Top 50 Quotes From Linda Cardellini

Scott: [about marijuana] It's hydrophonic.
Lindsay: Like the lettuce?

Judy: Can I get you anything? You want a coffee or a pudding or weed?
Michelle: There you go.
Judy: Yes.
Michelle: I was wondering when you would share that.
Judy: I was hoping you'd be wondering.

Lauren: You're worried about something, aren't you?
Cory: Yeah.
Lauren: Aren't you having fun with me?
Cory: That's what I'm worried about.

Jen: Here comes your boyfriend.
Judy: He's not my boyfriend, we're just hanging out. He has very healthy boundaries, which evidently is a real thing people can have.

Detective: I'm warning you, watch yourself. Because I sure as hell am.
Judy: Well, you know what? Good! Go ahead and watch me, because all you're going to see is a good fucking person trying to do the right fucking thing all the time! Maybe I shouldn't, maybe that's where I go wrong, but I can't help myself because it's in my stupid fucking nature! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick up those paper bags because I don't want to seal the choke.

Judy: [Intercut phone sequence] . What are you wearing?
Jen: A pair of my husband's sweatpants and a T-shirt he got for running a 5K for psoriasis.
Judy: Slower.
Judy: You're a weird person, Judy.
Jen: [Chuckles] . Thank you.

Jean: Lindsay, just say the words, it'll make him feel better.
Lindsay: Sam, you have a beautiful body, you're an Adonis, a slab of beef. If I wasn't your sister... Oh, my God!

Daniel: You guys know Lindsay?
Nick: Yeah, you were in my English class last year. You were the chick that got an A, right?
Lindsay: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
Ken: I don't know. What are you gonna do?

[last lines]
Judy: This is my friend, Jen.
Jen: I usually look a little better than this.
Nick: Hello, friend.
Judy: This is Nick.
Jen: Hi, Nick.
Judy: He's a cop. A detective, actually.
Jen: You ever solve a hit-and-run?
Nick: Yes.

Lindsay: [to Nick] So... you wanna make out or something?

Detective: Miss Hale, thank you for coming.
Judy: Of course. Your hair looks amazing, did you do something different?
Detective: No.

Millie: I heard about what she does in the yearbook darkroom.
Lindsay: What? She does what? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Millie: She does it.
Lindsay: What do you mean, it?
Millie: She fornicates it!

Harold: I feel that there comes a point in a young man's life when he should start testing the waters.
Lindsay: What about me testing the waters?
Harold: You can test the waters, too - after you get married!

Lindsay: Millie, you're eating candy already? It's only 7:30 in the morning!
Millie: It's just Lik'm'aid. It makes my spit taste like fruit juice!

Jeff: I. Have. Herpes. It doesn't hurt that much, but believe me, you don't want it.
Lindsay: Can I please go now?
Jeff: I just blew your mind, didn't I?

Alan: [taunting Sam Weir] I've never fought a *girl* before.
Lindsay: [from behind him] I'm a girl. You wanna fight me?

Judy: Jen and I are becoming really close friends.
Steve: Judy!
Judy: What?
Steve: What kind of friendship is based on lies? And manslaughter?
Judy: A layered one?

Judy: You don't have to take pity on me just because I'm a forty-one-old barren woman sleeping in an assisted living facility.
Jen: Yes, I do.

Judy: Honestly, the whole thing is a misunderstanding.
Charlie: And you expect me to believe that?
Judy: Well, you're playing a game where the women have watermelon boobs, but can somehow run eighty miles an hour, so, I don't know what you believe.

Jen: Not everything is a fucking, like, Disney-movie's-about-to-start fucking castles with fucking sparkling time, okay? We are not in 'Snow White' here. We are in fucking 'Scarface.'
Judy: Well, I've never seen that.
Jen: Neither have I. No girls have. But we know what it's about.

Lindsay: So who's Wendy Franklin?
Kim: Ugh, long story. Let's just say she's a cheap little slut that Daniel made out with while we were broken up.
Lindsay: But it's over with her, right?
Kim: Lindsay, that's not the point. He did it with her at the Laser Dome. Now he wants to go there with me?
Lindsay: So, are you going?
Kim: Well, yeah. I mean, what else am I gonna do?

Millie: You're high!
Lindsay: How could you tell?
Millie: I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.

Michelle: Is there a lost and found here? I found this cigar box someone left in the room. You know, hidden in the box spring?
Judy: Oh, weird, someone left that there.
Michelle: Yeah, it's super weird. And I definitely didn't look inside to see that there was a bunch of weed and some car keys.

Steve: A detective came by the gallery today, started asking me questions about the Mustang. Freaked me out.
Judy: What kind of detective?
Steve: I don't know. A black one.
Judy: Oh! That's the guy I was dating. That's Nick. We're fine.
Steve: How are we fine? Why were you dating a black detective?
Judy: Don't be racist.
Steve: It's not racist to call him black.
Judy: It is when you say it.

Diana: Okay. What do you know about her? How did she die?
Stephanie: In the lake, on heroin.
Diana: Well, you don't believe that, or you wouldn't be here.
Stephanie: She didn't ever mention Michigan, did she?
Diana: [Diana pushes a box towards Stephanie] That is the only thing that she ever left here. She said she had it since she was a kid. I warn you, you go poking around in her past, you're going to find some shit that is terrifying. She was not a normal person like you or me.

Lindsay: Dad, give me one good reason why there can't be a woman president.
Harold: It's called three irrational days per month. Now, I would have no issue with the other twenty seven, but we're talking about the atomic bomb here.

Lauren: I just wanna be in love with someone, and maybe have some kids someday. Do you wanna have kids?
Cory: Yeah, but I have to be home by midnight.

Natasha: And how's little Natasha?
Laura: [holding her stomach] She's... Nathaniel.
Natasha: [to womb] Traitor.

Lindsay: What if all of this is a dream, and it isn't even our dream, it's that dog's dream? Maybe we're just existing in his mind and all of a sudden he'll go drink out of the toilet and we'll be gone. What will happen to us if that dog wakes up? It will be over.
Millie: Life is not that dog's dream.

Judy: I have to tell you something.
Jen: What?
Judy: [hesitates] He killed you.
Jen: What?
Judy: Ted. He told Bambi you were dead. Breast cancer.
Jen: No...
Judy: He said that he was a widower and that he was raising the kids all alone. Ugh... I didn't know if I should tell you or not.
Jen: [badly shaken] I don't know if you should have told me, either.
Judy: I'm sorry.
Jen: I can't fucking believe him.
Judy: Yeah. I know.
Jen: [in tears] What the fuck have I been doing here? I've spent months trying to... bring him justice, obsessed with trying to find the person that killed him, and for what? He fucking killed me!
Judy: Yeah. Yeah!
Jen: He's such a fucking asshole.
Judy: Right. He's the asshole.
[pause]
Jen: I'm glad he's dead.

Judy: Oh, I broke up with Nick.
Jen: You did?
Judy: Yeah.
Jen: Oh!
Judy: I know. He deserves someone nicer than me.
Jen: Who the fuck is nicer than you?
Judy: [Scoffs] . Okay. Then maybe someone more stable.
Jen: Well, that he can maybe find.

Judy: Do you wanna go punch her?
Jen: No. I keyed her car.
Judy: You did? How did you know which one it was?
Jen: I don't know. I just guessed.
Judy: So, you keyed "someone's" car?
Jen: Yup. And then I bought a pack of cigarettes.

Laura: I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, Clint said you wouldn't mind but it seems our tractor doesn't want to start at all. Thought maybe you might...
Tony: Yeah, I'll give her a kick
Tony: [Enters barn and approaches tractor] Hello, "Deere". Tell me everything. What ails you.
Nick: Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
Tony: [beat] Ms. Barton you little minx. I get it Maria Hill call you, right? Was she ever not working for you?

Kim: My aunt Cathy was so rad. She lived in L.A., she was on "Kojak." She doinked Ryan O'Neal once at a party.
Lindsay: Wow, she sounds awesome!
Kim: Yeah, well she's dead. She OD'd on coke.

Judy: [at doctor's office] No, but the test said that I was pregnant.
OBGYN: Unfortunately, if you leave it out for too long, it can show false positive.
Judy: I don't understand. Then what are all these symptoms that I'm having?
OBGYN: Those symptoms can also be indicative of early menopause. I'm so sorry.

Tony: [Clint is introducing the Avengers to his wife] This is an agent of some kind.
Clint: Gentlemen, this is Laura.
Laura: [smiles] I know all your names
[Clint and Laura's kids come into view]
Clint: Oh, Incoming. Hi sweetheart. Hey buddy!
[hugs kids]
Clint: How are you guys doin'? Look at your face! Oh my goodness!
Tony: These are... smaller agents.
Lila: Did you bring Auntie-Nat?
Natasha: Well why don't you hug her and find out!

Lindsay: Dad is right - I'm part of this family.
Harold: Hear that, Jean? I was right about something. Maybe we should take a picture of this moment.

Lindsay: [while hitchhiking] We're so sheltered, you know? There's this whole other America out there. The person who picks us up could be an artist or a psychic or an escaped felon. This is so exciting!

Lauren: Those slopes are treacherous.
George: He fell getting off the bus.
Lauren: Those buses are treacherous.

Lindsay: You know who didn't go to college? Albert Einstein
Jeff: You know who else didn't go to college?
Lindsay: Who?
Jeff: Frank
Lindsay: Frank who?
Jeff: Frank, the guy who pumps gas into my car

Judy: Deja vu is just your brain reminding you to remember.

Lindsay: [after Ken mocks Tuba Girl] Hey, at least she knows how to play an instrument.
Ken: That's not playing an instrument. It's like blowing into a toilet!
Lindsay: It sounds better than your singing.
Ken: Lindsay, here's an idea. How about you break up our band so you can go make out with Nick? Oh, wait, you already did that, that's right.

Sam: Uh, dad, can I have an Atari from my birthday?
Harold: An a-what-ee?
Sam: Atari.
Harold: What the heck is that?
Jean: That's one of those expensive video games, isn't it?
Sam: No, no, it's not expensive!
Harold: Yeah, well, whatever it costs, it's a waste of money. And time. You know, the welfare rolls are full of video game players.
Lindsay: No, they're not.
Harold: Well, they're gonna be. Trust me.

Lindsay: [about Mr. Rosso] Have you ever looked at him? He's kinda good looking.
Kim: Yeah, if you're attracted to guys that look like Jesus.

- Honey.
Laura: Clint?
- Honey.
- Guys...
- I think it worked.

Sam: Nobody thinks you're cool, you know.
Lindsay: Trust me, I know.

Jen: [Sniffling] . I didn't realize I had it so good when I was just, like, regular unhappy.
Judy: Yeah.
Jen: God, I would kill for some down-the-middle depression right now. Just some real good deep dissatisfaction.

Dr. Megan Tillman: How can you sit there and tell me not to do something you know in your heart you would too?
John: Because unlike you... I know what happens when you take a life. You lose a part of yourself - not everything - just the part that matters the most.

Diana: She never let me paint her face except for this one. I've never seen such a beautiful girl want to be so invisible or just completely vanish. But you know what, it takes money to vanish, and so she took everything that she could from me. You know how I would paint you? Beautific. Like, like a fucking saint.
Stephanie: I get that a lot.
Diana: You should embrace it. People love saints.
Stephanie: Yeah, after they're dead.

Lindsay: [about Tuba Girl] Oh, my God.
Ken: What?
Lindsay: You really like her, don't you?
Ken: I feel odd.