The Best That '70s Show, Season 4, Episode 15 Quotes

Jackie: Why am I not "Snow Queen"? For the last two weeks, I was nice to *everybody*. Well, maybe not the A.V. Club, but I mean, come on.
Michael: Jackie, you can't just be nice for two weeks. You have to be nice all the time. Or else very handsome.

- ♪ We did last week
- ♪ Not a thing to do
- ♪ But talk to you
- ♪ We're all all right
- ♪ We're all all right ♪
- Hello, Wisconsin!

- When you win titles like Snow Queen!
- Winning titles and being a good person are the same thing.
- So you go after that title, child.
- Oh, I will, Miss Wizard.
- I will.
- And remember, if someone calls you shallow, they're just jealous.
- They're just jealous...

- Yeah, it's fantastic.
- Wonderful. Wonderful.
- This was fun.
- We haven't just hung out in, like, forever.
- Plus, you're, like, my hero.
- Most guys would not risk a tornado for an ex-girlfriend.
- Yeah.

- Ooh, you know, Joanne taught me a lot about lady orgasms.
- They've been around longer than I thought.
- Okay, so talking's bad.
- I know, charades.
- No, thanks.
- What, are you chicken?
- Did you just call me "chicken"?
- That's it. Move the couch,
- Kitty. She's going down.

Jackie: [Begins the "Wizard of Oz" dream sequence as Dorothy] Oh, Toto. Losing "Snow Queen" has left me searching for guidance. Surely, the Wizard of Oz can help.
[Stops walking as she meets Kelso, as the Scarecrow]
Michael: Jackie, why'd you make me the Scarecrow? He needs a brain!
Jackie: No, no. I made you the Scarecrow because you love chasing birds.
Michael: I *do* love chasing birds.
[Both of them start walking together but stop when they meet Hyde, as the Tin Man]
Steven: Is this some kind of joke, 'cause I'm not laughing! Kelso's the Scarecrow?
[chuckles]
Steven: Yeah.
[the three of them start walking together but stop when they meet Fez, as the Cowardly Lion]
Fez: Look, guys! I'm a bear!
Jackie: Fez, you're the Cowardly Lion.
Fez: But, I want to be a bear.
Michael: At least you have a brain.
Steven: This sucks.
Jackie: Oh, will everyone just shut up? When it's your dream, you can be whatever you want!
Fez: I want to be a bear.
[the four of them start walking together but once again stop as they meet Donna, as the Wicked Witch of the West]
Donna: Jackie, what the hell?
[Eric, as the Flying Monkey, shows up]
Eric: [laughing] She totally made you a witch! That's so awesome!
Donna: She made *you* a flying monkey!
Eric: What?
[Checks himself out]
Eric: Oh, crap!
Donna: Let's kick her ass!
Eric: Yeah!
[Jackie then screams and runs away as the gang angrily chase after her]

- Actually, no.
- I mean, if we were still dating, I'd be super pissed.
- But we're not, so it's kind of funny.
- You know what?
- Let me buy you a burger.
- I can't believe you totally snaked a kiss under false pretenses.
- Yeah, I'm a little proud of that, yeah.

- Yeah. They say it's a biggie.
- Oh.
- Eric, are you okay?
- Sure, it's just that now that I know you're okay,
- I can finally start worrying about me.
- And, see, the thing about me is,
- I don't wanna die.

- Let's see, there's you, there's me, candlelight.
- You know, back in the old days we would have...
- We're not doing that.
- Uh-huh. Yep. Yeah.
- So quick to dismiss the thing you once ached for.
- You mean, cheese sticks?
- If you want to call it that, sure.

- I'm like Donna.
- No, Jackie, you are the girlfriend to the Snow King.
- All right, now, as Snow King, I must lead my people to safety.
- All right, everyone!
- Everyone, follow me.
- Remain calm, people!
- These are just sports balls!
- Everyone grab a ball!