The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 11, Episode 9 Quotes

Sheldon: The Comic-Con breakup's easy to remember, because Leonard was the saddest Pikachu.
Amy: Right, and he wiped his nose on your cape, and then you were the saddest Darth Vader.

Leonard: You can't still be mad about that.
Sheldon: Please. I have grudges going back to kindergarden. One day, I plan to find an adult Emily Dwyer and make her eat a crayon while I watch.
Amy: Is that why there's an Emily Dwyer on our invitation list?
Sheldon: Of course. That night, I will have the first dance, and the last laugh.

Leonard: So what are you gonna do with your share of the money?
Raj: Uh, well, as a responsible adult, I'll put that money into a CD, wait for that CD to mature, and then buy a tiger.

Zack: Are you guys fighting?
Penny: Yes.
Leonard: No.
Zack: Are you fighting about whether or not you're fighting? 'Cause I've had that fight before. Turns out we were, and I lost.

Leonard: You having a good day?
Penny: No, I missed an audition because my computer broke, and I didn't get the e-mail. Would've been a perfect part for me.
Sheldon: Was it waitress who ignores her customers? Because that's the role you were born to play.
Penny: Shut up and eat your burger.
Sheldon: Actually, it's a turkey club.
Penny: Didn't you order a burger?
Sheldon: I did, and yet here we are.

Penny: Let the record show, I did not marry you for the money, but you just got way more attractive.

Stuart: Huh. What's that?
- Ooh. Batman flash drive.
- It's pretty cool.
- Huh, if I erase this,
- I could probably resell it for, like, 10 bucks.
- Things are finally going my way.

Penny: So how are the wedding plans going?
Amy: We still can't decide on a location.
Penny: I thought you agreed on a cliff overlooking the beach.
Amy: Sheldon couldn't agree on which one. Some where too beachy, some were too cliffy.
Sheldon: And all of them were too outsidey.

- Your mom called my mom and said we were being mean?
- And after that?
- You said that someday we'd regret this.
- And do you know what today is?
- The day we found out we're rich and none of it is yours?
- Yeah, that's right! Up top!

Leonard: I'm not mad.
Penny: Oh, really? Tell that to your eyebrows. Bet I could place a quarter between them, and it would just stay there.

Penny: I've got to learn how to spell Hofstadter. I know there's a "d" in there, but it keeps moving every time I try and write it.

- Aw, you love me so much.
- I married you, jackass.
- Yeah.
- I... I know, and not just out of pity like everyone said at our wedding toast.
- You want to see the part where she falls off the chair?
- No.
- Totally.

- I lost that key chain years ago.
- Really?
[Stammers] Did you look under things?
- Well, that is unfortunate.
- I guess we've all learned a lesson today.
- What was the lesson?
- I don't know.

- Damn right we are.
- Oh, also, there was that video about how much she missed you.
- What video?
- The one on the laptop.
- I didn't mean to invade your privacy, but I am a huge snoop.
- Ask my neighbor. She'll tell you.
- But not right now, she's in the shower.

Stuart: I'm, uh, I'm running a special today, uh, buy something, keep having a comic book store to come to.
Raj: This is awkward. I was actually gonna return this.
Stuart: What's wrong with it?
Raj: I-I finished it.

Amy: Sheldon, what did you do?
Sheldon: I planned my revenge. If you get a dish, I'll serve you some cold.

Leonard: You know what, if you need a computer, you can use my laptop.
Penny: Oh, that's sweet, but I'm not gonna take your computer.
Leonard: Oh, it's fine. I-I'm getting a new one anyway.
Penny: Are you sure?
Sheldon: Don't be silly. He's desperate to hold on to you. You can get anything out of him.
Howard: His car, his watch... Maybe a kidney. You already have his testicles. You can start a collection.