The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 2, Episode 2 Quotes

Leonard: I'm sorry about all of Sheldon's interruptions. He can be a bit of an eccentric.
Leslie: If by "eccentric" you mean passive-aggressive East-Texas blowhole, I agree.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, I am not going back to the renaissance fair.
Howard: Come on, Sheldon, there are so few places I can wear my jester costume.
Sheldon: I don't care. There are far too many historical anomalies for my comfort.
Rajesh: Oh, okay, how about this. You can go dressed as a Star Trek science officer exploring a planet very similar to Earth in the fifteen hundreds.
Sheldon: You mean like Spock?
Rajesh: [shrugs] Sure.
Sheldon: Fascinating.

Leonard: I like Leslie, but she's not interested in dating as much as using men as tools for stress release.
Howard: Yeah, so? Be a tool. Go get yourself a little rebound "stress release".

Leslie: Now that you're unattached, maybe we can revisit our previous attachment.
Leonard: Are you suggesting another bout of stress release?
Leslie: No, I'm all done with casual sex. From now on, I'm fully committed to the traditional relationship paradigm.
Leonard: Really? What changed?
Leslie: It's hard to say. I guess there's a time in every woman's life when she gets tired of waking up on a strange futon with a bunch of people she doesn't know.
Leonard: Yeah, I can see how that would... a bunch of people?
Leslie: Anyway, I figure it's time to slow things down and, who better to slow things down with than you?
Leonard: I'm flattered.

Penny: Why don't you go to a movie?
Sheldon: Alone?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: What if I choke on my popcorn? Who will administer the Heimlich manuver?
Penny: So, don't buy popcorn.
Sheldon: No popcorn at the mo - listen to yourself!

Sheldon: If Leonard is really my friend, why doesn't he have to support me in my hatred of Leslie Winkle?
Penny: Because love trumps hate.
Sheldon: Oh, now you're just making stuff up!

Leslie: Loop quantum gravity clearly offers more testable predictions than string theory.
Sheldon: I'm listening. Amuse me.
Leslie: Okay. Well, for one thing, we expect quantized space-time to manifest itself in minute differences in the speed of light for different colors.
Sheldon: Balderdash. Matter clearly consists of tiny strings.
Leslie: [to Leonard] Are you gonna let him talk to me like that?

Leslie: Loop quantum gravity is the future of physics.
Leonard: Sorry, Leslie, I guess I prefer my space stringy, not loopy.
Leslie: I'm glad I found out the truth about you before this went any further.
Leonard: Truth? What truth? We're talking about untested hypotheses. It's no big deal.
Leslie: It isn't? Really? Tell me, how will we raise the children?
Leonard: I guess we wait until they're old enough and let them choose their own theory.
Leslie: We can't let them choose. They're children!
Leonard: Wait, where are you going?
Leslie: I'm sorry. I could have accepted our kids being genetically unable to eat ice cream or ever get a good view of a parade, but this... this is a deal breaker.

Leonard: I think tonight was a very good start.
Leslie: Me too. You're sure you're okay postponing intercourse until our relationship is past the initial viability test?
Leonard: No problem, I'm very skilled at postponing intercourse.

Howard: Penny with her new boyfriend. Tres awkward.
Leonard: It's not awkward. It's not fun...

Penny: [as they are coming up the stairs] ... no, it wasn't my cat. It was an experiment designed by this guy named Schrodinger.
Eric: From the Charlie Brown cartoons?
Penny: No, he was some kind of scientist. Let me start again. Y -
[sees Leonard]
Penny: Oh, hey Leonard!

Leonard: [Referring to their upcoming date] How do you suggest we proceed?
Leslie: Your place. We'll order Chinese, you'll rent a movie - artsy but accessible - then light petting, no coitus.
Leonard: Sounds fun...
Leslie: I'll leave the details up to you. I think it's better if you assume the male role.

Leonard: I'm glad Penny's dating. Now I can really let loose.
Howard: You were holding back?
Leonard: Out of courtesy, yes.
Rajesh: What about the ten years before Penny.
Leonard: Hey, I've date plenty of women.
Howard: Like who?
Leonard: Well, there's Joyce Kim, Leslie Winkle...
[pause]
Sheldon: Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary: the word "plenty" has been redefined to mean "two".

Rajesh: What happens in costume at Comicon stays at Comicon!
Howard: You're only saying that because of what happened to you.
Leonard: What happened to you?
Rajesh: Nothing happened to me.
Howard: It's not your fault, Raj. He was dressed as a green Orion slave girl.

Sheldon: If you're having trouble deciding where to sit, may I suggest "One Potato, Two Potato." Or as I call it, the Leslie Winkle experimental methodology.

Sheldon: Everybody's got a date. Even you, Mario, going after Princess Peach. And what am I doing? I'm just enabling you.

Sheldon: You know how I can tell we're not in the Matrix?
Leonard: How?
Sheldon: If we were, the food would be better.

Sheldon: My God, they can't expect to put Ye Olde in front of anything they want and get away with it.

Sheldon: Are you sure things can't work out with you and Leonard?
Penny: Excuse me?
Sheldon: I'm just wondering if you really gave it the old college try. Or in your case, the old community college try.

- Ooh, rush me to the burn unit.
- Do you have a second?
- I need to ask you something.
- Yeah, sure.
- Well, if you'll excuse me...
- I'm going to go do work that promises significant results...
- As opposed to what you do, which does not.
- Yeah, you heard me.

Sheldon: Oh, Mario. How I wish I could control everyone the way I can with you?
[Presses buttons frantically]
Sheldon: Hop, you little plumber! Hop, hop, hop!

Sheldon: Oh please, the only way she could make a contribution to science is if they resume sending chimps into space.

Sheldon: Look on the bright side.
Leonard: What bright side?
Sheldon: Only nine more months until ComicCon.
Leonard: [smiling] Oh, yeah.

Leonard: What's so unusual about me having a date?
Sheldon: Well, statistically speaking...
Leonard: All right, all right! Nevertheless, I have one now and I'd appreciate it if, you know, made yourself scarce.
Sheldon: Leonard, I am a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an i.q. which can't be measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?

- We can't let them choose, Leonard, they're children.
- Wait, where are you going?
- I'm sorry.
- I could've accepted our kids being genetically unable to eat ice cream...
- Or ever get a good view of a parade.
- But this? This is a deal breaker.

Sheldon: When his uncles sit around the dinner table, they look like a half carton of eggs.
Leonard: Okay, my uncles are bald, but my Aunt Edna is one of the hairiest women you'll ever meet. Sweet lady. Always tickles when she hugs me.

Penny: Why don't you see a movie or something?
Sheldon: Alone?
Penny: Yeah, why not?
Sheldon: What if I choke on my popcorn, who will administer the Heimlich maneuver?
Penny: Well, then don't order popcorn.
Sheldon: No popcorn at the movies? Listen to yourself.

- I sure hope so.
- Besides shortness, what genetic weaknesses run in your family?
- I'm sorry to interrupt.
- Battery's dying. Continue.
- Uh, genetic weaknesses, right.
- Um, there's the lactose intolerance.
- Don't forget the male-pattern baldness.
- When his uncles sit around the dinner table, they look like a half-carton of eggs.

Leslie: Hello, dummy.
Sheldon: Hello to you, insufficiently intelligent person.
Leslie: Ooh, rush me to the burn unit.

- No, he was some kind of scientist.
- Let me start again.
- Oh, hey, Leonard.
- Hello.
- -Leshe. Lesuezhl okay, well, good night.
- Okay, well, good night.
- That ain't gonna make your point.

Leslie: So, I heard your relationship with Penny crashed to the ground like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory.
Leonard: Where did you hear that?
Leslie: Actually I read it: Wolowitz texted me.
Leonard: [Reading her phone] ... like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory. Yep!
Leslie: I thought it was pretty a good one. I gave him an "LOL."

Penny: I still don't understand why you don't go to dinner or something.
Sheldon: All right, let's say I go to dinner alone, and during the meal, I have to use the restroom. How do I know someone's not touching my food?
Penny: Good night, Sheldon.

Sheldon: Leonard is upstairs right now with my arch-enemy.
Penny: Your arch-enemy?
Sheldon: Yes, the Dr. Doom to my Mr. Fantastic, the Dr. Octopus to my Spider-Man, the Dr. Sivana to my Captain Marvel...
Penny: Okay, I get it, I get it!
Sheldon: You know, it's amazing how many supervillains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should probably do a better job of screening those people out.

Sheldon: [Referring to their Renaissance Fair costumes] I fashioned historically accurate undergarments out of linen.
Leonard: You went out and bought linen?
Sheldon: Don't be silly. I borrowed one of your pillowcases.
Leonard: Borrowed?

Rajesh: I think she's smoking hot.
Howard: I'd hit that!
Sheldon: You'd hit particulate soil on a colloidal suspension.
[Wolowitz looks at him for clarification]
Sheldon: Mud.

Sheldon: [Sheldon, dressed up as Spock, scans the renaissance fair using a tricorder] Captain, I'm getting an unusual reading.
Leonard: Yeah, that's great. You guys want corn dogs?
Sheldon: That's a temporal anomaly. Corn dogs didn't come into existence until the first half of the 20th century.

- Look on the bright side.
- What's the bright side?
- Only nine more months to comic-con.
- Oh, yeah.

Leonard: [wants Sheldon to leave because he has a date] Nevertheless I have one now, and I'd appreciate it if you'd, you know, make yourself scarce.
Sheldon: Leonard, I am a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurately be measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?

- Relatively modern.
- What are you wearing?
- I fashioned historically accurate undergarments out of linen.
- You went and bought linen?
- Don't be silly.
- I borrowed one of your pillowcases.
- Borrowed?

Sheldon: Leslie Winkle. Of all the overrated physicists in all the labs in the world, why does it have to be Leslie Winkle?

Penny: Sheldon, you are a smart guy...
Sheldon: I'm "smart"? I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as "smart".

Howard: What's so unusual about me having a date?
Sheldon: Statistically speaking...
Leonard: All right, all right. Nevertheless, I have one now and I'd appreciate it if you would, make yourself scarce.
Sheldon: I'm a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurely measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?
Leonard: You know what I mean. Could you just give us a little privacy?
Sheldon: You want me to leave the apartment?.. You mean, just go someplace else and be... someplace else?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Why should I leave? This is my apartment, too.
Leonard: I know, and if science ever discovers a second member of your species and you two would like some privacy, I'd be more than happy to get out of your way.
Sheldon: Well, all right then.

Howard: Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy. They're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinkos and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosom jumps out and says "howdy".
Sheldon: Bosoms would not have said "howdy" in the Fifteenth Century. If anything, they would have said "Huzzah!"
Howard: I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon. I just want to be part of the conversation.