The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 6, Episode 14 Quotes

Raj: Now I can look like Val Kilmer as Batman, instead of Val Kilmer as he looks today.

Sheldon: [to Penny] Do you have any idea what it's like to be paired with someone who is so incredibly annoying?
Leonard: [raises hand] Oh, teacher, me! Me!

Sheldon: How do I know you're not going to take my ideas and publish them as your own?
Barry: How do I know you're not going to do that with mine?
Sheldon: Because I'm not interested in getting published in Mad Magazine.

Barry: I have some bad news. You're working on a grant proposal for a new fusion weactor. I'm working on a gwant pwoposal for a new fusion weactor. The university is only awowed to submit one proposal.
Sheldon: So they asked you to pack up your things and ship out; that's hard cheese, Barry. You were one of the good ones.
Barry: No, they're making us work together.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous! I have one of the great minds or our generation. I work on a level so rarefied you couldn't even imagine it. I said stop looking at my cool train!

Howard: What do you think, Sheldon? Want an action figure that looks just like you?
Sheldon: Would it come with kung-fu grip?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Don't waste my time.

Howard: Bernadette has a great job. My wife came with both funbags and moneybags.

Bernadette: Howie, we can't afford to waste money on junk like this.
Howard: What are you talking about? We make plenty of money.
Bernadette: *I* make plenty of money! You make peanuts!
Howard: Yes, but we're married now. That means when you get sick, I take care of you. And when you make a bunch of money, I get to buy stuff. Sorry if you don't like it, but that's how love works.
Bernadette: No, here's how love works. You're going to return the machine, or you can print out a working set of lady parts and sleep with those.
[seeing his look of contemplation]
Bernadette: Oh, my god! Are you actually thinking about it?

- Can we get back to work?
- Sure, sure, sure.
- You guys ever used any toys?
- Toys?
- I do have a model rocket next to my bed.
- A rocket? You're a freak. I love it.

Sheldon: If Kripke asks, tell him my coitus with Amy is frequent, intense, and whimsically inventive.
Leonard: [to Penny] Is my coitus whimsically inventive?
Penny: That is what I write on the bathroom walls. For a whimsically inventive time, call Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: I know you're joking, but I'd be okay with that.

Raj: [Opening the package with his and Howard's action figures] Say hello to an exact scale model of me.
[Raj's figure looks like a black man]
Raj: Ohhh, I'm not dark chocolate! I'm melt-in-your-mouth caramel!
Howard: [Howard's action figure has a huge nose] Oh, man! Look at my nose!
Leonard: Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Yeah. Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

Penny: Want me to make you some tea?
Sheldon: Tea is for when I'm upset; I'm not upset. The university is forcing me to work with Kripke. I'm outraged.
Leonard: So, cocoa?
Sheldon: Yes, cocoa!

[first lines]
Leonard: Sheldon, your food's getting cold.
Sheldon: I'll eat later. Right now I'm suckling at the informative bosom of Mother Physics.
Penny: Hot when Sheldon talks dirty.

- What do you think?
- Want an action figure that looks like you?
- Would it come with kung-fu grip?
- No.
- Don't waste my time.
- You get that these are personalized action figures.
- Honey, if you want one, just get one.
- You're still out, right?
- Yup.

Howard: Oh, good. You're home. Got a little surprise for you.
Bernadette: What?
Howard: [showing her an action figure of himself] Say hello to my little friend.
Bernadette: Oh, my god. That's so cute. I didn't think there could be a smaller version of you.
Howard: I know, right? And thanks to photographs and a little 3D modeling...
[he shows her a figurine of herself]
Howard: ...here comes the bride.
Bernadette: Oh, Howie, I love these.
Howard: I thought you might.
Bernadette: Were they expensive?
Howard: Didn't cost a thing. I made them myself.
Bernadette: How?
Howard: Koothrappali and I bought a used 3D printer for $5,000.
Bernadette: $5,000 for a couple of dolls? Are you out of your mind?

- I know. Go ahead and mock me.
- But use small words so I understand.
- Don't play dumb with me.
- We both know what your problem is.
- We do?
- You have a girlfriend.
- So?
- So my work would suffer too...
- If I was getting laid all the time.

Howard: Can you please make that out to Bernadette? I was taken off the joint account until I learn the value of money.

Penny: Sheldon, could I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: You ever gonna sleep with Amy?
Sheldon: That's awfully personal.
Leonard: We don't ask Sheldon things like that.
Penny: Maybe you don't, I do. What's the deal?
Sheldon: Well, word around the university is I'm giving her sex organs a proper jostling.
Penny: All right, come on. Be serious. Look, you guys have been going out a long time. She would clearly like to have a physical relationship with you, so what are you doing?
Leonard: All right, we're down the rabbit hole. What are you doing?
Sheldon: Well, first of all, I'm quite fond of Amy.
Penny: So, what's the problem?
Sheldon: Penny, all my life, I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others-handshaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I'm working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would've been unthinkable.
Leonard: Now you know how I feel when I have to put it on you.
Penny: Okay, hang on. Are you saying someday you and Amy might... actually get physical?
Sheldon: [a long pause] It's a possibility.
Penny: [silently, grabbing Leonard's shoulder] Oh, my God!
[Out loud]
Penny: Sheldon, I know this wasn't easy for you, and I'm really glad we could have this conversation.
Sheldon: Hey.
[Penny starts to punch and slap Leonard in excitement]

Leonard: Sheldon Lee Cooper, I do not have time for this nonsense! Now go put your clothes on, get in the car and let's go to work!
Sheldon: All right, geez! What a grouch.
Leonard: How did I do that? I gotta remember how I did that.

Sheldon: Don't look at my board!
[Flips board over; the other side has a drawing of a train]
Barry: What's that?
Sheldon: That's a drawing of a really cool train. You don't look at that either!

Penny: I hate it when you make me sit through all the credits.
Leonard: Well, sometimes there's a secret ending, like in The Avengers.
Penny: Leonard, I don't think that's going to happen in a documentary about the Holocaust.
Leonard: They could show bloopers.

Leonard: Oh, no!
[Star Wars' Darth Vader theme is playing]
Penny: What is that?
Leonard: That is Sheldon's "I'm unhappy and about to destroy the planet" music. Hey, let's just go to your place.
Penny: Well, wait, if he's unhappy shouldn't we talk to him?
Leonard: Shouldn't we talk to him? Have you learned nothing in six years?

[last lines]
Barry: Yeah, yeah. Was she naked or was she wearing wangeway?
Sheldon: I didn't notice.
Barry: How could you not notice?
Sheldon: I was too busy squishing all the desirable parts of her body.
Barry: Ahh, you're killing me, Cooper!
Sheldon: Can we get back to work?
Barry: Sure, sure.
[pause]
Barry: You guys ever use any toys?
Sheldon: Toys? I live with a model rocket next to my bed.
Barry: A wocket? You're a fweak! I wuv it.

Amy: The monkey in my tobacco study has taken to smoking a pipe. I'm supposed to remove his brain to examine, but it's hard because now he reminds me of my uncle.

Sheldon: I read his research, and... it's leaps and bounds ahead of mine. Which means the mommy of the smartest physicist at the university is not my mommy as I had thought. It's his mommy!
[starts crying]
Amy: Sheldon, I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. May I offer you a consoling hug?
Sheldon: What do we have to lose?
[Amy hugs him tightly]
Amy: How's that?
Sheldon: I feel like I'm being strangled by a boa constrictor.
[Amy lets go]
Sheldon: Why'd you stop?
[Amy hugs him again]

Leonard: [Howard and Raj are disappointed about how their action figures turned out] Hmm, and my girlfriend wouldn't let me get one. Look at my face. Do I look smug? I feel smug.

Barry: Don't pway dumb with me. We both know what your probwem is
Sheldon: We do?
Barry: You have a girlfwiend.
Sheldon: So?
Barry: So my work would suffer too if I was getting waid all the time.

- Fine.
- Nice try. This is blank paper.
- And I'm sure it's still more valuable than whatever's in here.
- Cough it up, Cooper.
- Very well.
- If this one's blank too,
- I'm gonna be furious.
- Fine.