Top 300 Quotes From James Marsters

Spike: Taking up smoking, are you?
Harmony: I am a villain, Spike. Hello.

Spike: You think you can fool me?... You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!
Angel: Things change.
Spike: Not us! Not demons. Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom.

Spike: [singing] Let me rest in peace / Let me get some sleep / Let me take my love and bury it / In a hole six-foot deep / I can lay my body down / But I can't find my sweet release / So let me rest in peace.

Buffy: You shouldn't have come here.
Spike: No. I messed up your doilies and stuff. But I just got so bored.

[Buffy is anxious to leave after they've spent all night making love, and Spike is peeved]
Spike: What is this to you... this thing we have?
Buffy: What? We don't have a... thing. We have "this." That's all.
Spike: Do you even like me?
Buffy: [pause] Sometimes.
Spike: But you like what I do to you.
[she doesn't answer. He pulls out a pair of handcuffs and dangles them]
Spike: Do you trust me?
Buffy: [long pause] Never.

[after Buffy is ordered by Giles to deal with a singing demon on her own]
Spike: Forget them, Slayer. I got your back.
Buffy: Thought you wanted me to stay away from you. Isn't that what you sang?
Xander: Spike sing a widdle song?
Anya: Would you say it was a breakaway pop hit, or more of a book number?
Xander: Let it go, sweetie.

[Glory's minions brings Spike to her thinking he is the Key]
Glory: That's fantabulous, and impossible. He can't be the Key, because, see, the *Key* has to be pure. This is a vampire. Lesson number one: Vampires equal impure.
Spike: Yeah, damn right. I'm impure. I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow. Let me go.

Adam: So you failed.
Spike: Well, hey, you're supposed to be so smart. You let me plan this thing.
[Adam stares at him, unimpressed]
Spike: Okay, let's not quibble about who failed who.

[a bloodied and battered Spike is thrown out of Willy's bar by a demon]
Rough: What did you expect, Spike... a welcome party? Word's out. You've been making war on the demon world.
Spike: [weakly] War?
Rough: Demon: With the Slayer! You kill other demons and the rest of us don't hold with that. We demons have a code. We never kill our own kind regardless of the circumstances. Still... if I see you around here again... I'll be inclined to break that code... Do you understand?

[first lines]
[chasing a vampire that got away]
Spike: Come on...! We're never gonna get anything killed with you lot holding me back.
Tara: [breathing heavy] I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily.
Spike: No, that's the over-the-hill shopkeepers.
Rupert: [breathing heavy] I'm fine. I just need to... to die for a minute.

Angel: Leave her alone!
Spike: Yeah, that'll work. Now say, "Pretty please."

Faith: I've met you before, you know.
Spike: Mmm. Yeah, you made a great impression on my chin.
Faith: Not in the graveyard. Before that. I was kinda wearing a different body.
Spike: Did you?
Faith: You seemed okay with it.
Spike: The body swap... with Buffy.
Faith: She fill you in on that whole deal?
Spike: She told me what went down. Failed to mention who was driving her skin around.
Faith: I may have said a few things.
Spike: Like you could ride me at a gallop till my knees buckled. Squeeze me till I pop like warm champagne... It's not the kind of thing a man forgets.
Faith: Should have known it wasn't blondie behind the wheel. She'd never throw down like that.
Spike: Oh, you *have* been away.
Faith: Don't tell me little Miss Tightly Wound's been getting her naughty on?
Spike: Not of late.
Faith: Wow. Everybody's just full of surprises.

Spike: You're not exactly the whiz these days, either. God, I'm never gonna get paid.
Willow: I am a whiz.
Tara: She is a whiz.
Willow: If ever a whiz there was.

Spike: I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore.

Angelus: [to Drusilla] You can see all that in your head?
Spike: No, you ninny. She read it in the morning paper.

Spike: [about Buffy] She's upset about her mum. And if she turns to me for comfort, well, I'm not gonna deny it to her. I'm not a monster.
Xander: Yes, you are a monster. Vampires are monsters. They make monster movies about them.
Spike: Well, yeah, you got me there.

Spike: It's nothing I know. What, you think I'd come running over saying, "I've got a secret. Beat me till I talk?"

[first lines]
Spike: Bleedin' crime is what it is. Jackin' up the bar price to pay for fixin' up this sinkhole. Not my fault the insurance doesn't cover "Act of Troll."
Buffy: Gee. Maybe it's time you found a new place to patronize.
Spike: I've half a mind to, especially since the flowering onion got remodeled right off the soddin' menu. That's the only thing this place had going for it.

[Spike decides to attack a Ghora demon]
Spike: Hey! Ghora! Heads up.
[the demon rises revealing itself to have three heads]
Spike: Right. Heads it is.

Tara: How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you?
Spike: What? Oh. Yeah.
Tara: Maybe you, uh, wanna put some ice on it.

[in an alley behind the police station]
Buffy: [angrily] What did you do?
Spike: What I had to. I went back and I took care of it. It doesn't matter now. No one will ever find her.
[two cops exit from the front of the police station]
Cop: Where'd they find her?
Cop: The river. She washed up half a mile from the cemetery.
Spike: Oh, balls.

Spike: Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik.
Xander: 'Cause I can't say Glarba-
[the demon attacks]

Vamp: You owe us!
Spike: [as Randy] Fine! Take your damn spikes!
[Spike pulls the stakes from his jacket and tosses them at the vampire]

Spike: The only thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Everyday you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you. Is today the day I die...? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later, it's gonna catch you... And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it... Death is your art. You make it with your hands day after day, that final gasp, that look of peace. A part of you is desperate to know... What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now, you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer... has a death wish... Even you... The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... Your mum, brat kid sister, Scoobies. They all tie you here, but you're just puttin' off the inevitable... Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second, the second that happens, you know I'll be there... I'll slip in. Have myself a real good day... Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did.
Buffy: Get out of my sight, Spike, now.
Spike: Oh, now did I scare ya? You're the Slayer. Do somethin' about it. Hit me... Come on. One good swing. You know you want to.
Buffy: I mean it.
Spike: So do I. Give it me good, Buffy. Do it.

Rupert: We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy... There is no way to Buffy... Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing... get over it.
Spike: I don't know what you mean.
Rupert: Yes, you do. Move the hell on.

Rupert: How did you get in?
Spike: The door was unlocked. You might want to watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous could get in.
Buffy: Or someone formerly dangerous and currently annoying.

Buffy: Spike? Are you real?
Spike: [laughs crazily, then looks at her] Buffy, duck.
Buffy: What? Duck? There's a duck?
[Gets hit from behind]

[first lines]
[New York City, 1977]
Spike: Well, all right! Got the moves, don't ya? I'm gonna ride you hard before I put you away, luv.
Nikki: You sure about that? You actually look a little wet and limp to me. And I ain't you "luv."

Spike: Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.
Buffy: Spike?
Spike: It was the best night of my life... If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but...
Buffy: I just told you it did.
Spike: [sighs] Yeah. I hear you say it, but... I've lived for sodding ever, Buffy. I've done everything. I've done things with you I can't spell, but I've never... been close... to anyone, least of all you... until last night. All I did was hold you, watch you sleep... and it was the best night of my life... So, yeah, I'm... terrified.

Dawn: Spike. You sleep, right? You. Vampires. You sleep.
Spike: Yeah. What's your point, niblet?
Dawn: Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head, but you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're gonna wake up on fire.

[last lines]
Spike: How's the Annoying One?
Drusilla: He doesn't wanna play.
Spike: It figures. Well, I suppose I'd better go make nice.
[He walks over to the Anointed One and kneels before him]
The: You failed.
Spike: I, um... I offer penance.
Vampire: Penance? You should lay down your life! Our numbers are depleted. The Feast of St. Vigeous has been ruined by your impatience!
Spike: I was rash... And if I had to do it all over again...
[laughs]
Spike: Who am I kidding? I would do it exactly the same, only I'd do this...
[grabs the Anointed One]
The: No!
Spike: ...first!
[Spike sticks The Anointed One in the nearby cage and starts pulling a chain, lifting the cage up from the floor]
Spike: From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual... and a little more fun around here.
[the cage is lifted into the sunlight. The Anointed One screams as he dies]
Spike: Let's see what's on TV.

Spike: I had a muscle cramp... Buffy was, uh, helping.
Tara: A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
Spike: What? It's a thing.

[attempting to translate a manuscript]
Dalton: I'm not sure. It could be, uh... "deprimere ille bubula linter."
Spike: [reading] "Debase the beef... canoe". Why does that strike me as not right?

Willy the Snitch: What are ya gonna do with him, anyway?
Spike: I'm thinkin' maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know.

[Buffy runs into Spike and Harmony at a fraternity party]
Buffy: What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again?
Spike: Maybe I dumped her!
Harmony: She left him for a Fungus Demon. That's all he talks about most days.

[Spike takes a lackadaisical approach to saving Giles' life]
Rupert: You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me.
Spike: Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea.

Buffy: How did you do it? How'd you get your soul back?
Spike: Saw a man about a girl... I went to seek a legend out. Traveled to the other side of the world, made a deal with a demon.
Buffy: Just like that?
Spike: No, not just like that. There was a price. There were trials. Torture. Pain and suffering... of sorts.
Buffy: Of sorts?
Spike: Well, it's all relative, innit?
Buffy: Meaning?
Spike: Meaning I have come to redefine the words "pain" and "suffering" since I fell in love with you.
Buffy: How can you say that?
Spike: Apparently, I just slaughtered half of Sunnydale, pet. I'm not really worried about being polite any more.

[first lines]
Spike: Okay... These two are dead. Why?
Rona: 'Cause the black chick always gets it first?

[Buffy runs into Spike on the street]
Buffy: Great.
Spike: Well, well, well, look who decided to show up.
Buffy: What are you doing here, Spike?
Spike: Well, you know a man was frozen alive in there. A little compassion, love. Uh, you know, as long as we're both here, you might as well tag along. I mean, as a team we could...
Buffy: Yeah, that never really ends well, does it?
Spike: It did the other night.
Buffy: You really seem awfully fixated on a couple of kisses, Spike.
Spike: And you seem awfully quick to forget about 'em.
Buffy: Look. I'm sorry, okay? I'm-I'm sorry if you thought that it meant more.
Spike: But?
Buffy: But when I kissed you, you know I was thinking about Giles, right?
Spike: You know, I always wondered about you two.
Buffy: What? Oh, gross, Spike! He left. I was depressed ergo, vulnerability and bad kissing decisions. Okay, but that's all that it was. You have to let it go.

[Buffy is tying Spike to a chair]
Spike: Bloody Hell, woman. You're cuttin' off my circulation.
Buffy: You don't have any circulation.
Spike: Well, it pinches.

Spike: [as Randy] I'm a hero, really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life and then to rise above it, to seek out better, nobler things. It's inspirational, isn't it? And the two of us, natural enemies thrown together to stand against the forces of darkness. A lot of trust. No thought of me biting you. No thought of you staking me.
Buffy: [as Joan] Depends on how long you keep on yapping.

Buffy: Last night... was the most perverse, degrading experience of my life.
Spike: [smiles fondly] Yeah. Me too.

Spike: This all goes down, the chip comes out, yeah? No tricks?
Adam: Scout's honor.
Spike: You were a Boy Scout?
Adam: Parts of me.

Xander: Hey, I happen to be...
Spike: A glorified bricklayer?
Xander: I'm also a swell bowler.
Anya: Has his own shoes.
Spike: The gods themselves do tremble.

Buffy: Wil, you know how bad I feel about this. Okay? It's eating me up...
[to Anya]
Buffy: A quarter cup of brandy and let it simmer.
[to Willow]
Buffy: ... but even though it's hard, we have to end this. Yes, he's been wronged, and I personally would be ready to apologize, but I...
Spike: Oh, someone put a stake in me.
Xander: You got a lot of volunteers in *here*.
Spike: I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
Willow: Uh, the preferred term is...
Spike: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them, and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not goin' around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
Buffy: Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of...
[to Willow]
Buffy: Not that I don't like Spaniards.
Spike: Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?
Willow: We don't wanna fight anyone.
Buffy: I just wanna have Thanksgiving.
Spike: [laughs] Yeah... Good luck.
Willow: Well, if we could talk to him...
Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... some of that made sense.

Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a... a good being-killed.
Spike: And I'm supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart?

Spike: That's right! Big Bad's back, and lookin' for a little death!

Buffy: We're not all gonna make it. You know that.
Spike: Yeah... Hey, always knew I'd go down fightin'.
Buffy: I'm counting on you... to protect her.
Spike: Till the end of the world... Even if that happens to be tonight.

Drusilla: We're going to destroy the world. Want to come?
Angelus: Yeah, destroying the world. Great. I'm really more interested in the Slayer.
Spike: Well, she's *in* the world, so that should work out.

Spike: The sun sets, and she appears.

Buffy: This is all you get. I'm listening. Tell me what happened.
Spike: I tried to find it, of course.
Buffy: Find what?
Spike: The spark. The missing... The piece, that fit, that would make me fit. Because you didn't want...
[sighs]
Spike: I can't. Not with you looking... I dreamed of killing you... I think they were dreams... So weak. And you make me weak. Thinking of you, holding myself, and spilling useless buckets of salt over your... ending... Angel, he should've warned me. Makes a good show of forgetting, but it's here in me, all the time. The spark... I wanted to give you what you deserve. And I got it. They put the spark in me, and now all it does is burn.
Buffy: [whispers] Your soul.
Spike: [smiling weakly] Bit worse for lack of use.

Big: When I kill her, it'll be the greatest event since the Crucifixion. And I should know. I was there.
Spike: You were there? Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.
Big: I oughta rip your throat out.
Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.

[Standing before the gang as they prepare to leave to fight Glory]
Buffy: Remember, the ritual starts, we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn.
[turns and leaves the room]
Spike: Well, not exactly the St. Crispin's Day speech, was it?
Rupert: "We few, we happy few..."
Spike: ...we band of buggered.

Buffy: How long was I gone?
Spike: Hundred and forty-seven days, yesterday. Uh... hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it...? How long was it for you... where you were?
Buffy: Longer.

[a shirtless and shoeless Spike stands in an arena-like space in the African cave]
Cave: You understand, then?
Spike: Yeah. Yeah, it's not like you haven't been clear about it, oh great, mysterious one. This is a test. I don't get what I want unless I pass said test. That about the size and shape?
Cave: Yes.
Spike: And since your pad is decked out gladiator-style, and no number-two pencils have been provided, I guess we're not starting with the written.

Spike: I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. I mean, look at all these lovely blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. I knew you wouldn't like it.
Buffy: You want credit for not feeding off bleeding disaster victims?
Spike: Well, yeah.
Buffy: You're disgusting.
[leaves]
Spike: [to himself] What's it take?

Adam: I didn't send for you, Spike.
Spike: Yeah, well... I'm not much the being-sent-for type.

Buffy: All right, talk. What's the deal?
Spike: Simple. You let me and Dru skip town, I help you kill Angel.
Joyce: [to Buffy] Angel, your boyfriend?
Buffy: Forget about Drusilla. She doesn't walk.
Spike: There's no deal without Dru.
Buffy: She killed Kendra!
Spike: Dru bagged a slayer? S-She didn't tell me! Hey, good for her!
[sees Buffy's angry look]
Spike: Though not from your perspective, I suppose.

Buffy: She was looking to go all paybacky on Glory for a minute, but I cooled her down a little. Actually, a lot.
Spike: So she's not gonna do anything rash then.
Buffy: No. I explained there was no point.
Spike: Mm-hmm.
Buffy: What?
Spike: You- So you're saying that a *powerful* and mightily pissed-off witch was planning on goin' and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood until you, what..."explained"?
Buffy: You think she- No. I told Willow it would be like suicide.
Spike: I'd do it... Right person. Person I loved. I'd do it.

Spike: I know you'll never love me.
[Buffy turns to look at him]
Spike: I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man, and that's...
[she gazes at him without speaking]
Spike: Get your stuff. I'll be here.

Spike: But you waited until Angel needed your help to bust ouf of jail.
Faith: Three squares, nice weight room, movie every third Sunday. Could've been worse.
Spike: What movie?
Faith: Last one was Glitter. I guess it couldn't have been worse.

Spike: Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Riley: Am I dark enough for you now?
Spike: Bloody pull me back in, you sod. I'm startin' to sizzle!
Riley: You don't know anything about Buffy. You never did. I'm the one that knows what she needs.
Spike: Oh yeah? That's why you're with her at hospital right now giving her what she needs.
Riley: What are you talkin' about?
Spike: Don't you know? Didn't she tell you?
Riley: You tell me.
Spike: Her mum's sickly. Buffy took her to hospital for a bit of prod and probe. Bite-sized one went, too... You know, it's-it's funny her not calling you about that. I've known since last night.

Spike: I live here. I wasn't exactly pining for a noisy visit from Wonder Jonathan and his fluffy battle kittens.

Buffy: Spike, have you completely lost your mind?
Spike: Well, yes. Where have you been all night?

Spike: This is gonna be worth it.
[slaps Xander on the back of the head]
Spike,3546: Ow!
Spike: Last time. From the top.

Spike: [on Joyce's passing] I liked the lady! Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. She didn't put on airs. She always had a nice cuppa for me... And she never treated me like a freak!

Andrew: Hi, everybody. I missed you guys a lot. Sorry it took so long to get back from our mission mission, but we had to wait out the sun. Uh, I think our- our mission went very well. We, uh, we rode on Spike's hog, which was very cool, and, uh, uh, played some amusing games, and, uh- Oh! We got some information. You know what? I really need to urinate.
Spike: He's a breath of fresh air, innit he?
[sighs]
Spike: Thank God I don't breathe.

Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] If you can't find third gear, don't try for third gear.
Spike: I'm doin' my best. I don't know if I'm drivin' this thing or wearin' it.
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] It's perfectly serviceable.
Spike: [laughs] Funny hearing a Fyarl demon say "serviceable." Had a couple of 'em working for me once. They're more like, "Like to crush. Crush now?" Strong though. You won't meet a jar you can't open for the rest of your life.
[Giles growls menacingly]
Spike: What was that? Did you growl?
Rupert: No.

Buffy: Giles is off on the retreat.
Spike: Give us all a chance for a breather, eh?
Buffy: From Giles?
Spike: From the constant pitter-patter of clomping teenage girlie feet.
Buffy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Spike: Come off it.
Buffy: No, I enjoy my responsibility as mentor, role model, life guide. Oh, my God. I cannot believe I have my bathroom all to myself for two whole days.
Spike: It's like a bloody war zone up there, and not in the good way.
Buffy: Have you seen the kitchen since they've been here?

- Yes, please.
- I like that game much more.
Spike: Just... give me something.
- A crumb... the barest smidgen.
- Tell me... maybe... someday, there's a chance.

Buffy: I don't know what your game is, Spike, but I know there's something you're not telling me.
Spike: You're right. There is... But we're not best friends anymore, so too bad for me. I'm not sharin'... We've been through things, the end of the world and back. I can be useful 'cause, honestly, I've got nothing better to do. Make use of me if you want.

Buffy: Be careful, you guys. Place doesn't look too stable.
Spike: Fine by me. I hope we all go under.
Buffy: Why is he even here? It's not like he can fight.
Willow: If we leave him alone, he'll stake himself.
Buffy: And that's bad because...? Fine. Whatever.

Spike: Come on. I can feel it, Slayer... You know you wanna dance.
Buffy: Say it's true... Say I do want to... It wouldn't be you, Spike... It would *never* be you... You're beneath me.

[Spike tells Joyce about his breakup with Drusilla]
Spike: So I'm strolling through the park looking for a meal. And I happen to walk by, and she's making out with the Chaos Demon! And, so, I said, "You know, I don't have to put up with this." And she said, "Fine!" So I said, "Fine, do whatever you like!" I mean, I thought we were gonna make up, you know.
Joyce: Well, she sounds very unreasonable.
Spike: She is. She's out of her mind... That's what I miss most about her.
Joyce: Well, Spike, sometimes even when two people seem right for each other their lives just take different paths. Like when Buffy's father and I...
Spike: No, this is *different*. Our love was eternal. *Literally*... You got any of those little marshmallows?

[Jonathan and Andrew sit with Spike while Warren is working]
Andrew: You're English, right?
Spike: Yeah?
Andrew: I've seen every episode of Doctor Who... Not Red Dwarf, though, cause, um...
Jonathan: 'Cause it's not out yet on DVD.
Andrew: Right. It's not out yet on... DVD.
Spike: [shouts] *Warren*!

Spike: You're a tease, you know that, Slayer? Get a fella's motor revin', let the tension marinate a couple of days, then *bam*, crown yourself the ice queen.
Buffy: You need a few more metaphors for that little mix?

Harmony: Pretty please? I'll do anything.
Spike: Anything, will you?
Harmony: Yeah, I said I'll do anything.
[Spike searches her eyes with his]
Harmony: Ohh. You mean, will I have sex with you? Well, yeah.

Spike: Yeah. You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head, they'd at least make it so that I could attack criminals and that sort.
Buffy: Yes, because muggers deserve to be eaten. You just have to get your rocks off fightin' demons.
Spike: There are other ways.
Buffy: And to that, an extreme "See you later."

Spike: You can't tell me that there isn't anything there between you and me. I *know* you feel something.
Buffy: It's called revulsion. And whatever you think you're feeling, it's not love. You can't love without a soul.
Drusilla: Oh, we can, you know. We can love quite well... if not wisely.

Spike: I'm only 126.
Willow: You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again?

[Buffy has Spike pinned down and is about to stake him]
Spike: Willow!
Buffy: You took Willow.
Spike: You do me know, you'll never find the little witch.
Joyce: Willow's a witch?
Buffy: And Xander?
Spike: Him, too.
Joyce: Wait, Xander's a witch?

[Buffy throws a large candle on a sleeping Spike, waking him]
Buffy: God, do you sleep through anything? I was like, yelling and nothing.
Spike: I'm a bit knackered. Had a long night. Someone should teach you how to use candles in foreplay, love.
[Buffy throws Spike his clothes]
Buffy: Get dressed. Dawn's missing.
Spike: Again? Ever think about a Lojack for the girl? What's the story?
Buffy: She went out with Willow.
Spike: Willow? That's kind of a sorry excuse to come by. You want "the touch," all you need to do is...
Buffy: Spike. Willow's into something. Okay, her and Dawn have been missing for hours. There's some guy named Rack.
Spike: Rack?
Buffy: Yeah, he's some sort of...
Spike: I know who he is. He deals in magic. Black stuff. Dangerous.
Buffy: I've been all over downtown, and I can't find his place.
Spike: Because he cloaks it. You can't feel it unless you're into the big bad. A witch or a vampire.
Buffy: So let's go.
[Spike gets out of bed and stands up in the nude and Buffy looks away]
Spike: [sighs] Oh, that's right. Hide your blushing eyes.

Spike: You know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed?
Rupert: I always wondered that.
Buffy: Giles, plates.
Spike: Living skeletons, mate. Like famine pictures from those dusty countries... only not half as funny.
Buffy: You can have gravy. That has blood in it, right?
Spike: Do you know what else has blood in it? Blood.
Buffy: Do I have to gag you?

Buffy: You want something nicer...? Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
Rupert: Oh, please.
Spike: Giles, make her stop.
Rupert: [walking out] If those two don't kill each other... I might lend a hand.

Spike: Well... it's just, we took on that Glory chippie together. I was right there with you, fightin' the fight.
Buffy: Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious.

Dawn: You wanna know what I'm scared of, Spike...? Me... Right now, Glory thinks Tara's the Key. But I'm the Key, Spike. I am. And anything that happens to Tara... is 'cause of me. Your bruises, your limp... that's all me, too. I'm like a lightning rod for pain and hurt... And everyone around me suffers and dies. I... must be something so horrible to cause so much pain and evil.
Spike: Rot.
Dawn: What do you know?
Spike: I'm a vampire. I know something about evil. You're not evil.
Dawn: Maybe... I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good.
Spike: Well, I'm not good, and I'm okay.

Spike: And just what brings our good principal to this neck of the gloom?
Buffy: I'm showing him our operation. Us.
Spike: Fine by me. Big fight against evil comin' up. The more good guys we've got, the longer we'll all live.
Principal: Is that what you are? A good guy?
Spike: I haven't heard any complaints. Well, I have heard a few complaints over the years, but then I just killed whoever spoke up, and that was pretty much that.
Buffy: He's joking.
Principal: No, he's not.
Spike: No, I'm not.

Spike: So, where's tall, dark, and forehead?
Buffy: Let me guess... You can smell him?
Spike: Yeah. That, and I also used my enhanced vampire eyeballs to watch you *kissing* him.
Buffy: It was... a hello
Spike: Most people don't use their tongues to say hello- Or I guess they do, but...
Buffy: There were no tongues. Besides, he's gone.

Buffy: A girl is dead because of me.
Spike: And how many people are alive because of you? How many have you saved? One dead girl doesn't tip the scale.
Buffy: That's all it is to you, isn't it? Just another body.
Spike: Buffy...
[she hits him]
Buffy: You can't understand why this is killing me, can you?
Spike: Why don't you explain it?
[she starts beating him up]
Spike: Come on. That's it. Put it on me. Put it all on me. That's my girl.
Buffy: I am not your girl.
[knocks him down and starts pounding him]
Buffy: You don't... have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you! You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real. I could never be your girl.
[she eventually stops beating him]
Spike: You always hurt... the one you love, pet.

Buffy: Okay, everybody grab a weapon. We've gotta move.
Xander: And storm the Initiative. Yeah. Let's take on those suckers!
Buffy: I was thinking more that we'd hide.
Xander: Oh, thank God.
Rupert: Buffy, I think perhaps we should talk about this.
Buffy: We need to relocate someplace we're less likely to be found. We need to come up with a plan.
Willow: We could go to my place.
Buffy: The Initiative guys know how close we are. They'll automatically check the places that you hang out. Xander, what about your basement? The guys haven't seen us together that much and-and there's enough room.
Willow: Ooh, plus, mirrored ball.
Xander: Cool! Come on down and boogie at Xander's hideaway.
Anya: Yes. Come Boogie.
Rupert: Absolutely not. I will not squat in that dank hole.
Spike: What, it was good enough for me, but you're above it all?
Rupert: Precisely. Besides, I-I don't see why we can't stay right where we are. It's very unlikely that those Initiative boys are gonna come around here to look for our...
Rupert: [Riley enters] Buffy...! God, Buffy, are you okay...? What happened?
Buffy: You know?
Riley: I know something went down... Tell me.
Buffy: Maggie tried to kill me.
Anya: It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway.
Riley: Okay, listen. I need you to go over everything step by step. There has to be, has to be some kind of mistake.
Xander: There was no mistake. And how do you know something happened?
Riley: I was on a mission... but I came back and... I'm not sure. Look, let's just keep our heads and not jump to any...
[Riley stops and stares at Spike]
Buffy: What?

Spike: I love you.
Buffy: Oh, my god.
Spike: Hey, no. Look at me. I... love you. You're all I bloody think about... dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, Summers. I'm drowning in you.

Spike: I can feel it, Buffy.
Buffy: What?
Spike: My soul... It's really there... Kind of stings.

Buffy: Good. Good. I haven't had quite enough jealous vampire crap for one night.
Spike: [about Angel] He wears lifts, you know.
Buffy: You know, one of these days I'm just gonna put you two in a room and let you wrassle it out.
Spike: No problem at this end.
Buffy: There could be oil of some kind involved.

[last lines]
Buffy: I'm done. Spike, you're a killer. And I should've done this years ago.
Spike: You know what? Do it. Bloody just do it.
Buffy: What?
Spike: End... my... torment. Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I turn around. Take me out of a world that has you in it.
[Spike angrily takes off his shirt and throws it to the ground]
Spike: Just kill me.
[Buffy darts in with the stake, but hesitates as Spike flinches. Spike grabs and kisses her; she pulls back, horrified, and he just stares at her in shock]
Buffy: [moves in slowly, grabs him by the head and kisses him] Spike. I want you.
Spike: Buffy, I love you. God, I love you so much.
[Spike wakes up from the dream, bolting upright with a gasp, looking stunned and distressed. Harmony remains asleep by his side]
Spike: Oh, God, no. Please no.

[last lines]
Spike: A knife now, is it...? What'll... What'll that... You, you can't hurt me... You're... You're just a bloody figment, you are. You're just...
[Buffy approaches and starts cutting Spike loose and he reaches and and touches her]
Spike: You. Oh.

Buffy: These vamps have been here for a while. They've nested.
Spike: So, you're saying they're a couple of poofters?

Buffy: What do you want?
Spike: I told you. I want to stop Angel... I want to save the world.
Buffy: Okay, you do remember that you're a vampire, right?
Spike: We like to talk big, vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." It's just tough-guy talk. Struttin' around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I *like* this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United... and you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here... But then, someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction... Angel could pull it off. Goodbye Piccadilly, farewell Leicester bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?

Spike: Bloody hell. You threw me through a window. What's that about.
April: You cannot make those suggestions to me. I have a boyfriend. Warren is my boyfriend.
Spike: You know what? My bleeding sympathies to Warren.

Spike: I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blamin' everybody else. I want Dru back, I just gotta be the man I was. The man she loved. I'm gonna do what I should have done in the first place. I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her till she likes me again... Love's a funny thing.

Richard: Hey. Great party.
Buffy: Hi.
Richard: Everyone's having fun.
Buffy: I hope so.
Richard: I mean, look what time it is, and no one's even thinking about leaving. I know I can't tear myself away.
Buffy: Yeah?
Richard: Yeah. Hey, can I get you a drink?
Buffy: Uh... I-I'm good. Thank you.
Richard: Okay.
Buffy: I think I'll just head back in.
Richard: Well, I'll look for you.
Buffy: Okay.
[Richard walks away and Spike walks up]
Spike: [Making fun of Richard in sing-song] Ooh, Buffy. Can I get you a soda pop? I think I'm in love.

Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No... Wait. On second thought, yeah. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids, as well.

Buffy: Hey, Mr. Passive-Aggressive Guy. Seriously, you wanna take it down a notch or two in there?
Spike: What? Poor, dainty Richard can't take a joke?
Buffy: We do not joke about eating people in this house!

[Spike has amnesia, thinks Giles is his father]
Spike: [as Randy] Dad can drive. He's bound to have some classic mid-life crisis transport. Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis.

[watching TV]
Spike: Oh, Pacey! You blind idiot. Can't you see she doesn't love you?

Spike: That's right! I'm back, and I'm a *bloody animal*! Yeah!

Spike: Yeah, I did a couple of Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag.
[laughs]
Spike: Who am I kidding? I love to brag!

Xander: We gotta find shelter.
Spike: Yeah. Right bloody quick.
- I'm burnin' up out here.

Buffy: Oh... honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you wanna be "William the Bloody" or just Spike... 'cause either way, it's gonna look majorly weird.
Spike: Whereas the name "Buffy" gives it that touch of classic elegance.
Buffy: What's wrong with "Buffy"?
Rupert: Oh, such a good question.

Spike: I get this spell reversed, they'll be finding your body for weeks.
Buffy: Oh, make a move. Please. I'm *dying* for a good slay.

[last lines]
Cave: You have endured the required trials.
Spike: Bloody right I have. So you give me what I want. Make me what I was, so Buffy can get what she deserves.
Cave: Very well. We will return your soul.
[Spike yells in pain as he gets his soul back]

Spike: You don't come near the girl, Doc.
Doc: I don't smell a soul anywhere on you. Why do you even care?
Spike: I made a promise to a lady.

Buffy: Force yourself to do what can't be done or else we are not an army. We're just a bunch of girls waiting to be picked off and buried.
[Spike starts to leave]
Buffy: Where are you going?
Spike: Out. Since I'm neither a girl nor waiting, all this speechifying doesn't really apply to me, does it?
Buffy: Fine. Take a cell phone. That way, if I need someone to get weepy or wailed on, then I can call you.

[Mr. Maclay is trying to take Tara]
Rupert: And... you're not just dealing with two little girls.
Xander: You're dealing with all of us.
Spike: 'Cept me.
Xander: 'Cept Spike.
Spike: I don't care what happens.

Spike: Strong. Someday he'll be a real boy.

Dawn: Spike.
Spike: Oh, I want you to meet my date.
Dawn: H-Hi. I'm Dawn.
Tarantula: Uh-huh.
Spike: So, yeah, anyway, that's my date. She's with me. My date for the wedding.
Dawn: Yeah. Okay, well, nice meeting you.

Glory: The vampire is lying to me.
Spike: [chuckles] Yeah. But it was fun. And guess what, bitch? I'm not telling you jack. You're never gonna get your sodding key, 'cause you might be strong, but in our world, you're an idiot.
Glory: I am a god.
Spike: The god of what, bad home perms?
Glory: Shut up! I command you shut up!
Spike: Yeah, okay. Sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. Mark my words. The Slayer is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion victim, ex-god like you.

Spike: Well, our old place was just fine till you went and had it burned down.
Angelus: Things change, Spikey. You gotta roll with the punches. Well, actually... you pretty much got that part down, haven't you?
Spike: Very funny, mate.
Angelus: What can I say? I just love to see you smile, buddy.

Spike: Oh, look. Jonathan. Taking the little sidekick out for a walk, are we?
Buffy: Shut up, Spike.
Spike: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, semi-harsh language from Betty. You're feisty when big guy's standing beside you. Someday, sweet Slayer, I would love to take you on... see you face the evil alone for once.
[Jonathan slams Spike up against the crypt wall]
Jonathan: That's enough of the creepy small talk. We're looking for a monster.
Spike: Why would I know about that?
Jonathan: Every demon in this town's gunning for you right now, so I figure you're probably keeping pretty good track of 'em. Big arms, mark on its head. Have you seen it?
Spike: No, but then again, I'm probably lying.

Spike: But, that's the old me I'm talkin' about.
Principal: Why dont you tell me about that?
Spike: There's not much to tell. I've changed.
Principal: Oh. Now that you have a soul.
Spike: Yeah. That was a big deal. Very... private.
[to Buffy]
Spike: What, are you just telling everyone now?

Spike: What's happening?
General: Miss Summers. Agent Finn reported that you tried to contact him earlier today.
Buffy: I knew it!
[to Spike]
Buffy: Government conspiracy.
General: He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We're to provide you anything you need to help with "assface" here.
[Buffy and Spike stare at him]
General: Those were his exact words, ma'am.

Anya: Uh, how much butter goes in with these?
Buffy: About half a stick and a quarter cup of brandy.
[to Giles]
Buffy: You do have brandy, don't you?
Rupert: [distracted] What? Oh-Oh. Uh, uh, yes. Um, on the, uh, bookcase.
Spike: I wouldn't say no to a brandy.
Buffy: [to Giles] What's wrong?
Rupert: The victims. Apart from Xander, Hus has targeted authority figures. Father Gabriel, the curator of the cultural center. Who else fits this pattern?
Spike: Just a small brandy.

Spike: In my head. The chip in my head.
Warren: We're kind of in the middle of somethin'.
Spike: Well, you can play holodeck another time. Right now, I'm in charge.
Warren: Yeah, what are you gonna do if we don't especially feel like maybe playing your- What are- Wait. What are you doing?
[Spike takes Boba Fett action figure off its base]
Spike: Examine my chip or else Mr. Fett here is the first to die.
Jonathan: Hey! All-All right. Let's not- Let's not not do anything crazy here.
Andrew: That's a limited edition, 1979 mint condition Boba Fett.
Warren: All right, dude, chill. You can still make it right. You know you don't wanna do this.
Spike: What I want is answers, nimrod.
Warren: Right. But you don't want to hurt the Fett, because, man, you're *not* comin' back from that! You know, you don't just *do* that and walk away.
Spike: That right? Let's find out.
[about to rip head off of action figure]
Warren: *One* sec- One second.

Drusilla: Maybe I'll sleep underground. Dig myself a little burrow.
Spike: What about your pretty dress, sweet? It'll get all dirty.
Drusilla: Then I'll sleep naked. Like the animals do.
Angelus: You know, I'm suddenly liking this plan.

Spike: Doesn't a fella stay dead when you kill him?
Doc: Look who's talking.

Willow: Spike, we have no intention of killing a harmless, um, creature. But we-we have to know what's been done to you. We-We-We can't let you go until we're sure that you're-you're impotent or...
Spike: Hey!
Willow: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we know that you're-you're...
Buffy: Flaccid?
Spike: You are one step away, missy.
Buffy: Giles, help. He's gonna scold me.

[Giles, as a Fyarl Demon, walking through a cemetary thinking no one can understand him]
Spike: Well... What do I spy with my little eye...? A demon... That would be, oh, right. The things I can kill.
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] Spike. Wonderful. the perfect end to a perfect day.
Spike: Giles?
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] Go on, then. Let's get on with the fighting... You understand me.
Spike: Of course, I understand you.
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] I'm speaking English?
Spike: No, you're speaking Fyarl. I happen to speak Fyarl... and by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon? You just come over all demony this morning?
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] As a matter of fact, I did, thanks to Ethan Rayne.

Spike: Oh, yeah. The Gem of Amara... Official sponsor of my killing you.

[first lines]
Spike: Can we talk?
Buffy: Vocal cord-wise? Yes. With each other? No.

[first lines]
[after they've been making love]
Buffy: We missed the bed again.
Spike: Lucky for the bed.
[Buffy looks at the Oriental carpet which she's draped over herself]
Buffy: Is this a new rug?
Spike: Mmm, no. Just looks different when you're under it.
Buffy: [chuckles then sighs] You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up.
Spike: Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck.
Buffy: I've been thinking about doing something to my room.
Spike: Yeah?
Buffy: Yeah. I think the New Kids on the Block posters are starting to date me.
Spike: [chuckles] Well, if you want, I can... Are we having a conversation?
Buffy: What? No! No... Maybe.
Spike: Hmm...
Buffy: What?
Spike: Well, isn't this usually the part where you kick me in the head and run out, virtue fluttering?
Buffy: That's the plan... as soon as my legs start working.
Spike: [laughs] You were amazing.
Buffy: You got the job done, yourself.

Spike: I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Buffy: What are you doing here?
Spike: Look...
Buffy: Five words or less.
Spike: Out, for, a, walk... bitch.

Angelus: Dear Buffy. Hm. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? That might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: Doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?

Spike: You want a fight? You face the two of us.
Buffy: What? I'm not getting into a bar fight. I'll beat 'em up for information, great, but not to defend your rights to gamble for kittens, which, by the way, is stupid currency.

Spike: Could do without the laugh track, Dru.
Drusilla: But it's so funny. I knew... before you did. I knew you loved the Slayer. The pixies in my head whispered it to me.

[first lines]
[It's a dark evening. Lamps dimly illuminate the graveyard as Buffy crouches, alert, surveying from atop a crypt. Sensing something, she stands, then leaps down from the crypt and runs, stopping over a fresh grave. Looking down, a pair of arms suddenly jut up from the grave. Not waiting, she stabs her stake through the earth, killing the vampire before it can finish rising from the ground. Nearby, another vampire rapidly escapes his grave. Buffy rushes over and commences battle, ducking its first swing and landing several blows with her fists and feet. Another kick sends the vampire reeling twenty yards away. It stands, but is grabbed and tossed aside by...]
Buffy: Riley?
Riley: Buffy! What are you doin' here?
Buffy: [implying obviousness] My job.
Riley: Well, I just thought you were in the North sector.
Buffy: Watch out!
[the vampire lunges back at Riley. Riley ducks the blow, kicks the back of its knee, blocks its arm and twists it behind its back. He then hurls it surprisingly high at a nearby crypt, taking its top stonework in the gut before falling to the ground]
Buffy: Nevermind.
[still stunned, Riley punches it once more in the face before staking it in the heart. Another vamp rises. Buffy starts to leap into action when Spike suddenly tackles it]
Buffy: Why do I even bother to show up?
[Spike blocks several blows with martial-arts moves]
Buffy: Spike, what are you doing here?
Spike: Same reason as you and your Cub Scout here, I wager.
[Spike lands four more blows on the latest vamp]
Spike: Wanted a spot of violence before bedtime.
[Spike smiles at his quip, but it doesn't last long as the vamp takes advantage of his distraction, landing a major blow that sends him in a head-over-heels flip, earning Spike a bloody nose. Dazed, Buffy rushes in, pushes Spike aside, and stakes the vamp]
Spike: Phew.
[Buffy turns and gives Spike an out-of-patience look. Spike wipes his nose and sucks the blood off his fingers]
Spike: What? I softened him up.
Buffy: Better keep out of my way, Spike. I'm not going to take this much longer.
Spike: And I should do what with my spare time? Sit at home knitting... cunning sweater sets?
Buffy: Would it keep you out of my way?
Riley: She's right. You shouldn't be out here when she's patrolling.
[Buffy gives Riley a look of "You're a fine one to talk."]
Spike: Oh! I saw that. Looks like neither boy is entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer. Make him stay there. I've got knitting needles he can borrow.

[Spike tells Willow about his breakup with Drusilla]
Spike: She wouldn't even kill me... She just left... She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared...? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft... wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything. Beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy... And she would flirt! I caught her on a park bench making out with a Chaos Demon! Have you *ever* seen a Chaos Demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting... She only did it to hurt me... So I said, "I am not putting up with this anymore." And she said, "Fine!" And I said, "Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!" And then she said... s-s-s-she said we could still be friends... God, I'm so unhappy!
Willow: There, there.
Spike: I mean, friends! How could she be so cruel?

[Knock on door]
Willow: Come in.
[Spike enters, Willow jumps out of bed]
Willow: Spike...! Wh-Wh-What do you want? A-A spell? I can do that.
Spike: I'll give you a choice. Now I'm gonna kill you. No choice in that. But... I can let you stay dead, or... bring you back, to be like me.
Willow: I'll-I'll scream!
Spike: [chuckles] Bonus.

Spike: If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight, little body and make me.

Spike: As daft a notion as "Soulful Spike the Killer" is, it is nothing compared to the idea that another girl could mean anything to me. This chip-they did to me. I couldn't help it. But the soul, I got on my own-for you.
Buffy: I know
Spike: So, yeah. I go and pass the time... with someone. But that's all it is is time, 'cause-God, help me, Buffy-it's still all about you.

Willow: Now, I'm not a real witch, you know. I-I don't know if this is going to work right away.
Spike: Well, if at first you don't succeed... I'll kill him...
[indicates Xander]
Spike: ... and you try again.

Lord: [looking around Gohan's home] It's not here...

[first lines]
Spike: I'm not happy, pet... Angel and the Slayer are still alive. They know where we are and about the Judge. We should be vacating.
Drusilla: Nonsense. They'll not disturb us here. My Angel's too smart to face the Judge again.

Dawn: Geez! Lurk much?
Spike: I wasn't lurkin'. I was standin' about. It's a whole different vibe.

Spike: [to Drusilla] Did you see any further? Do you know what happens to Angel?
Angelus: [entering] Well... He moves to New York and tries to fulfill that Broadway dream. It's tough sledding, but one day he's working in the chorus when the big star twists her ankle.
Spike: You don't give up, do you?
Angelus: As long as there's injustice in the world. As long as scum like you is walking... well, rolling... the streets, I'll be around... Look over your shoulder. I'll be there.
Angelus: As long as there's injustice in the world. As long as scum like you is walking... well, rolling... the streets, I'll be around... Look over your shoulder. I'll be there.

Spike: Who do you kill for fun around here?

Buffy: Tell me you love me.
Spike: I love you. You know I do.
Buffy: Tell me you want me.
Spike: I always want you. In point of fact...
Buffy: Shut up.

[to the remains of the Order of Aurelius]
Spike: Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.

Spike: [as Randy] I must be a noble vampire. A good guy, on a mission of redemption... I help the helpless. I'm a vampire with a soul.
Buffy: [as Joan] A vampire with a soul? Oh, my God. How lame is that?

Buffy: It's not your fault. You're not the one doing this.
Spike: I already did it. It's already done... You wanna know what I've done to girls Dawn's age...? This is me Buffy. You've gotta kill me before I get out.
Buffy: We can keep you locked up. We'll keep you here, and we'll figure out...
Spike: Have you ever really asked yourself why you can't do it? Off me? After everything I've done to you, to people around you... It's not love. We both know that.
Buffy: You fought by my side. You've saved lives, you've helped...
Spike: Don't do that. Don't rationalize this into some noble act. 'Cause we both know the truth of it... You like men who hurt you.
Buffy: No.
Spike: You need the pain we cause you. You need the hate. You need it to do your job, to be the Slayer.
Buffy: No! I don't hate like that. Not you, or myself. Not anymore.

[Xander and Buffy confront Anya and Spike after catching them having sex on camera]
Xander: Don't even try to deny it, 'cause we saw it all... the whole beautiful show.
Anya: How...? It was just - It- It was just a thing. I... I felt bad and he was just there.
Buffy: [to Spike] Didn't take long, did it?
Xander: [to Anya] Oh, ho. Oh, okay! Ya had to do it because he was there, like Mount Everest. Like I used to be.
Anya: And then you weren't! You left *me*, Xander, at the alter. I don't owe you anything!
Xander: So you go out and bang the first body you can find, dead or alive?
Anya: Where do you get off judging me?
Xander: When this is your solution to our problems. I hurt you, and you get me back. Very mature.
Anya: No. The mature solution is for you to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes so that no one will notice that you are just a scared, insecure, little boy!
Xander: I'm not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. You wanted me to feel something? Congratulations. It worked... I look at you, and I feel sick, 'cause you had sex with that.
Spike: It's good enough for Buffy.
Xander: Shut up, and leave her out of...
[both Xander and Anya stare at Buffy]
Anya: Buffy?
Buffy: Xander...
Xander: I don't wanna know this. I don't wanna know any of this.
[Xander leaves and Buffy follows after]
Spike: Bloody Xander. Buggered up everything. You know, I wish...
Anya: Don't.

Anya: I'm a bright girl. Good education. Quick on the uptake. So tell me. Why in the name of almighty Grothnar would I let myself become human again?
Spike: You're really talkin' to the wrong fellow.

Spike: I don't know your feelings, big guy... but to me, a tussle like that... is good for the soul.

Xander: If you don't know how I feel about...
Anya: I don't... This isn't a relationship. You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
Spike: Okay, remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
Rupert: Please don't.

Spike: What part of "Help me" do you not understand?
Buffy: The part where I help you.

Xander: Well, we can take care of the hungry. So, how's about you just sit down in one of the sturdier chairs, and we can have a calm talk and something to eat.
Olaf: Can it be babies?
Xander: Well, not so much.
Olaf: Ooh.
Xander: But maybe... some roast pigs and stags and... much hearty grog.
Spike: They've got this onion thing.

Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

Faith: Oh, he's like Angel?
Spike: No.
Buffy: Sort of.
Spike: I'm nothing like Angel.
Buffy: He fights on my side, which is more than I can say for some of us.

Spike: Are we feeling better, then?
Drusilla: I'm naming all the stars.
Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day.
Drusilla: I can see them. But I've named them all the same name. And there's terrible confusion.

Xander: Don't let me stop you from not being here.
Spike: I was here first, you know.
Xander: Uh-huh. Go away.
Spike: Now, why would I do that when it's bugging you so much having me here...? They have chicken wings, too. Also, a sort of a flower-shaped thing they make from an onion. It's brilliant.
Xander: Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you?
Spike: Lovely thought. If I don't hurt you myself, the chip wouldn't zap me. I could eat you that way. Beat the onion thing all to hell.

Spike: [bursts in with tarp over him; smoking] Close the door!
Xander: Spike? You may want to give up these morning jogs.

[moving out of Xander's basement]
Anya: So, what kind of place are you looking for?
Spike: I don't know. Maybe a crypt. Someplace, you know, dark and dank... but not as dark and dank as this.
Anya: It's pretty depressing, isn't it?
Spike: I've known corpses with a fresher smell. In fact, I've been one.
Xander: That's it. Let's go.

Spike: So. How 'bout this Slayer? Is she tough?
[Cut to Buffy's room. She's standing at her mirror, trying to brush her hair]
Buffy: Ow!
Joyce: What's wrong?
Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse, and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.
Joyce: Life is hard, dear.
Buffy: Don't I know it. Is that a split end?
Joyce: I got the mail.
Buffy: Good.
Joyce: Which included a reminder notice about Parent-Teacher night. Thursday.
Buffy: [in trepidation] That's good.
Joyce: Which you were planning on telling me about...?
Buffy: Oh, for... the last two weeks.
Joyce: Uh-huh. So, what do you think your teachers are gonna tell me about you?
Buffy: Well, I think they'll all agree that I always bring a pen to class, ready to absorb the knowledge.
Joyce: And, uh, this absorption rate? How is it reflected in your homework and test scores?
Buffy: What can you really tell about a person from a test score?
Joyce: Whether or not she's ever going out with her friends again.

Angelus: Acathla the demon came forth to swallow the world. He was killed by a virtuous knight who pierced the demon's heart before he could draw a breath to perform the act. Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and was buried where neither man nor demon would want to look. Unless of course they're puttin' up low-rent housing. Boys...
[two vampires open the tomb]
Drusilla: He fills my head! I can't hear anything else.
Spike: Let me guess. Someone pulls out the sword...
Angelus: Someone worthy.
Spike: ...the demon wakes up and wackiness ensues.
Drusilla: He will swallow the world.
Angelus: And every creature living on this planet will go to hell... My friends... we're about to make history... end.

Joyce: Have we met?
Spike: Um... You hit me with an ax one time. Remember, uh, "Get the hell away from my daughter"?

Spike: [chuckles] Oh, poor little lost girl... She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love.
Buffy: Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot. Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in? Your job is to kill the Slayer, but all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes.
Spike: I'm in love with you.
Buffy: You're in love with pain. Admit it. You like me because you enjoy getting beat down. So really, who's screwed up?
Spike: Hello. Vampire. I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. What's your excuse?

Spike: Uh, hey, Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her little sis Like, um, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it.
Doris: I'm sorry, did you say...
Buffy: Crib. Crib.
[laughs]
Buffy: He said crib. You know kids today and their buggin' street slang.

Spike: I don't give a piss about you mum. She was a Slayer. I was a vampire. That's the way the game is played.

Spike: And if Dru dies... your little Rebecca of Sunnyhell Farm and all her mates are spared her coming out party.

Spike: I'll tell you what. As a personal favor from me to you, I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit.
Buffy: No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot.

Buffy: There's gotta be a reason why the chip is going all wonky. Maybe it's related to the trigger. Or maybe it has something to do with the new soul.
Spike: Or maybe I wasn't meant to last this long.
[pause]
Spike: One more thing you and I have in common, eh, pet?
Buffy: Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode.
Spike: Good. Try behavior modification software throughout the ages.
Buffy: [sighs] Okay. You're right. Not a book thing.
[pauses, comes to a realization]
Buffy: It's a phone thing.
Spike: Who ya gonna call...? God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it.

[last lines]
[Spike singing along with the radio playing My Way]
Spike: I plan each charted course / Each little step along the highway / And more, much more than this / I did it my way.

[last lines]
[Angelus wants to go hunting before sunrise with Drusilla]
Drusilla: [to Spike] Want to come pet?
Angelus: No can do, Dru. I'm sure he'd be hell on wheels, but we don't have much time. Gotta travel light.
[Angelus gets in Spike's face]
Angelus: Sorry. Try to have fun without me.
[Angelus and Drusilla leave and Spike smiles]
Spike: Oh, I will.
[Spike rises from his wheelchair and kicks it away]
Spike: Sooner than you think.

[last lines]
Buffy: What do you want now?
Spike: What's wrong?
Buffy: I don't wanna talk about it.
Spike: Is there something I can do?

Olaf: You there! Do you know where there are babies?
Spike: [to Xander] What do you think, the hospital?

Spike: Oh, yeah. Here it comes. Something goes wrong in your life, blame Spike. News flash, Blondie. If kid sis wants to grab a midnight stroll, she'll find a way sooner or later. I just thought she'd be safer with Big Bad lookin' over her shoulder.
Buffy: She shouldn't have found out like that.
Spike: You didn't think you could keep the truth from her forever, did you? Maybe if *you* had been more honest with her in the first place, you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel better with a round of "Kick The Spike."

[last lines]
Spike: And my robot?
Buffy: The robot is gone. The robot was gross and obscene.
Spike: It wasn't supposed to...
Buffy: Don't. That... thing, it... it wasn't even real... What you did for me and Dawn, that was real... I won't forget it.

Spike: [to Buffy] What are you lookin' at?
Buffy: [to Spike] The man I love.
[they start kissing]
Xander: Can I be blind, too?

Spike: [to the vampire inhabitants of Sunnydale] Me and Dru, we're movin' in.

Willow: And I will, therefore, fix it. I got her head back on, didn't I? And I got her off those knock-knock jokes.
Buffybot: Oh, who's there?
Xander: You know, if we want her to be exactly...
Spike: She'll never be exactly.
Xander: I know.
Tara: The only really real Buffy is really Buffy.
Giles: And she's gone.
Buffybot: If-we-want-her-to-be-exactly-she'll-never-be-exactly-I-know-the-only-really-real-Buffy-is-really-Buffy-and-she's-gone who?

Spike: Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.

Buffy: Are you sure you're okay?
Dawn: Yeah, but-but Spike's hurt.
Spike: [Buffy examines roughly] Ow! Easy with the delicates.
Buffy: They'll heal.
Spike: Florence Bloody Nightingale to the rescue.

[South America 1998, Spike is arguing with Drusilla after catching her with a Chaos Demon]
Drusilla: Why can't you kill her?
Spike: You're the one that keeps bringing her up! I haven't said a word about the bloody Slayer since we left California. She's on the other side of the *planet*, Dru!
Drusilla: But you're lying! I can still see her floating all around you, laughing... Why? Why won't you push her away?
Spike: But I did, pet. I did it for you. And you keep punishing me... carrying on with creatures like this.
Chaos: 'Kay. Uh, you guys obviously have a thing going on here.
Drusilla: I have to find my pleasures, Spike. You taste like ashes.
Spike: So, this is *my* fault now?
Chaos: Uh, I didn't know she was seeing somebody... Uh, uh, I should take off.
Spike: Yeah. Why don't you do that?

Spike: Come to serenade me?
Buffy: So you know what's going on.
Spike: Well, I've seen some damn funny things the last two days. A 600-pound Chirago demon making like Yma Sumac. *That* one will stay with you.

Spike: Magic shop, eh...? A whole number of beasties between here and there. Bet they'd really go for a Little Red Riding Hood like you. That wouldn't set too well with big sister.
Dawn: I can take care of myself.
[pause]
Dawn: You wanna come steal some stuff?
Spike: Yeah, all right.

Willow: We're not useless. We-We help people. We-We fight the forces of evil.
Spike: *Buffy* fights the forces of evil. You're her groupies.

[last lines]
Buffy: You got your soul back. How?
Spike: It's what you wanted, right? It's-It's what *you* wanted, right? And-And now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did, everyone I... And him... and it, the other... The thing, beneath... beneath you. It's here, too. Everybody... They all just tell me go, go... to hell.
Buffy: Why? Why would you do that?
Spike: Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev... To be a kind of man... And she shall look on him, with forgiveness... And everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved... So everything's okay, right...? C-Can we rest now? Buffy...? Can we rest?

[after Xander's basement leaks]
Spike: My soddin' sleepin' chair's bloody... sodden.

[Riley's throwing Spike out after catching him smelling Buffy's sweater]
Spike: Look, I know for a bleedin' fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me bein' here.
Riley: Right. What's a little sweater-sniffing between sworn enemies?

Spike: Oh, my head. I think I'm soberin' up. It's horrible. Oh, God. I wish I was dead.
Buffy: Well, if you close your eyes and wish really hard...

[Ghost Indian transforms into a large bear while fighting Buffy]
Spike: A bear! You made a bear!
Buffy: I didn't mean to.
Spike: Undo it! Undo it!

Spike: Harm, what are you doing?
Harmony: I'm writing "Spike loves Harmony" on your back.
Spike: Why?
Harmony: I don't know, it's fun. I'm bored. You can write on me.
Spike: I've got to get back to work.
Harmony: You love that tunnel more than me.
Spike: I love syphilis more than you.

Spike: Me and Dru, we're movin' in... Now... Any of you wanna test who's got the biggest wrinklies 'round here... step on up.
[to The Anointed One]
Spike: I'll do your Slayer for you. But you keep your flunkies from tryin' anything behind my back. Deal?
[the Anointed One nods]
Drusilla: I can't see her. The Slayer. I can't see. It's dark where she is. Kill her. Kill her, Spike. Kill her for me?
Spike: It's done, baby.
Drusilla: Kill her for Princess?
Spike: I'll chop her into messes.

[Spike punches Tara and then screms in pain]
Tara: He hit my nose!
Willow: And it hurt! Uh, him, I mean.
Buffy: [to Mr. Maclay] And that only works on humans.
Spike: There's no demon in there. That's just a family legend. Am I right...? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line? Huh, you're a piece of work. I like you.
Tara: [to Willow] I'm not a demon.
Willow: [smiling] You're not a demon.

Spike: Meet my friend?
Buffy: No. Not yet. But she seems like a very nice attempt at making me jealous.
Spike: [sighs] Is it working?
Buffy: A little... It doesn't change anything, but if-if you're wildly curious, yeah, it hurts.
Spike: I'm sorry. Or, good!

Buffy: Lame.
Spike: What?
Buffy: You. Making up excuses.
Spike: Don't flatter yourself, love. Bloody fond of that lighter.
Buffy: Stop trying to see me and stop calling me that.
Spike: So, um, what should I call you then? Pet? Sweetheart? My, uh, little Goldilocks? You know I love this hair, the way it bounces when...
[Buffy tries to hit him with a spatula]
Spike: Uh-Uh-Uh-Uh! This flapjack's not ready to be flipped.

Spike: Okay. Is it bigger than a breadbox?
Harmony: No. Four left.
Spike: So it's smaller than a breadbox.
Harmony: Heh heh! No. Only three.
Spike: Harmony... is it a sodding breadbox?
Harmony: Yes! Oh, my God! Someone's blondy bear is a 20-Question genius!

Spike: [to Buffy] Gotta move, lamb. Think it's fair to say, school's out for bloody summer.

[London, 1880 and Spike is human and meets Drusilla]
Drusilla: And I wonder what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven and brought this dashing stranger to tears?
William: Nothing. I wish to be alone.
Drusilla: Oh, I see you. A man surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength, his vision... his glory... That, and burning baby fish swimming all around your head.
William: Uh, that-that's quite close enough. I've heard tales of London pickpockets. You'll not be getting my purse, I tell you.
Drusilla: Don't need a purse. Your wealth lies here...
[points to heart]
Drusilla: and here.
[points to head]
Drusilla: in the spirit and... imagination. You walk in worlds the others can't begin to imagine.
William: Oh, yes...! Uh, I mean no. I mean... Uh, Mother's expecting me.
Drusilla: I see what you want. Something glowing and glistening... something... effulgent.
William: [whispers] Effulgent.
[Drusilla turns vampire and bites him]

Spike: When do we destroy the world already?

Buffy: Ohh... there's so much to decide... ceremony, guests, reception.
Spike: Well, first thing I'd say, we're not having a church wedding.
Buffy: How about a daytime ceremony in the park?
Spike: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the Big Pile of Dust.
Buffy: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight only.
Spike: A warm spring breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again, you're registering as Mr and Mrs Big Pile of Dust.
Buffy: top it! This is our wedding and you're treating it like a big joke.

Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet. That's why I've got to study this Slayer. Once I know her, I can kill her. And once I kill her, you can have your run of Sunnyhell and get strong again.
Drusilla: Don't worry. Everything's switching. Outside to inside.

Buffy: Fine, okay? But someone still has to go warn the dean.
Willow: I'll go. I need the air.
Buffy: Not alone.
Anya: I'll go.
Xander: Me, too.
Buffy: You sure you're up to it?
Spike: Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead.
Xander: I'm up to it.

Charlemagne: Kodiak pride... Did it ever occur to you people that maybe you take this physical perfection thing a little bit too seriously?

Spike: [about Dawn] She's not just a blob of energy. She's also a 14-year-old hormone bomb. Which one's screwing her up more right now? Spin the bloody wheel.

Buffy: Oh, Spike, devour me.
Spike: All right.
Buffy: Spike, I can't help myself. I love you.
Spike: You're mine, Buffy.
Buffy: Should I start this program over?
Spike: Shh! No programs. Don't use that word. Just be Buffy.

[the Judge touches Angelus]
Spike: Hurts, doesn't it?
Angelus: Well, you know, it kinda itches a little.
Spike: Don't just stand there, burn him!
Angelus: Gee! Maybe he's broken.
Spike: What the hell is going on?
The: This one... cannot be burned.
[lets go]
The: He's clean.
Spike: Clean? You mean he's...
The: There's no humanity in him.
Angelus: Couldn't have said it better myself.
Drusilla: Angel.
Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back.

Dawn: [of Buffy's bloodied hands] Um, I was gonna fix 'em... I don't know how they got like that.
Spike: I do. Clawed her way out of a coffin, that's how. Isn't that right?
Buffy: Yeah... That's what I had to do.
Spike: I've done it myself.

[Giles is blind, Xander is a demon magnet, and Buffy and Spike engaged while under Willow's spell]
Buffy: She did a spell.
Rupert: Yes. To have her will done. Whatever she says is coming true.
Buffy: And you were both affected! I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity.
Xander: Yeah, right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other.
Buffy: Xander!
Spike: That's it. You're off the usher list.

Spike: [to Buffy] And when exactly did your sister get unbelievably scary?

Rupert: Um... I need you to take Spike for a few days.
Xander: What?
Spike: What?
Anya: What?
Spike: I'm not stayin' with him.
Rupert: I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to be alone.
Anya: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
Rupert: Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could've said.

Spike: [about Giles' handwriting] Where did he learn to write so bloody small, from a fruit fly?

Spike: [singing] Life's not a song / Life isn't bliss / Life is just this / It's living / You'll get along / The pain that you feel / You only can heal / By living / You have to go on living / So one of us is living.

Andrew: I spy with my little eye something that begins with a 'T'.
Spike: Tapestry.
Andrew: Hey! Good one. How did you...
Spike: Tapestry's the only thing in the whole bloody room.

Buffy: Every time you show up like this, you risk all of your parts, you know that?
Spike: I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you and I- Are you naked under there?
Buffy: Get out.
Spike: No, I'm serious. I mean, not about the naked part, I mean...

Richard: Hey, Xander, we gotta be at work in a few minutes.
Xander: Okay.
Richard: I can't be late today.
Spike: You should definitely go. Let's find your coat and get you on your merry way.
Buffy: Spike.
Richard: I don't know why I'm not leaving.
Spike: Me either. Besides, Ritchie, you can't skip breakfast, a growing boy like you. Me? I used to love breakfast. In the old days, I probably would have eaten by now.
Buffy: Of course, with that new diet of yours, you wanna be careful what you try putting in your mouth now, Spikey.
Spike: Yeah? I don't know. Tummy's making all kinds of gurglies. Maybe I ought to just feed on whatever's around even if it doesn't go down well.
[to Richard]
Spike: You, uh, work out?

Angel: Spike!
Joyce: Oh, my God. Get out of here.
Spike: Yeah. You're not invited.
Joyce: He's crazy. He'll kill us.
Spike: Not while I breathe... Well, actually, I don't breathe.

Spike: A slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.

Dawn: [signing] Where do we go from here?
Buffy: [singing] Where do we go from here?
Rupert: [singing] The battle's done / And we kind of won
Rupert: [singing] So we sound our victory cheer / Where do we go from here?
Xander: [singing] Why is the path unclear / When we know home is near?
Dawn: [singing] Understand we'll go hand in hand / But we'll walk alone in fear.
Rupert: [singing] Tell me!
Dawn: [singing] Where do we go from here / When does the end appear?
Spike: [scoffs] Bugger this.

Spike: Lesson the second... Ask the right questions. You wanna know how I beat 'em...? The question isn't how'd I win. The question is, why'd they lose?

Doc: What can I do for you boys? Want some cocoa?
Spike: No. We need information. We need...
Xander: Ben's Glory!
Doc: Who's what?
Spike: Look at this. Special Ed remembers.
Xander: Yeah. I do. Ben's Glory, and Glory's Ben. It's like this fog's liftin'.
Spike: Wonderful. But not why we're here.

Spike: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she's there. That nasty little face, that fancy shampoo-commercial hair! That whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude!
Harmony: Well, aren't we kinda unholy by definition?
Spike: She follows me, you know, tracks me down. I'm her pet project. Drive Spike round the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout of torture.
[picks up a headstone and throws it]
Harmony: Spike!
Spike: You don't understand. I can't get rid of her. She's everywhere. She's *haunting* me, Harmony... This has got to end.

[last lines]
Spike: Well, I haven't been to a hell dimension just of late, but I do know a thing or two about torment.
Buffy: I was happy... Wherever I was... I was happy... At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time... didn't mean anything. Nothing had form. But I was still me, you know...? And I was warm. And I was loved. And I was finished. Complete... I-I don't understand theology or dimensions, any of it, really... But I think I was in heaven... And now I'm not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out... by my friends. Everything here is hard and bright and violent... Everything I feel, everything I touch... this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that, knowing what I've lost...
[starts to leave]
Buffy: They can never know. Never.

Spike: And you did it. Fulfilled your mission. Found the Holy Grail or the Holy Hand Grenade, or whatever the hell that is.
Buffy: Right now, we're going with scythe. You like?
Spike: Well, pointy and wooden is not exactly the look I want to know better, but it does have flair.

[in response to being asked to fight a troll]
Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.

Xander: You own nothing. This shouldn't be taking so long.
Spike: Hang on. Let a fella get organized.
[Spike starts grabbing things]
Xander: That's my radio!
Spike: And you're what, shocked and disappointed? I'm evil.

Buffy: Order something or go.
Spike: Give a bloke a chance for his eyes to adjust. Damn fluorescent lights. They make me look dead.

Spike: Uh, I do remember what I said. The promise... to protect her. If I'd have done that... even if I didn't make it... you wouldn't have had to jump... But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but after that... Every night after that. I'd see it all again... I do some different. Faster, more clever, you know...? Dozens of times, lots of different ways... Every night I save you.

Harmony: I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework, reading books and stuff.
Spike: What, "Evil for Dummies?"

[Spike surveys the chaos caused on Halloween by Ethan Rayne's costume transformation spell]
Spike: Well, this is just... neat.

Spike: This should be a kick.
Buffy: I violently dislike you.

[come to the hole in the ground the monster came out of]
Spike: Think this here's our spot?
Buffy: How'd you guess?
Spike: I don't fancy sticking my head in that.
Buffy: Well, if something bites it off, that'd be a clue.

Buffy: Did you guys see that?
Spike: [as Randy] Vampires!
Tara: Maybe it's Halloween.
Dawn: It doesn't feel like Halloween.
Xander: Even if it is, those guys are definitely not kids, and those are definitely not costumes. Randy's right. Looks like we have vampires.

Spike: I've changed, Buffy.
Buffy: What, that chip in your head? That's not change. Th-That's just holding you back. You're like a serial killer in prison!
Spike: Women marry 'em all the time!

Xander: He's not roaming around. If he stays with me, he's gonna get tied up again.
Anya: What about us, our romantic evening?
Spike: I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away.
Xander: That's not exactly one of my fantasies, either.

[in a dark alley]
Xander: Spike.
Giles: What are you doing here?
Spike: Me? Hey, I'm not the one out of place here.
Xander: For your information, smarty, we've got a rogue Slayer on our hands. Real psycho killer, too.
Spike: Sounds serious.
Giles: It is. What do you know?
Spike: What do you need?
Xander: Her. Dark hair, yea tall. Name of Faith. Criminally insane.
Giles: Have you seen her?
Spike: Is this bird after you?
Xander: In a *bad* way. Yeah.
Spike: Tell you what I'll do, then. I'll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch... as she kills you.
[Grins. Giles and Xander stare at him, speechless. Spike rolls his eyes and sighs]
Spike: Can't any one of your damned little Scooby club at least *try* to remember that I *hate* you all? Just because I can't do the damage myself doesn't stop me from aiming a loose cannon your way. And here I thought the evening'd be dull.
[starts to leave, deliberately bumping into Xander's shoulder]
Xander: Go ahead! You wouldn't even recognize her!
Spike: [faces them, walking backwards] Dark hair, this tall. Name of Faith. Criminally insane. I like this girl already.
Xander: [to Giles] We're dumb.

Faith: Whatcha wanna do to her, vamp? Huh? Somethin' like this?
[punches Spike]
Spike: Nice punch you got there. Lemme guess. Leather pants, nice right cross, doe eyes, holier-than-thou glower, you must be Faith.
Faith: Oh, goodie, I'm famous.
Spike: Told you were coming. Bit of a misunderstanding here. I'm...
Faith: Spike. Yeah, we've met before.
Spike: We have? I don't think we...
[Faith kicks him]
Spike: Bloody hell! What're you doing? I'm on your side.
Faith: Yeah? Maybe you haven't heard. I've reformed.
[punches Spike]
Spike: So have I.
[punches Faith]
Spike: I reformed way before you did.
[Faith punches him]
Spike: Stop...
[Faith punches him again]
Spike: ...hitting...
[punches Faith]
Spike: ... me! We're on the same side.
Faith: Please. Do you think I'm stupid?
Spike: Well, yeah.
Faith: You were attacking that girl.
[punches Spike, Buffy punches Faith]
Buffy: Sorry, Faith. I didn't realize that was you.
Faith: It's alright, B. Luckily you still punch like you used to.

Spike: Not all that tension was about you. Giles was part of a plan to kill me. For Buffy's own good.
Faith: Well, that makes me feel better about me. Worse about Giles. Kinda shaky about you.

Molly: Where'd you live?
Spike: What, you mean before? A crypt, actually, but nicer. A bit more... I don't know if "posh" is the right word, but it was more like...
Buffy: Comfy.
Kennedy: Excuse me? When did you find it comfy?

Spike: How many of my kind rekon you've done?
Buffy: Not enough.
Spike: Mm-hmm. And we just keep coming. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the armies of Hell besides, and all we need... is for one of us, just one, sooner or later to have the thing we're all hoping for.
Buffy: And that would be what?
Spike: One good day.

Spike: [repeated] She will come for me. She will come for me.
Buffy: [as The First] No... I won't.

[through the lens of the video-cam, Spike pulling a cigarette from his mouth and yelling at Andrew]
Spike: I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera. Yet here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off, before I rip your throat out and eat y...
Andrew: Uh, Spike? The light was kind of behind you.
Spike: Oh, right... Uh...
[sighs]
Spike: What, this better, then...?
[composes himself]
Spike: I thought I told you to piss off with that bloody camera. Here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off...

[referring to Spike's bandages]
Dawn: Keep the pressure on.
Spike: Always do, Sweet Bit.

Giles: Spike, I have a mission for you.
Spike: Oh, really? 'Cause, you know, sometimes our missions end up with you tryin' to kill me. I'm not fond of those.

Dalton: Yes, but... the Order of Taraka. I mean... Isn't that overkill?
Spike: No. I think it's just enough kill.

Spike: Okay. How 'bout this one. Twice in recent memory, she's had the lover Wiccas do a de-invite on the house, keep out specific vamps. Ever ask yourself why she's never taken my name off the guest list?
Riley: Because you're harmless.
Spike: Oh yeah, right. Takes one to know, I suppose. Least I still got the attitude. What you got, a piercing glance? Face it, white bread. Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. Not that she doesn't like you, but sorry, Charlie, you're just not dark enough.

Spike: [to Riley about Buffy] Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me... And sometimes I think I got the better deal... To be that close to her and not have her. To be all alone even when you're holding her... feeling her, feeling her beneath you... surrounding you, the scent. No. You got the better deal.

Spike: Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds.
Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke. But his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer.
Angelus: Don't worry, Roller Boy. I've got everything under control.
[a Molotov cocktail smashes on the table, setting the place afire]

Spike: Little tip mate. The stake's your friend. Don't be afraid to use it.

Spike: [referring to Acathla's tomb] It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

Lord: [charges up Ki Blast] Human power has failed before...
Goku: [powering up] KAAAMEEE...
Lord: [Raises blast over his head] ... as it will...
Goku: [Moves the wave to his side with his hands] ... HAAAAAAMEEEEEEE...
Lord: [fires blast] ... AGAIN!
Goku: ...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
[flies up and fires Kamehameha at the same time]

Spike: You're not Drusilla.
Drusilla: [as The First, laughs] No, I'm really not.
Spike: She was crazier than you.

Spike: Now, go!
[Buffy runs out]
Spike: [to himself] I wanna see how it ends.

Spike: We're out of Weetabix
Rupert: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all... again.
Spike: Get some more.
Rupert: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood. Give it a little texture.
Rupert: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.

Lydia: [about Buffy] I'd think you'd want to kill her. You've killed Slayers before.
Spike: [steps forward] Heard of me, have you?
Lydia: I... wrote my thesis on you.

Billy: I wanna be like you... A vampire.
Spike: I've known you for two minutes and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you living forever.
[to Dru]
Spike: Can I eat him now, love?

Spike: Just... give me something. A crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me maybe, someday there's a chance.
Buffy: Spike... the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.
Spike: Oh, wha-
[screams, then shouts]
Spike: *What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women*? *What the hell does it take*? *Why do you bitches torture me*?
Buffy: Which question do you want me to answer first?

Spike: Oh, lay off. You all had a fine meal. But me... An entire siege. You'd think one of you would bleed a little.

[Angelus is furiously washing himself]
Spike: You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated.
Angelus: What do you know about it? I'm the one who was freakin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you.
Drusilla: What was it? A demon?
Angelus: Love!
Drusilla: Poor Angel.

[Spike finds Riley in the cave with Adam]
Spike: Slightly stiffer than usual.
[clicks his fingers in Riley's face, with no response]
Spike: Subtle, but I like it.
[pokes Riley in the chest, still no response]
Spike: What's with him?
Adam: I activated his chip.
Spike: Oh. So it's chips all around, is it? Someone must've bought the party pack.

[last lines]
Spike: [to Buffy] You all right?

[Xander walks in on Spike and invisible Buffy]
Xander: Spike...? What are you doing?
Xander: What am I... What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't I?
[starts doing push-ups]
Xander: Exercising... naked... in bed?
Spike: A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. You gotta keep fit for killing.
Xander: Yeah-huh.

Spike: Don't be a stupid git. There is no...
Rupert: If I want your opinion, Spike, I'll... I'll never want your opinion.

Spike: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.

Buffy: No. You have to stay.
Spike: No, you've got another demon fighter now.
Buffy: That's not why I need you here.
Spike: Is that right? Why is that then?
Buffy: 'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here.

[as the group ponders how to stop Glory]
Anya: Okay. But I'm still not hearing enough ideas. She's a God. Let's think outside the box.
Spike: Why don't you go think outside the bleeding box.
Rupert: Yes, Anya, apart from your incredibly uninfectious enthusiasm, have you anything else to contribute?
Anya: The Dagon Sphere!
Rupert: Sorry?
Anya: When Buffy first met Glory she found that magical, glowy sphere that was meant to repel Glory. We've got it in the basement. It might drive her away or hurt her. Oh! And Olaf the Troll God's enchanted hammer. You wanna fight a god, use the weapon of a god.
Spike: Uh, nah, that thing's too heavy to...
[Buffy easily picks up the hammer]
Spike: Yeah, good.
Buffy: I like this. Thanks.
Anya: Here to help. Wanna live.

Spike: Heard you got a date.
Buffy: Well, it's unclear. I mean, I have this whole theory about a promotion. Or he's evil.
Spike: Buffy, I'm all right.
Buffy: You don't have to...
Spike: What? Be noble? I'm not. Really, I'm all right. Think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear.
Buffy: Good. I'm glad. Thank you.
Spike: Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous.

[in Xander's dream]
Spike: Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff.
Rupert: Spike's like a son to me.
Rupert: That's good. I was into that for a while, but... I got other stuff goin' on... You gotta have something. Gotta be with movin' forward.
Buffy: Like a shark.
Xander: Like a shark with feet and... much less fins.
Spike: And on land.
Rupert: Very good.

Spike: You didn't tell me. You brought her back, and you didn't tell me.
Xander: Well, now you know.
Spike: I worked beside you all summer.
Xander: We didn't tell you. It was just... We didn't, okay?

Buffy: You play for kittens?
Spike: [to the demons] So, who's gonna advance me a tiny tabby, get me started?
[all ignore him]
Spike: Come on. Someone's got to stake me.
Buffy: I'll do it.
[Spike looks at her]
Buffy: What? You thought I was just gonna let that lie there?

Anya: A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now, I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler.
Spike: You know, you take the killing for granted, and then it's gone, and you're like... I wish I'd appreciated it more. Stop and smell the corpses, you know.

Spike: Soldier boys are out in force. I've been trying to keep 'em off my scent, run 'em in circles, but they just keep coming.
Rupert: And... how is this our concern? Seeing that you've expressed a desire to have nothing more to do with us.
Xander: Spike said that?
Rupert: Mm-hmm.
Xander: [to Spike] That hurts.

Spike: [to Buffy] So, you ever think about *not* celebrating your birthday? Just to try it, I mean?

Andrew: I-I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good.
Spike: Not as good as those onion blossom things.
Andrew: Ooh, I love those.
Spike: Yeah, me too.
Andrew: It's an onion and it's a flower. I-I don't understand how such a thing is possible.
Spike: Oh, see, the genius of it is, you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it, root-side up, for about five minutes.
Andrew: Masterful.
Spike: Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you.
Andrew: Right.

Xander: [singing] And we are caught in the fire / The point of no return / So we will walk through the fire / And let it Burn / Let it burn / Let it burn / Let it burn.

Spike: I'm drownin' in footwear.
[wakes up]
Spike: Weird dream.

Xander: Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're lookin' for, we're facing an apocalypse.
Spike: [excitedly] Really? You're not just sayin' that?

Spike: Oh, you have got to be joking! What now?
Rupert: t shall access the cerebral cortex via the optic nerve.
Spike: Oh, bollocks! All the rubbish people keep stickin' in my head, it's a wonder there's any room for my brain.
Rupert: I don't think it takes up that much space, do you?

[Willy the Snitch brings a captive Buffy before Spike]
Spike: Are you tripping? You bring her here? Now?

[last lines]
Spike: What's this? Sittin' around watching the telly while there's evil still afoot. It's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What? Can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her. She is the Chosen One, after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them. For justice, and for... the safety of puppies... and Christmas. Right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something! Oh, come on!

Spike: You can't deny it. There's something between us.
Buffy: Loathing. Disgust.

Spike: Oh, so you wanna jump right to the kissing, then, eh?
Buffy: I am not kissing you, Spike. Once was...
Spike: Twice.

Spike: Oh, yeah, okay. Let me guess. You won't kill me? Ooh! The whole "crowd-pleasing threats and swagger" routine. Outstandingly original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied...? You know,
[chuckles]
Spike: I really hope so, 'cause God knows you need some satisfaction in life besides shagging Captain Cardboard. And-And I never really liked you anyway, and-and you have stupid hair.

[talking about when he first learned about the Slayer]
Spike: After that, I was obsessed. I mean, to most vampires, a Slayer was the object of cold sweat and frightened whispers... but I never hid... Hell, I sought her out. I mean, if you're looking for fun, there's death, there's glory and sod all else, right?
[shrugs]
Spike: I was young.
Buffy: So, how'd you kill her?
Spike: [Spike moves behind Buffy] Funny you should ask.
[his hand whips out and takes her by the neck. She instinctively reacts and grabs a pool cue but Spike grasps her wrist]
Spike: Lesson the first... A Slayer must always reach for her weapon.
[shifts to his vamp face]
Spike: I've already got mine.
[he returns to normal, takes the pool cue and continues playing]
Spike: Hmm... A good thing, too. Become a vampire, you've got nothing to fear. Nothing but one girl. That's you, honey. Back then... it was her.

Dawn: I like how you talk to me like I can understand things. Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive.
Spike: They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect.
Dawn: I feel safe with you.
Spike: [almost chokes] Take that back!

Spike: [to Harmony] Listen to me... you stupid bint... this gem is everything. I came back to Sunnydale for it, a place which has witnessed some truly spectacular kickings of my ass.

Lord: With this Dragon Ball, I take my vengeance... upon the Earth.

Spike: I don't trust what I see anymore. I don't know how to explain it, exactly. Like I've been seeing things... Dru used to see things, you know? She'd always be staring up at the sky watchin' cherubs burn or the heavens bleed, or some nonsense. I used to stare at her and think she'd gone completely "sack of hammers." But she'd see the sky when we were inside and it'd make her so happy. She'd see showers. She'd see stars... Now I see her.

[Spike offers Buffy his flask]
Buffy: Eww.
Spike: It's not blood. It's bourbon.
Buffy: Ewww.

Spike: Well, I'm not the one who wanted "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance.
[everyone looks at Buffy]
Buffy: That was the spell.

Buffy: Hey.
Spike: You should go back inside... finish the big group sing, get your kumbaya-yas out.
Buffy: I don't want to.
Spike: The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones.

Spike: Nice job of blending in, girls.
Rona: We're a bunch of 15-year-olds in a demon bar. How much blending did you think we were gonna do?

Buffy: [putting on a jacket] Time to slay.
Spike: [mumbling in his sleep] Yeah. Yeah.
Buffy: Vampires of the world beware.
[leaves the crypt]

Riley: That's Hostile 17.
Spike: No, I'm just a friend of Xanderr's... Pfftt. Bugger it. I'm your guy.
Buffy: This is Spike. He's, um... It's a really long story, but-but he's not bad anymore.
Spike: Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm *bad*. It's just... I can't bite anymore... thanks to you wankers.
Riley: We've been looking all over the place for him, but you've known where's he's been all along.
Buffy: It's not like that.
Riley: Then what is it like? What's he doing here?
Spike: Leaving you swabs to your dramatics, thanks. I've got my stories on the telly for that. By the by, if you're trying to kill her...
[Spike grins and gives two thumbs up and then leaves]
Riley: Buffy... what is this? You're hiding an HST?
Xander: Why don't you just back off and let her ask the questions, Jack? Your boss just tried to make monster food out of her.
Riley: [seeing unfriendly faces all around him] I-I didn't see much... I wasn't there... All I know is Professor Walsh told me you were dead. Then, I saw you on the monitors... Look, this isn't Professor Walsh. There must be something making her act this way, something, I don't know, controlling her.
Rupert: We think Buffy may have been becoming too inquisitive, that she was getting close to something that Professor Walsh was trying to hide. Any idea what that might be?
Buffy: What about 314? Maybe that's it.
Riley: Maybe she was trying to test you. What if it was only a drill?
Buffy: Then why did she tell you I was dead? Riley, it wasn't a test.
Rupert: See, I've heard rumors that the Initiative isn't all that we've been told. That, um... secretly they're working towards some darker purpose, something that might harm us all.
Riley: No! That's... that's not what happens there.
Buffy: Riley!
Riley: I would know!
Buffy: But no one is sure of anything, okay? We're just trying to sort it out.
Riley: I can't be here. I'll sort it out on my own.

[Buffy fighting one vampire while Spike is holding another while on top of a wall]
Spike: How you doin'?
Buffy: Oh, fine. You know. Same old, same old.
Spike: Here. I could take care of this guy if you want.
Buffy: Whatever. Your call.
Spike: I mean, sure, he don't look like much, but I wager he could give you a bit of nasty... Save you the staking. All you gotta do is...
Buffy: am not telling my friends about us.

Spike: Dawn, I get that you're scared. But I'm your sitter, so mind me. I'm not gonna let any of those buggers lay so much as a warty digit on you.

[China, 1900, Boxer Rebellion, Spike has fatally bitten the Slayer]
Chinese: [translated] Tell my mother... I'm sorry
Spike: Sorry, love... I don't speak Chinese.
[she dies, then to himself]
Spike: A fella could get used to this.

Spike: Where's the trinket?
Buffy: The who-ket?

Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you?
Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kinda thing you just forgive.

Mai: I have tracked Muten Roshi. He is with the boy, Son Goku. I could disrupt them...
Lord: No.

Spike: [wearing the Gem of Amarra] What a fantastic day. Birds singin', squirrels makin' lots of rotton little squirrels... sun beaming down in a nice non-fatal way. It's very exciting. I can't wait to see if I freckle.