The Best That '70s Show, Season 5, Episode 19 Quotes

Reginald: Kitty, every time we have an empty room, you want to fill it up with a stray child.

[Kitty and Red think there's a burglar in their house]
Kitty: What if the burglar has Steven?
Reginald: Well, then we'll try to talk him into taking Eric, too.

Kitty: We keep our Christmas decorations down there! Baby Jesus was watching!

Fez: Oh, please! I'm a hot-looking, smooth-talking, frisky-ass son of a bitch!
Eric: Hey, Fez, right there! That's like... that's like, a really weird thing to say.
Michael: Yeah! I mean, we're used to you, but dude, you're weird!

Kitty: What kind of burglar robs people on a weeknight? Doesn't he have a job to go to in the morning?

Kitty: What if it's a burglar?
Reginald: What would a burglar want to steal from us?

[about Jackie]
Eric: Donna, you have to let her stay with you. Come on, she's your best friend.
Donna: She's not my best friend.
Eric: Well, then, who's your best friend?
[Donna thinks it over]
Donna: Oh, crap. How the hell did that happen?

Michael: [on hearing about Fez's predicament with Nina's parents] You mean, it wasn't because you're so weird? It's because you're foreign? So, you could have been as pretty as me and they still wouldn't have liked you - that is *so shallow* of them!

- You know, we're all Jackie's got.
- We can't just turn our backs on her.
- Donna, you're right.
- You tell Jackie she can stay with us.
- What? No.
- No, she can't stay with us.
- Sure. She can stay in your room with you.
- But...
- Oh, you're all gonna pay for this!

Steven: This just in: Your weirdo boyfriend sleeps in the nude.
Donna: Yeah? So? I do too.
Michael: Oh, yeah!
Fez: Oh, I can see it now. And it is glorious!
[looks around nervously]
Fez: Excuse me.
[he runs out]

- that Nina's parents don't notice how freaking weird you are.
- Being beautiful, that's how I get away with stuff.
- Except my problem is,
- I gotta tone it down,
- 'cause otherwise the chick's mom gets interested.
- Then we got a big problem.
- Now, let's make you man-pretty.

Michael: I have a question. If Hyde was in Hyde's bed, and Jackie was in Hyde's bed, what exactly was going on in said bed?
Steven: Nothing. She needed a place to sleep.
Michael: Needed a place to sleep! Well, a bed is an interesting choice now, wouldn't you say?

[Jackie's mom has left home]
Kitty: Honey, do you have any idea where she might be?
Jackie: Well, the last postcard I got had a picture of some guy with a bone through his nose. What is that? Like, Tennessee?

Fez: You know, I have been called many names since coming to this country, but I have never been treated like that before.
Michael: You know, Fez, unfortunately, there are some people in this world that are gonna judge you on the color of your skin, or your funny accent, or that girly little way you run. But, you know what? You're not alone. Why do you think the Martians won't land here? 'Cause they're green and they know people are gonna make fun of them.
Fez: You said it, brother! I just wish that there was someplace in the world where prejudice didn't exist.
Michael: Well, that's Canada. Yup, good ol' Canada. They don't make generalizations about people 'cause they're too busy playing hockey, or gettin' drunk and putting maple syrup on their ham.
Nina: [Nina enters] Fez, we need to talk.
Michael: Hey! He might not be from this country, but he's beautiful, damn it !
Fez: Nina, our relationship is over. My self respect demands it, and there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind.
Nina: Fez, my parents are jerks and I want to get back at them by doing it with you on their bed.
Fez: Except that. Thanks, Kelso!
[Kelso raises his fist in support as Fez and Nina leave]

Fez: Guys, Nina agreed to let me meet her parents, and to seem completely normal, I've come up with the perfect opening line for Nina's mother: "Hello, Mrs. Bartel. I can see where Nina gets her lovely ass.".