Top 300 Quotes From Samuel L. Jackson

Yoda: Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice.
Mace: But which was destroyed, the master or the apprentice?

[last lines]
Hondo: Technically, our watch has been over for 12 hours.
Street: So?
Hondo: Yeah. What the hell. Mount up.

Augustus: [after Neymar took down the thief] And you say you're no hero. I got to call bullshit on that! You're exactly the kind of hero the world needs. At the end of the day, it comes to the same question I've been asking my wife every Friday night for the last 20 years. Do you want some of this?

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Nice job.
Hondo: Don't sound so happy.
Capt. Thomas Fuller: Still got a problem. He's still here.
[Gestures towards Alex Montel]
Chris: Road trip?
Street: [Beaten up from the fight with Gamble] Road trip.
Hondo: Yeah... road trip. Guess you'll have to fire us later.
[Street spits blood out of his mouth, team walks away toward arriving SWAT truck with Fuller smiling at the team for once in the whole movie]

Darius: That shit was two years ago, man. You gonna be a little bitch about it?
Michael: You're on your own!
Darius: Well, good! I'll be safer on my own!
Michael: You won't last one hour without me! You'll be dead in a minute!
Darius: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're about as useful as a condom in a convent.
Michael: Eat my ass!
Darius: That's what she said!
Michael: Suck it!
Darius: Fuck you!

Calvin: Hello. Stephen, my boy!
Stephen: [black house servant exiting the Big House] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, my ass. Who dis nigger up on dat nag?
Calvin: Aw, Stephen, you have nails for breakfast? What's the matter? Why you so ornery? You miss me? Huh?
Stephen: Oh, yes, sir. I miss you like a hawg miss slop. Like a baby miss mammy titty! I miss you like I misses a rock in my shoe! Now, I aks you, who dis nigger on dat nag?
Django: Hey, Snowball. You wanna know my name or the name of my horse, you ask me.
Stephen: Just who the hell you callin' 'Snowball,' hoss boy? I'll snatch yo black ass off dat nag down here in the mud so fast make yo head spin!
Calvin: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Stephen! Stephen! Let's keep it funny. Django here's a freeman.
Stephen: Dis nigger here?
Calvin: That nigger there. Let me at least introduce the two of you. Django, this is a another cheeky black bugger like yourself, Stephen. Stephen, this here is Django. You two oughta hate each other.
Stephen: Calvin, just who the hell is dis nigger you feel's the need to entertain?
Calvin: Django, and his friend in gray here, Dr. Schultz, are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen. And you, you old, decrepit bastard, you are to show them every hospitality. You understand that?
Stephen: Yes, sir. Him I understands, but I don't know why I got to take lip off dis nigger.
Calvin: You don't have to know why. Do you understand?
Stephen: Yes, sir. I understand.
Calvin: Well, good. They're spending the night. Go open the guest bedrooms and get two ready.
Stephen: [mortified] He gawn stay in the Big House?
Calvin: Stephen. He's a slaver. It's different.
Stephen: In the Big House?
Calvin: Well, you got a problem with that?
Stephen: Aw, naw, naw. I ain't got no problem with it. If you ain't got no problem with burnin' the bed, the sheets, the pillowcase, and everything else when this black-ass motherfucker's gone!
Calvin: That is my problem! They are mine to burn! Now your problem right now is making a good impression! And I want you to start solving that problem right now and get them goddamn rooms ready!
Stephen: Yes, sir, Monsieur Candie.
Calvin: Go on, now.
Stephen: Cain't believe you brought a nigger to stay in the Big House. Yo daddy's rollin' over in his goddamn grave, right now. Brought a nigger to stay with us. What kinda shit is that?
Calvin: Man, the lip on him! Whoo! He's getting worse and worse. Now, WHERE IS MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER?

Nick: Why make me head of SHIELD?
Alexander: Because you're the best. And the most ruthless person I ever met.
Nick: I did what I did to protect people.
Alexander: Our enemies are your enemies, Nick. Disorder, war. It's just a matter of time before a dirty bomb goes off in Moscow, or an EMP fries Chicago. Diplomacy? Holding action, a band-aid. And you know where I learned that; Bogota. You didn't ask, you just did what had to be done. I can bring order to the lives of seven billion people by sacrificing twenty million. It's the next step, Nick, if you have the courage to take it.
Nick: No, I have the courage not to.
[Moves to the retinal scanner]
Alexander: You don't you think we wiped your clearance from the system?
Nick: I know you erased my password. Probably deleted my retinal scan. But if you want to stay ahead of me, Mr. Secretary...
[removes his eye patch]
Nick: ... you need to keep both eyes open.

- As the leader of the opposition, it will be very difficult to get Senator Amidala to leave the capital.
- Until caught this killer is, our judgment she must respect.
Mace: Anakin, go to the Senate and ask Chancellor Palpatine to speak with her about this matter.

George: You look like you're about to give me a hug.
John: I wasn't.
George: Looked like you were.
[they embrace]

Steve: You just can't stop yourself from lying, can you?
Nick: I didn't lie. Agent Romanoff had a different mission than yours.
Steve: Which you didn't feel obliged to share.
Nick: I'm not obliged to do anything.
Steve: Those hostages could have died, Nick.
Nick: I sent the greatest soldier in history to make sure that didn't happen.
Steve: Soldiers trust each other. That's what makes it an army. Not a bunch of guys running around shooting guns.
Nick: Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye. Look, I didn't want you doing anything you weren't comfortable with. Agent Romanoff is comfortable with everything.
Steve: I can't lead a mission when the people I'm leading have missions of their own.
Nick: It's called compartmentalization. Nobody spills the secrets, because nobody knows them all.
Steve: Except you.
Nick: You're wrong about me. I do share. I'm nice like that.

Jules: [All while Honey Bunny is screaming] Tell that bitch to be cool! Say 'bitch be cool'!
Pumpkin: Be cool honey!
Jules: Say bitch be cool! Tell that fuckin' bitch to chill!
Pumpkin: Be cool Honey Bunny!
Jules: Chill that fuckin' bitch out!
Pumpkin: Shut up, Honey!

Hondo: Street. Don't beat him so badly I can't get a rematch, all right?
Street: I won't make any promises.
Hondo: It's my money, man.

Russell: So here's the riddle. What does an eight thousand pound mako shark with a brain the size of a flat head V8 engine and no natural predators think about?
Carter: Well, I'm not waiting around here to find out!

Ordell: Here we go. AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.

Ed Wuncler III: Look! He got a weapon!
Gin: Whoa, wait a minute now. Put the gun down.
Store: Gun? What gun? I'm not holding gun. Guys, it's me. Ed, your father helped me build this store.
Gin: I don't know you, motherfucker! Now, put down the weapon! Put it down!
Store: There is no weapon! Look!
Gin: Drop the weapon!
Officer: I... I don't see a weapon!
Huey: There is no weapon! They're robbin' the store!
Store: I am not holding a weapon! I am not holding a weapon!
Gin: Officer, this motherfucker's got a gun pointed at you! Do you wanna die?
Officer: What?
Gin: Do you want to die?
Officer: I... I don't want to die!
Huey: He does not have a gun!
Gin: He does have a gun, officer, trust me! The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence!
Officer: I don't see a gun!
Ed Wuncler III: Man, fuck this shit! Who's side are you on? Mine, or this motherfucker who's obviously of terrorist descent?
Officer: Wait... I think I can see the gun now.
Gin: Good! Now we all see the weapon! Now you hand over that weapon on the count of three, or I swear to almighty God, I'll blow your fucking head off! One!
Store: I can't give you a weapon I'm not holding! You're thinking of the Korean store, North of here!
Gin: Two!
Officer: Is he... still holding it?
Huey: He is not holding a weapon!
Gin: Time's up!

[McClane and Zeus are arguing over how to solve the water jug problem at the water fountain in the park]
John: I'll put my foot up your ass, you dumb, mother...
Zeus: Say it! Say it!
John: What?
Zeus: You were gonna call me a nigger, weren't you?
John: No I wasn't!
Zeus: Yes you were! What were you gonna call me?
John: Asshole! How's that, asshole!

Mister: Yes, children, this is the cool-out corner. We're slowing it down for all the lovers in the house. I'll be giving you all the help you need. Musically, that is.

[repeated line]
Neville: Do as I say, and you live.

Gin: I'll be dead on his ass like "Spencer for fuckin' Hire". I'll hunt him down and feed him his testicles, *and* I'll do it in a jiffy. And I don't care if his momma there, his grandmomma, innocent bystanders, little kids, baby sitters, bill collectors, whatever. I'll leave his whole block filled with hot brass if I have to, and you know why? 'Cause *I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK!* You guys sure you don't want any breakfast? I have English muffins and peach jelly.

Stacks: What time is it?
- -It's 11:30. We had to be there by 9:00.
- -I'll be ready in a minute.
Tommy: You're always fucking late.
- You'd be late for your own fucking funeral.
- What the fuck you looking at?
- Make that coffee to go. Let's go.
- What the fuck you doing? It's a joke.
- Put the fucking pot down.
- You gonna take the coffee?

Tony: Well, then, you must have known my father better than I did.
Nick: As a matter of fact, I did. He was one of the founding members of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Tony: ...Wait, WHAT?

Hondo: You know what they say, you're either SWAT or you're not.

Beaumont: Man, you must be out of your fuckin' mind if you think I'm gonna get in this dirty-ass trunk.
Ordell: We ain't going nowhere but to Koreatown, man. You ain't gonna be locked in here no more than ten minutes.
Beaumont: I ain't ridin' in no trunk for no minute, man.

Stephen: [after Django is recaptured, stripped naked, taken to a barn and chained upside down from the ceiling; Stephen walks in and throws a bag of filthy clothes on the barn floor] You leaving. This here is what you take with you.
[Stephen pulls up a stool and sits in front of the hanging Django]
Stephen: Your black ass is what all them motherfuckers at the Big House could talk about for the last few hours. Seem like white folk ain't never had a bright idea in they life was coming up with all kinds of ways to kill your ass. Now, mind you, most of them ideas had to do with fucking with your fun parts. Now, that may seem like a good idea, but the truth is, when you snip a nigga's nuts, most of them bleed out in, oh, about... seven minutes. Most of them.
[Stephen chuckles at the shivering, then-helpless Django]
Stephen: Well, more than most. Then I says, "Shitfire! The niggas we sell to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!" And they say, "Let's whip him to death!", or "Throw him to the Mandingos. Feed him to Stonesipher's dogs." And I said, "What's so special about that? We do that shit all the time! Hell's bells, the niggas we sell to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!" Lo and behold, out of nowhere, Miss Laura come up with the bright idea of giving your ass to the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company!
[Django just stares at the old man talking to him]
Stephen: And as a slave of the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company, henceforth until the day you die, all day, every day, you will be swingin' a sledgehammer, turnin' big rocks into little rocks. Now, when you get there, they gonna take away your name, give you a number and a sledgehammer, and say, "Get to work!" One word of sass, they cut out your tongue. And they good at it, too. You won't bleed out. Oh, they does that real good! They gonna work ya all day, every day 'till your back give out. Then, they're gonna hit you in the head with a hammer, throw your ass down the nigger hole.
[Django looks on]
Stephen: And THAT will be the story of you, Django!

George: Leopold has spent the last 7 years getting control of the Congo. He used up his entire fortune building that railroad of his, and shut off access to 99% of the country. Why? Because he wants to be the first monarch in history who doesn't want people to see his good deeds? I don't buy it.

Lieutenant: A quick lesson in lying. See, this is what us real cops do: We study liars. Example: If I ask you a question about something visual, like your favorite color, your eyes go up and to the left. Neurophysiology tells us your eyes go in that direction, because you're accessing the visual cortex. So you're telling the truth. If your eyes go up and right, you're accessing the brain's creative centers and we know you're full of shit.

Brett: H-H-He's black...
Jules: Go on!
Brett: He's bald...!
Jules: Does he look like a bitch?
Brett: What?
Jules: [shoots Brett in the shoulder] DOES HE... LOOK... LIKE A BITCH?
Brett: No!
Jules: Then why you tryin' to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?
Brett: I didn't...!
Jules: Yes, you did. Yes, you did, Brett! You tried to fuck him.
Brett: [gasping] No, no...
Jules: But Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody except Mrs. Wallace.

Calvin: Dr. Schultz, in Greenville, you yourself said that for the right nigger you'd be willing to pay what some may consider is a ridiculous amount. To which me myself said "What is your definition of ridiculous?" To which you said "$12,000." Now, considering y'all have ridden a whole lot of miles...
[Candie aggressively grabs Broomhilda's head, she whimpers as Django looks on intensively]
Calvin: ... went through a whole lot of trouble...
[Candie continues holding Broomhilda's head, and starts rubbing her face]
Calvin: ... and done spread a whole lot of bull to purchase this lovely lady right here, it would appear that Broomhilda is in fact the right nigger. And if y'all wanna leave Candyland with Broomhilda, the price... is $12,000.
Dr. King Schultz: And I take it you prefer the take it or leave it style of negotiation?
Calvin: [Candie lets go of Broomhila's head] Yes, I do, Doctor. You see, under the laws of Chickasaw County, Broomhilda, here, is my property... and I can choose to do with MY PROPERTY... WHATEVER I SO DESIRE!
[Candie rubs his injured hand and smears the blood all over Broomhilda's face; she shrieks and moans in disgust and fear]
Calvin: And if y'all think my price for this nigger here is too steep, what I'm gonna desire to do is...
[Candie causally sets his cigarette down; he suddenly but quickly picks up his hammer and violently grabs hold of Broomhilda's hair, slamming her face on the dinner table and raising the hammer above her head. Schultz jumps while Django rises up out of his seat]
Calvin: TAKE THIS GODDAMNED HAMMER HERE, AND BEAT HER ASS TO DEATH WITH IT! RIGHT IN FRONT OF BOTH YA'LL! THEN WE CAN EXAMINE THE THREE DIMPLES INSIDE BROOMHILDA'S SKULL! NOW... WHAT'S IT GONNA BE DOC? HUH? WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?
Dr. King Schultz: [Screams back nervously] May I lift my hands off the table in order to remove my billfold?
Calvin: YES, you may!
[Schultz quickly retrieves his wallet out of his pocket and tosses it on the table; Stephen grabs it and starts counting the money]
Stephen: [Nods to Calvin with the cash] That twelve.
[Candie greedily smiles as Stephen drops the cash in front of him]
Calvin: [Lets go of Broomhilda's head and slams the hammer loudly on the table] SOLD... TO THE MAN WITH EXCEPTIONAL BEARD, AND HIS UNEXCEPTIONAL NIGGER!

Nick: [To Tony Stark] I've got my eye on you.

Nick: Trouble sleeping?
- You're here with a mission, sir?
- I am.
- Trying to get me back in the world?
- Trying to save it.
Nick: You think you're the only hero in the world?

Anakin: Master Windu, I must talk to you.
Mace: Skywalker! We've just received word that Obi-Wan has destroyed General Grievous. We're on our way to make sure the Chancellor returns emergency power back to the Senate.
Anakin: He won't give up his power. I've just learned a terrible truth. I think Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord.
Mace: [suprised] A Sith Lord?
Anakin: Yes, the one we've been looking for.
Mace: How do you know this?
Anakin: He knows the ways of the Force. He's been trained to use the Dark Side.
Mace: Are you sure?
Anakin: Absolutely.
Mace: Then our worst fears have been realized. We must move quickly if the Jedi Order is to survive.
Anakin: Master, the Chancellor is very powerful. You'll need my help if you're going to arrest him.
Mace: For your own good, stay out of this affair. I sense a great deal of confusion in you, young Skywalker. There is much fear that clouds your judgment.
Anakin: I must go, Master.
Mace: No! If what you've told me is true, you will have gained my trust. But for now, remain here. Wait in the Council chambers until we return.
Anakin: Yes, Master.

John: [hands Zeus a gun, on the freighter, hiding behind a container] Here take this.
Zeus: How's it work?
John: You don't know how to shoot a gun?
Zeus: Look, all brothers don't know how to shoot guns, you racist motherfucker.
John: Sue me.

The: Jimmie, lead the way. Boys, get to work.
Vincent: A please would be nice.
The: Come again?
Vincent: I said a please would be nice.
The: Get it straight buster - I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do and if self-preservation is an instinct you possess you'd better fucking do it and do it quick. I'm here to help - if my help's not appreciated then lotsa luck, gentlemen.
Jules: No, Mr. Wolf, it ain't like that, your help is definitely appreciated.
Vincent: I don't mean any disrespect, I just don't like people barking orders at me.
The: If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top. Clean the fucking car.

Mookie: Dago, wop, guinea, garlic-breath, pizza-slingin', spaghetti-bendin', Vic Damone, Perry Como, Luciano Pavarotti, Sole Mio, nonsingin' motherfucker.
Pino: You gold-teeth-gold-chain-wearin', fried-chicken-and-biscuit-eatin', monkey, ape, baboon, big thigh, fast-runnin', high-jumpin', spear-chuckin', 360-degree-basketball-dunkin' titsun spade Moulan Yan. Take your fuckin' pizza-pizza and go the fuck back to Africa.
Stevie: You little slanty-eyed, me-no-speaky-American, own-every-fruit-and-vegetable-stand-in-New-York, bullshit, Reverend Sun Myung Moon, Summer Olympics '88, Korean kick-boxing son of a bitch.
Officer: You Goya bean-eating, 15-in-a-car, 30-in-an-apartment, pointed shoes, red-wearing, Menudo, mire-mire Puerto Rican cocksucker. Yeah, you!
Sonny: It's cheap, I got a good price for you, Mayor Koch, "How I'm doing," chocolate-egg-cream-drinking, bagel-and-lox, B'nai B'rith Jew asshole.
Mister: Yo! Hold up! Time out! TIME OUT! Y'all take a chill! Ya need to cool that shit out! And that's the double truth, Ruth!

John: [to Warren] What's Wellenbeck?
Sheriff: You ain't never heard of Wellenbeck Prisoner of War camp, West Virginia?
John: No, Reb. I ain't never heard of it!
[to Warren]
John: You bust out?
Sheriff: Oh, Major Marquis did more than just bust out. Major Marquis had a bright idea. So bright you have to wonder why ain't nobody never thought about it before!
[to Warren]
Sheriff: Tell John Ruth your bright idea...
Major: [smirks] Well, the whole damn place was just made out of kindling.
[pause]
Major: So I burnt it down!
[Warren, John Ruth and Daisy all burst out in laughter; Mannix frowns in anger]
Sheriff: There was a rookie regiment there spending the overnight in the camp! 47 men, BURNT TO A CRISP! Southern youth, farmer's sons, cream of the crop...
Major: And I say let 'em burn!
[Mannix looks at Warren with shock and disgust]
Major: I'm supposed to apologize for killin' Johnny Reb? You joined the war to keep niggers in chains. I joined the war to kill white Southern crackers. And that means killing 'em in any way I can! Shoot 'em, stab 'em, drown 'em, burn 'em, throw a big 'ol rock on their heads! Whatever it took to keep white Southern crackers in the ground, that's what I joined the war to do and that's what I did!
[Warren and Mannix both glare at each other with hate]

[Jules, Vincent and Jimmie are drinking coffee in Jimmie's kitchen]
Jules: Mmmm! Goddamn, Jimmie! This is some serious gourmet shit! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice right, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us! What flavor is this?
Jimmie: Knock it off, Julie.
Jules: [pause] What?
Jimmie: I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping she buys SHIT. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead nigger in my garage.
Jules: Oh, Jimmie, don't even worry about that...
Jimmie: [interupting] No, No, No, No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Dead Nigger Storage"?
Jules: Jimmie, you know I ain't seen no...
Jimmie: [cutting him off again; getting angry] Did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Dead Nigger Storage"?
Jules: [pause] No. I didn't.
Jimmie: You know WHY you didn't see that sign?
Jules: Why?
Jimmie: 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead niggers ain't my fucking business, that's why!

Darius: Now repeat after me, "I'm unlicensed, and I don't give a fuck."
Michael: I'm unlicensed... and that's terrible...
[Kincaid slaps Bryce]
Darius: Again?
Michael: I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck.
Darius: Louder!
Michael: I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck!
Darius: Robust!
Michael: [yelling] I'M UNLICENSED AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
Darius: Great! Now let's go do what we do, and fuck some shit up!
Michael: Let's fuck some shit up.
[suddenly gets surrounded by Interpol agents]

Ordell: Hey, where's Melanie?
Louis: Well... that's what I want to tell you. She was being such a pain. She made us late for the pickup because she locked herself in your bathroom for hours with her bong getting high. She was nagging and complaining... so strung out. She wouldn't shut up, so...
Ordell: You left her back there?
Louis: Not exactly. I shot her.
Ordell: You shot Melanie?
Louis: Twice.
Ordell: Is she dead?
[Louis does not reply]
Ordell: Is she dead, yes or no?
Louis: Pretty much.

Elijah: [to Pierce, before The Beast kills him] This is where they would paint you with big eyes and bubbles of confusion above your head.

Max: Jackie wants to give it to you herself, she wants to collect her ten percent. She also wants to explain why she had to hang on to it.
Ordell: Oh, and I want to hear that shit!

Major: [to Joe Gage, Bob and Oswaldo] It's the stew that's got me thinking.
[to Bob]
Major: Now how long did you say Minnie's been gone, a week?
Bob: Si.
Major: You see, my mama used to make stew and it always tasted the same, no matter to me. There was another fella on the plantation, Uncle Charley, he made stew, too. And like my mama, I ate his stew from the time I was a whipper 'till I was a full-grown man. And no matter to me, it always tasted like Uncle Charley's stew.
[pause]
Major: Now I ain't had Minnie's stew in like six months, so I ain't no expert...
[Warren points towards the pot of stew]
Major: But that damn sure is Minnie's stew. So if Minnie is on the northside just visiting her mama for a week, how'd she make the stew this morning? And this...
[Warren touches Sweet Dave's chair]
Major: This is Sweet Dave's chair. When I sat in it earlier, I couldn't believe it. Nobody sits in Sweet Dave's chair. This may be Minnie's place, but this is damn sure Sweet Dave's chair. And if he went to the northside, I'm pretty goddamned sure this chair'd be going with him.
[Warren starts taking the blankets and skins off of the top of the chair, revealing a huge blood stain soaked underneath]
Sheriff: [to Warren] What's in the chair?
Major: Just what I thought. Sweet Dave's goddamn blood!

Elijah: I wasn't a mistake, mama.
Mrs. Price: No. You were spectacular.

[Valentine notices the people in the party room looking gloomy]
Valentine: The fuck's wrong with them?
Gazelle: I don't know. Could be something to do with the mass genocide.
Valentine: Give me the mic.
[Gazelle hands Valentine a microphone. Valentine stands up]
Valentine: Hey all! Everybody listen up! What the fuck is wrong with you people? I just want to remind you all that today is a day of celebration. We must put aside all thoughts of death, and focus on birth. The birth of a new age. We mustn't mourn the ones who give their lives today. We should honor their sacrifice, and their role in saving the human race. We must put aside doubts and guilt. You are the chosen people. When folks tell their kids the story about Noah's Ark, is Noah the bad guy?
[Crowd says no]
Valentine: Is God the bad guy?
[Crowd says no]
Valentine: How about the animals marching two by two?
[Crowd says no]
Valentine: Of course not! Yeah, that's it! Let's turn those frowns upside down. Eat, drink, and paaaaarty!

[from trailer]
Nick: There was an idea...
Tony: To bring together, a group of remarkable people...
Vision: To see if we could become something more...
Thor: So when they needed us, we could fight the battles...
Natasha: That they never could.

The: [closing narration] I believe that in this universe, as in every other, hope never dies. As long as someone keeps their good eye on the bigger picture.
Nick: [in front of the ice that Captain America is frozen in] Welcome back, Captain.
[pans over to Captain Marvel who just arrived]
Carol: So where's the fight?

[after credits]
[Dr Selvig wanders around an underground base]
Nick: [greeting him] Dr. Selvig.
Erik: So, you're the man behind all this? It's quite a labyrinth. I was thinking that you had taken me down here to kill me.
Nick: I've been hearing about the New Mexico situation. Your work has impressed a lot of people who are much smarter than I am.
Erik: I had a lot to work with: the Foster theory, a gateway to another dimension... it's unprecedented...
[Fury doesn't respond]
Erik: ...isn't it?
Nick: Legend tells us one thing; history, another. But, every now and then, we find something that belongs to both.
[Fury opens a suitcase, which contains a small cube]
Erik: What is it?
Nick: Power, Doctor. If we figure out how to tap it, maybe unlimited power.
[Loki is seen in a reflection, smiling]
Loki: [whispers to Selvig] Well, I guess that's worth a look.
Erik: Well, I guess that's worth a look.

Simon: [talking to police on speaker phone, in Walter's office] Well, is the ebony Samaritan there, now?
Zeus: You got a problem with ebony?
Simon: No, no. My only problem is that I went to some trouble preparing that game for McClane. You interfered with a well-laid plan.
Zeus: [picks up the phone] Yeah, well, you can stick your well-laid plan up your well-laid ass.

[after hearing Street over radio yell officer down]
Hondo: Flip a bitch!
Deke: Flippin' a bitch!

Lieutenant: [while trying to talk down a Hostage Taker through a closed door] Yeah, I like animals better than people sometimes... Especially dogs. Dogs are the best. Every time you come home, they act like they haven't seen you in a year. And the good thing about dogs... is they got different dogs for different people. Like pit bulls. The dog of dogs. Pit bull can be the right man's best friend... or the wrong man's worst enemy. You going to give me a dog for a pet, give me a pit bull. Give me... Raoul. Right, Omar? Give me Raoul.
Omar: [shouting at his Pitbull that is constantly barking] I fucking hate Raoul! Shut the fuck up, asshole! Son of a bitch won't shut up!
Lieutenant: [to his partner Nathan] Hates Raoul. Farley fucked up the list.
Lieutenant: [talking again to Omar through a door] Yeah... I can dig it, Omar. I had a dog like that... a poodle. She didn't bark, though... She pissed on the floor. I hated that dog. But if I was ever depressed... she'd lay her head in my lap, look up at me with those big old eyes. And even though I thought I hated that dog... I loved her. It's like that, ain't it? That love-hate thing.
Omar: [getting more erractic] No more goddamned talk! I can't wait anymore. I want my wife! I want her up here. Or I'll do our daughter. Listen to me... no more talking. I want that bitch or I'll do the girl.
Lieutenant: Omar, I'm doing the best I can here, man.
Omar: I'm not going to hurt her. I just want her to see me blow my brains out. I want her to think about that when she's sucking that fat prick's cock.

[last lines]
John: Oh, shit.
Zeus: What? *What*?
John: I left Holly hanging on hold.
Zeus: Ah, call her back.
John: Uhh, she's gonna be pissed.
Zeus: She'll get over it.
John: I don't know, Zeus. Like I said, she's a very stubborn woman.
Zeus: She'd have to be to stay married to you.

Gibbons: I want you to meet some people and find out whatever you can about them.
Xander: What kind of people?
Gibbons: Dirty. Dangerous. Tattooed. Uncivilized. Your kind of people.

Businessman in Taxi: 112 Wall Street.
Zeus: No wait. This isn't a taxi.
Businessman in Taxi: Your lights are on. Look, I'll make this very simple. 112 Wall Street, or I'll have your medallion suspended. What you don't like white people?
Zeus: 112 Wall Street? Got it.

Hondo: [Deke shoots a card] 10 of Spades. Spade flush.
Street: Hondo, isn't that a straight flush?
Hondo: Hold the phone. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten of Spades. Deke!
Deke: Beats four Aces in Compton any day!

Riley: Who's tryin' to stop you? Nobody ever tries ro stop you.
Gin: Yes they do.
Riley: No they don't.
Gin: Hey, just because we don't know anyone tryin' to stop us, don't mean ain't nobody out there tryin' to stop us. The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Riley: Seems to me like everyone just lets ya'll do whatever you want. Thats why ya'll always getaway.
Gin: We get away, because i'm a criminal master mind.
Riley: Whatever nigga.

Calvin: [to Stephen] Stephen, when you get through showing them to their rooms, go fetch Hildi. Get her cleaned up and smellin' real nice and send her over to Dr. Schultz's room.
Stephen: [laughing] Actually, Monsieur Candie sir, there's something I ain't told you about yet.
Calvin: What?
Stephen: Uh, Hildi 'in the hot box.
Calvin: Well what's she doin' there?
Stephen: What you think she doin' there, in the hot box? She been punished!
Calvin: Well what did she do?
Stephen: She run off again.
Calvin: Jesus Christ, Stephen! How many people run away while I was gone?
Stephen: Two.
Calvin: Well when did she go?
Stephen: Last night. They brung her back this morning.
Calvin: How long she been in the box?
Stephen: How long you think she been in there? All damn day! And the little bitch got ten more days to be in there.
Calvin: Take her out.
Stephen: Take her out? Why?
Calvin: Because I said so, that's why! Dr. Schultz is my guest. Hildi is my nigger. Southern hospitality dictates I make her available to him.
Stephen: But Monsieur Candie, she run off.
Calvin: Christ, Stephen! What is the point of having a nigger that speaks German if you can't wheel 'em out when you have a German guest? Now I realize it is an inconvenience. Still, you take her ass out!
Stephen: Yes sir.
Dr. King Schultz: Lori Lee! Will you and Cora be responsible for getting her cleaned up and presentable for Dr.Schultz, here?
Lara: Of course, darling.
Calvin: Now, gentlemen, I do apologize; but, I am weary from our travels beyond words. It is time for me to rest my tired eyes.
[kisses Lori Lee on the lips]
Stephen: [to the Overseers] Ya'll done heard the man! Get her ass up outta there! Go! Come here. Get her over there and get her cleaned up and bring her back over here to, uh, Doctor -
[to Schultz]
Stephen: What did you say your name was? Shoots?
Dr. King Schultz: Shultz.

Thor: I thought humans were more evolved than this.
Nick: Excuse me, did WE come to YOUR planet and blow stuff up?

Jules: You, flock of seagulls, you know why we're here? Why don't you tell my man Vincent where you got the shit hid at?
Marvin: It's over th...
Jules: I don't remember askin' you a Goddamn thing! You were saying?
Roger: It's in the cupboard.
[Vincent starts looking in the upper cupboard]
Roger: No, no, the one by your kn-knees.
Jules: We happy?
[Vincent continues staring at the briefcase's contents]
Jules: Vincent! We happy?
Vincent: Yeah, we happy.
Brett: I'm sorry, I didn't get your name. I got yours, Vincent, right? But I didn't get yours...
Jules: My name's Pitt. And your ass ain't talkin' your way out of this shit.
Brett: No, no, I just want you to know... I just want you to know how sorry we are that things got so fucked up with us and Mr. Wallace. We got into this thing with the best intentions and I never...
Jules: [Jules shoots the man on the couch] I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: What country are you from?
Brett: What? What? Wh - ?
Jules: "What" ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak English in What?
Brett: What?
Jules: English, motherfucker, do you speak it?
Brett: Yes! Yes!
Jules: Then you know what I'm sayin'!
Brett: Yes!
Jules: Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: What?
Jules: Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time!

Mace: Anakin, escort the Senator back to her planet of Naboo. She'll be safter there. And don't use registered transport. Travel as refugees.

Mister: WE LOVE ROLL CALL, Y'ALL! Boogie Down Productions, Rob Base, Dana Dane, Marley Marl, Olatunji, Chuck D, Ray Charles, EPMD, EU, Alberta Hunter, Run-D.M.C., Stetsasonic, Sugar Bear, John Coltrane, Big Daddy Kane, Salt-n-Pepa, Luther Vandross, McCoy Tyner, Biz Markie, New Edition, Otis Redding, Anita Baker, Thelonious Monk, Marcus Miller, Branford Marsalis, James Brown, Wayne Shorter, Tracy Chapman, Miles Davis, Force MDs, Oliver Nelson, Fred Wesley, Maceo, Janet Jackson, Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis, George Clinton, Count Basie, Mtume, Stevie Wonder, Bobby McFerrin, Dexter Gordon, Sam Cooke, Parliament-Funkadelic, Al Jarreau, Teddy Pendergrass, Joe Williams, Wynton Marsalis, Phyllis Hyman, Sade, Sarah Vaughn, Roland Kirk, Keith Sweat, Kool Moe Dee, Prince, Ella Fitzgerald, Dianne Reeves, Aretha Franklin, Bob Marley, Bessie Smith, Whitney Houston, Dionne Warwick, Steel Pulse, Little Richard, Mahalia Jackson, Jackie Wilson, Cannonball AND Nat Adderley, Quincy Jones, Marvin Gaye, Charles Mingus AND Marion Williams. We wanna thank you all for makin' our lives just a little brighter here on We Love Radio!

[last lines]
[Steve Rogers finds himself in New York]
Nick: At ease, soldier! Look, I'm sorry about that little show back there, but we thought it best to break it to you slowly.
Steve: Break what?
Nick: You've been asleep, Cap. For almost 70 years.
[Steve is silent with shock]
Nick: You gonna be okay?
Steve: Yeah. Yeah, I just... I had a date.

Yoda: The council is confident in its decision, Obi-Wan.
Mace: The boy has exceptional skills.
Obi: But he still has much to learn, Master. His abilities have made him... well arrogant.
Yoda: Yes. Yes. A flaw more and more common among Jedi. Too sure of themselves they are. Even the older, more experienced ones.

Harry: See? It's not impossible - it's ridiculous.

Ordell: My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass.

Michael: My job is to keep you out of harm's way.
Darius: Shit, motherfucker. I am harm's way.

Laura: I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, Clint said you wouldn't mind but it seems our tractor doesn't want to start at all. Thought maybe you might...
Tony: Yeah, I'll give her a kick
Tony: [Enters barn and approaches tractor] Hello, "Deere". Tell me everything. What ails you.
Nick: Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
Tony: [beat] Ms. Barton you little minx. I get it Maria Hill call you, right? Was she ever not working for you?

Zeus: [John's driving through the park in the stolen cab, to get to the subway station payphone on the time Simon set for them] I told you 9th Avenue is the quickest way south.
John: Stop all the goddamn yellin'! I know what I'm doing.
Zeus: Not even God knows what you're doing!

Jackie: Sit your ass down on that sofa.
Ordell: See? Police start fuckin' wit' chur mind, start pittin' black against black. Thats how they do, you know. They been doin' this since the beginning of...
Jackie: Shut your raggedy ass up and sit the fuck down!

Nick: How's the suit?
Peter: It's a little tight around the ol' web-shooter.

Nick: Get me Agent Hill.
Fury: Communications array damaged.
Nick: What's not damaged?
Fury: Air conditioning is fully operational.

Beaumont: I'm still scared as a motherfucker, O.D. They talking like they serious as hell giving me time for that machine gun shit.
Ordell: Aw, come on, man, they just trying to put a fright in your ass.
Beaumont: Well, if that's what they doin', they done did it.
Ordell: How old is that machine gun shit?
Beaumont: About three years...
Ordell: Three years? That's a old crime, man! They ain't got enough room for all the niggas running around killing people today, now how are they gonna find room for you?

McCabe: [lying in the disabled learjet] How's Boxer?
Hondo: What do you care?
McCabe: C'mon, Hondo, just give me that.
Hondo: He's going to make it.
McCabe: Good.
Hondo: Just couldn't resist, could ya? So what do you wanna do?
McCabe: Goddamnit, Sarge.
[McCabe shoots himself dead]

Ed Wuncler III: [Throws down a game controler] This is some bullshit! The game cheatin'!
Riley: Nigga, the game ain't cheatin'.
Ed Wuncler III: Start the game over!
Riley: Why you always gotta cheat when you lose Ed?
Gin: Let'em have it. Not wise to upset a Wuncler.
Ed Wuncler III: [Pulls out gun and shoots the Playstation 2, then points the gun at Riley] Restart the game, now!

Ordell: Look, I hate to be the kinda nigga does a nigga a favor, then, BAM!, hits a nigga up for a favor in return. But I'm afraid I gots to be that kinda nigga.
Beaumont: Whatchu mean?
Ordell: I need a favor, nigga!

John: [after realizing that all of the city's cops are busy searching schools for Simon's bomb] What is it that Wall Street doesn't have?
Zeus: What, is this shit catching? You're talking in riddles!
John: No, man, stay with me, what is it that Wall Street doesn't have?
Zeus: What?
John: Schools. And what is it they've got a shitload of?
Zeus: [looking at the Federal Reserve Building] What?

Darius: The Bible says to never take revenge, to leave it to the Lord. But I wasn't prepared to wait that long.

Elijah: [narrating] There are unknown forces that don't want us to realize what we are truly capable of. They don't want us to know the things we suspect are extraordinary about ourselves are real. I believe that if everyone sees what just a few people become when they wholly embrace their gifts, others will awaken. Belief in oneself is contagious. We give each other permission to be superheroes. We will never awaken otherwise. Whoever these people are who don't want us to know the truth, today, they lose.

Nick: If another person touches that door, you and I will be attending another funeral.

Zeus: [slowly walking up to John, seeing the billboard his wearing has an offensive phrase towards African Americans] Morning.
John: Good morning.
Zeus: You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says "I hate niggers" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.
[John yawns]
Zeus: Hey! I'm talking to you! Now you've got about ten seconds before those guys see you, and when they do they will kill you, you understand? You are about to have a very bad day.
John: Tell me about it.

Dr. Harry Adams: We're all gonna die down here.
Norman Goodman: What?
Dr. Harry Adams: You see? It's curious. Ted did figure it out - time travel. And when we get back, we gonna tell everyone. How it's possible, how it's done, what the dangers are. But then why fifty years in the future when the spacecraft encounters a black hole does the computer call it an 'unknown entry event'? Why don't they know? If they don't know, that means we never told anyone. And if we never told anyone it means we never made it back. Hence we die down here. Just as a matter of deductive logic.

Agent: The Avengers fell before they had a chance to rise. May they rest in peace.
Nick: They can. But we won't. The Avengers were always meant to be more than a team. They were an idea, the affirmation of humanity's need to believe that in our darkest hour, we will find our heroes.

Valentine: [showing a photo of Lancelot's corpse] Great, you don't know, the CIA don't know. Nobody knows who this guy is? Fine. Seriously, it's fine. Well, it's not really fine, but it's not why I'm here. Hell, man, you know me. Money's not my issue. I could've retired straight out of M.I.T., fucked off to some island and let the business run itself. Nobody told me to try and save the planet. I wanted to. Climate change research, lobbying, years of studying, billions of dollars, and you know why I quit? Because the last time I checked, the planet was still fucked. Hence, my epiphany. Money won't solve this. Those idiots that call themselves politicians have buried their heads in the sand and stood for nothing but re-election. So I spent the last two years trying to find a real solution. And I found it. Now, if you really wanna make the world a better place, I suggest you open your fucking ears, because I'm about to tell it to you.
President: Go on, Mr. Valentine. I'm still listening.
Valentine: As long as you agree to all my terms.

[about Hondo's S.W.A.T. selection]
Capt. Thomas Fuller: Sanchez is a woman and Street, well he's on my shit list
Hondo: Hey! I'm on your shit list too and I'm the team captain.

Yoda: Allow this appointment lightly the Council does not. Disturbing is this move by Chancellor Palpatine.
Anakin: I understand.
Mace: You are on this Council, but we do not grant you the rank of Master.
Anakin: What? How can you do this? This is outrageous; it's unfair. How can you be on the Council and not be a Master?
Mace: Take a seat, young Skywalker.
Anakin: [bows] Forgive me, Master.

[last lines]
Sonia: [to Michael] My baby cucaracha, you just signed the adoption papers.
Darius: The what?
Michael: The adoption papers.
Sonia: You are now our son!
Darius: WHAT THE FUCK?

Troy: This is your new pilot Troy speaking, and sitting next to me is my main man, my brother from another mother, the biggest pimp that I know, Superfly Agent Flynn. Ladies and gentlemen, Agent Flynn.
Emmett: Sir, have you got any experience piloting a jet aircraft?
Troy: Oh, yeah. F-15's, F-16's, A-10 Warthogs, I've flown all that shit.
Emmett: Then we're all thankful to have you, sir. What squadron were you with?
Troy: The Awesome Fighting Aces.
Troy: [to Flynn] Man, I'm telling you, them video games got their shit locked down tight.
Emmett: Sir, are you telling me that your only real flight time is at the controls of a video game?
Troy: No, see, it's - it's not a video game, all right? It's a flight simulator.
Neville: Is that PlayStation or Xbox?
Troy: PlayStation 2. Man, it's got an introduction by Chuck Yeager and everything.

Jules: We should have shotguns for this kind of deal.
Vincent: How many up there?
Jules: Three or four.
Vincent: That's countin' our guy?
Jules: Not sure.
Vincent: So that means there could be up to five guys up there?
Jules: It's possible.
Vincent: We should have fuckin' shotguns.

Valentine: It's not that kind of a movie.

John: [Referring to The Sign of the Cross, driving in a stolen cab, trying to get to the subway phone on time]
Zeus: How do Catholics do their thing?
John: North, South, West, East.

Neville: [TV edit] Enough is enough! I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday through Friday plane!

Gin: I want you to know that you are not going to die... in vain.
Officer: I don't think I'm dyin'.
Gin: Oh. Well, I want you to know you wasn't mortally wounded in vain.
Officer: Actually, I think I'm gonna make it.

Jules: Yolanda? How we doin, baby?
Yolanda: I gotta go pee! I want to go home.
Jules: Just hang in there, baby. You're doing' great. Ringo's proud of you and so am I. It's almost over. Tell her you're proud of her.
Pumpkin: I'm proud of you, Honey Bunny.
Yolanda: I love you!
Pumpkin: I love you too, Honey Bunny.

Dr. King Schultz: Oh, Monsieur Candie, you can't imagine what it's like not to hear your mother tongue in four years.
Calvin: Well hell, I can't imagine two weeks in Boston!
Stephen: [laughs out loud] "Two weeks in Boston!" Monsieur Candie, you a mess!

Darius: You know, Dokhovich's men have killed every single witness bought against them, and my security detail is a dozen off-duty cops?
Amelia: These are the most highly trained officers in Europe, Mr. Kincaid. We've taken every precaution to make sure that your involvement is completely classified.
Jean: We have taken every precaution to make sure that your involvement is completely classified.
Darius: It's a secret? That makes me feel so much better.
Garrett: Well, I can assure you, even if there was an attempt, we are more than prepared for any assault.
Darius: [headbutts Garret] Prepared for that assault, motherfucker?

Major: [about Daisy as she's laying on the floor] No, don't shoot her!
Sheriff: Why the hell not?
Major: [stutters] John Ruth...
[long pause]
Major: Now, John Ruth was one mighty, mighty bastard. But the last thang that bastard did before he died was save your life. We gonna die, white boy. We ain't got no say in that. There is one thang left we have to say here; and that's how we kill this bitch. I say shootin's too good for her. John Ruth could'a shot her any where, any time along the way, but John Ruth was "The Hangman," and when "The Hangman" catches you, you don't die by no bullet.
[pause]
Major: When "The Hangman" catches you...
[slight pause]
Major: ... you hang!
Sheriff: [grinning wide] You only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang!
[Mannix and Warren look over at Daisy and laugh gleefully as she glances up at both of them with an agonizing expression on her face; she knows they're about to hang her]

Barnes: Ask him for his last name.
Harry: What?
Barnes: I want a full name for my report. I'm not putting in my report that I lost a crew member on a deep-sat expedition to find an alien named "Jerry."

Michael: This yours? Is this your cell phone?
Darius: I might have taken that off some dead merc.
Michael: You might've... you know, they can track a cell phone. That's why I use a ghost chip in mine so they can't track the phone. I mean, that's how they know where we were! Here I am, I'm plotting courses all over the country, and you're carrying a location beacon in your pocket!
Darius: My bad.
Michael: Your bad? You don't even understand how 21st century technology works! I mean, how have you stayed alive this long?
Darius: While all you guys are wasting your time planning and aiming and deducing, I just do my thing, and my thing has always been better than your fucking thing.

Nick: And this is Mr. Beck.
Peter: Mysterio?
Quentin: What?
Peter: Doesn't matter. It's what my friends have been calling you.
Quentin: Well, you can call me Quentin. You handled yourself well out there today. I saw that you did with the tower. We could use someone like you on my world.
Peter: Thanks. I'm sorry. Your world?
Nick: Mr. Beck is from Earth. Just not yours.
Quentin: There are multiple realities. This is Earth Dimension 616. I'm from Earth 833.
Peter: [excitedly] I'm sorry, you're saying there's a multiverse? 'Cause I thought that was theoretical. That changes how we understand the initial singularity. We're talking about an eternal inflation system. How does that even work with the quantum...? It's insane.
[Fury and Hill look strangely at Peter]
Peter: [embarrassed] Sorry.
Quentin: [humorously] Don't ever apologize for being the smartest one in the room.

[McClane and Zeus break into a car]
John: You know how to hot-wire this thing?
Zeus: Of course I can, I'm an electrician. Only problem is...
[Zeus starts the ignition with his pliers]
Zeus: it takes too fuckin' long.

Huey: Well, this is the apartment building where it all happened. Maybe someone saw something.
Ed Wuncler III: Oh, somebody saw somethin' all right.
Huey: Hey, slow down. We gotta be tactful.
Ed Wuncler III: Tactful? What that mean?
Gin: He talkin' about diplomacy.
[cocks gun]
Gin: I don't do diplomacy.

Michael: Go with God! This man's killed over 150 people.
Darius: 250, easy.
Michael: Yeah, but they love you. Me, they want to perform an exorcism on.
Darius: Question for a higher power. Who is more wicked, he who kills evil motherfuckers or he who protects them?

P.K. Highsmith: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', partner?
Christopher: Aim for the bushes.
[both jump off the roof of twenty story building]

Neville: You know all those goddamn security scenarios we ran? Well, I'm stuck in the middle of one we didn't think of.
Hank: What the hell you talking about?
Neville: Eddie Kim somehow managed to fill the plane with poisonous snakes.
Hank: Wait, hold on. What kind of insane plan is that? He can't possibly guarantee that the snakes are gonna get to Sean.
Neville: Yeah, well, he doesn't have to guarantee it if he brings down the whole plane down.

Preacher: You're the guy that got caught in that avalanche, right?
Russell: Yeah, I'm the one.
Preacher: Like black men don't have enough ways to get killed without climbing up some stupid ass mountain in the middle of God's nowhere! You leave that to the white folks! Brother!

Yoda: How feel you?
Anakin: Cold, sir.
Yoda: Afraid are you?
Anakin: No, sir.
Yoda: See through you we can.
Mace: Be mindful of your feelings.
Ki: Your thoughts dwell on your mother.
Anakin: I miss her.
Yoda: Afraid to lose her I think, hmm?
Anakin: What has that got to do with anything?
Yoda: Everything! Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.

Gibbons: Why is it always the assholes who pass the test?

Riley: So y'all was in Iraq together?
Gin: Yeah, we was in Iraq.
Riley: What did you do?
Gin: We was lookin' for weapons of mass destruction.
Riley: Did you ever find 'em?
Gin: You know goddamn well we ain't find them! What are you? Some kind of political humorist? You Garry Trudeau up in this bitch?
Ed Wuncler III: I was lookin' for bitches, but they had that carpet shit all over 'em and I couldn't see what they looked like.

Neville: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
[the terrified passengers on the plane turn to Neville]
Neville: I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!

Mister: Today's temperature's gonna rise up over 100 degrees, so there's a Jheri curl alert! That's right, Jheri curl alert. If you have a Jheri curl, stay in the house or you'll end up with a permanent black helmet on your head fuh-eva!

Sheriff: Now throw out your pistol!
[Jody throws out pistol]
Major: I bet he got another one.
Sheriff: Now throw out your other pistol!
Jody: I ain't got another pistol!
Major: Well, you better shit another pistol out your ass! 'Cause if you don't throw one out here in the next two seconds, we gon' kill this bitch!
[Jody throws out another pistol]

Raymond: [coming into Zeus' electric shop] Yo, uncle!
Dexter: [referring to the radio their carrying] Come look at this!
Zeus: [looks at watch] It's ten after nine. Why aren't you in school?
Raymond: Tony wants to sell you this.
Zeus: Tony? That no-neck dude they call "Bad T"?
Dexter: He says he found it in a dumpster.
Zeus: He keeps stealing from people, they're gonna find him in a dumpster.
Raymond: No, he didn't steal it. He says his uncle gave it to him.
Zeus: Mm-hm? Hand me that newspaper over there.
[Raymond hands Zeus the paper, and he whaps his nephews' heads lightly]
Zeus: Don't *ever* let people use you. You're running all over town with stolen property; if you get caught, you get in trouble while he gets to deny the whole thing and walk away.
Dexter: Y-You mean, you want us to take it back to Tony?
Zeus: No, I'll take it back to Tony... with a message.

Ed Wuncler III: It was all Rummy's fault.
Gin: Ed ran into the wrong store. I was following Ed.
Ed Wuncler III: How was I supposed to know which bookstore to go into? They look exactly the same, and they both got books.
Riley: And there was a giant crowd of people outside of one!
Ed Wuncler III: That don't mean Oprah was in there!
Riley: There was a large sign that said 'Welcome, Oprah'! Ya'll lucky Ed's grandfather owns the cops.
Butler: Just what are you trying to imply? Look, we escaped their capture because of planning, teamwork, and execution.
Butler: This officer wanted to see you, Mr. Wuncler.
Policeman: Excuse me, Mr. Wuncler. I just well, you dropped this today at the bookstore, during the unpleasant...
[hands Ed his wallet]
Policeman: Thank you, Mr. Wuncler. I'm so sorry to disturb you. I hope you're not upset with me.
Riley: ...Why don't we just get Oprah tomorrow?

Hondo: Sorry. Wrong room.
Chris: Who are you looking for?
Hondo: Chris Sanchez.
Chris: I'm Chris Sanchez.
Hondo: YOU'RE Chris Sanchez?
Chris: Look, if you're Internal Affairs, that guy had razorblades in his mouth. I had to put him down hard. I'm sick and tired of these bullshit complains because some vato doesn't like getting thrown to the pavement by a woman.
Hondo: [Raises eyebrow] I look like IAD to you?
[Sanchez shrugs]

Lieutenant: [Frost walks in to find Roman holding a gun to Nebaum's head] You see what they're making me do?

Gin: It's not a cybernetic ear, it's a cell phone headset. The only thing you gonna do with it is call a bitch, and unless the bitch is a Martian, there ain't no explanation for it to look that high-tech.

P.K. Highsmith: Ay, ay, ay! If I wanna hear you talk, I'll shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet!

Norman Goodman: What the hell is it?
Captain Harold C. Barnes: Whatever it is - it seems to be what this bird was designed to do. Go out in the space and gather things like this up and bring it back.
Norman Goodman: Yeah, but back from where?
Dr. Harry Adams: Don't get too excited, Ted - turn this thing over and it'll probably say 'Made in Korea'

Mace: In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, you're under arrest, Chancellor.
Supreme: Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?
Mace: The senate will decide your fate.
Supreme: [now speaking as Darth Sidious] I AM the senate!
Mace: Not yet.
[the Chancellor/Darth Sidious rises slowly, and his lightsaber snaps to his hand from his sleeve]
Supreme: It's treason, then...
[ignites his lightsaber and leaps over his desk to attack]

Russell: What in God's creation?
Jim: Oh, not His. Ours.

Jules: Bitch, be cool!

Neville: So, uh, you are pretty good at this game, right?
Troy: Yes, man. No problem. Well, I mean, my older brother Randy has got the high score, but I'm good. Asshole never lets me hear the end of it.

Ordell: What the fuck you doin' knockin on the door like the goddamn police? You wanna die?
Max: I thought you might be asleep.
Ordell: You keep fuckin' with me, you're gonna be asleep forever.

Major: Move a little strange, you're gonna get a bullet. Not a warning, not a question...
[pause]
Major: A bullet!

Lieutenant: You were wrong about me. What if I'm right about them?
Lieutenant: But what if you're wrong about me?

Jackie: Now sooner or later, they're gonna get around to offering me a plea deal, and you know that. That's why you came here to kill me.
Ordell: I ain't come here to kill you...
Jackie: No, no, it's OK, it's OK, now. I forgive you.

[after shooting Louis]
Ordell: What the fuck happened to you, man? Shit, your ass used to be beautiful!

Mister: Your Love Daddy says: Register to Vote! The election is coming up.

George: I'm still coming with you.
John: You can't keep up.
George: I might not be able to keep up with Tarzan, but I sure as hell can keep up with *you*.

Harry: Whatever it is, it was inside the Sphere. Now it's out, free to act.

The: [opening narration] Humanity, so eager, so willing to face the impossible, yet blind to the bigger picture. Inside one week, three strange and separate stories unfolded. A genius battled his demons both inside and out, while the world met the monster hiding in the man. And a godly prince fell to Earth. I am the Watcher. And where humans see chaos, I see the crucible that would transform this collection of individuals into a team of heroes. At least, that's how things played out in one universe. But in this one...
Agent: Sir, we found it.
Nick: Kind of in the middle of something here, Coulson.
Agent: Not sure it can wait, sir. Locals are getting curious.
Nick: Set up a perimeter and tell the team I'm en route.

Major: [to Oswaldo, Bob and Joe Gage] So John Ruth's trying to hang your woman, so you kill him. Okay, maybe. But OB wasn't hangin' nobody...
Sheriff: [nods] He damn sure wasn't!
Major: But he's sure enough laying over there dead now, ain't he?
Sheriff: He damn sure is, you sons-of-bitches!
Major: Just like any one of us who would have drank that coffee...
Sheriff: Like me, Goddamn it!

MJ: Want to go in, on a pair?
Peter: You mean like sit next to each other?
MJ: Yeah.
Nick: [in Peter's earpiece] Parker, you in position?
Peter: No...
MJ: [Thinks Peter is rejecting her] Okay... no?
Nick: [In Peter's Earpiece] Why the hell not?

[Ed III and Rummy rob a bank]
Ed Wuncler III: 22 minutes.
Gin: We suck! We fuckin' suck, man!
Ed Wuncler III: I don't think 22 minutes is so bad.
Gin: Not so bad? That's a whole episode of "Seinfeld"! It takes us a whole episode of Sein-fuckin'-feld to rob a bank!

Nick: Outwit the platinum bastard.
Natasha: Steve doesn't like that kind of talk.
Steve: You know what Romanoff...

[the group is breathing helium]
Dr. Ted Fielding: [high pitched voice] Oxygen is a corrosive gas, in the same family as fluorine and chlorine - hydrochloric acid, hydrofluoric acid. That's why we're breathing helium down here, because oxygen at any level higher than 2.3 becomes toxic.
Norman Goodman: [high pitched voice] Can you run that by me again, Ted? I don't speak balloon.
Harry: [high pitched voice] Follow the yellow brick road.

Zeus: That's it!
John: What?
Zeus: Hillary Clinton. The 42nd President.
John: Nah, she'd be the 43rd President.
Zeus: Alright, alright. But who's the 21st President?
John: I don't know.
Zeus: You don't know?
John: No, I don't know! Do you know?
Zeus: No!
John: Well?

Nick: We have a job to do, and you're coming with us.
Peter: There's gotta be someone else you can use. What about Thor?
Nick: Off-world.
Peter: Doctor Strange
Maria: Unavailable.
Peter: Captain Marvel.
Nick: Don't you invoke her name!
Peter: I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
Nick: Bitch, please! You've been to space.

Zeus: [tied with John to the liquid bomb on the freighter] Damn McClane, you know I was just starting to like you.
John: Yeah, well don't, I'm an asshole.
Zeus: What are you talking about, now?
John: I lied to you, Zeus.
Zeus: About what?
John: You remember, I said Weiss found that bomb up in Harlem?
Zeus: Yeah.
John: They found it down in Chinatown.
Zeus: Oh. Oh, now that's low, even for a white motherfucker like you. That's low.
John: I told you I was an asshole.

John: Are you aware that you always seem not going to do something right before you do it?
George: Yeah? Well. That's only since I've been saddled with your company.

Lucius: [Bob and Lucius are sitting in a parked car, reminiscing] So now I'm in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I'm an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover and what does Baron von Ruthless do?
Bob: [laughing] He starts monologuing.
Lucius: He starts monologuing! He starts like, this prepared speech about how *feeble* I am compared to him, how *inevitable* my defeat is, how *the world* *will soon* *be his*, yadda yadda yadda.
Bob: Yammering.
Lucius: Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter and he won't shut up!

[last lines]
Sheriff: Hey. Can I see that Lincoln letter?
[Warren reaches in his pocket and takes out a bloodied piece of paper; he hands it over to Mannix]
Sheriff: "Dear Marquis, I hope this letter finds you in good health and stead. I'm doing fine, although I wish there were more hours in the day. It's just so much to do. Time is changing slowly but surely and it's men like you will make a difference. Your military success is a credit not only to you but to your race as well. I'm very proud every time I hear news of you. We still have a long way to go but hand in hand, I know we'll get there. I just want to let you know you're in my thoughts. Hopefully our paths will cross in the future. Until then I remain your friend. 'Ole Mary Todd is calling, so I guess it must be time for bed. Respectfully, Abraham Lincoln..."
[long pause]
Sheriff: "'Ole Mary Todd..."
[smiles weakly]
Sheriff: That's a nice touch.
Major: [chuckles] Thanks.
[Mannix takes the letter and crumples it up; he tosses it on the floor nearby]

Dr. Harry Adams: Calling Dr. Halperine... Dr. Beth Halperine... Please return to reality.

Cockatoo: What's your drink brother?
Ordell: Let me have a screwdriver homes.
Cockatoo: And what about you?
Jackie: Oh, I'm fine.
Cockatoo: Yes you are
[they all laugh, the bartender leaves]
Ordell: Damn, I bet you come in here on a Saturday night, you need nigga repellent to keep them motherfuckers off your ass.
Jackie: Oh, I do okay.
Ordell: Bull shit, Jackie. You a fine motherfucker. I bet chu do a damn sight better than okay.

Beaumont: I just ain't climbin' in no goddamn, dirty-ass trunk, man. I got a problem with small places.
Ordell: Well I got a problem with spendin' ten thousand dollars on ungrateful, peanut-head niggers to get 'em out of jail, but I did it! And how small was that jail cell, motherfucker?

Stephen: You said you ain't know him.
Broomhilda: Huh?
Stephen: I said, "You said you ain't know him."
Broomhilda: I don't.
Stephen: Yes, you do.
Broomhilda: Mister Stephen, I don't.
Stephen: Why is you lying to me?
Broomhilda: [on the verge of tears] I ain't.
Stephen: Then why is you cryin'?
Broomhilda: You scaring me.
Stephen: Why is I'm scarin' you?
Broomhilda: Because you're scary.

Harry: [quoting "Jerry"] "I make a journey. You make a journey. We make a journey together."
Beth: I think Jerry's channeling Deepak Chopra.

Gazelle: Looks like a lot of people are going to die.
Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck?

Louis: Who's that?
Ordell: That's Beaumont.
Louis: Who's Beaumont?
Ordell: A employee I had to let go.
Louis: What'd he do?
Ordell: He put himself in a position where he was going to have to do ten years in prison, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know ain't no god damn way he can do ten years. And if you know that, then you know Beaumont's gonna do anything Beaumont can to keep from doing them ten years, including telling the federal government any and every motherfucking thing about my black ass. Now that, my friend, is a clear cut case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me.

Valentine: [from trailer] If you get blood on the carpet you're going to have to take the carpet up!

Lieutenant: You working?
Lieutenant: Sort of. I was negotiating a truce between my wife and daughter.
Lieutenant: Then I'm proved to be easy by comparison.
Lieutenant: It wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Jules: Look, just because I don't be givin' no man a foot massage don't make it right for Marsellus to throw Antwone into a glass motherfuckin' house, fuckin' up the way the nigger talks. Motherfucker do that shit to me, he better paralyze my ass, 'cause I'll kill the motherfucker, know what I'm sayin'?
Vincent: I ain't saying it's right. But you're saying a foot massage don't mean nothing, and I'm saying it does. Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do, and that's what's so fucking cool about them. There's a sensuous thing going on where you don't talk about it, but you know it, she knows it, fucking Marsellus knew it, and Antwone should have fucking better known better. I mean, that's his fucking wife, man. He can't be expected to have a sense of humor about that shit. You know what I'm saying?
Jules: That's an interesting point. Come on, let's get into character.

Gin: Back in Iraq, we was in the Special Ops.
Riley: Y'all niggas should've been in the Special Olympics!

[as the cops burst into the jewelry store where Bob and Lucius are, Lucius reaches for a water cooler to replenish his freezing powers]
Police: Freeze!
Lucius: I'm thirsty.
Police: I said freeze!
Lucius: I'm just getting a drink.
[takes the cup to his lips and drinks]
Police: Okay, you had your drink. Now, I want you to...
Lucius: I know, I know. Freeze.
Police: [freezes the cop]

[Talking to Omar about Pit Bulls]
Lieutenant: There's the right man's best friend and the wrong man's worst enemy.

Neville: Hey, hey, hey, we have to figure something out.
Rick: All right. Well, I know what I gotta do. We're in a 200-foot aluminum tube and we're 30,000 feet in the air. And any one of those slimy little pieces of shit can trip a circuit or a relay or a hydraulic and this bird goes down faster than a Thai hooker. So my job is to keep LAX informed on how totally screwed we are, and then find some way to keep this mother in the sky another two hours. Figure that out.

Jules: I don't wanna hear about no motherfuckin' ifs. All I wanna hear from your ass is, You ain't got no problem, Jules. I'm on the motherfucker. Go back in there, chill them niggers out and wait for the cavalry which should be coming directly.
Marsellus: You ain't got no problem, Jules. I'm on the motherfucker. Go back in there, chill them niggers out and wait for the Wolf who should be coming directly.

Harry: So that's what the little green men are saying now? "Take me to your therapist"?

Xander: Look who it is. Frankenstein. Uncuff me so I can beat the shit out of you.
Gibbons: Relax, X, you just graduated at the head of your class.

Dr. Harry Adams: Where's Teeny? I thought she did all the cooking around here.
Captain Harold C. Barnes: She had an unfortunate accident Harry, she was killed.
Dr. Harry Adams: Killed? how?
Captain Harold C. Barnes: Jellyfish.
Dr. Harry Adams: Jellyfish? That's strange.
Captain Harold C. Barnes: Yes that is strange isn't it.

Nick: Stark may be eccentric, but he's got potential.
Natasha: What he has is a hangover.

[after being rescued by Sonia, Darius realizes that Bryce is there as well]
Darius: Baby! What in the absolute fuck is Michael Bryce doing here?
Sonia: You said, "Baby, get me Michael Breese!"
Darius: No! No, no, no. I said, "Baby, got get anyone BUT Michael Bryce!"

Norman Goodman: I would be happy if Jerry had no emotions whatsoever. Because the thing of it is once you go down that road... here's Jerry, an emotional being cooped up for 300 years with no one to talk to... none of the socialization, the emotional growth that comes from contact with other emotional beings...
Harry: So...?
Norman Goodman: What happens if Jerry gets mad?

Joseph: He took the train my dad was on. The one that everyone died except my dad. That's the key to who you are. Mr. Glass killed Kevin's dad.
Elijah: It's all evidence, you see? If that train crash hadn't happened, Kevin wouldn't have been left alone with his mother. If Kevin's mother wasn't allowed to abuse him, then The Beast wouldn't have had to be born. What are the odds that David Dunn and Clarence Wendell Crumb would be together that day? Amazing. I created you, as I created David. It just took longer. 19 years. They almost convinced me I was crazy. I create superheroes. I truly am a mastermind.

[last lines]
Sean: Do you remember the first thing you ever told me?
Neville: What the fuck's that got to do with anything?
Sean: What was the first thing you ever told me?
Neville: Do as I say and you live.
Sean: Exactly. Now it's your turn. Do as I say, and you'll live.
[they start surfing]

Zeus: [in Zeus' electric shop] Now, where you goin'?
Dexter: School.
Zeus: Why?
Raymond: To get educated.
Zeus: *Why*?
Dexter: So we can go to college.
Zeus: And why is that important?
Dexter: To get es-pect.
Zeus: RE-spect. Now, who's the bad guys?
Dexter: Guys who sell drugs.
Raymond: Guys who have guns.
Zeus: And who's the good guys?
Dexter: We're the good guys.
Zeus: Who's gonna help you?
Raymond: Nobody.
Zeus: *So who's gonna help you*?
Dexter: We're gonna help ourselves.
Zeus: And who do we not want to help us?
Dexter,2197: White people.
Zeus: That's right. Now get on outta here. Go to school.

Jules: [talking about Mia, Marsellus Wallace's wife] I think her biggest deal was she starred in a pilot.
Vincent: Pilot? What's a pilot?
Jules: Well, you know the shows on TV?
Vincent: I don't watch TV.
Jules: Yeah, but, you are aware that there's an invention called television, and on this invention they show shows, right?
Vincent: Yeah.
Jules: Well, the way they pick TV shows is, they make one show. That show's called a pilot. Then they show that one show to the people who pick shows, and on the strength of that one show they decide if they want to make more shows. Some get chosen and become television programs. Some don't, become nothing. She starred in one of the ones that became nothing.

Valentine: Is he dead?
Gazelle: That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head.

Yoda: Master Qui-Gon. More to say have you?
Qui: With your permission, my master, I have encountered a vergence in the Force.
Yoda: A vergence, you say?
Mace: Located around a person?
Qui: A boy. His cells have the highest concentration of midi-chlorians I have seen in a life-form. It was possible he was concieved by the midi-chlorians.
Mace: You refer to the prophecy of The One who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it's this boy?

P.K. Highsmith: You have the right to remain silent... but I want to hear you scream!

P.K. Highsmith: Did someone call 9-1-holy shit!

Nick: You've been very busy. You made your girl your CEO, you're giving away all your stuff. You let your friend fly away with your suit. Now, if I know better...
Tony: [interrupts] You don't know better. I didn't give it to him. He took it.
Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa. He took it? You're Iron Man and he just took it? The little brother walked in there, kicked your ass and took your suit? Is that possible?
Natasha: Well, according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage.
Tony: What do you want from me?
Nick: What do we want from you? Uh-uh. What do you want from me? You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe. I have bigger problems in the southwest region to deal with. Hit him!
[Natalia injects Tony in his neck]
Tony: [groans] Oh God, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it? Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds? What did she just do to me?
Nick: What did we just do *for* you? That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work.
Tony: Give me a couple boxes of that. I'll be right as rain.
Natasha: It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms.
Nick: Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix.

John: [driving in a stolen business man's car] This thing got airbags?
Zeus: Your side does, I don't know about mi...
[shouts]
Zeus: McClane!

Kingsman Tailor: Perfect timing. Gentleman's just finished.
[Valentine and Gazelle step out of Fitting Room 1]
Valentine: Mr. DeVere. What a coincidence. You are totally the reason I'm here. When you left my house, I was thirsting for that dope-ass smoking jacket you had on. And since I'm going to Royal Ascot, apparently you need one of these penguin suits. Here I am. What are you doing here?
[Valentine shakes hands with Eggsy]
Valentine: What's up, man? Richmond Valentine.
Harry: This is my new valet. I was just introducing him to my tailor.
Valentine: Another coincidence. So am I.
Harry: Did you have any chance to think further on my proposal?
Valentine: Most definitely. My people will be getting in touch with you very soon. I guarantee it.
Harry: A word of advice: Ascot requires top hat. I might suggest Lock & Co. Hatters, St. James.
Valentine: 'Lox', as in smoked fish?
Harry: As in 'locked up'.
Valentine: Oh. I have trouble understanding you people sometimes. You all talk so funny.

Kevin: What do we call you, sir?
Elijah: First name, "Mr." Last name, "Glass."

Michael: I've had it with you two. I'm sorry to say this, Sonia, but you are crazy!
Darius: Hey, you can't talk to my wife that way.
Michael: Why not? She'd make a terrible mother. I wouldn't leave a Chucky doll in her care.

Valentine: So you want to donate to my foundation. You are aware that I wound things down in that area, right?
Harry: Climate change is a threat which affects us all, Mr. Valentine. And you're one of the few powerful men who seems to share my concerns.
Valentine: I stepped things down because I wasn't getting anywhere. Every bit of research kept pointing to the same thing.
Harry: The carbon emissions are a red herring, and we are past the point of no return, no matter what remedial actions we take.
Valentine: Uh-huh. You know your shit.
Harry: I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance of those less well-versed in their... 'shit'. As Professor Arnold always said: 'Humankind is the only virus cursed to live with the horrifying knowledge of its host's fragile mortality.'
[Surprised look by Valentine]
Valentine: There are not a lot of people who knew about him.
[Short pause]
Valentine: Do you like spy movies, Mr. DeVere?
[Hart notices Gazelle sitting behind him, pointing one of her bladed legs toward him]
Harry: Nowadays, they're all a little serious for my taste. But the old ones... marvelous. Give me a far-fetched theatrical plot any day.
Valentine: The old Bond movies. Oh, man. Ah, when I was a kid, that was my dream job: gentleman spy.
Harry: I always felt that the old Bond films were only as good as the villain. As a child, I rather fancied a future as a colorful megalomaniac.
Valentine: What a shame we both had to grow up.
[Valentine smiles]
Valentine: Bon appetit.
[Valentine and Hart toast with their burgers]

Ordell: Is that what I think it is?
Jackie: What do you think it is?
Ordell: I think it's a gun pressed up against my dick.
Jackie: Well, you thought right. Now take your hands off from around my throat, nigga.

Darius: I made that jump on one leg.
Michael: I made that jump without jumping.

Jules: I'm not giving you that money. I'm buying something from you. Wanna know what I'm buyin' Ringo?
Pumpkin: What?
Jules: Your life. I'm givin' you that money so I don't have to kill your ass. You read the Bible?
Pumpkin: Not regularly.
Jules: There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." Now... I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

Zeus: [running steadily to get to the park] So what's up with this L.A. thing? You famous or something?
John: Yeah, for about five minutes.
Zeus: Don't tell me. Rodney King, right?
John: Fuck you.

Hondo: You still want to work S.W.A.T?
Chris: No. I just enjoy applying all the time.

Gin: Ain't nobody seen nothin'.
Huey: I know who did the killing! I've known for twenty minutes. Guy's name is Terrell Jackson; he's been bragging about it all day. Everybody knows. He lives five minutes away. I've got MapQuest directions right here.
Ed Wuncler III: How'd you find all this out?
Huey: We talked to people!
Riley: [holds up a drawing] I got a picture.
Gin: Where you get that?
Riley: I drew it from the description of the dude that they gave us while y'all was whuppin' niggas asses in the street. I almost had time to color it.

John: [about to enter the subway station to answer Simon's call on time] Listen, you fail I cover your ass. I fail you cover my ass!
Zeus: [still sitting in the stolen cab] And if we both fail?
John: [entering the subway station to answer Simon's call on time] Then we're both fucked!

Lieutenant: You want my blood? Take my blood!

Supreme: Anakin, I told you it would come to this! I was right! The Jedi are taking over!
Mace: The oppression of the Sith will never return! You have lost!
Supreme: [speaking as Darth Sidious] No... no... no! YOU WILL DIE!

Loki: [pinning Fury down] You and your replacement Avengers fought valiantly, but now I think it's time you told me all your secrets.
[Black Widow knocks him down]
Loki: I was told you were dead.
Natasha: Same.
[uses the scepter to enthrall him]
Nick: You're not my Natasha, but something tells me you have her spirit.

Vincent: Want some bacon?
Jules: No man, I don't eat pork.
Vincent: Are you Jewish?
Jules: Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
Vincent: Why not?
Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Vincent: Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.
Vincent: How about a dog? Dogs eats its own feces.
Jules: I don't eat dog either.
Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules: I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules: Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charming motherfuckin' pig. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm sayin'?

Stephen: I count six shots, nigger.
Django: [pulls out a second revolver] I count two guns, nigger.

Russell: Well I'll be damned.
Jim: No, Mr.Franklin you've just seen what it like *not* to be damned.

[as Max Cherry exits the bathroom]
Ordell: Uh uh uh... I didn't hear you wash your hands.

Jules: I want you to go in that bag, and find my wallet.
Pumpkin: Which one is it?
Jules: It's the one that says Bad Motherfucker.

Nick: These new long range precision guns can eliminate a thousand hostiles a minute. The satellites can read a terrorist's DNA before he steps outside his spider hole. We're gonna neutralize a lot of threats before they even happen.
Steve: I thought the punishment usually came *after* the crime.
Nick: We can't afford to wait that long.
Steve: Who's "we"?
Nick: After New York, I convinced the World Security Council we needed a quantum surge in threat analysis. For once we're way ahead of the curve.
Steve: By holding a gun at everyone on Earth and calling it protection.
Nick: You know, I read those SSR files. Greatest generation? You guys did some nasty stuff.
Steve: Yeah, we compromised. Sometimes in ways that made us not sleep so well. But we did it so the people could be free. This isn't freedom, this is fear.
Nick: S.H.I.E.L.D. takes the world as it is, not as we'd like it to be. And it's getting damn near past time for you to get with that program, Cap.
Steve: Don't hold your breath.

Nick: We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is HYDRA. We have to get past them, insert these server blades. And maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what's left...
Steve: We're not salvaging anything. We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We're taking down S.H.I.E.L.D.
Nick: S.H.I.E.L.D. had nothing to do with this.
Steve: You gave me this mission. This is how it ends. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s been compromised. You said so yourself. HYDRA grew right under your nose and nobody noticed.
Nick: Why do you think we're meeting in this cave? I noticed.
Steve: How many paid the price before you did?
Nick: Look, I didn't know about Barnes.
Steve: Even if you had, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that, too? S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA, it all goes.
Maria: He's right.
Sam: [Fury glances at Natasha, who gives a quiet indication of the same opinion. Fury then looks at Wilson] Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower.
Nick: Well... It looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain.

Ordell: Now, the thing is, I ain't never done business with these Koreans before. Now I ain't worried, because, by and large, Asians are very dependable, they don't want no trouble. You might argue with them about price and shit, but you don't need to worry about them shooting you in the back, you know what I'm saying?

Russell: Was that a goddamn shark broke through that door?
Carter: I expect so.
Russell: You expect so? Huh. Well, well, well. Am I the only asshole down here who thinks that a tad bit odd?
Russell: It can do that? Bust through a steel door?

Harry: Are you a religious man, Norman?
Norman Goodman: Atheist, but I'm flexible.

[Fury is visiting an imprisoned Loki]
Nick: In case it's unclear, if you try to escape, you so much as scratch that glass...
[Fury hits a button on the machine and opens metal iris panels around the chamber]
Nick: ...it's 30,000 feet straight down in a steel trap. You get how that works? Ant... boot.
Loki: It's an impressive cage. Not built, I think, for me.
Nick: Built for something a lot stronger than you.
Loki: Oh, I've heard. The mindless beast, makes play he's still a man. How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you?
Nick: How desperate am I? You threaten my world with war. You steal a force you can't hope to control. You talk about peace and you kill 'cause it's fun. You have made me VERY desperate. You might not be glad that you did.
Loki: Ooh. It burns you to have come so close. To have the Tesseract, to have power, unlimited power. And for what? A warm light for all mankind to share. And then to be reminded what real power is.
Nick: [walks away] Well, let me know if "real power" wants a magazine or something.

Sam: 41st floor! 41st!
Nick: It's not like they put the floor numbers on the outside of the building.

[Arthur grabs a poison fountain pen]
Arthur: Can you guess...
[pulls the pen clip back]
Arthur: ... what this is?
Gary: I don't have to. Harry showed me. You click it, I die. I thought that brandy tasted a bit shit.
Arthur: Bravo.
Gary: Valentine won you over, somehow.
Arthur: Once he explained, I understood.
[Flashback to Arthur's meeting with Valentine]
Valentine: When you get a virus, you get a fever. That's the human body raising its core temperature to kill the virus. Planet Earth works the same way: Global warming is the fever, mankind is the virus. We're making our planet sick. A cull is our only hope. If we don't reduce our population ourselves, there's only one of two ways this can go: The host kills the virus, or the virus kills the host. Either way...
[Back to Eggsy and Arthur's conversation]
Arthur: The result is the same: The virus dies.
Gary: So Valentine's gonna take care of the population problem himself.
Arthur: Well if we don't do something, nature will. Sometimes, a culling is the only way to ensure that the species survives. And history will see Valentine as the man who saved humanity from extinction.
Gary: And he gets to pick and choose who gets culled, does he? All his rich mates, they get to live. And then when he thinks it's worth saving, he keeps them safe, whether they agree with him or not.
Arthur: And you, Eggsy. In Harry's honor, I am inviting you to be part of a new world. It's time to make your decision.
[Long pause]
Gary: I'd rather be with Harry. Thanks.
Arthur: So be it.
[Arthur points the fountain pen and engages the poison. After a few seconds, nothing happens to Eggsy. Arthur suddenly convulses]
Gary: The problem with us common types is, that we are light-fingered. Kingsman's taught me a lot, but sleight of hand...
[Flashback shows Eggsy swapping glasses while Arthur is not looking]
Gary: I had that done already.
Arthur: You dirty... little fucking prick...
[Arthur slumps to his death. Eggsy then takes the pen and cuts open the scar behind Arthur's ear to extract the transponder]

Darius: You're going to pardon an innocent woman? That's mighty fucking white of you.

Zeus: [tied with John to the liquid bomb on the freighter] What the hell's all this got to do with killing McClane?
Simon: Life has its little bonuses.

Zeus: [tied with John to the liquid bomb on the freighter] If I hadn't've saved your fuckin' ass, I wouldn't be sittin' here with you about to blow up with 100 billion dollars in fuckin' gold.
John: Yeah, well, I got some bad news, you're only gonna blow up with me.
Zeus: What?
John: No gold on this boat.
Zeus: How do you know that?
John: Cuz I know the man, I know the family. The only thing better than blowing up 100 billion dollars worth of gold is making people think you did.

Jules: Hey kids! How you boys doin'?
[to man laying on the couch]
Jules: Hey, keep chillin'. You know who we are? We're associates of your business partner Marsellus Wallace. You do remember your business partner don't you? Let me take a wild guess here. You're Brett, right?
Brett: Yeah.
Jules: I thought so. You remember your business partner Marsellus Wallace, don't you, Brett?
Brett: Yeah, yeah, I remember him.
Jules: Good. Looks like me an Vincent caught you boys at breakfast. Sorry about that. Whatcha havin'?
Brett: Hamburgers.
Jules: Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. What kind of hamburgers?
Brett: Ch-cheeseburgers.
Jules: No, no no, where'd you get 'em? McDonalds? Wendy's? Jack in the Box? Where?
Brett: Big Kahuna Burger.
Jules: Big Kahuna Burger. That's that Hawaiian burger joint. I hear they got some tasty burgers. I ain't never had one myself. How are they?
Brett: They're good.
Jules: Mind if I try one of yours? This is yours here, right?
[Picks up burger and takes a bite]
Jules: Mmm-mmmm. That is a tasty burger. Vincent, ever have a Big Kahuna Burger?
[Vincent shakes his head]
Jules: Wanna bite? They're real tasty.
Vincent: Ain't hungry.
Jules: Well, if you like burgers give 'em a try sometime. I can't usually get 'em myself because my girlfriend's a vegitarian which pretty much makes me a vegitarian. But I do love the taste of a good burger. Mm-mm-mm. You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France?
Brett: No.
Jules: Tell 'em, Vincent.
Vincent: A Royale with cheese.
Jules: A Royale with cheese! You know why they call it that?
Brett: Because of the metric system?
Jules: Check out the big brain on Brett! You're a smart motherfucker. That's right. The metric system. What's in this?
Brett: Sprite.
Jules: Sprite, good. You mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash this down?
Brett: Go right ahead.
Jules: Ah, hit the spot.

Ordell: My money's in that office, right? If she start giving me some bullshit about it ain't there, and we got to go someplace else and get it, I'm gonna shoot you in the head then and there. Then I'm gonna shoot that bitch in the kneecaps, find out where my goddamn money is. She gonna tell me too. Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you, motherfucker. You listen: we go in there, and that nigga Winston or anybody else is in there, you the first motherfucker to get shot. You understand?

Janice: There's doctor Jim Whitlock, the most brilliant man ever!
Russell: He's pissing into the wind! How brilliant can he be?
Janice: You'll see!

Norman Goodman: What is it, Harry?
Dr. Harry Adams: Take a look. It's chipped!
Captain Harold C. Barnes: Alright, it's chipped - so what?
Dr. Harry Adams: Well I thought you said this thing wouldn't damage when it crashed and that this titanium alloy was so superstrong there's no way you can hurt it.
Captain Harold C. Barnes: I did.
Dr. Harry Adams: So how come it chips when this scientist just bangs on it with a hammer?

Hondo: I need your A-game boys... and girl.

Ordell: Goddamn girl, you gettin' high already? It's just 2 o'clock!
Melanie: [chuckling] It's that late?
Ordell: You know you smoke too much of that shit, that shit gonna rob you of your own ambition.
Melanie: Not if your ambition is to get high and watch TV...
Ordell: Oh, ya'll a couple Cheech and Chongs, huh?
[phone rings]
Ordell: Well don't get up, I got it.

Hondo: Drop Fruit of the Loomski in the A-car.

John: [running to get to the payphone in the park] You know this guy Simon we're talking to?
Zeus: Yeah.
John: I threw his little brother off the thirty-second floor of Nakatomi Towers out in L.A. I guess he's a little pissed off about it.
Zeus: Wait a minute. You mean to tell me I'm in this shit 'cause some white cop threw some white asshole's brother off a roof?

Neville: [to Three G's] Sit your ass down, Clarence.

Zeus: What the fuck are you doin'?
John: Interrogatin' him.
Zeus: Well, what's he gonna tell you, "I'm dead"?
John: Well, I ain't gonna know 'til I ask him, am I?

Gin: Whoa. Bushido Brown. Aw, damn, I was afraid of this.
Ed Wuncler III: Who's Bushido Brown?
Gin: A bona fide bad motherfucker, that's who. You remember when Oprah made those comments about the beef industry?
Riley: No.
Gin: Oh. Well, a few years back, Oprah said some shit on her show about beef. You know, Mad Cow Disease or some shit. Anyway, the beef industry didn't exactly find that shit amusing. They thought they'd send a crew of armed Texans to teach Oprah a lesson. Ex-Marines, ex-Texas Rangers, rogues, that kinda shit. But Oprah hired Bushido Brown as her personal bodyguard. Apparently, only one dude was able to actually lay a hand on Oprah's office door. They say... Bushido Brown kept that hand.
Ed Wuncler III: ...I think I just shit myself.

Django: You said in seventy-six years on this plantation, you've seen all manner of shit done to niggers but I notice... you didn't mention kneecapping.
[Django shoots Stephen in the kneecap]
Stephen: Oh, God-motherfucking-damn it!
Django: Seventy-six years, Stephen. How many niggers you think you seen come and go? Seven thousand? Eight thousand? Nine thousand? Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine? Every single word that came out of Calvin Candie's mouth was nothing but horseshit, but he was right about one thing: I am that one nigger in ten thousand.
[He shoots Stephen in the other kneecap]
Stephen: Oh, you son of a bitch! Oh, you motherfucker! Oh, sweet Jesus, let me kill this nigger!

Mister: My people, my people, what can I say; say what I can. I saw it but didn't believe it; I didn't believe what I saw. Are we gonna live together? Together are we gonna live?

Nick: Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to exit the donut.

Steve: Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?
Bruce: He'd have to heat the cube to a hundred and twenty million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier.
Tony: Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunnelling effect.
Bruce: Well, if he could do that, he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet.
Tony: Finally, someone who speaks English.
Steve: Is that what just happened?
[Stark and Banner shake hands]
Tony: It's good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.
Bruce: Thanks.
Nick: [to Stark] Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube. I was hoping you might join him.
Steve: Let's start with that stick of his. It may be magical, but it works an awful lot like a Hydra weapon.
Nick: I don't know about that, but it is powered by the cube. And I'd like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys.
Thor: Monkeys? I do not understand.
Steve: I do!
[Stark rolls his eyes, while Captain America looks proud of himself]
Steve: I understood that reference.

Hondo: The reason we're gathered here on our God-given, much-needed day of rest is that we have a Polish hostage.
Deke: So what if he's Polish?
Hondo: No, no. Means he's one of those: "Anyone comes in, I'll blow my head off" type of guys.

Neville: [to Dr. Price] Well, that's good news. Snakes on crack.

Dr. Harry Adams: I'm not choking, you asshole! I hate squid!

Lieutenant: Crazy is on the bus.

Dr. Susan McCallister: Tell me Mr. Franklin, have you ever known anyone with Alzheimer's?
Russell: Well, no.
Dr. Susan McCallister: By the end all my father could do was ask why my mother wasn't at home, and each time I told him she was dead I had to watch him take that loss like a car wreck. 200,000 men and women develop Alzheimer's each year! What if you could end all that suffering with a single pill? Give me till Monday morning, 48 hours. I'll give you results that'll skyrocket your stock price or I'll help you pack the lab myself. It's your call.

Gibbons: You ever watch lions at the zoo? You can always tell which ones were captured in the wild by the look in their eyes. The wild cat. She remembers running across the plain, the thrill of the hunt. Four hundred pounds of killing fury, locked in a box. But after a while, their eyes start to glaze over, and you can tell their soul has died. The same thing happens to a man. Leavenworth Federal Penetentiary is no joke. They'll take a wild man like you and throw him in solitary just for the fun of it. No more mountains to board, no more oceans to surf. Just a 6-by-8 cell with no window and only a bucket to shit in. You can avoid all of that by doing me this small favor.
Xander: You don't have shit on me.
Gibbons: I noticed you have three X's tattooed on the back of your neck. I think that's rather appropriate, since you're looking at three strikes. Grand theft auto, reckless endangerment, and that little bridge stunt of yours makes you a three-time loser. Maybe you ought to call yourself "Triple X." But if you do what I want, I'll make all your little recent criminal transgressions go away and let you get back to that pathetic excuse of a life.

John: You know how to pick this lock?
Zeus: Is this some black-shit again?
John: Hey will you stop that racial shit? Are you a fuckin' locksmith or not?

Stephen: [singing] In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore. In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore...
[continues signing]
Stephen: In the sweet...
Django: [Django appears and starts singing] By and by... Ohhhhhh!
[Stephen, Miss Lara and everybody else in the room jerks up to Django, who is standing on the top balcony lighting candles]
Django: Ya'll gonna be together with Calvin in the "bye-and-bye..."
[Django pauses as Billy Crash walks up]
Django: ... just a bit sooner than ya'll was expecting!

Russell: Just what the hell did you do to those sharks?
Dr. Susan McCallister: Their brains weren't large enough to harvest sufficient amounts of the protein complex. So we violated the Harvard Compact. Jim and I used gene therapies to increase their brain mass. A larger brain means more protein. As a side effect the sharks got smarter.
Janice: You stupid bitch!

Gin: Oprah Winfrey taps directly into the emotions, beliefs, buying habits and summer reading patterns of billions of women all over the world! Oprah Winfrey has the power to lay waste an entire industry with a mere utterance! She's a completely invincible, unstoppable force of nature and with her under our control... nobody would be able to stop us!

Jules: [Vincent and Jules are cleaning the inside of the car which is covered in blood] Oh, man, I will never forgive your ass for this shit. This is some fucked-up repugnant shit.
Vincent: Jules, did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he's wrong that he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoings? Have you ever heard that?
Jules: Get the fuck out my face with that shit! The motherfucker that said that shit never had to pick up itty-bitty pieces of skull on account of your dumb ass.
Vincent: I got a threshold, Jules. I got a threshold for the abuse that I will take. Now, right now, I'm a fuckin' race car, right, and you got me the red. And I'm just sayin', I'm just sayin' that it's fuckin' dangerous to have a race car in the fuckin' red. That's all. I could blow.
Jules: Oh! Oh! You ready to blow?
Vincent: Yeah, I'm ready to blow.
Jules: Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Guns of the Navarone! IN FACT, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOIN' IN THE BACK? YOU'RE THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO SHOULD BE ON BRAIN DETAIL! We're fuckin' switchin'! I'm washin' the windows, and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull!

John: [while arguing over the water jug problem at the park's fountain] I'll tell you what your problem is, you don't like me 'cause you're a racist!
Zeus: What?
John: You're a racist! You don't like me 'cause I'm white!
Zeus: I don't like you because you're gonna get me *killed*!

Zeus: [in Walter's office] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not going anywhere.
Inspector: Simon says you got to go.
Zeus: I'm not jumping through hoops for some psycho! That's a white man, with white problems. You deal with him. Call me when he crosses 110th Street.

Lieutenant: One last question... Do you know who killed Nate?
Insp. Terence Niebaum: [Niebaum leans forward after a long pause] You.

Stacks: What time is it?
Tommy: It's eleven thirty, we're supposed to be there by nine.
Stacks: Be ready in a minute.
Tommy: Yeah, you were always fuckin' late, you were late for your own fuckin' funeral.
[shoots him]

Vincent: And you know what they call a... a... a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?
Jules: They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?
Vincent: No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is.
Jules: Then what do they call it?
Vincent: They call it a Royale with cheese.
Jules: A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac?
Vincent: Well, a Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it le Big-Mac.
Jules: Le Big-Mac. Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper?
Vincent: I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King.

Darius: Go to FTP site Raven 257. Just load it up.
Moreno: Exhibit 18-D. We've confirmed the coordinates.
ICC: It's asking for a password.
Darius: Oh, sorry. Er, password... "Dukhovich is a dick", all caps, uh, except "dick" is lower case.

Major: [to the men about Daisy] What charms this bitch got to make a man brave a blizzard and kill in cold blood? I'm sure I dunno.

Nick: [holds a photo of Alexander Pierce] This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize. He said that peace is not an achievement but a responsibility. It's stuff like this that gives me trust issues.

Ordell: Jackie can tell me any story that comes into her pretty little head, just so long as at the end of that story she hands me my motherfucking money.

Dr. Harry Adams: Anybody else wonder who the hell opened that door?

Ordell: Goddamn girl, how you live like this?
Sheronda: Like what?
Ordell: [points at filthy room] Like this! This some repugnant shit!

[Danny points his gun at Rudy]
Lieutenant: Too bad Rudy, Danny Roman was *just* starting to like you.
Rudy: Well tell Danny Roman to hold the fuck on!

Sean: Flynn, it's too hot.
Neville: I'm from Tennessee. I hadn't noticed.

Big: I eat the pussy, I eat the butt, I eat every motherfuckin' thang.

Jules: Now Yolanda, we're not gonna do anything stupid, are we?
Yolanda: You don't hurt him.
Jules: Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what's Fonzie like? Come on Yolanda what's Fonzie like?
Yolanda: Cool?
Jules: What?
Yolanda: He's cool.
Jules: Correctamundo. And that's what we're gonna be. We're gonna be cool. Now Ringo, I'm gonna count to three, and when I count three, you let go of your gun, and sit your ass down. But when you do it, you do it cool. Ready? One... two... three.
[Ringo sits down opposite Jules]
Yolanda: All right, now you let him go.
Jules: Yolanda, I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers accidentally get shot.
Yolanda: You just know, you touch him, you die.
Jules: Well, that seems to be the situation. But I don't want that. And you don't want that. And Ringo here *definitely* doesn't want that.

Ordell: Melanie real good about throwing a fuck a nigger's way. I mean, she ain't no damn good at it, but she likes to fuck.
Louis: Oh, so, she ain't your girlfriend.
Ordell: Is that what you thought?
Louis: Nah, I wasn't sure, you know.
Ordell: But you fucked her anyway, though, huh?
Louis: Well - the not your girlfriend part I felt more about.
Ordell: Oh,, I hope you felt appropriately guilty afterwards.
Louis: Afterwards, I did.
[Louis and Ordell both laugh]

Hondo: Street, you have a driver's license?
Street: Got a library card.
Hondo: Good enough. So get your uniform on. You're driving me around today.

Xander: What is this place?
Gibbons: Looks like a diner.
Xander: That's clever. You know, you almost had me going there for a while. I was a bit groggy before, then I started noticing things. Like, you got a stockbroker over here, all dressed up reading the Financial Times on a Sunday morning when the market's closed. Unlikely, but okay, I can go with that. I can even go with the stick-up man packing a cop-issue Beretta. But you want to know where you blew it?
[points at waitress]
Xander: With her. My aunt was in the restaurant business all her life. There's no way in hell a career waitress comes to work in high heels. She'd have blisters the size of pancakes before lunch. And if she ain't real, then this whole thing ain't real. That's how I knew this bozo over here wouldn't get a shot off even if we waited till St. Patrick's Day.
[fires shotgun at wall]
Xander: Because there's nothing but blanks in these guns. Oh, and no offense, but their performances were terrible.

Major: [interrogating Bob about Minnie's whereabouts] How long did you say you was working with Minnie?
Bob: Four months...
Major: Hmm. See, if you would have been here two and a half years ago, you'd know about that sign that used to hang up over the bar. Minnie ever mention that to you?
Bob: No.
Major: You wanna know what that sign said, Senior Bob? "No Dogs or Mexicans Allowed." Minnie hung that sign up the day she opened this haberdashery, and it hung over that bar every day until she took it down a little over two years ago. Know why she took it down? She started letting in dogs. Now Minnie like just about everybody, but she sure don't like Mexicans. So when you tell me Minnie went to the northside to visit her mama, well, I find that highly unlikely. But okay, maybe...
[pause]
Major: But when you tell me Minnie Mink took the haberdashery, the most precious thing to her in the whole world, and left it in the hands of a goddamn Mexican? Well, that's what I meant in the barn when I said that sure don't sound like Minnie. Now I am calling you a liar, Senor Bob...
[pause]
Major: And if you're lying, which you are, then you killed Minnie...
[Warren suddenly shoots Bob in the chest]
Major: And Sweet Dave!
[Warren shoots Bob again. Bob falls to the floor dead. Warren walks over to Bob's body with his two guns and shoots his head off]
Major: Two measly bullets and there goes Senor Bob!

Darius: You know, when life gives you shit, you make Kool-Aid.
Michael: That's not really how that expression works.
Darius: That's the beauty of that motherfucker: life.
Michael: Ah. Yeah, well, life, I mean... life doesn't usually give you shit and then turn into a beverage.

Darius: Motherfucker, I will bust a cap in your ass, if you don't give up that wheel.
Michael: Have you ever said please or thank you...
Darius: Please, motherfucker!
Michael: Why are we always yelling?

Zeus: [tied with John to the liquid bomb on the freighter] No riddle is gonna stop this motherfucker?
Simon: No code, no riddle, no fancy little countdown.

[Major Warren shoots Daisy in the foot after she tells Chris Mannix to shoot him]
Daisy: [screaming] OH, JESUS CHRIST!
Major: OHHH, you believe in Jesus now, huh, bitch? GOOD, 'CAUSE YOU 'BOUT TO MEET HIM!

Mace: [has Palpatine subdued] I am going to end to this, once and for all!
Anakin: You can't. He must stand trial.
Mace: He has control of the Senate and the courts. He's too dangerous to be left alive.
Supreme: [exhausted and disfigured] I'm too weak. Oh, don't kill me. Please!
Anakin: It's not the Jedi way. He must live!
Supreme: [Windu ignores Anakin, still intending to kill Palpatine] Please don't!
Anakin: I need him!
Supreme: [Windu raises his lightsaber] Please don't!
Anakin: NO!
[Anakin draws his own lightsaber, cutting off Windu's hand]
Supreme: [as he electrocutes Windu] POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!

Elijah: This was an origin story the whole time.

Harry: I forgive you, Norman. I forgive you! But I *don't* forgive you for Ted - he's a pain in the ass.

Hondo: Oh look, they got their own airport security.

George: You, are Tarzan. Lord of the apes, King of the jungle. "Me, Tarzan. You, Jane."

[cleaning their bloody hands]
Jules: Fuck, nigga, what the fuck did you do to his towel?
Vincent: I was dryin' my hands.
Jules: You're supposed to wash 'em first!
Vincent: You watched me wash 'em.
Jules: I watched you get 'em wet.
Vincent: I was washing 'em. But this shit's hard to get off. Maybe if I had Lava or something, I coulda done a better job.
Jules: I used the same fuckin' soap you did and when I got finished, the towel didn't look like no goddamn Maxi-Pad!

Ordell: [Ordell has bailed Beaumont out of jail] Look at you and your free ass. Come here, boy, gimme a motherfuckin' hug.
Beaumont: Good lookin' out, man. I don't know what to say. Thank you, thank you...
Ordell: Uh-huh. Who was there for your ass?
Beaumont: You were there for my ass.
Ordell: Who?
Beaumont: You.
Ordell: Who?
Beaumont: You!
Ordell: Whooo?
Beaumont: You nigga, damn!
Ordell: You goddamn right. That's how that shit works: you get your ass in trouble, I get your ass out. That's my motherfuckin' job. And I don't mind telling you, nigga, it's steady work.

Jules: You remember Antoine Roccamora, half black, half Samoan, used to call him Tony Rocky Horror?
Vincent: Yeah, maybe. Fat, right?
Jules: I wouldn't go so far as to call the brother fat, I mean he got a weight problem. What's the nigger gonna do? He's Samoan.

Elijah: They've been lying to us all.
The: You believe?
Elijah: Yes, I do. It's what I've believed my whole life.
The: They are losing faith. My Horde is losing faith!
Elijah: In comics... you would go to a public place where all could see you. A place celebrating man's pedestrian achievements. But you need David to convince them. You should fight him in front of the world. The tallest building in this city is opening today. All the cameras in the world will record you. You can convince the Horde and the world at the same time. We exist.
The: Why are you in this chair, child?
Elijah: My bones break easily. I was born this way. I've had 94 breaks in my life. I've known only pain.
The: Rejoice. You have suffered and are now pure.
Elijah: I assume you were sent here to be an avenging angel. How much do you want to avenge us?
[the Beast yells wildly]
Elijah: Well, that sounds like the bad guys teaming up.

Neville: Everybody listen up! We have to put a barrier between us and the snakes!

Lieutenant: I like westerns, like Shane.
Lieutenant: It's interesting that you pick one where the hero dies.
Lieutenant: What are you talking about? He doesn't die. He rides off into the sunset, and that kid says "Come back, Shane!"
Lieutenant: That's a common misconception, in the last frame he's slumped over on his horse.
Lieutenant: So he was slumped, slumped don't mean dead.

Russell: You think water moves fast? You should see ice. It moves like it has a mind. Like it knows it killed the world once and got a taste for murder. After the avalanche, it took us a week to climb out. Now, I don't know exactly when we turned on each other, but I know that seven of us survived the slide... and only five made it out. Now we took an oath, that I'm breaking now. We said we'd say it was the snow that killed the other two, but it wasn't. Nature is lethal but it doesn't hold a candle to man.

Bob: Are you actually accusing me of murder?
Major: [chuckles] The way I see it, Senior Bob, is whoever is working with her...
[referring to Daisy]
Major: ... ain't who they say they is, and if it's you, then Minnie and her man ain't at her mama's. They laying out back there dead somewhere.
[to Oswaldo]
Major: Or if it's you, little British man, the real Oswaldo Mobray's laying in a ditch somewhere and you're just an English fella passin' off his papers.
Sheriff: Or we go by my theory which is the ugliest guy did it...
[turns to Joe Gage and points his gun at him]
Sheriff: ... which makes it you, Joe Gage!

[Hart arrives at Valentine's home. Valentine opens the door]
Valentine: Mr. DeVere. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Harry: I'm awfully sorry. I seem to have my dates muddled up.
Valentine: Oh, no no no. I cancelled the gala because of you. Anybody willing to donate that much deserves a private dinner. Come in.
Harry: Thank you.
Valentine: Gotta admit, I was really intrigued to meet you. There aren't many billionaires I don't know.
Harry: I don't doubt it.
Valentine: Obviously, I've had my people looking into your... affairs and that's some pretty old money you're from. How'd your folks make it?
Harry: Property, mostly. Property in the markets. Nothing personal, if that's your concern.
Valentine: Look, I'm just in to find out what kind of person you are. I'm sure you understand that.
Harry: I most certainly do.
Valentine: Hope you're hungry.
Harry: I'm famished.
Valentine: Good. Grab a seat.
[Gazelle brings in a silver food cart. Suspenseful music plays in the background as she places it between Hart and Valentine until she opens it, revealing McDonald's food]
Harry: I'll have the Big Mac, please.
Valentine: Great choice. But nothing beats two cheeseburgers with secret sauce. Goes great with this '45 Lafitte.
Harry: A classic pairing. And may I suggest Twinkies and a 1937 Chateau d'Yquem for pudding?
Valentine: I like it.

Darius: Are you using pepper spray?
Michael: I'm on sabbatical.

Jules: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a bitch out, and givin' a bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fuckin' thing.
Vincent: It's not. It's the same ballpark.
Jules: Ain't no fuckin' ballpark neither. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin' his wife's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her Holiest of Holies, ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit.
Vincent: Have you ever given a foot massage?
Jules: [scoffs] Don't be tellin' me about foot massages. I'm the foot fuckin' master.
Vincent: Given a lot of 'em?
Jules: Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don't be ticklin' or nothin'.
Vincent: Would you give a guy a foot massage?
[Jules gives Vincent a long look, realizing he's been set up]
Jules: Fuck you.
Vincent: You give them a lot?
Jules: Fuck you.
Vincent: You know, I'm getting kinda tired. I could use a foot massage myself.
Jules: Man, you best back off, I'm gittin' a little pissed here.

Neville: All praises to the PlayStation.

Neville: Everybody listen! We have to put a barrier between us and the snakes!

Aristotle: You! Motherfucker!
Darius: That's right, papa dick-less. You gotta earn the right to call us motherfuckers.
Darius: Motherfucker!

George: [looking out over the ledge] How are we suppose to catch a train going 40 miles an hour?
John: Gravity...
[he and the natives jump off one at a time]

Street: So why'd you pick me?
Hondo: To piss off the captain.

Louis: What is she to you?
Ordell: You know, she's just one of the bitches I got set up. I got Mel over in Hermosa Beach and I rent this little place for Simone over in Compton where you stayin', and about four blocks away I got this young 19-year-old country girl named Sheronda. I found her on the bus stop two days out of Georgia - barefoot, country as a chicken coop. I took her to my place in Compton, told her it was Hollywood.
Louis: You told her - she believed you?
Ordell: Hell, yeah. To her dumb country ass, Compton is Hollywood. Closest she's ever been, anyway.

Gin: Oh, snap! What if we kidnap Oprah?
Ed Wuncler III: And do what?
Gin: Control of Oprah is control over women.
Ed Wuncler III: Wait, I see where you're going. See, 'cause, like, control over women... is control over *bitches*!

Ordell: [Sits in silence for a few moments, thinking, then finally realizes who stole his money] It's Jackie Brown.
Louis: Well, if she got to it, why didn't she take it all?
Ordell: I'll be sure to ask that bitch before I blow her brains out.

[from trailer]
Nick: Here we all are, with nothing but our wit and our will to save the world! So stand and fight!

Augustus: This is some pretty surreal shit, being at your own funeral.

Darius: You fucked up when you shot my bodyguard.
Vladislav: ...Who?
[Kincaid kicks Dukhovich off the roof to his death]

Barron: [Emma is keeping Baron pinned against a wall by using her perculiarity] Eventually you're gonna run out of breath. And then it'll be all over. Death for your beloved Jake, and Miss Peregrine. Everlasting life for me.
[Barron takes a whiff of Emma's breath]
Barron: Ewww. And a mint for you!

McCabe: What? No roll, Hondo?
Hondo: How do you know I didn't?
McCabe: You didn't, did you?
Hondo: They only roll in John Woo movies, not in real life.

Lieutenant: I'm still alive, motherfucker!

Zeus: [after stealing the Business Man's car] That guy was pissed.
John: He'll feel better when he looks in the back seat.
Zeus: Shit! That was *my* gold bar!

Hondo: You look like you need a Band-Aid.
Street: Somebody else needs a body bag downstairs.

Darius: You made a shank yet?
Sonia: What for?
Darius: It's prison, baby. You gotta protect yourself.
Sonia: It's a Dutch prison, Darius! What are they gonna do, beat me with a clog?

Daisy: [after Warren hits her in the face for spitting a huge wad on his "Lincoln letter"] Is this the way niggers treat their ladies?
Major: [angrily makes a snowball] You are *NOT* a GODDAMNED *LADY!*
[he throws the snowball at her]

[last lines]
Sonia: Oh, baby, it's so romantic that you broke out of prison for our anniversary.
Darius: No way was I gonna miss it this year, Corazón.
Sonia: Ay, mi cucaracha.
Darius: Happy anniversary.
Sonia: Happy anniversary, motherfucker.

Ordell: I'm serious as a heart attack.

Frozone: Superladies? They're always trying to tell you their secret identity... think it'll strengthen the relationship or something like that. I say, "Girl, I don't wanna know about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that. I mean, you tell me you're, uh... S-Super, Mega, Ultra Lightning Babe, that's alright with me. I'm good... I'm good.

[Valentine receives a notice that Professor Arnold has been terminated]
Valentine: Fuck that guy, whoever he is! I'm gonna... He made me kill Professor Arnold. Goddamn loved Professor Arnold.
Gazelle: Well the good news is we know the emergency surveillance system works.
Valentine: You know what's not good news? 'My colleague died,' that's what he said. This is an organization and they're all over us. Whoever you spoke to...
Gazelle: I told you. I made contact with the KGB, MI6, Mossad, and Beijing. They all insist it wasn't one of theirs.
Valentine: Beijing. So freaky how there's no recognizable name for the Chinese Secret Service. Now that's what you call a secret, right? You know what? Fuck it. We need to speed things up. Bring the product release forward.
Gazelle: We're only halfway into production. Speeding it will cost a fortune.
Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck? Just get it done.

Major: Beggin' for his life, your boy told me his whole Life Story. And YOU, was in that story General. And when I knew me I had the son, of the Bloody Nigger Killer of Baton Rouge, I knew me I was gonna have some fun! It was COLD the day I killed your boy. And I don't mean snowy mountain in Wyoming cold... Colder than that. And on that cold day, with your boy at the business end of my gun barrel... I made him STRIP. Right down to his bare ass. Then I told him to start walkin'. I walked his naked ass for two hours... 'fore the cold collapsed him. Then he commits to beggin' again. But this time, he wasn't beggin' to go home. He knew he'd never see his home again. And he wasn't beggin' for his life neither, 'cause he knew that was long gone. All he wanted, was a BLANKET. Now don't judge your boy too harshly, General. You ain't never been cold as your boy was that day. You'd be surprised; what a man that cold, would-do-for-a-blanket. You wanna know what your boy did? I pulled my BIG, BLACK, PECKER outta my pants. And I made him crawl in the snow on all fours over to it. Then I grabbed a handful of that black hair at the back of his head... And I stuck my Big Black Johnson right down his goddamn throat! And it was fulla' blood... so it was warm. Oh, you bet your sweet ass it was warm. And Charles Chester Smithers sucked on that warm black dingus for as loong as he could. Hahahaahaha! Startin' to see pictures, ain't ya?

Hondo: 10-David, this is 70-David.
Capt. Thomas Fuller: 70-David, where the hell are you?
Hondo: We are somewhere around Sixth and Trenton. We lost communication in the tunnels. Where's our backup?
Capt. Thomas Fuller: [**POSSIBLE SPOILER**] Everything I have is going to Hawthorne Airport. That's where your friends Gamble and T.J. McCabe are headed.
Hondo: That's the other side of town! Send a couple units to pick us up.
Capt. Thomas Fuller: PICK YOU UP? For all I know you're in on this! I got a good mind to bring you in!
Hondo: [to Street, Sanchez, and Deke] Like hell. Come on, let's go.

Vincent: You know what they put on French fries in Holland instead of ketchup?
Jules: What?
Vincent: Mayonnaise.
Jules: Goddamn.
Vincent: I've seen 'em do it, man. They fuckin' drown 'em in that shit.

[first lines]
Maria: Nick, this was a tragedy, but it's not why we're here. What are we fighting the weather now?
Nick: Locals say the cyclone had a face.
Maria: People see things when they're under stress.

George: What I wouldn't give for a horse right now. Why is it people don't ride zebras?
John: Horses kick to escape. Zebras continue until you are dead.
George: Zeebra. Zehbra. Tomayto. Tomahto.
John: It's nearly impossible to take the wild out of something born to it.
George: It seem to work with you. Look. I feel foolish for asking, but... Can you really talk to animals?
John: You're an educated man, Dr. Williams. You tell me.

Frozone: Just like old times, huh Bob?
Mr. Incredible: [slapping him in the back] Just like old times.
Frozone: Ha-ha, yeah. Hurt then, too. Ow.

Valentine: We each spend, on average, $2,000 a year on cell phone and Internet usage. It gives me great pleasure to announce, those days are over. As of tomorrow, every man, woman, and child can claim a free SIM card that's compatible with any cell phone, any computer, and utilize my communications network for free. Free Calls. Free Internet. For Everyone. Forever.

Stephen: DJANGO! You uppity son of a b...
[Plantation blows up]

Valentine: [From trailer] Mankind is the virus, and I'm the cure.

Gibbons: Do we want to drop another mouse in the snake pit or do we want to send our own snake and let him crawl in?

Hondo: [Deleted Scene: Hondo Reviews Files at Home outside, hears a noise on the ground, then looks down at a deer from his balcony] Hey! Get the hell off my damn property.
Hondo: [Deer looks at him] There's coyotes up here.
Hondo: As a rule, they're punks, but if I was you, I'd watch my back.

Ed Wuncler III: And what's wrong with texting?
Gin: You mean aside from the fact that it's the stupidest f - -ing thing in the world. I mean, why would anyone in their right mind spend 15 minutes trying to type some s - t they coulda called and said in 5 seconds?