The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 5, Episode 5 Quotes

Bernadette: I took our love and threw it under his bus-sized mother.

Wil: Hey, Sheldon. Nice sword.
Sheldon: It's from my sword collection. Do you have a sword collection?
Wil: No.
Sheldon: I'm not surprised.

Stuart: [negotiating with Leonard and Sheldon for a sword] 225. That's my final offer.
Sheldon: [to Leonard] Take it, take it, take it!
Leonard: 200.
Stuart: Man, you're killing me!
Sheldon: Killing you? I can't breathe!

Amy: I don't understand. What difference does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
Penny: Well. Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
Amy: Mortal enemy?
Penny: Mhm.
Amy: Sheldon, I knew you were a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but you really have a mortal enemy?
Sheldon: In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list?
Penny: Oh, say no, say no, say no.
Sheldon: You just got off the list, would you like back on it?

Mrs. Wolowitz: Over my dead body my son goes into outer space!

Sheldon: At this moment our relationship exists in two mutually contradictory states. Until you either do not go or go to Wil Wheaton's party you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend. I am characterizing this phenomenon as 'Schroedinger's friendship'.

Bernadette: I had no choice! I had to tell his mother! He can't go to space! He's like a baby bird! Did you know he once got an asthma attack from reading an old library book?
Amy: You're kidding.
Penny: No, I was there that day. Sheldon threw his back out handing him that book.

Howard: [after everyone cheers for him and his team design going to space] It gets better! Someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist, and guess who that someone is!
Sheldon: Mohammed Lee.
[everyone's looking confused]
Howard: Who's Mohammed Lee?
Sheldon: Mohammed is the most common first name in the world, and Lee the most common surname. As I didn't know the answer, I thought that gave me a mathematical edge.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Make up all you want. Your tuchas is not leaving this planet!

Wil: Hey, I'm having a party at my house on Friday and I was hoping you'd stop by?
Stuart: Will there be girls there?
Wil: Yeah. Of course.
Stuart: Because there wasn't last time.

Bernadette: NASA doesn't have a shuttle anymore. How are you gonna get up there?
Howard: Oh, it's really cool. You fly to Moscow, they take you to Kazakhstan. Then you get in a Russian Soyuz rocket which shoots you into a low earth orbit. Or it just sits on the launch pad because the Kazakhi mafia sold the rocket fuel on the black market, heh.
Bernadette: Are those Russian rockets safe?
Howard: Safe as it can be when it was built by the folks who brought you Chernobyl.

- Can we get autographed dolls?
- Sure.
- Twenty bucks.
- Eighteen.
- Twelve.
- Sixteen.
- Two for 30.
- And you come to my birthday party.
- Done.

Mrs. Wolowitz: [shouting from off-screen] Howard! Bernadette's here!
Howard: [shouting back] Tell her I'm not home!
Mrs. Wolowitz: What kind of a schmuck play is that? She can hear you shouting!

Bernadette: Howard?
Howard: Change you mind about sex? I'm still mad, but I'll do it.

- If going into space means that much
- I will never say another word about it.
- Thank you, heh.
- I love you.
- I love you too, heh.
- So sex now?
- Okay.
- Heh.
- I just forgot to brush my teeth.
- I'll be right back.

Wil: This is for you.
Sheldon: An original mint in package Wesley Crusher action figure.
Wil: I remembered your story about how you went to a convention when you were a kid to get one signed and I didn't show up. Look at what I wrote.
Sheldon: [reads] "To Sheldon. Sorry this took so long. Your friend, Wil Wheaton."
Wil: It's my last one and I want you to have it.
Sheldon: [holds up action figure] Look, everyone! Wil Wheaton is my friend!
[He gives Wil a hug; Brent Spiner enters and grabs the figure]
Brent: Oh, wow. I haven't seen one of these in years.
[Rips open the box]
Brent: Remember how we used to make these things look like they were masturbating?
Sheldon: Brent Spiner, what have you done? That was an original mint in package Wesley Crusher action figure signed by my close personal friend Wil Wheaton!
Brent: I'm sorry, slim. I have some Mr. Data dolls in the truck of my car. Do you want me to sign one for you?
Sheldon: You already signed something Brent Spiner... your name on my list. From this moment on, you are my mortal enemy!
Wil: Don't worry, it doesn't take up a whole lot of your time.

Penny: Are you a hundred percent positive that you love and want to marry Howard Wolowitz?
Bernadette: I do. With all my heart.
Penny: Got it. Just had to check.

Sheldon: Oh, damn! The floppy failed. Well, whoever was in charge of quality control of the Verbatim corporation in 1989, congratulations - you just made the list.

Bernadette: Do you guys think it was a mistake? Am I the bad guy in this?
Amy: It's not for us to judge. We're here to provide comfort and support while you come to grips with what a despicable thing you've done.
Bernadette: Oh, God, you're right. I took our love and threw it under his bus-sized mother.

Sheldon: If we were starting a sword collection, I would start with Excalibur. You could rule England with it.
Leonard: It would be a plastic replica of a movie prop.
Sheldon: You could rule a replica of England with it.

- I was actually thinking about going.
- And then declaring the party a fiasco and storming out...
- Leaving him humiliated in front of his guests. Love it.
- No, I was gonna grab raj and Howard and have a good time.
- Ah, great, more guys.
- It's gonna be another wil wheaton sausage-fest.

Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, we're going to Wil's. This is your last chance!
Sheldon: No, Leonard, this is your last chance. One day, a historian is going to come to you and say: "Is it true you were friends with Dr. Sheldon Cooper?" And you're going to have to choke back a hot sob of regret and humiliation as you mumble, "I was, but I chose to go to a party thrown by the one kid from 'Stand By Me' that no one remembers."

Leonard: You actually asked Bernadette to leave your house in the middle if the night?
Howard: What choice did I have? She went behind my back and turned my own mother against me.
Raj: Wow, you're not only our first astronaut, you're also the first one of us to kick a girl out of bed.

Leonard: Will you stop with the Schrödinger stuff?
Sheldon: Would you prefer a simpler application of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle? In which I could either know where you are, or whether I like you, but not both?
Leonard: You never stop talking, do you?
Amy: I don't understand, what difference does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
Penny: Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
Amy: Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench but you really have a mortal enemy?
Sheldon: In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list?
Penny: Oh, say no, say no, say no, say no.
Sheldon: [to Penny] You just got off the list. Would you like back on it?

Howard: You know, there's a saying we have at NASA: What makes the right stuff so right is that it always comes home.
Bernadette: Just stop talking, Howard!
Howard: This isn't the reaction I expected when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut.
Bernadette: What did you think was gonna happen?
Howard: Honestly? Sex, heh... Do you realize what a big deal this is? What an honor it is to be chosen to go into space?
Bernadette: Yeah, I get it. I just wish you included me in the decision. We're supposed to be partners. We're supposed to be a team.
Howard: I'm sorry. You're right. Uh, okay, let's try this again. Bernadette, an opportunity has come up that impacts both of us and I'd like to discuss it... Heh, I've been offered a chance to go up to the International Space Station for three weeks. What are your thoughts on that?
Bernadette: Well, first of all, thank you for including me in the decision making process.
Howard: Hey, we're a team. Heh. So, what do you think?
Bernadette: No!

Leonard: 210, and you throw in the Iron Man helmet.
Stuart: Are you crazy? That helmet's signed by Robert Downey Jr.
Leonard: So?
Stuart: Okay, if you're gonna question the importance of an actor's signature on a plastic helmet from a movie based on a comic book, then all of our lives have no meaning!