The Best That '70s Show, Season 5, Episode 5 Quotes

[first lines]
Donna: You know, Eric, I'm really happy with our relationship right now.
Eric: Yeah, me too. It's like we're way past the broken up and miserable stage and we're back in the having sex again stage. Yeah, thumbs up from this end, too. Yeah!
Donna: I'm serious. I mean, we've been through a lot, and even though some of it wasn't exactly fun, I mean, it was worth it, because now we know we can handle anything. And we don't freak out about the little stuff.
Eric: Right. Like that time we got into that big fight because I ran over your cat.
Donna: That wasn't little stuff, I really loved that cat.
Eric: Yeah, I know. I meant the cat was little.

Eric: [looking at the man-ring] My girlfriend has bad taste.
Fez: Well, she *is* dating you.
Eric: What was she thinking?
Steven: Forman, you got to expect this, man. I mean, look at her dad. The apple doesn't fall far from the Bob.

Kitty: [the TV remote won't work] Click, damn it, click!
Reginald: Kitty, I think your "lady problem" is acting up again.
Kitty: No, just the clicker, is all! It's supposed to click! It's a clicker, that's what it does!
Reginald: I think it's time for a nap.
Eric: [Eric enters the living room] Guys! Really important! Donna's coming over and I lost the ring she gave me!
Reginald: Eric, your mother is having a nervous breakdown.
Kitty: The only thing having a breakdown is the clicker! Why won't it click? Nothing loves me!
Donna: [entering the living room] Okay, Eric, Jackie told me you hate the ring!
Eric: Uh-oh...
Donna: I happen to think its beautiful! That's what a man-ring looks like!
Eric: Maybe I'm just not a man-ring kind of guy. I mean, I like man-pants and man-shirts.
Donna: Why didn't you just tell me you hated it when I gave it to you? Just give it back to me.
Eric: I absolutely will. Just as soon as I find it.
Donna: What? How could you lose it? I told you it was a symbol of our loving freaking relationship!
Eric: And my losing it symbolizes how much I love and respect you?
[Donna storms out of the room]
Reginald: Eric! Quick! Get me compound presses and a Bloody Mary! Your mother is talking about adopting a communist orphan! I need help! *Move*, damn it!

Jackie: You're mad at me for telling Donna Eric's secret? I tell secrets, that's who I am!
Steven: All I know is, if you're going to be my girlfriend, you can't go shooting off your big, fat, cheerleader mouth!
Jackie: Wait! You just called me your girlfriend!
Steven: No, I didn't.
Jackie: Yes, you did!
Steven: No, I didn't.
Jackie: Yes, you did!
Steven: No, I didn't.
Jackie: Yes, you did! Shut up, you're ruining it!
[moving to his bed]
Jackie: Listen, I'll stop telling secrets if you admit I'm your girlfriend.
Steven: No! The price is too high!
Jackie: I'm going to tell everyone everything anyway. Starting with, you called me your "girlfriend"!
Steven: You're blackmailing me now? You're coming along nicely!
[they kiss]

Eric: How can I lose a 25-pound ring?
Michael: I once lost a six-foot, rubber chili dog. I still haven't found it, it's just gone!
Eric: Hyde, this is all your fault! You told Jackie I didn't like the ring!
Michael: Hyde stabbed you in the back? No, he wouldn't do a thing like that. Like he didn't steal Jackie from me. Oh, wait a minute!
Steven: [to Eric] Look, man. I told her not to tell.
Eric: And I told *you* not to tell!
Michael: [to Hyde] You and Jackie are gossiping now. The more you go out, the more like each other you become!
Eric: Who knows what you and your little girlfriend are going to be up to in a couple of months!
Jackie: [fantasy cheerleader sequence] 2,4,6,8! Who do we appreciate? Go, team!
Steven: 2,4,6,8! Who do we appreciate? Go, team! Jackie, I heard the best piece of gossip! Eric Forman doesn't have any school spirit!
Jackie: I'm telling *everyone*!
Steven: Too late! I already did!
[fantasy sequence ends]
Steven: First of all, Jackie's not my girlfriend, and second of all, I'm not the only one who spills stuff around here.
Eric: You're right. Hey, Kelso! Hyde watches "Little House on the Prairie"!
Michael: [laughing] "Little House on the Prairie"?
Steven: It reminds me of a simpler time.

- I'll keep my mouth shut if you admit that I'm your girlfriend.
- No, the price is too high.
- Okay, fine. You know what? I'm telling everybody everything anyways.
- Starting with the fact that you called me your girlfriend.
- You're blackmailing me?
- You're coming along nicely.

- I have spent years picking every item in this room so that I would be surrounded by the things I love and the people
- I thought loved me.
- Hey, Kitty, how about a nap?
- And you. Have you fixed the damn clicker yet?
- What good is a clicker if it won't click?

Fez: What you didn't read was how much I'd apply myself to the job here.
Nina: I'm going to have to ask you to stop making puns, now.
Nina: I don't think it's going to work out.
[shakes Fez's hand]
Nina: That is a gorgeous man-ring! You know, wearing something like this shows a lot of confidence.
Fez: Well, I *do* feel like a king when I wear it, and what is the DMV, really, if not one big kingdom?

- I told you it was a symbol of our loving freaking relationship!
- And my losing it is a symbol of how much I love and respect you?
- I need cold compresses and a Bloody Mary. Quick!
- Your mother is talking about adopting a communist orphan.
- Now move.
- I need help, damn it!

[to Eric]
Michael: Man, that is one big, bad-ass ring. Hey, maybe people will think that you won the Super Bowl!
Steven: Nah, nobody will believe that. But he *could* be the sick little boy that the whole team rallies around.

[Fez is having a job interview]
Nina: You're stubborn, you're under-qualified, and you hardly speak any English. Welcome to the DMV!

[Kitty is crying because she won't be able to have any more kids]
Reginald: Oh, Kitty, it's okay. You've still got Eric. He's sort of a baby. I'll make him cry if you want.

Donna: I don't get Eric. Why won't he wear that ring? Plenty of classy men wear rings: Wayne Newton, the Pope, my Uncle Carmine from Hoboken. You lose *his* ring, you wake up in a dumpster! And that's just a warning!

Eric: Well... Did you see that? I told you the truth and we got into a fight. My Dad told my Mom she's pleasant, a *whopper* of a lie, and they've been married, like, 150 years!
Donna: I don't care. I want you to tell me the truth all the time.
Eric: No. No, you don't. It's like when women ask whether or not their outfit makes them look fat. How many men tell them they look fat? Zero. How many women look fat? *Not* zero.

Nina: According to your resume, you were dancer #3 in the school production of "My Fair Lady".
Fez: Yes. It was magical. I could've danced all night.
Nina: I don't think your theater experience applies here.
Fez: Well, Nina, what is the DMV, really, if not one big stage?
Nina: The DMV is the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Fez: Yes, but they're very similar.
Nina: No, they're not.
Fez: Yes, they are.
Nina: No, they're not!
Fez: Yes, they are.
Nina: No, they're *not*!
Fez: Okay... They are.
Nina: No! They're *not*! I'm going to put down "no prior experience".
Fez: You didn't ask about my special skills.
Nina: I don't see how a fondness for pie is relevant.
Fez: But, Nina, what is the DMV, really, if not one big pie shop?

Eric: I can't believe you took my ring!
Fez: Yes, I took it! I took it and I'm proud! You have a girlfriend, you have a ring, I have nothing!
Eric: Well, you have a job.
Fez: Yes, that's true. Good for me!

- They are.
- No, they're not!
- I'm just gonna put down no prior experience.
- Fair enough.
- Ah, but you haven't asked me about my special skills yet.
- Well, I really don't see how a fondness for pie is relevant.
- But, Nina, what is the DMV really, if not one big pie shop?

- Oh, Eric.
- What a glorious man-ring.
- See, I told you to accessorize and you finally listened, huh?
- Man, you like it?
- Yeah. What's not to like?
- It's hypnotic. It looks like he has superpowers.
- I'd like to see the lame-o superhero that had to wear that ring.

[Kelso's superhero fantasy]
Michael: [as Batman] Okay, Super Pals, I'm gonna need a status report.
Steven: [as a Wonder Twin, stops making out with Wonder Twin Jackie] My sensors indicate peace and quiet throughout the universe.
Fez: [as Aquaman] The oceans are secure, but I can't check for another 45 minutes because I just ate.
Eric: [as Superman, entering with Donna as Wonder Woman] Hey, guys!
Michael: Oh, no! You've been brainwashed and forced to wear this hideous ring!
Donna: Actually, its a gift.
Steven: Worst form of gift ever!
[holds his fist out to the side]
Jackie: [as the other Wonder Twin] Shape up!
[to Wonder Twin Hyde]
Jackie: I hope he kept the receipt.
Eric: Alien zombies are attacking the Earth! Let's swing into action, gang!
Michael: Hold it, we're still on this ring.
Steven: Are you sure it's not an alien artifact?
Donna: I got it at the mall!
Reginald: [Red appears on the video monitor] Greetings, dumbasses!
Eric: Uh-oh! It's Dr. Bald!
Reginald: My army of alien zombies is invading! Good Lord, that is an *ugly* ring! Alien zombies, get a load of that ring!
Eric: That's it! This thing's coming off!
Steven: Careful, man! You drop something that big and heavy, it'll throw off the Earth's rotation! We'll all go crashing into the sun!
Michael: Yeah! Way to use science in a burn!

Donna: This entire room is an example of bad taste!
[Kitty and Red walk into the living room]
Kitty: Excuse me?
Donna: Mrs. Forman?
Kitty: I have spent years picking out every item in this room, surrounding myself with the things I love and the people I thought loved me!
Reginald: Kitty, let's take a nap.
Kitty: [to Red] And have you fixed the damn clicker yet? What good is a clicker if it won't click?
[Kitty throws the remote onto the coffee table, causing it to bounce onto the floor, where she stomps on it]