The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 4, Episode 15 Quotes

Sheldon: I think you have a real knack for gigolo work, Leonard.

Howard: Okay, let's go smooch some rich, wrinkled tochus.
Penny: Oh, Howard, I can't believe Bernadette let you go to a fancy party wearing a dicky.
Howard: Excuse me, my girl friend doesn't pick out my clothes. My mother does.

Penny: What was that about me trading sexual favors for material gain?
Sheldon: It's a compliment. I believe in giving credit where credit's due.

Penny: [to Leonard] Good morning, slut!
Leonard: What?
Penny: Oh please, I recognize the walk of shame when I see it. All you're missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it.

Sheldon: I'm so proud of you! You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker!
Leonard: No, I didn't do it for the money.
Sheldon: She stiffed you?
Penny: I believe that's what your roommate did to *her*.
Sheldon: What?
Penny: Again, read the book we gave you!

Sheldon: Tell him Dr. Cooper feels that the best use of his time is to employ his rare and precious mental faculties to tear the mask off nature and stare at the face of God.

Mrs. Latham: I'll make it easy for you. When you arrive at the lab in the morning, what sort of machine do you turn on?
Leonard: Coffee maker?

- So, Saturday night!
- It's gonna be off the hook.
- Ugh!
- Get over it.
- Oh, boy!
- Tator tots and a party invitation?
- What a great day!

Leonard: She hit on me.
Howard: Wait, wait, are you telling us that old lady wanted to have sex with you in exchange for giving your department millions of dollars?
Leonard: I think so.
Howard: You lucky duck.
Penny: You're really a broken toy, aren't you?

[last lines]
President: Ah, there he is, the man of the hour! He took one for the team!
Leonard: I didn't do it for the money.
President: Keep telling yourself that; it makes it easier. Trust me, I know.
Raj: Cool, buddy. That's awesome.
Howard: How was she?

Leonard: Mrs. Latham said she was seriously considering donating money so we could get a cryogenic centrifugal pump...
Sheldon: Oh, wow!
Howard: Yess!
Leonard: Then she stuck her tongue down my throat.
Sheldon: Why?
Penny: Okay, we can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we got you.

Mrs. Latham: What happened to you, Wolowitz? Couldn't stick with it long enough to get your Ph.D.?
Howard: I'm an engineer. Most engineers don't bother with a Ph.D. But you may be interested to know I designed the zero-gravity waste disposal system for NASA.
Mrs. Latham: Got it. You're a space plumber.

Sheldon: No. No. No. I'm just here for your money. I don't want to shake anyone's germy hands.

Sheldon: [answering the phone] Cooper-Hofstadter residence; go for Cooper.
Sheldon: Good morning, Mrs. Latham.
Sheldon: Yes, of course I remember you; a woman well past her prime seeking to augment her social status by doling out her late husbands ill-gotten gains.
Sheldon: So, how much money you going to give me?
Sheldon: I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested.
Sheldon: Well, if you're not going to give me money, then why are you calling?
Sheldon: [passes the phone to Leonard] She wants to talk to you. Who's crazy now?

Sheldon: Penny, you're an expert at exchanging sexual favors for material gain. Walk him through this.

Sheldon: Given how much time you spend engaging in pointless self-abuse, you might consider just this once using your genitalia to actually accomplish something!

Mrs. Latham: Alright, Dr. Kooth - whatever it is. You're up.
Raj: [terrified] It's Koothrappali. I have to tinkle.

Mrs. Latham: There's nothing I like better than making smart people feel ill at ease.
Leonard: Why?
Mrs. Latham: Oh, I don't know, it's one of the fun things you get to do when you have lots of money.

President: [Putting his arms around Sheldon and Leonard's shoulders] How are we doing today?
Sheldon: That depends. How much longer do you plan on fondling my shoulder?
President: Sorry, Dr. Cooper, I forgot you have a touch phobia.
Sheldon: It's not a touch phobia, it's a germ phobia. If you'd like to go put on a pair of latex gloves, I'll let you check me for a hernia.

Sheldon: Just because the nice man is offering you candy doesn't mean you should jump into his windowless van.

Sheldon: I refuse to be trotted out and shown off like a prize hog at the Texas State Fair, which, by the way, is something you don't want to attend wearing a Star Trek ensign's uniform.

[first lines]
Raj: Here's what I wonder about zombies:
[the others groan]
Raj: What happens if they can't get any human flesh to eat? They can't starve to death, they're already dead.
Howard: You take this one. I spent an hour last night on "How do vampires shave when they can't see themselves in the mirror?"
Sheldon: Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other. Case closed.
Raj: Yeah, okay. So, zombies.
Leonard: Uh, I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj. Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies? Like in '28 Days', if those zombies didn't eat, they starved.
Howard: Yes, you're thinking of '28 Days Later'. '28 Days' is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and puts the audience into an undead state.

Leonard: She wants to have dinner and talk about my research.
Sheldon: An entire dinner to talk about your research? Where are you going, the drive-thru at Jack In the Box?

- How do you think I landed such a rich husband?
- I hadn't really given it much thought.
- Well, think about it.
- Do you mean...?
- Yep. I'm that good.
- Oh, what the hell.

[Amy is trying to convince Sheldon to attend a fund raiser, which he has skipped because he feels it's demeaning]
Amy: If your friends are unconvincing, this year's donations might go to, say, the Geology Department.
Sheldon: Oh, dear! Not the dirt people!
Amy: Or worse. It could go to: the liberal arts.
Sheldon: No!
Amy: Millions of dollars being showered on poets, literary theorists, and students of gender studies.
Sheldon: Oh, the Humanities!