The Best That '70s Show, Season 1, Episode 21 Quotes

Kitty: Well, so far he's nine out of ten. Oh, Red, our Johnny *is* high!
Red: Kitty, Eric's not on drugs, he's just... weird!

Steven: Okay. All right. Do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell into your yard, and your dog Yogi came out of the house and bit me twice on the ass?
Michael: [laughing] Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Steven: I bled. I didn't cry.
Michael: Yeah, you did. You bled *and* you cried.
Steven: And you laughed, man. A lot. While I was bleeding. You see my point?
Michael: Yeah. It's funny when friends get hurt.
Steven: Close enough.

- You know what the sad thing is?
- I actually think you're trying to be nice.
- Yeah.
- It's just not my strong suit.
- Sorry.
- So I'll be all right?

- He's got... he's got bloodshot eyes, mood swings, irregular appetite, odd sleeping patterns.
- Oh, red, our Johnny is high.
- Kitty, that's nonsense.
- He's not on drugs.
- He's... just weird.

Laurie: Oh, for God's sake! Eric saw you guys doing it!
Kitty: Oh, honey. Were your father and I having intercourse?
Eric: [shocked] Mom!
Kitty: Oh. Well, no wonder you have been acting so strange. Red, say something to the boy.
Red: Oh! Ummm... It's more fun than it looks.

Eric: [to the gang after he accidentally walks in on his parents having sex] Okay, let's go. Everybody hop in the car and let's go *now*.
Michael: Where's your mom?
Eric: [Grabs Kelso's shirt and yanks Kelso towards him] SHUT UP! DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER!

Red: Yeah, it was funny!
Kitty: Well, I don't know how *funny* it was. Imagine if it were you walking in on *your* parents!
[Red looks at Kitty, highly perturbed]
Kitty: And your mother was a dancer. *That* would have been quite something!

Red: [to Eric] Are you on dope? Are you?
Kitty: Because, because we can help get you clean. There's counseling, hospitalization...
Red: My foot kicking your ass.

Kitty: Oh, red!
Red: Oh, kitty!

- Why don't you just apologize?
- Apologize for what?
- Well, if you don't know, then obviously you're a big fat jerk!
- Okay, she's nuts.
- I know. You are not fat.

- And my dad laughed and said they fell asleep on the hammock, but I knew it was a lie.
- I knew what he did to my mom.
- Your mom.
- Okay, I'm ready to fool around.
- Please take me home.

- Aah!
Kitty: Oh, red!
Red: Oh, kitty!
Kitty: Oh, red!
- J' tell me that you like it, yeah j' j' you ain't got no... j'

- Shut up!
- Okay, my mom's a nurse.
- I'm going to go wake her up.
- Maybe she can fix him.
- Just don't wake up red, though, huh?
- He'll kill us all.
- Gee, you think?

- Hungry?
- I... I overslept.
- I'm late for school.
- It's, uh... bye.
- That kid's on dope.
- Well, I'll say. It's Sunday.