Oh. Well, what about when you do have some clear evidence? Then what?
Steve: Then I'm gonna have a very difficult decision to make.

Thomas: [thug shoots one of the front tyres of the Ferrari] Come on, man, those tyres are $800!
[thug shoots the other front tyre as well]
Thomas: Each!

Steve: [Sophie ditched Harry to meet a boy] All right, good news is he does not have a criminal record. Oh. Doesn't have a driver's license, either.
Harry: So there's no way we can identify him.
Danny: You guys, get out... move away. I gotta do everything? Look. He may not have a license or a record, but... if he is under the age of 30, he definitely has a social media footprint.
Harry: Well, if isn't behaving himself, I'm gonna leave a pretty heavy fooprint. On his face.
Steve: Look at you, all tech savvy.
Danny: Yeah, well, I got a 16 year old daughter. Nothing I wouldn't do to spy on her.

Tani: Why are pirates called pirates? Because they ARRR!

Catherine: [final lines of the series] You ready?
Steve: Yeah.

Danny: I don't know why I gotta wear gloves. I can't hit him.
Steve: Well, you gotta make it look like you're trying.
Danny: This is the dumbest thing, the most embarassing, stupidest, dumbest thing you ever got me involved in ever in my life.
Steve: Excuse me. If it's any consolation, I'd rather it was me who was gonna take this beating, all right, but he chose you. I'm sorry.
Danny: I'm sorry, did you say "beating"? I'm not taking a beating.
Steve: Hey, hey, stop talking. You're embarassing me now.

Steve: Noelani, I had no idea you were so, uh... you were such a big fan of dogs.
Dr. Noelani Cunha: What? Come on, me? Pfft. Huge fan. Like, massive. Big-time.
Steve: Huh.
Dr. Noelani Cunha: Okay, fine. Look, there's this really cute guy that I see at the Blue Tree Cafe most days before work, and I always hear him talking to the barista about his rescue dogs and, well, I needed an in.
Steve: Okay, so Eddie was your wingman.
Dr. Noelani Cunha: It's pathetic, right?
Steve: No, it's not pathetic. I won't tell anyone. Come on. Did it work?
Dr. Noelani Cunha: Actually, we're having drinks in a couple hours.
Steve: Boom. So, no. It's not pathetic. It's awesome. I thought, uh, your generation only met people on those dating apps.
Dr. Noelani Cunha: I'm old school.

John: Know who that is?
Young: Can't say that I do.
John: That's Jake Ozuki's family. You know, the detective you killed? That's his wife Linda. And his son Jack. They come here every year on the anniversary of Jake's death. Talk about everything that's happened in their lives over the past year. Trouble is... they're visiting an empty grave. But you already knew that.
Young: What's the point of this, John?
John: Every murder has two victims: the deceased, and the family left in the wake.

Danny: How'd you know that guy had a sidepiece?
Steve: Just a guess - Malkin's a Russian bureaucrat, far away from home, on an island filled with beautiful women.

Danny: Who are these clowns? What are these guys doing?
Jin: That is my grandson in the black.
Steve: Ay.
Danny: Ah, ah. He's very handsome.
Jin: Your partner?
Steve: Yes, and he didn't mean any disrespect, Mr. Leung.
Danny: No, I-I really didn't. I apologize.
Jin: You appear to be an intelligent young man.
Danny: Thanks.
Jin: But when you open your mouth, the effect disappears.
Danny: Ah.
Jin: Your father I knew, so you may stay. You may sit down.
Steve: Well, thank you.
Jin: [Danny moves to follow him] Not you. You go to the back row and be quiet.

Lt. Catherine Rollins: [chasing a suspect] I really wish you wouldn't do that.
Steve: Why?
Lt. Catherine Rollins: He's got a bomb, Steve. If he dies, so do my chances of getting any intel on finding Asad.
Steve: Wait a minute. Did you just question my accuracy? 'Cause if you did, that hurts. I'm just saying.

Greer: Everybody knows that Steve McGarrett only takes orders from the governor and God - and occassionally even they have trouble.

Tani: [breaking up a domestic dispute] So, spoke to her. Apparently, he comes home last night at 3:00 a.m.; no text, no phone call. She checks the GPS on his phone. Turns out he was at a fancy hotel. Insult to injury, it's her birthday today, so...
Junior: Well, there's nothing to charge them with, so I say we just let them sort it out.
Tani: Right, so we're just gonna brush over the fact that he's obviously cheating on her?
Junior: Well, that's speculative. And even if he was, it's not a crime.
Tani: That is so typical. Take his side. Well done, well done.
Junior: What? J-just because he was at a hotel late last night doesn't mean he was being unfaithful.
Tani: Oh, oh, please continue mansplaining that to me, 'cause here in reality, that makes no logical sense.

Junior: Hey, can you believe that watching a movie at home used to mean jumping in the car, driving to a video store and hoping that the movie you wanted to watch was available to rent?
Tani: Yeah, those poor souls.
Junior: Like, seriously, nowadays you can just, you know, fire up your phone and watch the "Fast and Furious" franchise from the comfort of your own toilet seat.
Tani: [sarcastic] Yeah, it's a great time to be alive. And thank you so much for that mental image.
Junior: Well, you know, I was hypothetically speaking. You know, uh, I obviously don't do that.

Lou: Well, the FBI's here. They've taken jurisdiction over the crime scene. They got a team in the house right now, scrubbing it.
Danny: Sounds like Lee and Nancy were a real-life Boris and Natasha.
Tani: I don't get the reference.
Lou: "Rocky and Bullwinkle".
Junior: Like, "Rocky", like Stallone "Rocky"?

Steve: When the M.E. was conducting the autopsy on Hideki's body, they found some foreign DNA. Now, there's no way to tell if it was the killer's, but they ran it anyway. There was nothing in the system that could outright I.D. this person, but it did turn up a familial match. To you.
Adam: What? How is that even possible?
Steve: You had 27 of 111 DNA markers in common, showing a close familial relation. We also know the sample came from a female, roughly 35 to 40 years old. Adam, you understand what this all means, right?
Adam: I have a half-sister.
Steve: And somehow, she's involved in everything that's been going on.

Lou: [learning Duke stole evidence from the lockup] Anybody reach out to Duke's family?
Junior: Well, Tani's doing that right now.
Danny: All right. That's good. Maybe they know something.
Lou: Yeah, well, let's hope so, 'cause this is nuts. Duke is as straight as they come. This is a guy that would rather read a mosquito its rights instead of swatting it. It just ain't him.
Junior: So why'd he do it?
Lou: Well, hell, June, I don't know. We just got to follow every option, no matter how crazy it sounds.

Gerard: Boom.
Lou: What dou mean "boom"?
Gerard: Boom.
Lou: Two paintings. So what?
Gerard: So, they're not just any paintings. These are old masters. Part of a collection that went missing during World War II.
Lou: And it looks like somebody found 'em. So what?
Gerard: When I say "went missing", it's a synonym for "stolen".
Lou: Why don't you just say "stolen"?