The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 5, Episode 11 Quotes

Leonard: God Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign to my mouth every time I speak?
Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?

Bernadette: Honey, it doesn't matter what you did in the past. You're a good person now.
Penny: That's easy for you to say. You weren't just called a bu-bu-bu-bitch.

Bernadette: I don't think I can meet the girl who was always mean to me, Tammy Bodnick. One time while I was in gym class she stole all my clothes and left an elf costume in my locker. The worst part was, it was too big.
Amy: That's nothing. In ninth grade, the girls put Rogaine in my hand lotion. Within six months, the nicknames began to fly. I think the one that hurt the most was Gorilla Fingers Fowler.

Jimmy: Look at you. Little Leonard Hofstadter. I hear you're a big time scientist now.
Sheldon: And there's the first zinger. Ouch.

Howard: Hey, we're here to support you, man.
Leonard: No, you're not. You're here to see if he can pull my underwear over my head.
Howard: You wore underwear? You fool!

Sheldon: Okay, Penny, if it were a game, here are your choices: an email from an old acquaintance or the head of one of the largest religious institutions in the world slam-dunking to Sweet Georgia Brown. Pick.
Leonard: Just do it because he's not gonna let it go.
Penny: Basketball Pope.
Sheldon: And that's how it's done.

Amy: What do you say to hiding a recording device in your ample bosom?
Bernadette: I don't want anything in my ample bosom.
Amy: Come on, strawberries, take one for the team.

Sheldon: Is this the fella who peed in your Hawaiian punch?
Leonard: No, that was a different guy.
Sheldon: Was this the guy who wedgied you so hard your testicle reascended and you spent the whole Christmas break waiting for it to come back down?
Leonard: No, that was a different-different guy.
Sheldon: Was he the one who used your head to open a nut?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Oh, oh, oh! Was he the one who made you eat your arm hair?
Leonard: No, that... Actually, that was this guy's sister.

Sheldon: [Watching the Nobel Prize ceremonies] Look at these men. They've managed to win the top science prize in the world with no more knowledge of the quantum underpinnings of the expansion of the early universe than God gave a goose. Pay attention, Leonard. That might be you someday.

Sheldon: Better because he is tinier.

Sheldon: You know, the holidays are just around the corner. Maybe he wants to see if he can lodge your other testicle up there.
Leonard: I told you, that was a different guy.
Penny: Mm, that's too bad. Could've spent New Year's Eve waiting for the ball to drop.

Penny: I feel just like Mother Teresa, except for the virgin part. That ship sailed a long time ago.
Bernadette: I think Mother Teresa would have washed the clothes first.
Penny: Yeah, well, I bet her laundry room wasn't down five flights of stairs.

Penny: Did Sheldon change the wi-fi password again?
Leonard: Yeah. It's "pennyalreadyeatsourfoodshecanpayforwifi". No spaces.

Sheldon: "One for good luck." Must be the math they do at Princeton.

Leonard: Do you want to hear something weird?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was made an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: You asked Penny if she wanted to hear something weird.
Leonard: Yeah, because I have something weird to tell her.
Sheldon: Oh. I thought it was a game.

Sheldon: [while they run] You did it, Leonard! You stood up to your bully!
Leonard: Yeah, I feel pretty good about myself. You think we can outrun him?
Sheldon: I don't need to outrun him. I just need to outrun you!

- Ah! Look at these cute jeans someone just threw away.
- Donated.
- Yes, to a poor waitress who loves a boot-cut.
- Penny.
- Come on. They would be so cute on me.
- Ah! They'd go great with this sweater.
- I don't think Mother Teresa would...
- Oh, that is adorable.

- I was following you to a life of crime...
- Looking foward to the day we might be cell mates.
- I don't know about Bernadette.
- No, this is wrong.
- Let's put everything back. Come on.
- Here.

- No, but actually, that was this guy's sister.
- Well, what do you think he wants?
- I don't know.
- The holidays are just around the corner.
- Maybe he wants to see if he can lodge the other testicle up there.
- I told you. That was a different guy.
- Mm, that's too bad. Could've spent new year's Eve waiting for the ball to drop.

Sheldon: I'm not going to say I told you so, but we could have killed him.
Leonard: I might kill him right now.
Sheldon: The Dark Knight has your back. He's scared, but he has your back.

Sheldon: What my spineless friend lacks the courage to say is you're a terrible person who took advantage of his tiny size, his uncoordinated nature, and his congenital lack of masculinity.
Leonard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Leonard, I platonically love you, man, but face it, you're a mess.