The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 5, Episode 7 Quotes

Penny: Did you tell her about Priya?
Leonard: I was gonna but there were too many tongues in my mouth.

- Leonard doesn't have time to chat.
- He has to get the mail.
- Oh, will you relax?
- I'll get it in a minute.
- Hey, how was work?
- Open the mail.
- Excuse me.
- A couple of circulars, nothing important.
- What's with him?
- Hang on.

Leonard: Okay, we used to go out, right?
Penny: [dryly] Oh, my God, that's where I know you from.

- Okay.
- Just do it!
- Oh, god! One, two, three.
- Trick or treat, bubbeleh.
- What?
- No. You mean this was all a ruse?
- Oh, how could I be so stu...?

[Leonard is getting advice from Penny about whether he should sleep with a local woman while his girlfriend is living in India]
Leonard: Here's the thing: I-I-I'm not one of those guys who sneaks around and sleeps with more than one woman.
Penny: Good for you!
Leonard: Problem is, I want to be one of those guys.
Penny: So, sleep with the new girl and lie to Priya.
Leonard: Oh, that's not who I am.
Penny: Alright, then break it off with the new girl.
Leonard: Oh, now let's not do anything rash. Sh-she's really hot...
Penny: If you like this girl so much, why don't you just end things with Priya?
Leonard: Priya and I are in love. I think we could get married some day.
Penny: Leonard, you're looking for a way to sleep with both women, and have everybody be happy about it.
Leonard: *Now* we're getting somewhere!

- Oh, dear.
- Oh, dear.
- Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
- Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
- Purell, purell, purell, purell.

Leonard: Okay, uh, here it is. Is it cheating if a guy has a girlfriend...
Penny: Yeah, probably.

Sheldon: Some ghostly moans, rattling of chains and a witch's cackle, the trifecta of haunted house cliches. Instead of "eek", I say "yawn".

Penny: What does your gut tell you?
Leonard: Go ask Penny, she'll know what to do.

[last line of the episode, after Sheldon scares Leonard, who just found out that Priya cheated on him]
Sheldon: Bazinga, punk! Now we're even!

- So I guess we both messed up a little.
- No, no, I messed up a little.
- You messed up a lot.
- Well, it's not a competition.
- Oh, yeah, it is and you won.
- I'm sorry, I have to go.
- I don't believe this.

Stuart: Hot girl, 9 o'clock. Don't everybody look at once.
Raj: What is she doing in a comic book store?
Stuart: I don't know. She might be lost.

Priya: [after confessing he kissed another woman] Leonard, relax. It's ok.
Leonard: It is?
Priya: Yeah. These things happen. They happen to everybody.
Leonard: Oh my God, you are amazing. I mean, I don't deserve you. Wh-what do you mean everybody?
Priya: Leonard, I didn't know if I should tell you, but, I kind of cheated on you, too.
Leonard: Kind of?
Priya: A couple of weeks ago, I slept with my ex-boyfriend. So I guess we both messed up a little.
Leonard: No, no, I messed up a little, you messed up a lot.
Priya: Well, it's not a competition.
Leonard: Oh, yeah it is, and you won.

[Sheldon is working on an electric device he plans to trick Howard with]
Sheldon: Hello, Howard. I've realized that you scaring me was all in just. Now, allow me to say... "Good job."
[he shakes hands with himself. He thereby touches the electric device and gets an electric shock, falling down towards the floor]

Leonard: [after Alice writes down her number in his palm] Sorry, my palm is a little sweaty. What's that word?
Alice: Alice.
Leonard: Oh, right! Your name. That makes more sense than "penis".

Sheldon: Oh, the walls are dripping blood, which looks nothing like a phenolphthalein indicator exposed to a sodium carbonate solution.
[reading red paint on the wall]
Sheldon: "See you in hell Sheldon..." The most frightful thing about that is the missing comma!

Sheldon: [revising a physics equation on his white board] And reverse the spin on the antiproton and gamma becomes alpha, multiplied by a matrix of negative i comma zero, and there we have it: conclusive proof that I am absolutely worthless after 9 o'clock.

- And gamma becomes Alpha.
- Multiplied by a matrix of negative I comma zero.
- And there we have it.
- Conclusive proof that
- I am absolutely worthless after 9:00.
- Spooky voice: Sheldon.
- Sheldon.

Sheldon: You guys forget, I'm from Texas, where we know how to settle a score. Don't ask me, ask Mexico.

Sheldon: The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.
Leonard: That actually does help.
Sheldon: It's worth noting that he died of syphilis.

- Oh, wow, look, there's you having sex...
- With a guy in the top half of a Chewbacca costume.
- Comic-con?
- You'd think, but no.
- You're very talented.
- This is really good. Did you do...?
- So can I trade you my comic for the hellboy?
- You can have my car.

Leonard: [breaking off from kissing] Dammit. I can't. I can't, I can't do this.
Alice: Uh, is it my tongue stud? 'Cause if that freaks you out you're in for a real surprise later on.

Alice: Are you getting this "Next Men"?
Leonard: Uh, yeah, it's issue number 21, first appearance of Hellboy.
Alice: I know. I've been looking for it for years.
Leonard: Sorry.
Alice: Hey, if I pretended to hit on you, could it distract you enough to sneak it away?
Leonard: Yes, but you'd be using your superpowers for evil.
Alice: Damn. I'm forbidden by my Kryptonian father to do so.

Sheldon: You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz. You put 'er there, you son of a gun!
[holds out his hand]
Howard: Oh, whatever.
[they shake hands, Howard gets the electric shock, and faints]
Bernadette: Oh my God, Howard! What did you do?
Sheldon: [panics] It was a harmless Halloween prank... Look...
Bernadette: Howard has a heart condition! You know that!
Sheldon: Well, I thought he made that up! Isn't hypochondria common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
Bernadette: This is adrenaline... we're gonna have to inject it into his heart.
Sheldon: We are?
Bernadette: You are! I'm not strong enough to get it through his chest plate, and we've only got one shot!
[gives the needle to Sheldon]
Sheldon: Oh no! I can't!
Bernadette: Hurry! We're running out of time!
Sheldon: Okay...
Bernadette: Just do it!
Sheldon: Oh God! One... two... three...
[sticks a "needle" in Howard's chest]
Howard: [opens his eyes undramatically, revealing that he was just acting] Trick or treat, bubbeleh.
Sheldon: [while Howard and Bernadette laughs] What? No! You mean all this was just a ruse? Oh, how could I be so STU-U-U-U...
[touches his head with the electronic device and falls down again]

Howard: Come on. Admit it, we got you, Sheldon!
Sheldon: Please! Fright depends on an element of surprise. The simple fact is, because I am much smarter than you and able to anticipate your actions...
[Leonard comes up behind him in a mask]
Sheldon: ...it is highly unlikely that you two rubes could ever surprise me.
Raj: He's probably right.
Howard: We can't beat him. He's just too smart.
Sheldon: [satisfied] Gentlemen.
[turns around, sees Leonard in his mask, screams and faints down on the floor]

- It's worth noting that he died of syphilis.
- Screw it, I'm going.
- On your way home, will you pick up orange juice?
- Do you mind? I'm questioning a lot of things in my life.
- Is one of those things your fondness for orange juice?
- No.
- Great. Tropicana, no pulp.

Howard: [to Leonard] Did you just pick a girl up in a comic book store?
Stuart: Because if you did, you get your picture up there, on The Wall of Heroes.

Howard: [after scaring Sheldon and making him faint] Who had money on faints?
Raj: I had peed his pants.
Leonard: Hang on. Looks like everyone's a winner.

- Hello, Howard.
- I've realized that you scaring me was all in jest.
- Allow me to say, job well done.

- It is highly unlikely that you two rubes could ever surprise me.
- He's probably right.
- We can't beat him. He's just too smart.
- Gentlemen.
- Okay, who had money on "faints"?
- I had "pee his pants."
- Hang on.
- Looks like everyone's a winner.

Leonard: [after scaring Sheldon a second time] You might be from Texas, but I'm from New Jersey.

Penny: Did you tell her about Priya?
Leonard: Uh, I was gonna, but I had too many tongues in my mouth.

Sheldon: [after trying to scare Raj] I tried to scare an Indian with a snake. Come on, Cooper, you're better than this.

Bernadette: [off screen] Who is it?
Sheldon: It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz!
Howard: Oh, that's not my mom, that's Bernadette.
Sheldon: Really? That's unsettling.

- If you like this girl so much, just end things with priya.
- Priya and I are in love.
- I think we could get married someday.
- You're looking for a way to sleep with both women...
- And have everybody be happy about it.
- Now we're getting somewhere.
- What does your gut tell you?
- "Go ask penny.
- She'll know what to do."