The Best House M.D., Season 7, Episode 15 Quotes

- You run out of sugar?
- Igotyourscans back from today.

- Or castration anxiety.
- I was hoping you'd figure out a way to handle all this.
- Maybe you can't because you're still a child.
- I can do better.
- Might be too late.
- House?

- Worrying that you might turn into her.
- You're right.
- Odds are this is nothing.
- Meet me in the cafeteria in 10.
- There'll be a corn dog with your name on it.
- I mean an actual corn dog.
- They fixed the deep fryer.

- You took Vicodin.
- When you came to my hospital room that night, you were stoned.

- There's no proof that there's anything wrong with her.
- There's no proof she's being stalked by ninja squirrels either, but if she's scared of them, as her boyfriend, it's your job to figure out how to help her feel better.
- You're right.

Martha: Hate the statistics not the statistician.

Dr. Chris Taub: So I should call the cops?
Martha: Of course, over-identification with the subject could skew the calculation towards being over-protective, or alternatively...
Dr. Chris Taub: You suck at this!
Martha: ...Hate the statistics, not the statisician.

Dr. Gregory House: [sings] Forget your troubles, come on get happy. You better chase all your cares away. Shout hallelujah, come on get happy. Get ready for the judgment day. The sun is shining, come on get happy. The load is waiting to take your hand. Shout hallelujah, come on get happy. We're going to the promised... land.
Dancer: [Chorus] We're heading across the river. Wash your sins away the tide. It's all so peaceful on the other side. On the other side.

- and now he's gonna rip my arms off.
- How often do you sell drugs?
- It was a one-time thing.
- I needed the cash, I had the pills, so I thought, "why not?"
- It was a bad idea.
- The pills are at my house. I could have a friend go get them.

- House told me to keep you company.
- Nurse told me to give you antibiotics.
- Tell house I'm fine.
- Hmm.
- Tom Cruise got married.

- Because the lung masses were an allergic reaction.
- So, now that you're off the antibiotics, your lungs should clear right up.
- And I brought you something.
- Say hello to your tumor. Oh!
- Wait.

Martha M. Masters: There are no signs of hyperlipidemia or pancreatitis.
- Taub: Those can take years to emerge.
- Foreman: Closest we've gotten.
- Start him on iv sodium benzoate to reduce the ammonia levels in his blood.
- Run a genetic test for citrullinemia.

- They've got every song by every aussie artist, midnight oil, men at work, Olivia Newton John.
- I do a mean version of physical.
- And the barbecued shrimp is amazing.
- What about the fries?
- Hot, salty and delicious.

- Good thing I brought my ax cane.
- Cuddy: House, help me!
- I'm coming.
- Cuddy: House, please!
- Looks like we've got company.
- Cuddy: House!

- Didn't know what time your alarm was set for.
- House?
- You know, you could rent this space out down here.
- In Japan, that would be like a deluxe...
- House, shut up.
- There's blood in my urine.

Martha: Good for you. You could've just assumed he was a drug dealer, but instead you took his word for it. It's nice to finally see someone have a little faith in humanity.
Dr. Chris Taub: Why would you do that?

[first lines]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [wakes up, looking for House] House?
[someone holds her ankle]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Oh, my God! What the hell?
Dr. Gregory House: [appears from under the bed] Gotcha.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap out of me?
Dr. Gregory House: Set an alarm and everything.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's like dating a 10-year-old.
Dr. Gregory House: God, I hope not... Now that we're down here...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Hold that thought.
Dr. Gregory House: Seriously?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I have to pee.
Dr. Gregory House: I'll wait. I brought a book. Didn't know what time your alarm was set for.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [from bathroom] House?
Dr. Gregory House: You know, you could rent this space out down here. In Japan, that would be like a deluxe...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House, shut up. There's blood in my urine.

- Happy 29th birthday.
- I'm not 29.
- You're not limping.
- This isn't possible.
- None of this is possible.
- A girl can dream.

- There are so many things that I could be afraid of, and most of the time I manage to lock them up behind doors.
- Then this happens.
- All those doors just burst open.

- I just wanted to torture them slowly in my basement, preferably with acid.
- You guys ever think about what you might do to house?
- Maybe it's no big deal.
- Unless it is.
- Somebody shot house.

- by harassing the housekeeper and criticizing your bathrobe?
- Yeah. I think I'm gonna wait a few years.
- Okay.
- Oh, and I moved your sleeping pills back in the medicine cabinet, because I just worry. Rachel always calls them candy.

- House: Chase?
- How'd it go with cuddy?
- Chase?

[last lines]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You don't take vicodin because you're scared. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain: drugs, sarcasm, keep me and everybody at arm's lenght so no one can hurts you.
Dr. Gregory House: As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it is a buried treasure?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [sadly] Pain happens when you care. Y-you can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems - their fears. And you're not willing to do that.
Dr. Gregory House: I-I-I came to be with you.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: But you weren't with me. Not really.
Dr. Gregory House: I wanted to be.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: That's not enough.
Dr. Gregory House: I can do better.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I don't think you can.
[pauses]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You'll choose yourself over everybody else over and over again because that's who you are... I'm sorry.
Dr. Gregory House: No. No. No. No. Don't. Don't.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I thought I could do this.
Dr. Gregory House: Don't. Please, don't.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: ...Goodbye, House.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Although, maybe we should have just played a few games of "Savage 21: The Revenge" Because that's obviously the best way to make someone feel better.
Dr. Gregory House: Keep talking like Wilson, and your face is gonna freeze like that.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Look, however bad you think you're gonna be in that room, not being there is worse.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [as Cuddy is about to be examined] You really don't have to be here.
Dr. Gregory House: You're my girlfriend. I'm being supportive.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm mainly talking about *them*.
[Cut to House's team]

- What's the problem, officer?
- She was shoplifting down at the mall.
- Are either of you this girl's father?
- Nope. But since her mom died, she's my favorite tax write-off.
- Officer, you have my word, it won't happen again.
- Because next time she won't get caught!

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [about House's team] Get them out of here. My urethra is not for public entertainment.
Dr. Gregory House: But it is good time adjacent.

Dr. Gregory House: If you don't make it, I won't sleep with anyone for at least a month.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Make it two.
Dr. Gregory House: Bitch.

Dr. James Wilson: House, I'm not going to tell you a third time. Do not screw this up! Because I *really* don't want to clean up the mess.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy] Meet you in the cafeteria in 10. There'll be a corndog with your name on it. I mean an actual corndog. They fixed the deep fryer.

- You suck at this.
- Hate the statistics, not the statistician.
- Give me a little more dye.
- Chase: There's the clot.
- It just disintegrated when you touched it.
- What was that thing?

Dr. James Wilson: [knock, knock] I'll get it.
Dr. Gregory House: That better be her.
Dr. James Wilson: [opens the door and finds Rachel with Officer] Rachel Cuddy, you were supposed to be home half an hour ago.
Rachel: Don't blame me. He's the one who wouldn't run any red lights.
Police: Mouth on that kid makes Mel Gibson sound like Nelson Mandela. Where'd she learn that?
Dr. Gregory House: [comes into the room] I don't know why you're here, but I didn't do it.
Dr. James Wilson: What's the problem, Officer?
Police: She was shoplifting down at the mall. Are either of you this girl's father?
Dr. Gregory House: Nope. But since her mom died, she's my favorite tax write-off. Officer, you have my word, it won't happen again.
[Officer leaves]
Dr. Gregory House: Because next time she won't get caught!
[House gives Rachel high five and holds her. Wilson hugs both]
Dr. Gregory House: [Cuddy awakes from her dream]

Julia: It's not even a question. Of course, I'll be Rachel's guardian. And House is cool with this? I mean you guys...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: We've only been together a few months.
Julia: Hmm. Seems like longer. Probably because you've been talking about him for 10 years. And by talking I mean ranting about wanting to smash his teeth in with a stapler.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: ...People change.

- What the hell?
- Gotcha. Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap out of me?
- Set an alarm and everything.
- It's like dating a 10-year-old.
- God, I hope not.

Dr. Chris Taub: The kid scratched out the faces of half of his class. You don't think that's a problem?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It's not *our* problem.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why is it anyone's problem? I violently executed my 10th grade Geometry teacher about 5 different ways in my mind.
Martha: I didn't want to kill anybody. I just wanted to torture them slowly in my basement - preferably with acid. Guys... ever think what you might do to House?
Dr. Chris Taub: [the elevator opens. The team gets in the elevator. Slight pause] Maybe it's no big deal.
Dr. Robert Chase: Unless it is. Somebody shot House.

- I wanted to be.
- Well, that's not enough.
- I can do better.
- I don't think you can.
- You'll choose yourself over everybody else, over and over again, because that's just who you are.

- that allowed you to record them, watch them another time.
- I'm just saying, don't think fixing this kid is gonna fix you.
- Yeah.
- We're on our way back.
- Our patient lost all feeling in his right arm.
- Look at this.