The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 2, Episode 5 Quotes

Leonard: You're a big boy, you'll figure it out.
Sheldon: Don't talk to me like I'm a child. Now take me to return my Star Wars sheets!

Leonard: [Sheldon's on a driving simulator and it's a disaster] How'd you manage to get on the second floor of the Glendale Galleria?
Sheldon: I don't know. I was on the Pasadena freeway and missed my exit, flew off the overpass, and one thing led to another.
Leonard: Maybe you wanna give it a rest and try again tomorrow.
Sheldon: No. I quit.
[gets off the simulator but forgets to turn it off]
Leonard: [sounds of a horrifying crash, then various animals] Oh, the pet store.
Sheldon: Remind me to compliment Wolowitz on the software, it's amazingly detailed.

[last lines]
Sheldon: You saw nothing!

Sheldon: Well, no, now, I'm not going to go so far as to say that I represent a distinct new stage in humankind, you know, a Homo Novis, if you will, no, that's for anthropologists to decide. But I am convinced that the reason I cannot master the plebeian task of driving is because I'm not meant to.

Sheldon: Your check engine light is on.
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Sheldon: Typically that's an indicator to, you know, check your engine.
Penny: It's fine, it's been on for, like, a month.
Sheldon: Well, actually, that would be all the more reason to, you know, check your engine.
Penny: Sheldon, it's fine.
Sheldon: If it were fine, the light wouldn't be on. That's why the manufacturer installed that light, to let you know it's not fine.
Penny: Uh, maybe the light's broken.
Sheldon: Is there a "check the check engine light light"?

Sheldon: Didn't you recently state that you and I are friends?
Penny: Yes, Sheldon. We are friends.
Sheldon: Then I hereby invoke what I'm given to understand is an integral part of the implied covenant of friendship.
Penny: ?
Sheldon: The favor.
Penny: Oh, dear God!
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was interrupting your morning prayers.

- Then I hereby invoke what I'm given to understand...
- Is an integral part of the implied covenant of friendship.
- The favor.
- Oh, dear god.
- I'm sorry, I didn't realize
- I was interrupting your morning prayers.
- When you're done, we'll go.

Octavia: Application?
Sheldon: I'm actually more of a theorist.
Howard: The application in your hand, give it to her.

- Can you drive me to pottery barn?
- Maybe if I turn off the nightlight,
- I can keep the sheets.

Penny: [Sheldon doesn't have a driving license] Why didn't you just get a license at sixteen, like everybody else?
Sheldon: I was otherwise engaged.
Penny: Doing what?
Sheldon: Examining perturbative amplitudes in n=4 supersymmetric theories, leading to a reexamination of the ultraviolet properties of multi-loop n=8 supergravity, using modern twistor theory.
Penny: Well, how about when you were seventeen?

Sheldon: I still don't see why I need a driver's license. Albert Einstein never had a driver's license.
Howard: Yeah, but Albert Einstein didn't make me wet myself at 40 miles an hour.
Penny: Yeah, and I never wanted to kick Albert Einstein in the nuts.

- Wednesday is new comic book day.
- We have to go to the comic-book store.
- And then we have to stop at souplantation.
- It's creamy tomato soup day.
- And radioshack.
- There's a sale on triple-a batteries.
- We have to go to pottery barn and return my star wars sheets.
- I have a better idea.
- You wanna go to pottery barn first?

- Okay, now shift into drive.
- And pull out slowly into traffic.
- Do you...? Watch the...
- Watch out for the pedestrians!
- Oh, god, wait.

- Really? Why?
- Well, since he won't take the bus and he's too evolved to drive...
- He decided to sleep in his office...
- And shower in the radiation lab until I'm finished with my experiment.
- But you finished your experiment a week ago.
- Yep.

Sheldon: Euclid avenue is shorter as the crow flies, but it has speed bumps, which appreciably increase point-to-point drive time, making it the less efficient choice.
[Penny glares at Sheldon]
Sheldon: But you have the con.

- I haven't fastened my seat belt yet.
- Okay, fasten your seat belt.
- Click.
- Are there air bags?
- You don't need air bags.
- What if a simulated Van rear-ends me?
- I'll hit you in the face with a pillow.

Howard: I haven't configured it yet. Let's see, Bradly tank, transport truck, Batmobile...
Sheldon: Oooo
Leonard: No!

Leonard: Sheldon, I was up all night using the new free-electron laser for my x-ray diffraction experiment.
Sheldon: Did he laser accidentally burn out your retinas?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Then you can drive. Let's go.

Sheldon: [about a driving simulation] Now, are there airbags?
Leonard: You don't need airbags!
Sheldon: But what if a simulated van rear-ends me?
Penny: I'll hit you in the face with a pillow.

- How did you manage to get on the second floor of the glendale galleria?
- I don't know.
- I was on the Pasadena freeway, and missed my exit...
- Flew off the overpass, and one thing led to another.
- Maybe you wanna give it a rest and try again tomorrow.
- No. I quit.

Howard: Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV?
Sheldon: How else are they going to learn? Look, question two: "When are roadways most slippery?" Now, okay, there are three answers, none of which are correct. The correct answer is when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road to essentially zero, but not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction.
Octavia: [approving his permit] Here's your learner's permit. Go away.
Sheldon: But I'm not done. I... I have many additional concerns about these questions.
Octavia: Don't make me climb over this counter.
Penny: [leading Sheldon away] All right, come on. Come on.
Octavia: Next!
Sheldon: Aced it.

Leonard: Didn't I tell you I'd be working nights and that you'd have to make other arrangements?
Sheldon: You did.
Leonard: And?
Sheldon: I didn't... Let's go.

Leonard: Since he won't take the bus and he's too evolved to drive, he decided it would be easier to just sleep in his office and shower in the radiation lab until I'm finished with my experiment.
Raj: But you finished your experiment a week ago.
Leonard: [grins] Yep.

- Get out.
- I have to tell you that while I do have a theoretical understanding...
- Of an internal-combustion engine...
- I'm not sure
- I'm capable of performing diagnostics.
- I said, "get out."
- Okay, I'll give it a shot.

Leonard: Penny's taking you to the DMV; I'm going to bed.
Sheldon: Why Penny?
Leonard: Because rock breaks scissors. Good night.

- Fine. Assuming that everything you say is true...
- How does the biologically superior homo novus get to work...
- Tomorrow morning?
- Homo novus doesn't know.
- Well, hang in there.
- Maybe you'll evolve into something with wings.

- What?
- We have to stop at pottery barn.
- Okay.
- And radioshack.
- Fine.
- And the comic-book store.
Penny: All right.
- I wanna go to the comic-book store.

Sheldon: Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions.
Octavia: Look at that sign up there.
Sheldon: Yes?
Octavia: Does it say I give a damn?
Sheldon: No.
Octavia: That's because I don't.

Sheldon: Studies have shown that performing tasks such as eating, talking on the cellphone or drinking coffee while driving reduces one's reaction time by the same factor as an ounce of alcohol.
Penny: Do you have any alcohol?
Sheldon: Of course not.
Penny: Too bad.

[first lines]
Sheldon: Good morning, Leonard!
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: We're going to have to stop by Pottery Barn on the way to work. I bought these Star Wars sheets, but they turned out to be much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night's sleep. I don't like the way Darth Vader stares at me.

Sheldon: But, how am I going to get to work?
Leonard: Take the bus.
Sheldon: I can't take the bus anymore. They don't have seat belts, and they won't let you lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords.
Leonard: You tried to lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords?
Sheldon: I didn't try. I succeeded. For some reason, it alarmed the other passengers and I was asked to de-bus.