The Best Star Trek: The Next Generation, Season 2, Episode 12 Quotes

- We've got ourselves a little puzzle, number one.
- Yes, sir, I guess we have.

[last lines]
Commander William T. Riker: None of it makes any sense.
Captain: Like Fermat's Theorem, it's a puzzle we may never solve.

Lt. Commander Data: [examining skeletal remains in hotel bed] Definitely human. Male.
Commander William T. Riker: Looks like the poor devil died in his sleep.
Lieutenant: What a terrible way to die.

- Computer: Accessing.
- If the cause of the difficulties is in the novel, we may find the solution within its pages.
- Ah. "It was a dark and stormy night."
- It's not a promising beginning.
- May get better.

Captain: Curiouser and curiouser...

Bellboy: You got her on the stuff.
- The only reason she stays with you is because you feed her sickness.
- You gotta let me help her.
- Well, why don't we just go outside and talk about it?
- Just watch yourself.
- Don't worry.
- It's all part of the novel.
- Don't interfere.

- When the train comes in, everybody rides.
- Yeah, and I'm getting off at this station.
- After 18 passes, air gets a little too thin for this country boy.
- I'm betting against you, fella.
- Are you nuts?
- I do not believe that is a prudent choice, sir.
- Hey, that's what horse racing's about.
- Roll them, boy.

- Well, this is the royale, of course.
- And my personal life is really none of your business, thank you.
- What he means is, what planet is this?
- I beg your pardon?
- This planet. What do you call it?
- What do you call it?
- How charming.

Commander William T. Riker: When the train comes in, everybody rides.
Texas: Yeah. And I'm gettin' off at this station.

- I am picking up something most unusual in another section of this structure.
- It appears to be human DNA.
- Where?
- Thirty-one-point-nine meters above and to the right of us.
- Perhaps those turbolifts could take us there.
- Seems to be malfunctioning.

Commander William T. Riker: Rest in peace, Colonel.

- Give me a moment, gents.
- We're dealing with an extremely narrow access point.
- Phasers on stun.
- Ready when you are.
- I believe we've got it now.
- You have a green light, commander.
- Energize.

- We've locked onto something with markings on it.
- What sort of markings?
- Uncertain. Energize.

Mickey: [standing over the dead bellboy] You shoulda listened to me, kid. No woman's worth dying for. Killing for. Not dying for.

Commander William T. Riker: That's how we're getting out - we're *buying* this place.

- You should have listened to me, kid.
- No woman's worth dying for.
- Killing for, not dying for.

Lt. Commander Data: [right before beginning his winning streak at the craps table] Baby needs a new pair of shoes.

Captain: [reading "Hotel Royale" in his ready room] "It was a dark and stormy night..."
[pauses and sighs]
Captain: That's not a promising beginning.
Counselor: It may get better.

- Consider it a done deal.
- I like you fellas. You got style.
- Let me buy you guys a drink.
- Just enjoy the game.
- Don't let them change the dice on you.
Texas: You got it.

Counselor: [listening to Mickey D. and the bellboy] I don't believe this dialogue. Did humans really talk like that?
Captain: Not in real life. Remember, everything that's going on down there is taken from what Colonel Richey calls "a second-rate novel".

- You're busy?
- This is my life I'm talking about here.
- Now, did Rita call or not?
- No. And for your own good, you'd better quit thinking about Rita.
- I'm not afraid of Mickey d.
- Then you're a fool.
- Anybody with any sense is afraid of Mickey d.
- If Rita calls, you let me know.

- No wonder you can't get through.
- Exactly.
- Picard: Those are some fairly aggressive computations, lieutenant.
- I'm comparing the molecular integrity of that bubble against our phasers.
- Is penetration possible?
- I don't know just yet.
- It may be an option.
- I'd like to run this test.
- Make it so.

- What did you find?
- Nothing.
- Supervisor: Kid, Rita just called.
- She did? What did she say?
- It was kind of hard to tell.
- She was crying.
- Crying? Damn.
- Mickey d thinks he can treat people any way he wants.
- Well, that's all over now.

- Take this creature, for example.
- He does not exhibit any DNA structure.
- Excuse me, son. Look who's talking.
- Man, you sound just like my ex-wife.
- All right, time to get down to business.
- What sort of business do you suppose he is getting down to?

- Don't you worry your little head, honey.
- I'd never let that happen.
- Go, baby, let's go. Here they come, here they come, baby.
- Croupier: Seven. Texas: Ah.
- Your turn, slick.
- Go to work.
- Maybe this Turkey will bring us some luck.

- closed in.
- He's feeling trapped.
- Phasers are totally ineffective on all surfaces.
- Sir, our options appear quite limited.
- We don't have any.
- If we're going to get out of here, we're going to have to do it on our own.
- I'm gonna get some answers out of that desk clerk.

- Enterprise, this is the away team.
- We're clear of the structure.
- Three to beam up.
- Time to come home now, number one.
- Transporter room, we have a fix on the away team. Beam them up.

Lieutenant: What is this place? How did a being like you get here?
Asst. Manager: Why, this is the Royale, of course. And my personal life is really none of your business, thank you.
Commander William T. Riker: What he means is, what planet is this?
Asst. Manager: I beg your pardon?
Commander William T. Riker: This planet, what do you call it?
Asst. Manager: Earth. What do you call it?
Lieutenant: We call it Theta VIII.
Asst. Manager: How charming.

[Worf walks to an elevator in the Royale, thinking it a turbolift, but its doors don't open on approach]
Lieutenant: Seems to be malfunctioning.

- No. We're going to have to recalibrate all the frequencies to find one that'll work.
- Sir, without communication, we should beam up immediately.
- We're here. There's no danger.
- We'll look around, then leave.
- Checking in, gentlemen?
- You'll have to go to the front desk.
- Very good. We'll start with that.

Lt. Commander Data: [about the people in the Royale] They do exist, but they do not register as either man or machine.
[Texas steps out from the elevator]
Lt. Commander Data: Take this creature, for example. He does not exhibit any DNA structure.
Texas: Excuse me, son. Look who's talking. Man, you sound just like my ex-wife!

- What do I do?
- Do you want a card or not?
- Hit me.
- Oh, too many.
- I've almost lost it all.
- What am I gonna do?
- There, there, there, there.

- Status report?
- We're attempting to employ alternate encoding schemes.
- Yeah, there could be hundreds of possible combinations.
- Is there an intelligence causing this interference?
- Hmm.
- That's impossible to tell, captain.

- What did she say?
- She said the kitchen will be open
- 24 hours if we change our minds.
- We're going to explore the rest of the hotel.
- We'll keep a corn line open.
- You go down to the lobby.
- See if there's anything we've missed.
- Talk to guests.
- Try to find out who or what they are.
- I'll check out the rest of the floors.

Commander William T. Riker: [reading from the diary entry of Colonel Richey] "I write this in the hope that it will someday be read by human eyes. I can only surmise at this point, but apparently, our exploratory shuttle was contaminated by an alien life form, which infected and killed all personnel except myself. I awakened to find myself here in the Royale Hotel, precisely as described in the novel I found in my room. And for the last 38 years, I have survived here. I have come to understand that the alien contaminators created this place for me out of some sense of guilt, presuming that the novel we had on board the shuttle about the Hotel Royale was, in fact, a guide to our preferred lifestyle and social habits. Obviously they thought that this was the world from which I came. I hold no malice toward my benefactors. They could not possibly know the hell that they have put me through. For it was such a badly-written book, filled with endless cliché and shallow characters... I shall welcome death when it comes."

- Commander.
- Yes, data?
- None of these people are emitting life signs.
- You mean, they're not alive?
- Then what are they?

- Picard: Space, the final frontier.
- These are the voyages of the starship enterprise.
- Its continuing mission: To explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.

- tied by a part-time
- French mathematician, working alone, without a computer.
- Captain, we've detected some sort of debris in a loose orbit.
- Can you identify it?
- No, sir.
- I suggest we beam a section aboard for analysis.
- Make it so, number one.

- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
- Aside from the main door, is there another exit I might use?
- Excuse...
- Excuse me.
- Say, I was wondering if you could tell me...

Lt. Commander Data: [about a game of dice] There is a certain degree of random fortune involved. I believe that is why they call it "gambling."

Lieutenant: [pauses, then picks up the phone] Yes?
[turns to Riker and Data]
Lieutenant: There's a female voice asking if we want room service.
Lt. Commander Data: I believe she's asking if we want the room cleaned.
Commander William T. Riker: Tell her no.
Lieutenant: [turns to phone] No.
[pauses, then hangs up slowly]
Commander William T. Riker: What did she say?
Lieutenant: She said the kitchen will be open 24 hours a day if we change our minds.

- Yes, sir.
- There is an antique revolving door.
- It could be an entrance.
- Revolving door?
- Number one, proceed with caution.
- Riker: Yes, sir.
- Well, this is what we came here for.
- Captain, we're entering.

[Picard and Riker discuss Fermat's Theorem]
Captain: I find it stimulating. Also, it puts things in perspective. In our arrogance, we feel we are so advanced, and yet we cannot unravel a simple knot tied by a part-time French mathematician, working alone without a computer.

- Yes. In theory.
- Picard: You must understand, number one.
- We'll wait here for months if necessary.
- We're just considering options.
- If you're trying to motivate us to find our own way out of here, you've succeeded, captain.

- That's a good deal of structural integrity, worf.
- Permission to use phaser, sir.
- Granted.

- My reading is intensifying, sir.
- Riker: Are you getting any life signs?
- None, sir.

- Those ammonia storms are less than a kilometer away.
- Yet they do not appear to penetrate this breathable zone.
- It's like the eye of a hurricane.
- Commander, what is that?

- I suggest we separate and blend in with these beings.
- Casual queries offered inconspicuously might prove fruitful.