30 Best Paul F. Tompkins Quotes

[last lines]
Underwater: Hey! Move it, buddy! Whatta you, deaf?
BoJack: [presses button on his suit] Oh, you have got to be k...

Mr. Peanutbutter: Todd, it's all happening!
Todd: Hooray! And you know I don't throw that word around lightly.

White: I'm a gynecologist. I specialize in fertility. Tell you what, I'd be happy to put you in the stirrups, and take a look at the ol' cat eggs.
Princess: Ecch! Not if you were the last albino rhino gyno on the planet!
White: Well, I'm the only albino rhino gyno I know! Shall we get some wine?
Princess: Oh great! You're also a win---e addict.

Wanda: Mr. Peanutbutter!
Mr. Peanutbutter: Oh, hey Wanda.
Wanda: I'm only half paying attention to whatever you two are arguing about but it's killer! Now all we need is a happy ending.
Mr. Peanutbutter: I don't think we can just resolve everything cleanly in a half-hour.
Wanda: Uh, this is network television. So resolving everything cleanly in a half-hour is kind of what we do. You want to host a game show where everyone feels bad at the end?
[with increasing force in her voice]
Wanda: You can get in your little car, drive to Santa Monica and pitch it to AMC. But these people want resolution, okay? So you get your little butt back on that stage and you resolve.

Mr. Peanutbutter: [Mr. Peanutbutter is looking out a window to see a raven, sitting on the electrical wires, while wearing a dinner suit with a drink in one hand and smoking. The raven coughs from the cigarette, and flies away] Raven on a wire. A gloomy portent, precariously perched. And, as the sun sets, so does it spread its deathly shadow across the just, and unjust of the outdoor seating area of the California Pizza Kitchen.

[final lines]
BoJack: My question is for Diane. Look, I'm sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier. We can publish the book you wrote. You're obviously a better writer than I am. And... And I don't... actually even care what the world thinks about me anymore. I just hated reading that book because I hated feeling like that's how *you* saw me. Because I guess you know me better than anybody, if you think that.
[sighs]
BoJack: Um, I-I guess my question is do you... do you think it's too late for me?
Diane Nguyen: What?
BoJack: I mean a-a-a-a-a-a-am I just doomed to be the person that I am? Th-The person in that book? I mean i-it's not too late for me, is it? It's not too late? Diane, I need you to tell me it's not too late.
Diane Nguyen: BoJack, I...
BoJack: I-I-I-I need you to tell me that I'm a good person. I know that I can be selfish and narcissistic and self-destructive, but underneath all that, deep down, I'm a good person, and I need you to tell me that I'm good. Diane? Tell me, please, Diane. Tell me that I'm good.
[a long stretch of silence pans out, subtly accompanied by the sounds of ocean waves and BoJack's imaginary daughter, Harper, giggling in the background]
Audience: Hey, aren't you the horse from "Horsin' Around"?

Mr. Peanutbutter: Mr. Peanutbutter: The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't the search for meaning; is to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you will be dead.

Mr. Peanutbutter: Um... do you want to talk about what happened?
Diane Nguyen: What happened? No. I don't want to talk about what happened. I just want to clean up.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Ok.
Diane Nguyen: Why, what do you think happened?
Mr. Peanutbutter: I just...
Diane Nguyen: Because what I think happened is that Bojack's girlfriend asked what Tony Curtis was up to, and I said Tony Curtis died.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Uh...
Diane Nguyen: And you said, "Did he?"
Mr. Peanutbutter: Right, but...
Diane Nguyen: And I said, "Yes, he did." And you said "Really? I'm not sure about that."
Mr. Peanutbutter: Yeah.
Diane Nguyen: And I said, "Well I am." And you said, "I'm not so sure."
Mr. Peanutbutter: Uh huh.
Diane Nguyen: And I said, "I'm telling you, Tony Curtis is dead." And you said, "Let's check the internet!"
Mr. Peanutbutter: No, I know, but...
Diane Nguyen: And I said, "We don't need to check the internet, I'm telling you, he's dead." And you said, "Let's just check though."
[breaks plate in half]
Diane Nguyen: Is that what you think happened?
Mr. Peanutbutter: So, do you want to talk about it? Because it kind of feels like you want to talk about it.

Mr. Peanutbutter: No wonder my wife had to write your book for you.
BoJack: Hey, yeah, you know, while we're talking about your wife, I've got a question. How come your wife flew all the way to war-torn Cordovia just to get away from you?
Mr. Peanutbutter: That's not what happened. She went to help people.
BoJack: Or maybe she went to help herself get away from her awful marriage. Oh, was that too far?
Mr. Peanutbutter: Oh-ho, you want to get into things?
BoJack: Well, I mean...
Mr. Peanutbutter: No, no, no, no, no. Let's get into things. Let's get real. Everybody, BoJack wants to get real. Cancel the Bubble Round. Because we're getting real.

[last lines]
BoJack: You guys hungry?
Todd: I could eat.
BoJack: Ethiopian?
Mr. Peanutbutter: Cool! I haven't had Ethiopian in a while.
Princess: I should go home. I haven't seen my boyfriend in ten days. He's probably worried about me.
Todd: I'm down for Ethiopian! I love that sponge bread!
BoJack: What do they call it? Injera?
Diane Nguyen: Yeah. Injera.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Injera, right.
Princess: That's right.
BoJack: Yeah, that's good bread.

Prescott: [Plainview has just left a town meeting] Mr. Plainview! No! Where are you going?
Daniel: I don't need the lease, thank you.
Prescott: We need you, we need you to...
Daniel: Too much confusion! Thank you for your time.
Prescott: No, no, no! There's no confusion! If you just...
Daniel: [stops in his tracks, stares down Prescott] I wouldn't take the lease if you gave it to me as a gift.

Mr. Peanutbutter: [to Pickles] Is there any chance we can talk IRL? Intimately, Rigorously, Lengthily.

Mr. Peanutbutter: [Speaking to BoJack] Always the Clydesdale, never the Clyde, right?

Mr. Peanutbutter: Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, fiddle-dee-dee.

BoJack: Hey, why don't we just us two, sched a hang for this 'kend. 'Kend is how I say "weekend" now.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Uh, I love that, and I got a pair of tix to the 'stones show this 'kend. Wanna go?
BoJack: The Rolling Stones?
Mr. Peanutbutter: What? Oh! No no no no no no no. The Mighty Mighty Bos-stones.
BoJack: You know, I'm not really familiar with that outfit, but I do love trying new things!
Diane Nguyen: Who are you?

Mordecai: See Rigby, there's nothing to be afraid of. See how calm and collected these British dudes are?
[British people come walking up to Mordecai, Rigby &Benson]
Cricket: Ello, gov'nor. Ello, gov'nor, ello gov'nor, ello, ello, ello...
[Rigby gets scared by their greetings. The British people look evil for some reason. Suddenly, the British Taxi appears]
British: Ello, gov'nor!
[Rigby screams and runs away]
Mordecai: Rigby! RIGBY!
[Rigby's still running towards the house. Pops and Skips walk up to Mordecai]
Mordecai: Aw man, I knew we shouldn't have watched that lame car movie.
Skips: He's scared of cars now?
Mordecai: No, just British taxis.
Pops: What a silly notion, my British taxi isn't scary at all.
Mordecai: Wait, Pops, you own a British taxi?
Pops: Yes.

Mr. Peanutbutter: Crack an egg on your head. Let the yolk drip down.

Princess: [Answers phone] Mr. Peanutbutter! My favorite weekday client. Why are you calling me on the weekend?
Mr. Peanutbutter: I need your help. I've done something bad. Very bad.
Princess: Put the corpse on ice. I'm on my way.
Mr. Peanutbutter: What? No, it's not... why would I? Listen, I was sniffing around where I didn't belong, and I got skunked.
Princess: What?
Mr. Peanutbutter: You gotta help us!
Princess: Us?
Mr. Peanutbutter: Yeah, Todd's here too.
Todd: I'm skunked Princess Caroline, skunked real bad.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Yeah yeah, we got real bad skunked. Super skunked! Hardcore.
Todd: Yeah, hardcore skunked.

[repeated line]
Mr. Peanutbutter: BoJack Horseman! What is this, a crossover episode?

Diane Nguyen: You know, sometimes I feel like our marriage is like a Magic Eye poster.
Mr. Peanutbutter: I love those things.
Diane Nguyen: I know. And it's messy. and at first glance, it doesn't seem to make any sense. And it's hard to figure out. But sometimes, if you squint at it just right, everything lines up, and it's the most perfect... beautiful, amazing thing.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Yeah. I know what you mean.
Diane Nguyen: But...
[voice breaks]
Diane Nguyen: I'm so tired of squinting.
[sobs]

[Scrooge hands over Donald to Liu Hai]
Louie: Uncle Scrooge, I can't believe you gave him up!
Gladstone: Kid's not wrong, Grunkle McDukkle! What do we do now?
Scrooge: 3, 2, 1...
[Liu Hai throws out Donald]
Toad: His luck is AWFUL, SO AWFUL! SO AWFUL...
[fades away]

Mr. Peanutbutter: No goodbye? Well he's a conversational Amelia Earhart.

Mr. Peanutbutter: All I ever wanted was to be your friend. And you treat me like a big joke. You think I don't notice? Why don't you like me?
BoJack: Mr. Peanutbutter...
Mr. Peanutbutter: No, tell me.
BoJack: Because... I'm jealous.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Oh. Of what? Diane?
BoJack: No. Of everything. Everything comes so easy for you.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Oh, and it doesn't for you? You're a millionaire movie star with a girlfriend who loves you, acting in your dream movie. What more do you want? What else could the universe possible owe you?
BoJack: I... want... to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don't know how. I don't know if I can.

Prescott: We gain nothing by losing our heads!

Mr. Peanutbutter: They say 'the devil's in the details,' so let's summon the devil!

Mr. Peanutbutter: Sweetie, you know I support you, whatever you want to do, but you're not gonna find what you're looking for in these awful made-up places. The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead.

Mr. Peanutbutter: These poor guys. I wonder if they had kids...? families...? Who will never know...
Flip: Could you just say the lines, please?
Mr. Peanutbutter: Barf me a river, fartbags!

Virgil: Fool me once, shame on you, but teach a man to fool me, and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life.

Mr. Peanutbutter: I don't think you should be driving right now. Why don't I be like Eddie Money and take you home tonight?
BoJack: No, I can't go home tonight, not without doll. Also Eddie Money doesn't do the taking home in Take Me Home Tonight. So if you're taking me home, then I would be Eddie Money.

Albino: Good news! The results are in! Bad news, the results are bad. Like an omelet bar at a mongoose convention, you are running dangerously low on eggs.
Princess: How many do I have left?
Albino: Well let's just say it's more than Harry Potter movies, but fewer than James Bond movies.
Princess: Doctor, no!