The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 2, Episode 21 Quotes

Robin: I thought you hated marriage. Why do you want to officiate the ceremony?
Barney: Because it subliminally implants the suggestion that whenever I ask a question, the answer is always, "I do."

- I'd love to be able to cross
- "harp player" off my list.
- How long is this list?
- Dude, I'm not gonna count how many pages the list is.
- I'm not crass.
- Well, it doesn't matter anyway. She's pregnant.
- Sweet! I can cross off two things.

Lily: Great! Now my mom's making me invite the Lessners. This puts our numbers in the triple digits.
Robin: Wow, I guess sometimes Lessner is more... ner. You know how like sometimes less is more?
Ted: Yeah. This is one of those times, sweetie.

Barney: Excuse me, you gentlemen dropped something... your jaws! Because Barney Stinson is about to aid and abet in a marriage.

Marshall: [about what they should get to cover Marshall's head] Hat! We thought of authentic Native American headdress before we thought of hat.

Marshall: My hair! Look at my hair! She ruined my hair! I look like one of the Backstreet Boys!
Barney: [laughing] You totally do! And not even the good Backstreet Boys, but the older, lame dance move, comeback tour Backstreet Boys.
Ted: "... Good Backstreet Boys?"

Scooter: Maybe my words won't change your mind, but perhaps the words of a poet might. November Rain, by W. Axel Rose.
Robin: It is a good song.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God!
- What?
- Well, it's not too short.

- No, not off the top of my...
- No. Can't.
- All right, let me come at this from a different angle.
- I got $50 in my pocket which is probably a lot more...
- The bride needs this.

Lily: So instead of an acoustic guitar, we're having a harp player. My mother owes someone money, and his daughter plays the harp.
Barney: Is she hot? Because then I can cross "harp player" off my list.
Ted: How long is this list?
Barney: I'm not telling you how many pages my list has. I'm not crass.
Lily: It doesn't matter anyway, because she's pregnant.
Barney: Good. That way I can cross two things off my list.

- And yeah, a lot of things did go wrong, but it didn't matter because when we all look back on that day, what I remember is the first wedding; the intimate outdoor ceremony with just close friends and an acoustic guitar.

Barney: Can I have your number?
Woman: I don't think so.
Barney: It's for the bride.
Woman: Oh, okay. I'll go get my pen.
Barney: The bride also wants you to walk slower.

Marshall: Lily is gonna kill me! Look at me! She's not gonna want to marry me like this.
Ted: That's crazy. Of course she will.
Marshall: Would you marry me?
Ted: No. But not because of the hair. It's because I have a rule: Never marry anyone you've had a farting contest with.
Marshall: Oh, great. Now you're saying Lily and I shouldn't even get married?

Ted: Dude, you shaved your fricking head!
Marshall: Yeah! Yeah, but it's good. I'll just shave it all off. What a great solution! Just be bald, 'cos it's cool, right? Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Britney Spea...
[Looks in mirror]
Marshall: OH GOD WHAT DID I DO! How could you let me shave my head?
Ted: What?
Marshall: You're the worst best man ever! I hate you.I'm not going out there. I'm leaving and I'm never coming back. I'm gonna find that money under the rock by that tree and go live with the guys on the beach in Zihuatanejo.
Ted: But those guys are criminals
Marshall: Only Red, Andy was falsely accused.

- to rub them.
- Two...
- What was two?
- Okay, we have a bit of a situation.
- Let's not panic.
- Let's just find a solution.