The Best Star Trek: The Next Generation, Season 3, Episode 21 Quotes

Lt. Commander Data: Pardon me - but why is Lieutenant Barclay being referred to clandestinely as a vegetable?

- Who is that? One of your allies?
- Oh, Jean-Luc, not that old trick.
- I'm very disappointed in you.

- Make him your best friend.
- With all due respect, sir, my best friend?
- I can barely tolerate being in the same room with the man.
- Then I suggest you put your personal discomfort on one side, commander.
- Dismissed.
- Yes, sir.

- Picard: Space, the final frontier.
- These are the voyages of the starship enterprise.
- Its continuing mission: To explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.

- It shouldn't, uh...
- I look fonlvard to your report,
- Mr. Broccoli.
- Barclay.
- If you'll excuse me.
- Metathesis is one of the most common of pronunciation errors, sir.
- A reversal of vowel and consonant,
- "bark" to "broc"...

- anyone you can spare.
- La forge out.
- Well, we could use a hand,
- Mr. Barclay.
- Uh, I'll disassemble it later, commander.
- It shouldn't do that.
- Well, I mean, of course it shouldn't do that. Uh...
- Well, I mean, it shouldn't do that.

- It would be wise to consult lieutenant barclay on this latest incident.
- I'd like to very much, captain.
- La forge out.
- We need to find barclay now.
- Cast aside your masks and let me slip into your minds.
- Muzzle it.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Broccoli makes me nervous, Captain. He makes everybody nervous.
Capt. Picard: "Broccoli"?
Commander William T. Riker: Young Mr. Crusher started that, I guess it's caught on.
Capt. Picard: Let's just get that *un*-caught, shall we?

- This is insubordination, Mr. Barclay.
- Here's to insubordination.
- Riker, you're nothing but a pretty mannequin in a fancy uniform.
- You're full of hot air.
- Picard has a problem with me, you tell him to come and talk to me himself.

- No, no, no, no, no. I couldn't.
- I mean it.
- As your friend and as your commanding officer.
- I was synchronizing the phase transition coils.
- I didn't do anything
- I haven't done a hundred times before.
- The test object is made of pure duranium.
- Seems normal enough to me.
- Well, watch this.

- Warp 7.6, 7.65.
- Warp 7.7.
- La forge: We can't shut it down, captain.
- Antimatter flow is increasing.
- She's accelerating out of control.
- There is nothing I can do.

[in one of Barclay's holo-adventures, Riker, La Forge and Troi encounter a smaller version of Riker dressed as a musketeer]
Holo: Am I late? Did I miss the fight?
Holo: [sees Riker] En garde!... You, sir... you have a familiar bearing. Is it possible our swords have crossed somewhere before?

Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: Being afraid all of the time, of forgetting somebody's name, not, not knowing... what to do with your hands. I mean, I, I am the guy who writes down things to remember to say when there's a party. And then, when he finally gets there, he winds up alone, in the corner, trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: You're just shy, Barclay.
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: Just shy... Sounds like nothing serious - doesn't it? You can't know.

- You embarrass me before our guest.
- Master barclay will spank you if you misbehave.
- Wesley?
- What do you want?
- Well, I guess I want master barclay.
- The boys got into another little scrap,
- I'm afraid, but boys will be boys.

Commander William T. Riker: I think it's time we spoke to the captain about Broccoli. That's what Wesley calls him. Keep that to yourself.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, it fits.

- I knew you would.
- Hmm, that's nice.
- But I'm in the mood for some place a little more unusual.
- Computer, run barclay program 15.
- I am the goddess of empathy.
- Cast off your inhibitions and embrace love, truth, joy.

[last lines]
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: Computer - end program. Erase all programs filed under Reginald Barclay.
[he prepares to leave the holodeck but stops once more]
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: ...except program IX.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Glad you were with us out here in the real world today, Mr. Barclay.
[after Barclay's input has prevented a warp engine failure]

- That is extremely helpful.
- Thank you for your time.
- But...
- Really. That's very helpful.
- In through the nose, out through the mouth.
- I'm going to practice that and I'll let you know.
- Thank you again.
- Woman: Whoa. Barclay: Oh.

- your arrogant resolve.
- It excites me.
- Officer: Lieutenant barclay, report to cargo bay 5 now.
- It'll have to wait till later, darling.
- Be right there.
- Save program.

- Mr. Barclay and I thank you, sir.
- Riker: Acknowledged.
- The ship has been seriously contaminated with invidium, sir.
- Recommend we set a course for starbase 121 for a complete systems and bio-decontamination.
- Picard: Understood. Picard out.
- Glad you were with us out here in the real world today, Mr. Barclay.

- I'd like your input.
[Stuttering] What on? I mean, do you want me to prepare a...?
- No, no, just be there.
- Eight hundred hours.
- I'll be on time, sir.
- Good. Carry on.

Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: [of his holo-fantasies] You know, the people that I create in there are m... more real to me than anyone I meet out here. Except... maybe you, Commander.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I need you out here, Reg - now more than ever.

- Nicknames generally denote fondness, a diminutive shared between friends.
- Data's absolutely right.
- The nickname stops here and now.
- Captain's orders.
- What...? What the hell?
- What happened to your glass?

Holo: Sir! You have no sense of fair play!

- Now, we're having an intermittent problem with this anti-grav unit.
- I want you to see what you can do.
- Mr. Barclay, I'm tired of seeing your name on report.
- I don't know your last posting, but this is the enterprise.
- We set a different standard here.
- Understood, sir.

[after O'Brien has demonstrated to La Forge a transporter malfunction]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Glad I don't have anywhere to go.

[Barclay has assured there would be no power shortage on the ship during an investigation of the power systems]
Capt. Picard: Good. I look forward to your report, Mr. Broccoli.
[long, frozen pause]
Capt. Picard: ...Barclay.

- If I felt that nobody wanted to be around me,
- I'd probably be late and nervous too.
- Guinan, that's not the point.
- Are you sure?
- Excuse me.
- Computer, where is lieutenant barclay?

- Holo la forge: Hear, hear!
- Holo picard: Hear, hear!
- Holo picard: I hope she was worth the effort.

- You cannot withstand our assault forever, barclay.
- You are outnumbered, Mr. Barclay.
- Say you will yield and it ends here.
- I shall speak with my sword, sir.

[Riker, Troi and La Forge are looking for Barclay in his holo-fantasy]
Commander William T. Riker: You want us to search through all this to find him?
Counselor: It could provide us with valuable information about what's troubling him. You know, there's nothing wrong with a healthy fantasy life, as long as you don't let it take over.
Commander William T. Riker: You call this healthy?
Counselor: You're taking it so seriously. It's not without its element of humor.
[they come across another, Troi look-alike character]
Holo: I am the Goddess of Empathy. Cast off your inhibitions and embrace love, truth, joy...
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Oh - my - God.
Holo: Discard your façades, and reveal your true being to me.
Counselor: [indignantly] Computer, discontinue...
Commander William T. Riker: Computer, belay that order!
Commander William T. Riker: [to Troi] We want to get more insight into what's been troubling this poor man, remember?
Commander William T. Riker: [to La Forge] Quite a healthy fantasy life - wouldn't you say?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [agreeing] Mm.

- But we shouldn't ignore the possibilities, Wes.
- You ought to check the flow capacitor.
- A breakdown of that could have caused a chain collapse of the anti-grav field.
- Uh, I was going to.
- Okay, then, let's, uh, take a look at that realignment procedure.
- Gentlemen.

- Computer: Lieutenant barclay is in holodeck 2.
- I'll get him.
- Riker: No. I'll handle this.
- Counselor, you'd better come along.
- I think you should know, barclay's been running some unique programs.
- Riker: I don't care what he's been running.
- I just ran out of Patience.

- In god's name, where did you learn to fight like this?
- Self-taught, my capitan.
- Shall I give you a few lessons?

- Most people find a counselor intimidating at first.
- It's okay if you feel that way toward me.
- Now, lean back, close your eyes.
- Why?
- I want to make you more comfortable.
- You do?

Counselor: I know this is difficult for you. Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: No.
Counselor: Have you ever been to a counselor before?
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: Yes. No.
Counselor: Which one?
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: Yes, but she, it wasn't. It wasn't really a counselor.
Counselor: Most people find a counselor intimidating at first. It's okay if you feel that way toward me.
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: Not at all.
Counselor: Now, lean back, close your eyes.
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: Why?
Counselor: I want to make you more comfortable.
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: You do?
Counselor: Yes.
[She dims the lights and sits next to him]
Counselor: It's okay. Close your eyes.
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: What are you going to do?
Counselor: Just listen to the sound of my voice. Take a slow deep breath in through your nose and let it out through your mouth just as slowly. That's better, isn't it?
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: [standing up] Much better. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, that's, that's much better. That is extremely helpful. Thank you for your time.
Counselor: But...
Lt. Reginald 'Reg' Barclay III: Really. That's very helpful. In through the nose, out through the mouth. I'm going to practice that and I'll let you know. Thank you again.
[He rushes out of the room]

- There's a good possibility we picked up some invidium from a canister in the cargo bay and have been spreading it around the ship.
- Working theories are fine, geordi, but we need a working solution in about five minutes.
- Understood, commander. We're on our way to cargo bay 5 for confirmation.

Holo: Your sword, sir.
Commander William T. Riker: I don't have a sword.
Holo: How do you expect to fight without your sword, sir?
Commander William T. Riker: I don't expect to fight.
Holo: Ha! Do I detect a streak of yellow along the good fellow's back?
[the three "musketeers" roar with laughter]

Counselor: [to her holographic look-alike] Muzzle it!