The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 10, Episode 13 Quotes

Sheldon: I get to write a contract? Then let's get this party of the first part started!

Sheldon: There's a cucumber in my water.
Amy: Uh huh.
Sheldon: Do they know it's there? Should I tell somebody?
Amy: It's there on purpose. It's refreshing.
Sheldon: [Takes a sip] Interesting. The world's most boring liquid and the world's most boring vegetable, but you put them together and... bleagh!

Penny: When was the last time you got a massage?
Amy: Sheldon walked on my back two weeks ago, but that was just because there was a spider on his pillow and he needed to get away.
Penny: Leonard stood on me once too, but he was just trying to see the Rose Parade.

[last lines]
Sheldon: If you find this draft acceptable, then I believe your new relationship agreement is ready to be signed.
Penny: Article 8, subsection B: Leonard will restrict video gaming in underpants to hours Penny is not home. This includes boxers, briefs, thongs, G-strings or anything else that calls attention to his pasty little thighs.
Leonard: Does it really need to say that?
Sheldon: I did this for free; lemme get a little something.
Leonard: Article 10, subsection C: If questioned, Penny may not say that everything is fine if it isn't. Other unacceptable responses include "It's nothing", "Don't worry about it" and "I said it's nothing; don't worry about it."
Penny: I think this all looks good.
Leonard: Me too.
Sheldon: Uh, well, great then. Here. You will sign here, date here, and, Penny, if you could initial here to indicate that you're accepting Leonard in 'as is' condition.
Amy: I remember signing our first relationship agreement.
Sheldon: You seem to be forgetting the 'no nostalgia' clause.
Amy: Quite right; got it.

[first lines]
[Penny enters to find the apartment romantically decorated]
Penny: What... what's all this?
Leonard: Well, it sounded like you were having a rough day, so I wanted you to come home to something nice.
Penny: Oh, that is so thoughtful.
Leonard: Hey, do you remember when we went wine-tasting in Santa Barbara, and you said that was the best rosé you'd ever had?
Penny: Yeh, I-I remember us driving up there, going to the winery and... uh, that's it.
Leonard: This wine is why.
Penny: Oh! Hey, what smells so good?
Leonard: Oh, I made your favourite: pizza bagels,
Penny: [she gasps] Pink wine and pizza bagels! It's like eighth grade all over again. I'm so lucky to have you!
Leonard: Now be careful; these are hot. I- I could explain the thermodynamics of why the cheese seems hotter than the crust, but instead, I'm gonna keep it to myself.
Penny: Oh. You always know what not to say.

- Your love, it's like a river.
- It's peaceful and deep.
- Your soul is... it's like a secret that I never could keep.
- You did not just quote an ♪nsync song.
- I quoted your favorite ♪nsync song.
- Ohh!

Raj: Why do you bounce with your hands in the air like that?
Howard: It's a tradition of my people.
[sings "If I Were a Rich Man"]
Raj: Material Girl needs to be retired. That is your new karaoke song.

- Oh, well. Great, then. Here.
- You sign here, date here, and penny, if you could initial here to indicate that you're accepting
- Leonard in "as is" condition.
- I remember signing our first relationship agreement.
- Mmm, you seem to be forgetting the "no nostalgia" clause.
- Right, right. Got it.

Howard: Right, got Halley to sleep.
Raj: I heard you on the baby monitor.Didn't think you could turn the theme from The Walking Dead into a lullaby.
Howard: Gotta get her hooked on TV, or one day she might want me to play outside.

- Like, what if you swung on a rope from the ceiling?
- UN... [Grunts]
- Okay. Um...
- Okay, what if you rig up a pulley system and move yourself across the room in a harness?
- On! [Chuckles]

Sheldon: Leonard, I've been meaning to ask you; what size shoe do you wear?
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: I'm trying to take an interest in other people's lives.
Leonard: That's nice. I wear a size eight-and-a-half.
Sheldon: [laughing] That's small! So tell me, do you have any plans for the weekend?
Leonard: Are you gonna laugh at the answer?
Sheldon: Only if the answer is shopping for baby shoes.

Howard: MIT's motto is "Mind and hand," which just so happens was also my motto as a lonely teenager.

- Have you tried anything to fix it?
- Oh, I put the rug down. Didn't help.
- I know. Blue shag.
- What were you thinking?
- Did try nailing a couple of the boards down.
- Did that do anything?
- Yeah.
- Left little holes in the floor.
- That's why I bought the rug.

Sheldon: You know, Penny went to this spa to be away from you; are you sure you should be going there?
Leonard: I don't want to wait two days for us to work this out.
Sheldon: Very well. You got married spur of the moment; I don't see why your divorce should be any different.
Leonard: I would pull this car over and kick you out, but... Penny dumps me you're all I got.

Raj: It's nice to think that you grew up in this room and now your daughter's going to as well.
Howard: Mm. I hope she has the same amount of sex in it I did.
[beat]
Howard: None.

Sheldon: They're still having girls' night across the hall.
Leonard: So, hang out with me and we'll have boys' night.
Sheldon: At our age, why don't we call it man's night?
Leonard: Because we just spent our allowance on comic books.

Sheldon: Would you like to play a driving game I just invented?
Leonard: Is it about the failing state of my relationship with Penny?
Sheldon: Never mind.

Leonard: [Leonard is playing a video game, sloppily spread on the couch. He belches] Damn. I burped so hard, I died in my game.

Howard: Okay, this grid represents the room. All we have to do is plot out where the squeaks are and we can find a quiet path to the crib.
Raj: Looks like a map from Dungeons and Dragons.
Howard: Except the creature in the crib is a level nine poop monster.