The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 6, Episode 20 Quotes

Barry: If you need my nose, you'll find it firmwy wodged up the wectum of the tenure committee.

Amy: Well. You'll always be an academic success, but... I seriously question whether you'll make any more friends.

Penny: So, tenured means a job for life?
Leonard: Yup.
Penny: You can't get fired, even if you're bad at it?
Leonard: Not really.
Penny: Oh. Sounds a lot like being a pretty waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.

Raj: Unbelievable! You have some nerve showing up here just to schmooze with the tenure committee.
Sheldon: You're here.
Raj: Excuse me. I'm here to pay my respects to Professor Tupperware or whatever his name is.
Sheldon: So am I. His passing makes me feel bad.
Leonard: Well, well, well, Sheldon, fancy meeting you here. I guess the train store in Glendale wasn't having a cotillion after all.
[to Raj]
Leonard: And you. You said you weren't coming here either.
Raj: I have a thick accent. You don't know what I said.
Amy: I'd like to know why Penny's here.
Penny: I'm here to support my man, just like you.
Sheldon: What are you going to do? Take people's drink orders and get them wrong?
Leonard: Do it!
[Penny slips off her coat and is wearing a short black dress with prominently displayed breasts. Raj stares at her]
Sheldon: What? Did she do it yet?
Amy: She plans on flirting with members of the tenure committee to further Leonard's cause.
Sheldon: Well, that's a fine how do you do. Don't just stand there, take your breasts out.
Howard: Ooooohh, meerkat fight.
Amy: You're all wasting your time. Sheldon is the most qualified for the job, and no amount of gravity defying bosom's going to change that. Seriously, is that tape? Like how are they staying up like that?
Leonard: Way to hit 'em with both barrels.
Raj: You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Using women to advance your cause with sexuality and whatever Amy plans on doing.

Barry: Wemember when we were twying to figure out what that smell coming fwom Pwofessor Tupperman's office was?
Howard: Yeah.
Barry: Turns out it was Tupperman. Dead at his desk for two weeks.
Howard: Ugh.
Barry: In wieu of fwowers, the department chair is asking that everyone donate a bottle of Febweze.

- You phds gonna go suck up like kripke?
- No. I mean, I'll apply, but I'm not gonna stoop to playing politics.
- Yeah, me neither.
- It should be about the work.
- And if I can't get tenure,
- I'd like to see you or Sheldon get it.
- Raj, don't dangle false hope in front of Leonard like that.
- Excuse me, but I think I'm just as qualified as you are.

Amy: You know, if you really want tenure, maybe you should cozy up to the people making the decision.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not do 'cozy'.
Amy: You don't say.

Penny: So "tenured" means a job for life?..
Leonard: Yep.
Penny: And you can't get fired even if you're bad at it?
Leonard: Mm, not really.
Penny: Wow, sounds a lot like being a pretty waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.

Sheldon: My primary concern with being granted tenure is living with an insanely jealous roommate after the fact. I might need to sleep with a gun under my pillow. Or a chain saw.
Amy: Or, you take advantage of your new found economic stability and move out, buy a house, get married, start a family.
Sheldon: Or... the chain saw.

Amy: Are Rajesh and Leonard competing for it as well?
Sheldon: Mm-hmm.
Amy: Do they know they don't stand a chance 'cause you're so great?
Sheldon: Well put.

Sheldon: Excuse me, the whole tenure system is ridiculous. A guaranteed job for life only encourages the faculty to become complacent. If we really want science to advance, people should have chips implanted in their skulls that explode when they say something stupid.

Amy: Should've taken my breasts out while I had the chance.

- But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to know who's on the committee.
- Let's see. Janine Davis. Oh, dear.
- Is that a problem?
- Well...
- Even you. You're a slave.
- I'm a what?
- Not sure, it could go either way.

- I don't know what you mean by quirks, but I do want to express my gratitude.
- You didn't bring another gift, did you?
- No, no, I learned my lesson.
- I understand that was inappropriate.
- Good.
- Anyway, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- I'm gonna pretend that didn't happen.
- Right on, sister.

- And you.
- You said you weren't coming here either.
- I have a thick accent.
- You don't know what I said.
- I'd like to know why penny's here.
- I'm here to support my man, just like you.
- What are you going to do?
- Take people's drink orders and get them wrong?
- Do it.

Penny: So, who do you have to schmooze to get this deal?
Leonard: I'm not going to schmooze anybody; I'm going to let my work speak for itself.
Penny: That's great. That shows a lot of integrity.
Leonard: Thank you.
[pause]
Leonard: I'm a naive idiot, right?
Penny: Oh good, you heard me.

Sheldon: While I disagree with the premise of tenure if they gave it to me, it wouldn't diminish my output. I'm like the sun. I can't turn this off.

Barry: Children wuv me. Something about me just makes them waff and waff.

[first lines]
Leonard: I was reading about this jellyfish that never dies; instead it reverts to its asexual and then grows up again.
Howard: We thought my ninety-year-old grandfather had reverted to an asexual state, but the lawsuit from his Jamaican caregiver proved us all wrong.
Leonard: My point is immortality is not only a possibility; it is real.
Raj: Only if you're this jellyfish, which periodically reverts to a mass of undifferentiated protoplasm.
Sheldon: If I could keep my Gmail account I'd be OK with that.

[last lines]
Sheldon: [knock knock knock] Mrs. Davis.
[knock knock knock]
Sheldon: Mrs. Davis.
[knock knock knock]
Sheldon: Mrs. Davis.
[pause]
Sheldon: I know you're in there; I saw your car in the parking lot.
Janine: [opening door] What?
Sheldon: I just found out that you recommended myself, Dr. Hofstadter and Dr. Koothrappali to be on the short list for tenure.
Janine: Well, despite your quirks, the three of you are very accomplished in your respective fields.
Sheldon: Don't know what you mean by quirks, but, um, I do want to express my gratitude.
Janine: You didn't bring another gift, did you?
Sheldon: No, no. No, I learned my lesson. I understand that was inappropriate.
Janine: Good.
Sheldon: [holds out hand] Anyway, thank you.
Janine: You're welcome.
[she holds out her hand and he performs a complicated dap greeting]
Janine: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.
[returns to her office]
Sheldon: Yeah, right on, sister!

Sheldon: I understand you may have a bad impression of me; so, I bought you a gift.
Janine: Uh, Doctor Cooper, that's not necessary.
Sheldon: It's too late. Get ready to like me.
[Gives her gift]
Janine: Roots?
Sheldon: The tragic history of slavery in America; fun for the whole family.
Janine: Why would you think this is an appropriate gift?
Sheldon: Um... Well... You are black, right?
Janine: This meeting is come to an end.
Sheldon: Because you want to start watching it right now. Copy that.
[Sheldon exits to the hallway]
Sheldon: Let's see. Up next on the tenure committee is... Professor Wu. Get ready for the complete works of Jackie Chan.