The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 4, Episode 7 Quotes

Sheldon: Penny, you face failure on a daily basis. How do you cope?
Penny: I drink...

[there's a knock at the apartment door]
Leonard: Want to get that?
Sheldon: Not particularly.
Leonard: Could you get that?
Sheldon: I suppose I *could* if I were asked.
Leonard: Would you please get that!
Sheldon: Of course. Why do you have to make things so complicated?

Sheldon: I have been riddled with guilt, which is causing Gorn-infested REM sleep.

Howard: I see. Well, it's good to know, when I need you guys, I can always count on you to step up and ruin everything.

Sheldon: You say you're Special Agent Page, FBI.
FBI: Here's my I.D.
Sheldon: And here is my Justice League membership card. But that doesn't prove I know Batman.

[last lines]
Howard: I gotta tell you, Sheldon, I understand why you chose this spot. I mean: the temperature is good but there's no draft, I can see the television but I can still talk th...
Sheldon: I changed my mind; get out of my spot!
Penny: How long?
Leonard: Ninety-four seconds.

Sheldon: So you're saying my insomnia is caused by a guilty conscience.
Leonard: Actually, you don't have insomnia. You're sleeping now.
Sheldon: Excuse me?
Leonard: You're having a guilt-ridden dream.
Sheldon: Do you have any evidence to support that hypothesis?
Leonard: How about that Gorn sitting on the couch.
[the Gorn waves]
Sheldon: That seems fairly conclusive.

Penny: I'm sorry, honey, I don't know milliliters.
Sheldon: Ah. Blame President James "Jimmy" Carter. He started America on a path to the metric system but then just gave up. He wonders why he was a one-term president.

Leonard: What are you doing up?
Sheldon: Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
Leonard: Really? Maybe sleep has met you before.

- Oh, my god, dude, now you have to forgive him.
- All right. Uh, apology accepted.
- High five.
- Not too hard.
- Thank you.
- I haven't cried like this since toy story 3.

[first lines]
Leonard: No, seriously, I think I've finally figured out my problem with women.
Sheldon: The capybara is the largest member of the rodent family.
Leonard: What does that have to with me and women?
Sheldon: Nothing. It was a desperate attempt to introduce an alternate topic of conversation.

Leonard: I'm an experimental physicist. You know, one of those guys who examines the building blocks of creation and says, "Hello, Maker of the Universe. I see what you did there. Good one."

Raj: Oh, there it is. Here comes a cavity search.
FBI: Excuse me?
Raj: Please don't send me back to India; it's so crowded! It's like the whole country is one endless Comic-Con, except everybody's wearing the same costume: Indian Guy.
FBI: Dr. Koothrappali, I'm not...
Raj: I love this country! The-the baseball, the freedom, the rampant morbid obesity! From California to the New York Island! I'm a real Yankee Doodle boy!

Raj: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't want to speak to the FBI!
Leonard: Why not?
Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny.
Howard: They're just doing a background check on me.
Raj: It doesn't matter. They'll find a reason to give me a one-way ticket back to Gandhi-ville. By the way, when I say that, it's not offensive.
Leonard: Don't be ridiculous, Raj. You're here legally.
Raj: Nobody cares. Do you know how long it's been since I got through airport security without being given a colonoscopy?

Penny: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I have troubles, Penny. I've come to pour them out to the sympathetic ear of the local barkeep.
Penny: You know, they have a really nice bar over at the Olive Garden.
Sheldon: I don't like the Olive Garden. They treat me like family.

- Coming.
- Dr. Koothrappali?
- I'm special agent page, FBI.
- May I come in?
- I'd like to talk to you about Howard Wolowitz.
- Ah, thank you.
- All right. Well, how long have you known
- Mr. Wolowitz?

- Kirk beat the kobayashi maru by reprogramming the simulator.
- That's it.
- What?
- I'll reprogram Howard.
- Wait...
- Sheldon, you can't reprogram people.
- No, you can't reprogram people.
- To James tiberius kirk.

- Then spray them with a mixture of rum and bitters.
- Then ignite the rum..."
- Here you go, one rosewater rickey.
- That's not how it looks in the picture.
- Oh, yeah, every bartender makes it differently.
- Why don't you give it a try?
- All right.
- To the metric system.

Sheldon: You know, I try very hard to make our lunch hours educational and informative, but your insistence on talking about your own lives stymies me at every turn.
Leonard: Fine, Sheldon, tell us about your giant rodents.
Sheldon: No, you squandered your time with me, and the moment has now passed. Feast on your disappointment, much as the capybara feasts on its own waste!

Howard: You're giving me a couch cushion?
Sheldon: No, the cushion is merely symbolic. I'm giving you my spot on the couch.
Sheldon: But you love that spot.
Howard: No. I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater. It is the singular location in space around which revolves my entire universe. And now it's yours.

Raj: Sheldon, I want you to meet Neil deGrasse Tyson from the Hayden Planetarium in New York.
Sheldon: I'm quite familiar with Dr. Tyson. He's responsible for the demotion of Pluto from planetary status. I liked Pluto. Ergo, I do not like you.
Neil: But I actually didn't demote Pluto. That was a vote of the International Astronomical Union.
Sheldon: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Think about that, Dr. Tyson.

Sheldon: Would you be interested in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz once snuck onto my World of Warcraft account and changed the name of a certain level-80 warlock from Sheldor to Smeldor?

- You know, I try very hard to make our lunch hours educational and informative.
- But your insistence on talking about your own lives stymies me at every turn.
- Fine, Sheldon, tell us about your giant rodents.
- No. You squandered your time with me and the moment has now passed.
- Feast on your disappointment...
- Much as the capybara feasts on its own waste.