The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 2, Episode 18 Quotes

Penny: Okay, you know what, if I'm not allowed to be snide, you are not allowed to be condescending.
Sheldon: That wasn't a part of our original agreement, and I do not agree to it now!

Sheldon: Camouflaging bald spots is primarily a male concern. Perhaps we could expand our market.
Penny: How are flower barrettes gonna appeal to men?
Howard: We add Bluetooth!
Sheldon: Brilliant! Men love Bluetooth!
Penny: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You want to make a hair barrette with Bluetooth?
Sheldon: Penny - Everything is better with Bluetooth.

Sheldon: [Talking about Penny's home business] Ten dollars a day times five days a week times 52 weeks a year is 2,600 dollars.
Penny: That's all?
Sheldon: Before taxes.
Penny: Well, I don't have to pay taxes on this stuff.
Sheldon: I believe the Internal Revenue Service would strongly disagree.

Penny: [about the website Leonard designed for Penny's business] It seems a little juvenile. It looks like the MySpace page of a thirteen year-old girl.
Leonard: No it doesn't!
Howard: Dateline could use it to attract predators.

- I understand.
- And you're not allowed to be sarcastic or snide to me while I'm doing so.
- Okay.
- Let's begin with the premise that everything you've done up to this point is wrong.
- Oh, imagine that.
- Sarcasm. Goodbye.
- No, I'm sorry. Wait. Please, come back.

Penny: Look, I started a business.
Sheldon: Obviously not a cleaning business.

Sheldon: [Talking about Penny's proposed home-based business] If you took advantage of modern marketing techniques, and you optimized your manufacturing process, you might be able to make this a viable business.
Penny: And you know about that stuff?
Sheldon: [patronizing] Penny - I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.
Penny: Who's Radiohead?
Sheldon: [with facial tic] I have a working knowledge of the _important_ things in the universe.

Howard: Leonard died again, Sheldon. You're up.
Sheldon: Despite my deep love of chess, lasers, and aerosol disinfectant, I must forfeit.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: Because it's almost 11:00.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So Penny has a "don't knock on my door before 11:00 or I punch you in the throat" rule.

- Where's the coffee?
- We're all out.
- No problem.
- I'll be back before this banana hits the ground.
- Zoom, zoom, zoom.
- Zoom, zoom, zoom.

[Sheldon delivers a package to Penny]
Sheldon: [Presents clip board] Excuse me! You have to sign this.
Penny: What is it?
Sheldon: When I signed for the package, I was deputized by the United Parcel Service and entrusted with its final delivery. I now need you to acknowledge receipt of the package so that I am fully indemnified and no longer liable.
Penny: Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones!
Sheldon: Well, the contents are irrelevant. A legal bailment has been created. Does that mean nothing to you?
Penny: It means nothing to anybody!

Sheldon: [How Sheldon knocks on Penny's door, without a pause: knock-knock-knock] Penny!
[knock-knock-knock]
Sheldon: Penny!
[knock-knock-knock]
Sheldon: Penny!

Rajesh: You know if I wanted to spend my Saturday nights doing this, I could have stayed in India.
Leonard: Oh, stop with the fake Third World crap. Your father is a gynecologist, and you had a house full of servants.
Rajesh: He only had four servants, and two of them were children.

Sheldon: Let's begin with the premise that everything you've done up to this point is wrong.
Penny: Oh, imagine that.
Sheldon: Sarcasm. Good bye.
Penny: No, sorry, wait, please come back, come back.

Sheldon: Look at Planck's Constant. People say it's arbitrary. It could not be less arbitrary. If it varied even slightly, life as we know it would not exist. Bam! Now, now, let's reconsider the entire argument, but with entropy reversed and effect preceding cause, so you are thinking of a universe that's not expanding from the centre, no, it is retreating from a, from a possibility space. Bam! This is a space where we are all essentially Alice through the looking glass, standing in front the Red Queen, and we're being offered a cracker to quench our thirst. Bam! Of course, in another universe, let's call it universe prime, there's another Sheldon, let's call him Sheldon prime...
Penny: We should have let him go to bed.
Leonard: Bam.

Leonard: I'm sorry guys, but secret agent laser obstacle lunch is just stupid.

Sheldon: [to Penny] Are you familiar with the development that resulted from Honore Blanc's 1778 use of interchangeable parts?
[long pause]
Sheldon: The assembly line, of course.

Penny: If this takes off I won't have to be a waitress anymore.
Sheldon: But then who will bring me my cheeseburger on Tuesday nights?
Penny: Another waitress?
Sheldon: What's her name?
Penny: I don't know.
Sheldon: And you're going to let her handle my food?
Penny: Nancy. Her name is Nancy.
Sheldon: I think you're just making that up!

Leonard: All right, what's wrong with it?
Sheldon: What's wrong with it?
Leonard: Not from you!

- You might make this a viable business.
- And you know about that stuff?
- Penny.
- I'm a physicist.
- I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.
- Who's radiohead?

Sheldon: Before we set up a marketing and distribution infrastructure, we should finish optimizing the manufacturing process. To start with, she has a terrible problem with moisture-induced glitter clump.
Penny: Yeah, it's a bitch!
Howard: [Inspecting bottle of glitter] Ah, I've seen this before.
Penny: Where?
Howard: It's a common stripper problem: they dance, they sweat, they clump.
Penny: Eww.
Leonard: Are you thinking of adding a desiccant like calcium sulfate?
Howard: Actually, I'm thinking about this one stripper named Vega.

Sheldon: [after timing how long it took Penny to make a decorative hair barrette] Based on your cost in materials and your wholesale selling price, you'll effectively be paying yourself five dollars and nineteen cents a day.
Penny: A day?
Sheldon: There are children in a sneaker factory in Indonesia who out-earn you.

[Leonard, Howard, and Raj are playing "Secret Agent LASER Obstacle Chess"]
Howard: Hey! You know what would be a great idea? We get some girls over here and play LASER obstacle strip chess.
Leonard: Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing to play that you don't want to see naked.
Howard: You underestimate me.

- Knight to queen's bishop 5.
- Ah. Very nice. What's Leonard gonna do?
- Does he give up the pawn or give up the position?
- Mm. Let's find out. Leonard, ready?
- Ready.

Sheldon: Coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California, I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.

Penny: How the hell are we gonna make a thousand Penny Blossoms
[Penny's hair product]
Penny: in one day?... I'm gonna have to call them and cancel that order.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but was this not your goal? Financial independence through entrepreneurial brilliance and innovation? My brilliance and innovation, of course, but still.
Penny: I just don't see how we can pull this off.
Sheldon: That, right there! That equivocation and self-doubt. That is not the American spirit. Did Davy Crockett quit at the Alamo? Did Jim Bowie?
Howard: They didn't give up, they were massacred! By like a gazillion angry Mexicans!