The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 12, Episode 8 Quotes

Mrs. Fowler: Sheldon? What's going on? Where's Larry?
Sheldon: Oh, Turnip's out. I'm bonding with you.

Leonard: So, is this the first time?
Raj: Yeah.
Leonard: How you feeling about it?
Raj: Uh... to be honest, I'm pretty anxious. I mean, this is the woman I'm marrying. What if it's no good? Do we break up? Do we... sign on for a lifetime of mediocre sex?
Leonard: It's... just don't put so much pressure on it. I-It's always a little awkward in the beginning. I remember the first time I slept with Penny.
Raj: It was bad?
Leonard: Oh, dude, it was awesome! I will replay it in my head until the day I die.
Howard: Well, if it helps, I was really nervous my first time with Bernie, but mostly because I was worried my mom would walk in.
Leonard: Did she?
Howard: Yeah.

Sheldon: So, how does this work with in-laws? Am I supposed to be calling you Dad? Because I don't want to.
Larry: You don't have to.
Sheldon: Oh, thanks, Larry. Ooh. That doesn't sound right. Maybe I should pick a vegetable for you.

Penny: Hey. You look deep in thought.
Leonard: Ah, I'm just reflecting.
Penny: About what?
Leonard: The first time we slept together.
Penny: Oh, honey, don't beat yourself up. It's great now.
Amy: [entering] This is not good. Sheldon is hanging out with my mom.
Leonard: Yeah, o-one sec.
[to Penny]
Leonard: Wh-what do you mean "don't beat myself up"?
Amy: Guys, focus. My mom thinks that Sheldon is the reason I don't spend a lot of time with her.
Penny: Well, why would she think that?
Amy: Because I told her. Do you need a cup of coffee? Wake up!

Mrs. Fowler: I can't believe it. All this time, I've been angry at you when I should have been angry at Amy.
Sheldon: Look at that. We're both angry at Amy. Maybe that's something we could bond over. Let me ask you this: how do you feel about Howard?
Mrs. Fowler: Oh, is he that odd little friend you have with the haircut?
Sheldon: I may have married the wrong Fowler.

Sheldon: It's called "Lethal Weapon", but isn't that redundant? Aren't weapons, but their very nature, lethal?
Larry: I suppose you're right.
Sheldon: And don't even get me started on "Unsolved Mysteries".
Larry: I didn't get you started on "Lethal Weapon".

Sheldon: Hello, Amy.
Amy: Hey, how's it going?
Sheldon: Well, Howard lured your father away with magic, so now I'm bonding with your mom.
[seeing Mrs. Fowler's hard stare]
Sheldon: I think she likes me.

Raj: Oh, I am stuffed! I should not have eaten all those dumplings.
Anu: I think we should have sex.
Raj: [playing it cool after almost crashing the car] Me, too.
Anu: Yeah, it's just we haven't done it yet, and I think it's important to make sure we're compatible before we get married.
Raj: Oh, I totally agree. Oh, just one question. While we're doing it, can I leave my shirt on? You know, the dumplings, pretty salty.
Anu: It doesn't have to be tonight. How about this weekend? I can get us a room at my hotel.
Raj: Okay. Sounds nice. We can order a bunch of room service, because I'm not eating anything between now and then.
Anu: Aw. Are you worried?
Raj: I am not worried. If anything, I'm overconfident. Edging into smug.
Anu: I'm sure it's gonna be fine.
Raj: Oh, it's gonna be better than fine. Trust me, I've had no complaints.
Anu: Good to know.
Raj: Well, I've had questions, comments, some constructive criticism, but... no complaints.

Sheldon: Can I feed peanuts to the elephants at your wedding?
Raj: That is such a stereotype!
Sheldon: There won't be any elephants?
Raj: Of course there'll be elephants. It's a stereotype that you feed them peanuts.

[last lines]
Larry: Would anyone like to see the magic trick Howard taught me?
Amy: I'd love to see your trick, daddy.
Larry: [standing up] A perfectly ordinary table knife. Watch closely.
[he makes it disappear]
Larry: Voila.
Amy: Oh, my gosh, that was so good.
[blood begins to seep from his hands]
Amy: Well, look, there's fake blood, too.
Larry: [hurrying to the bathroom] I'll be right back.
Mrs. Fowler: I don't know about you, but I don't really like magic.
Sheldon: You just keep getting better and better.

Howard: What are you guys up to?
Sheldon: Oh, father-in-law/son-in-law bonding. It's going great. Look at what he bought me at the train store.
[he takes out and blows a whistle]
Sheldon: Yeah, it sounded louder in the car.
Howard: Cool. Can I see it?
Sheldon: [handing it over] Hmm? Sure.
Howard: Interesting. This is one of those disappearing whistles.
Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Howard: [making it disappear] Voila.
Larry: Amazing. Where did it go?
Howard: Look in your pocket.
Larry: [taking it out] Ah! Oh! Oh! Oh, how did you do that?
Howard: Sorry, a magician never shares his secrets.
Larry: I'll give you a hundred bucks.
Howard: Sold!
Larry: Okay. Hey. Where's my wallet?
Howard: [making it appear] Voila.

Bernadette: I'll tell you one thing. Lock the door.
Penny: Yeah, Raj, you're gonna be fine. Just break out some of your Kama Sutra moves.
Raj: I don't really know any of that stuff. I just pretend I do to impress women. And by the way, Anu is Indian; she's gonna know there's no sexual position called a screeching lotus.
Bernadette: Screeching lotus?
Raj: Sometimes I get leg cramps. It's my cover story.

Amy: Hi, daddy.
Larry: Hey, pumpkin.
Sheldon: Pumpkin! I've been calling her Spaghetti Squash. It's amazing that one woman can be different vegetables to different men.

Amy: You know that my mom can be... well, difficult to get along with.
Sheldon: Which is why I'm starting with your dad and working my way up.
Amy: All right. I'm just worried you might have a rather unpleasant day.
Sheldon: Yeah, back at you. I watched the trailer for "The Grinch"; it looks terrible.

Anu: Last night was... wonderful.
Raj: But all we did was talk.
Anu: Yeah. And it was wonderful. Am I safe to assume you talking to me now is a good sign for our marriage?
Raj: Yeah, and-and for my liver. Hey, about the other thing. Um... should we just wait for another night?
Anu: Or I go take a shower, and you decide how you want to play this.
[she heads to the bathroom, while he tries to figure out her meaning]
Anu: Take a shower with me, Raj.

Howard: Hey, have you checked the dates on these? They're all expired.
Stuart: You buy candy in a comic book store, you get what you get.

Sheldon: So the doctor prescribed Nizoral and it blocked enzyme action, and the fungus cleared right up.
Mrs. Fowler: That's a very disturbing picture.
Sheldon: Yes, well, they say a picture's worth a thousand words, but I say nothing beats a picture and a thousand words.
Mrs. Fowler: Still, you might wanna take it off Facebook.
Sheldon: Oh, no. It's in my nature to share.

- Even after she threw you under the bus, you're still gonna defend her?
- Oh, yes. She's my wife and I love her.
- And if I can forgive her for putting ketchup on her eggs,
- I can forgive her for this.
- Her father does that. It's disgusting.
- Amy's crazy. You are a delight.

Raj: For most of my life, I got so nervous around women that I couldn't talk to them without alcohol.
Anu: So you've been drunk every time we've seen each other?
Raj: No. No, it hasn't happened in a long time. And I really thought I was over it, but I guess... I don't know, I guess I-I wanted so much for tonight to go well, that I stressed myself out. It came back.
Anu: Why didn't you tell me about this before?
Raj: I was embarrassed.

Amy: Are you really gonna plan a wedding in three months?
Raj: Yeah, well, her family's doing most of the work. They're amazing. We talk all the time.
Sheldon: Why?
Raj: Because we're about to get married and they're gonna be my family.
Sheldon: Amy and I are married, and I never talk to her family.
Penny: Really? My parents love Leonard.
Leonard: Yeah. And my mother loves Penny, which is weird, because I never knew she could love.

Bernadette: What's going on, Raj?
Raj: Well, how would you guys feel about going to India for my wedding?
Amy: Oh, that's so exciting!
Leonard: Penny, you will never guess what I have planned for Valentine's Day.

Sheldon: Other than Amy, have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Mrs. Fowler: I am not going to answer that.
Sheldon: Smart. Save something for our next get-together.

Raj: Hey, you guys have any plans for Valentine's Day?
Leonard: Three months from now? No.
Penny: What, no?
Leonard: I mean, secret romantic plans that would be ruined if I told you.

Mrs. Fowler: Why would Amy feel the need to lie to me?
Sheldon: Well, maybe perhaps because you're her mother and she didn't want to disappoint you.
Mrs. Fowler: Really? Even afer she threw you under the bus, you're still gonna defend her.
Sheldon: Well, yes. She's my wife and I love her. And if I can forgive her for putting ketchup on her eggs, I can forgive her for this.
Mrs. Fowler: Her father does that. It's disgusting.
Sheldon: Amy's crazy. You are a delight.

Raj: Okay, you wanted the truth, here it is.
Anu: You have a drinking problem.
Raj: No. I, uh, I have a talking problem, and a drinking solution.

Anu: If it makes you feel any better, I've got things I'm embarrassed about, too.
Raj: Really? Will you tell me one?
Anu: Okay. Um... Ugh. I hate telling people this. I don't like music.
Raj: What kind of music?
Anu: Just... all of it. It sort of seems like a waste of time.
Raj: Even Beyoncé?
Anu: See, this is why I don't tell people.
Raj: No. Um, it's fine. It's just, have you heard "Single Ladies"?
Anu: Yeah, and I don't get it. I mean, the lyrics are "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
Raj: Y-You have to sing it in the voice of a goddess. Like, uh...
Anu: [he hums the melody] My point is, we both have our little eccentricities.
Raj: Little eccentricities? One is a deep-seated psychological disturbance, and the other can be solved with half a glass of chardonnay.

Anu: Hi.
[suddenly unable to talk, Raj waves]
Anu: [awkwardly waving back] Everything okay?
[he heads towards the bathroom]
Anu: Why are you acting so weird?
[he takes a bottle of champagne and closes the door]
Anu: Raj? What's going on?
Raj: Be right out! You look beautiful!

Raj: Hey, Leonard, can you pause the game for a second?
Leonard: Uh, hang on. I'm about to beat Howard.
[Howard pauses the game]
Leonard: What? Hey!
Howard: What? He's our friend. What's up, pal?

Larry: [Howard shows him the "linked rings" trick] It's like you're actually magic.
Bernadette: You can do that, but you still can't get my bra off?
Howard: The rings don't roll their eyes at me.

Mrs. Fowler: Thank you, Amy. It's so nice of you to have us over for dinner.
Amy: Couldn't think of a single reason not to.
Sheldon: Yeah, and boy, did she try.

Mrs. Fowler: Amy said she couldn't come to Thanksgiving dinner because you always have to spend it with your mother.
Sheldon: I haven't spent Thanksgiving with my mother in years.
[to Amy]
Sheldon: Amy, why would you tell your mother that I spend Thanksgiving with my mother?
Amy: Uh... no time to talk about that now. All your action figures are on fire. Harrison Ford's in the lobby. Come quick.
Mrs. Fowler: And Amy never joins us for Sunday dinners because you refuse to go out on a school night.
Sheldon: Sh... I can go out on a school night as long as I'm in my PJs by 10:00.
Amy: Sheldon, don't listen to her. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's crazy!
Mrs. Fowler: Hello, Amy.
Amy: [weakly] Hello, mother. Good news. We-we can come for Thanksgiving this year.

Anu: Raj, what is going on?
Raj: [taking off his coat] No, no, it's not what's going on, it's what's coming off.
Anu: Stop it. You're acting weird, and it's freaking me out.
Raj: Why? Because I couldn't talk and ran in the bathroom to slug back a bottle of champagne when I pretended to pee?
Anu: Okay, I think I'm gonna leave.
Raj: No, no. Wait, wait. Don't... okay, don't go.
Anu: Fine. Then tell me what's going on.
Raj: Well, funny story...
Anu: The truth.
Raj: Oh, god, the truth is so not good for me.

Sheldon: After last night, I got to thinking that I should have a better relationship with your family.
Amy: I think the one you have with them is perfect.
Sheldon: I hardly have one at all.
Amy: Which is perfect.
Sheldon: Oh, Amy, they're important to you, and you're important to me. Therefore, according to the transitive property, they're important to me. It's the same reason I'm interested in your big, flat feet.

- Well, practice makes better.
- Oh, my god. Oh, my god. She just texted.
- She's on her way up.
- Raj, calm down. You got this.
- Yes, thank you, thank you. I got this.
- Just remember, the most important thing is to have fun.
- Stop putting so much pressure on me!

Amy: You're up early.
Sheldon: Huh? Yes. I wanted to get a jump on planning a day of fun for you.
Amy: Oh, that's sweet. What are we doing?
Sheldon: Oh, no, just you. I have other plans. Now, would you prefer to see "The Grinch" in 2-D or 3-D?
Amy: I don't wanna see it at all.
Sheldon: Well, let's go 2-D. No sense in spending extra money.
Amy: What are you gonna be doing?
Sheldon: Being a great husband.
Amy: Yeah, you're gonna need to show your work on that.

Penny: So you've been using Sheldon as an excuse to get out of seeing your mother?
Amy: I know. I feel terrible. I love my mom, but, you know, sometimes...
Penny: Yeah. We-we've met her. Yeah.

Raj: Hey, guys, before Anu gets here, can I talk about the seating situation? I really don't want her to sit on the floor.
Sheldon: Oh, no problem. Bernadette, floor.
Bernadette: Hey!
Howard: Yeah, you can't make my wife sit on the floor.
Sheldon: Fine. Howard, floor.
Penny: Fine, I'll sit on the floor.
Raj: Thank you, Penny. And Leonard, I was kind of hoping I could sit next to Anu.
Leonard: So now I have to sit next on the floor? It's my house. Why can't Sheldon sit on the floor?
Sheldon: That might be the dumbest thing you have ever said.

Raj: Sorry, I had to use the facilities.
Anu: With a bottle of champagne?
Raj: Mm, I like to celebrate the little things in life. You need to go? There's still some left.

Howard: Guys, guys, there's a simple solution.
Raj: I am not breaking up with her.
Howard: All right. Let's keep thinking.
Raj: [a few minutes later] Hey, everybody, it's Anu.
Anu: Hi.
Howard: [all crammed onto one cushion] Hi!
Sheldon: [in his spot] Welcome!

Raj: Hey, Pennny. I need your help. I am freaking out.
Penny: Okay, is she there yet?
Raj: No, I got here first. You know... get the lay of the land.
Penny: Raj, it's gonna be okay. Look, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship. My first time with Leonard was nothing to write home about.
Raj: Really?
Penny: Yeah, but, you know, over time it got better.
Raj: S-So practice makes perfect?
Penny: Well, practice makes better.

Raj: Oh, my god, oh, my god, she just texted. She's on her way up!
Penny: Raj, calm down. You got this.
Raj: Yes, thank you. Thank you. I got this.
Penny: And just remember, the most important thing is to have fun.
Raj: Stop putting so much pressure on me!

Raj: I don't know how else to say this, but, um, Anu and I are going to have sex tonight.
Howard: [a little too interested] Yeah...
Leonard: Do you know how creepy that sounds?
Howard: [in the same tone] Yeah...

Howard: What's up?
Sheldon: I need you to stop being so delightful.
Howard: What?
Sheldon: I'm supposed to be bonding with him. You have your own father-in-law. Leave mine alone.
Howard: Tell you what, you take my father-in-law, I'll take yours.
Sheldon: I don't want your father-in-law.
Howard: [doing the "coin behind the ear" trick] Well, what if I throw in a quarter?
Larry: [giddy like a little kid] Do it again! Do it again!