The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 5, Episode 17 Quotes

Sheldon: Mr. Rothman, this isn't your office anymore. You're retired.
Professor: I think the word you're looking for is invisible.

Sheldon: [to the mockingbird] And you! The notes are C, D, E, G, and A. You pick one or I'm chopping down that tree!

Amy: Before I met you, I was a mousy wallflower. But look at me now. I'm like some kind of downtown hipster party girl! With a posse, a boyfriend, and a new lace bra that hooks in the front of all things!

Amy: Good night, painting Penny. Good night, real Penny.
Penny: Good night, real Amy.
Amy: You don't have to say good night to painting Amy, because she's never leaving.
Bernadette: Good night, real Penny.
Penny: Bye.
Bernadette: Good night, transvestite Penny.

Penny: [to Amy] I cannot believe you've never seen "Grease".
Amy: My mother didn't allow me to watch it. She was afraid it might encourage me to join a gang.

Sheldon: [at the urinals at work] Kripke.
Barry: Yes.
Sheldon: You're in my spot.

Sheldon: [in the rest room] President Seibert?
President: Can't this wait?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, we just need a word.
President: Now? You realize I'm your boss and I am holding my penis.
Barry: Sheldon, give the man some pwivacy. I'm sowwy, this guy's got no wespect for boundawies.

Sheldon: Oh dear! There it is again. Do you feel it?
Howard: The growing realization that you are one wacky bastard? Yep.
Sheldon: No, the vibration. We are directly underneath the Geology lab and they're running their confounded sieve shakers again. Hey gravel monkeys! If you need to shake rocks, try jiggling your heads around!

Amy: You know, can I borrow that movie? Those singing hooligans really got my motor running.
Penny: [giving her the "Grease" DVD] Sure, sure, enjoy. I mean, get it back to me when you can. Or you know what? Actually, you keep it. It's just going to be my gift to you. Bye.
Amy: [taking DVD] Thank you.

- Gentlemen.
- Mr. Rothman.
- Professor rothman.
- Professor rothman.
- Good evening.
Leonard: Good evening.
- See you.
- I'm glad that men are wearing hats again.
- They're so distinguished.

Sheldon: I see no other option but to challenge you to a duel. I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.

Barry: How does it work?
Sheldon: Oh, it's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Barry: I'm sowwy, can you wepeat that?
Sheldon: Oh, of course. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Barry: Almost got it. One more time?
Sheldon: Sure! Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock...
Howard: Hey, Sheldon!
Sheldon: ...rock crushes...
Howard: Stop. He's screwing with you.
Sheldon: Is he? Well, then, seems we have reached an impasse. I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel. I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.

Penny: [taking the painting of her and Amy down] Okay, let us take you off the wall.
[she puts it behind the couch]
Penny: Out of sight, out of mind... I wish.

Bernadette: I have to get up early. My company is developing a steroid that doesn't shrink testicles, and the last one there has to do the measuring.

Sheldon: Use the force, Sheldon. Use the force.
[Throws ball, it falls short of the basket]
Sheldon: I'm gonna need more force.

Leonard: [about the basketball competition] Alright, we gave it 45 minutes. It's no longer funny. Let's try something else.

- It's hard to find something you're both equally good at.
- Is there anything you're equally bad at?
- Sports.
- Sports.
- All right, this is one-on-one, first to five wins the office.
- Any questions? Yes, Sheldon.
- Five what?

Amy: Good night, painting Penny. Good night, real Penny.
Penny: Good night, real Amy.
Amy: You don't have to say good night to painting Amy because she's never leaving.

Amy: [noticing the painting of her and Penny is missing] Where did the painting go?
Penny: [gestures behind couch] Over there.
Amy: Why?
Penny: I have no idea. That is weird.
Amy: You hate it.
Penny: No, no, no, it's just, it's a little big.
Amy: [taking the painting] I feel like an idiot.
Penny: No, come on, you're not an idiot. Look, just help me put it back up.
Amy: Why? So you can just take it down when I leave? I don't need your pity.
[walks out with painting]
Penny: Oh, Amy, come on!
Amy: [crying] I'm just glad I didn't go for the sculpture!

- What happened?
- I was trying to see what was in here and my head got stuck.
- Why would you do that?
Sheldon: It's called scientific curiosity.
- Now go get butter.
- Okay, okay. Hang in there.
- I'll be right back.

Sheldon: Ah, the spoils. I can see why victors love them.

Bernadette: Good night, real Penny.
[looks at the painting of Penny]
Bernadette: Good night, transvestite Penny.

Leonard: There's not much you're both equally good at.
Raj: Is there anything you're both equally bad at?
Sheldon: Sports.

Leonard: [Sheldon has gotten his head stuck in a hole in his office wall] Why would you do that?
Sheldon: I wanted to see what was inside.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: It's called scientific curiosity!

Raj: At least you finally got a window that opens. That's nice.
Sheldon: Is it? Listen.
Raj: What? You don't like wind chimes?
Sheldon: No. I hate them, but it gets worse... There it is!
Howard: The bird?
Sheldon: It's completely out of tune with the wind chimes.
Raj: So?
Sheldon: You don't get it, do you? That's a mockingbird. Mockingbirds can change their song. Which means, he's out of tune on purpose. He's mocking me.

Penny: [about the painting of her and Amy] It's got to go.
Bernadette: What will you tell Amy?
Penny: How about I tell her the painting makes you feel jealous because you're not in it?
Bernadette: Nuh-uh. What if she gets me one? I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach. I've suffered enough.
Penny: Well, I guess I could take it down and put it up when she comes over, but it's kind of heavy.
Bernadette: Mmm, too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.

Sheldon: Kripke. Come in. I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?
Barry: Am I weawing a summer fwock? No, I don't want tea. Wet's get down to bwass tacks.
Sheldon: Fine. In the interest of preserving our friendship...
Barry: We're not fwiends.
Sheldon: Well, that's a little hard to hear, but all right. As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise. With that in mind, I propose the following. I will take Rothman's office, and you will find a way to be okay with that.
Barry: How about I take Wothman's office and you go suck a wemon?

Howard: Sheldon was higher.
Leonard: Congratulations Sheldon. You win the office.
Sheldon: Who's unsatisfactory in P.E. now?

Sheldon: [Knock on door] Ooh. That'll be Kripke.
Leonard: What's he doing here?
Sheldon: We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen. And if that doesn't work, I'm going to poison his tea.

Raj: I paid $25 to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand. He sent me a stick. He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.
Howard: It's numbered.
Raj: Heh. Ooh. Limited edition. Nice!

- First person who makes a basket wins the office.
- Making it too easy there, hofstadter.
- Nope. No, I'm not.
- Use the force, Sheldon.
- Use the force.
- I'm gonna need more force.
- All right, Cooper.
- Prepare to have your heart broken.
- Do I get points for that?

Bernadette: [she and Penny are staring at the painting of Amy and Penny] That is big.
Penny: So big.
Bernadette: And ugly.
Penny: So ugly. What am I gonna do?
Bernadette: I don't know. You can't take it down. You'll break her heart. Look at that face. That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.
Penny: Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?
Bernadette: That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?

Sheldon: This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard: You just called dibs.
Sheldon: Shut it.

Sheldon: And let him win? Do I look crazy to you?

Leonard: [Watching Sheldon and Kripke play basketball badly] You know all those terrible things bullies used to do to us?
Raj: Yeah.
Leonard: I get it.

Leonard: Why is there a hole here?
Sheldon: Why is there a hole in my new office? I've narrowed it down to two possibilities. There was something in the wall that someone outside the wall wanted, or, the more disturbing, there was something in the wall that wanted out.

Howard: It's a shame Professor Rothman was forced to step down.
Leonard: What choice did the university have? He snapped. It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.
Howard: I wonder how long Sheldon's got?
Sheldon: These shrimp are all the same size. There is no logical order to eat them in.
[Throws shrimp away]
Leonard: It can't be very long.

- Because, a, you're brilliant scientists...
- And, b, as far as who gets rothman's office...
- I couldn't give the furry crack of a rat's behind.
- Well, as long as we're here,
- I might as well take a leak.
- Kripke?
- Yes?
- You're in my spot.

- Yeah, that's what it is, so...
- You have such a good heart.
- Oh. I try.
- Come on.
- Well, where are we going?
- We're gonna put this back up.
- What about Bernadette?
- Oh, screw her. She's just lucky we let her hang out with us.

Leonard: Alright, this is one-on-one. First person to five wins. Any questions? Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Five what?
Leonard: Balls in the basket.
[Sheldon gives a thumbs-up to Leonard]