The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 7, Episode 1 Quotes

Bernadette: To the advancement of science.
Amy: And to the sick and dying who make it possible.

[last lines]
Penny: [in film taking a shower] Aaah. I'm so glad the police finally caught that psychotic, genetically engineered ape.
Leonard: That is my girlfriend, I swear to God.
Scientists: Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,

Sheldon: Welcome to the exciting world of 3-D chess.
Penny: Why don't you admit you only want to play this game because you always play with Leonard and you miss him?
Sheldon: You over estimate his significance in my life.
Penny: MMMM.
Sheldon: Do I miss how he makes a face on my toaster waffle with syrup. No. Do I miss the way he fixes the zipper on my jacket when it gets stuck? I don't think so. Do I miss how we say good night to each other through the walls of our bedroom using Morse code?
[Knocks "no" in Morse Code]
Penny: OK, I get it. I get it. You're an emotionless robot.
Sheldon: Well, I try.

Bernadette: Good night.
Amy: Mm-hmm. It was rather flattering to have strangers send us drinks.
Bernadette: Yeah, that felt nice.
Amy: Maybe tomorrow morning we put on some hot pants and see if we can score us some free omelettes.
Bernadette: So, hypothetically, if, if we were to have gone with them, which one would you have picked?
Amy: I think I would have gone with the short one with the goofy haircut.
Bernadette: Oh, good, 'cause I liked the tall thin one. He seemed intelligent, kind of a loner, maybe a little sexually inexperienced, like I'd have to teach him a thing or two.
Amy: Not my guy. I caught him staring at my rack. It'd be nice to be with a man who wants to know what's underneath my cardigan. FYI, it's another cardigan.
Bernadette: Your short sexed-up guy kind of sounds like Howard.
Amy: Your brainy virgin kind of sounds like Sheldon.
Bernadette: [Both realized they described the other woman's guy. Both say...] Good night.

- Good night.
- No, wait.
- Perhaps I should sleep here, so you don't miss Leonard as much,
- 'cause you're being kind of a baby about it.
- You know what?
- That would make me feel better.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Good night.

Sheldon: I want you to be happy too, but not enough to do anything about it.

[first lines]
Leonard: [on phone on deck of ship in storm] Sheldon! It's not a great time. What do you want?
Sheldon: Hello to you too. I'm sorry, but this is important.
Leonard: What is it?
Sheldon: Back to the Future 2 was in the Back to the Future 3 case, and Back to the Future 3 was, get this, in the Back to the Future 2 case.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So... Did you do that, or am I in the house with an intruder?
Leonard: Sheldon, I've got to go inside. It's getting rough out here.
Sheldon: You're dodging the question. I knew it was you. What was that?
Leonard: What was what?
Sheldon: This isn't a very good connection, but it sounded like someone just released a kraken.
Leonard: Okay, I'm hanging up now. You know there is no such thing as a kraaaa...

- Mrs. Davis, nice to see you.
- You know, I recently read a fascinating article on infidelity among penguins.
- Okay.
- So if the fact that your husband left you makes you feel unattractive, just remember, penguins get cheated on, and they're adorable.

- Well, if you'd like, we could call him.
- I mean that you could call him.
- As I've explained, the absence of my friends does not cause me pain.
- As rock and roll bad boy Paul Simon once said,
- "I am a rock. I am an iiiisland."
- I'm calling him.
- Oh, goodie! Put him on speakerphone!

Amy: Brain lesions are fascinating. Unless they're yours, then they're a drag.

- to go to the bathroom, and this one's gone all cattywampus.
- Wow, your work on jellyfish neural nets sounds so interesting.
- It is. You can download my paper off the university server.
- I will. You can download my paper on the Van Allen belts from the university server as well.
- I will.
- All right.

Penny: His is ridiculous, why am I upset just because he's off having a good time?
Sheldon: Well, perhaps you're obsessively picturing him engaged in drunken coitus with another woman.
[Penny stares at him angrily]
Sheldon: Is that it? Did I get it right?

- hungry for the pleasure only I can give her.
- So nothing.
- No, not a thing.
- I'm so glad the police finally caught that psychotic genetically-engineered ape.
- That is my girlfriend!
- I swear to god!
- All [chanting]: Leonard! Leonard!
- Leonard! Leonard!

Penny: What's the matter?
Sheldon: Um... Well, I was worried that you might be missing Leonard. And that might be causing you to have bad dreams. Like the kind you'd get if you watched 'Clash of the Titans' right before you went to bed.

Bernadette: Your boyfriend's kinda... Sheldon.
Amy: And your husband is extremely Howard; what's your point?

Sheldon: Here is a hot beverage to comfort you. It's in a to-go cup. Make of that what you will.

- I didn't think it was a big deal.
- It is to me, that's the point.
- Sheldon, you are right.
- I'm really sorry.
- I should've known better.
- Your apology is accepted.
- Thank you. How about a hug?
- How about a hearty handshake?
- Come on.
- Now I know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.

Penny: No. Come on, let's talk about our lives. Tell me something about you I don't know.
Sheldon: I own nine pairs of pants.
Penny: Okay, that, that's a good start, but I was thinking maybe something a little more personal.
Sheldon: I see. I own nine pairs of underpants.
Penny: How about I go first?
Sheldon: But I don't want to know how many underpants you own. Although, based on the floor of your bedroom, I'd say it's a thousand.
Penny: Okay, look, here's something people do not know about me. When I first moved out to L.A., I did a topless scene in a low-budget horror movie about a killer gorilla. Ugh! After I did it, I felt so ashamed. Thankfully, that thing never came out.
Sheldon: I've seen that. Yeah. Serial Apeist. Howard found it online the day we met you.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: And it was literally the moment you walked out the door. But I see the type of personal revelations you're going for. Okay, here's one I thought I'd take to the grave.
Penny: Okay.
Sheldon: Hmm. A while back, YouTube changed its user interface from a star-based rating system to a thumbs-up rating system. I tell people I'm okay with it, but I'm really not.
Penny: That's your big revelation?
Sheldon: Yes. Whew, I feel ten pounds lighter.

Raj: Do you know I recently read a fascinating article on infidelity among penguins.
Janine: OK.
Raj: So, if the fact that your husband left you makes you feel unattractive, just remember penguins get cheated on, and they're adorable.
Howard: It was better when you couldn't talk to women.

Bernadette: This is fun, we never really get to talk shop with Penny around. We usually just end up talking about boys.
Amy: Which is fine, but it's nice to mix it up with a little intellectual conversation.
Waiter: From the two gentlemen at the bar.
Amy: Oh, my gosh, boys bought us drinks, boys bought us drinks. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
Bernadette: Be cool.
Amy: You be cool. Guys are hitting on us, and not just to get to Penny.
Bernadette: You're right. Thank you.

Sheldon: Here's something else you don't know about me. You just hurt my feelings.
Penny: What'd I do?
Sheldon: I opened up and shared something deeply upsetting to me. And you treated it as if it were nothing.
Penny: I-I didn't think it was a big deal.
Sheldon: It is to me. That's the point.
Penny: Sheldon, you are right. I'm really sorry. I should've known better.
Sheldon: Your apology is accepted.
Penny: Thank you. How about a hug?
[holds out her arms]
Sheldon: [holds out his hand] How about a hearty handshake?
Penny: Come on.
[pulls him into a hug. Sheldon pats her back awkwardly]
Sheldon: Now I know how you felt, getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.

Penny: I can't believe it. All this time I've been doing nothing but sit around and miss that guy. And you know what the worst part is?
Sheldon: That you're having to process your emotional pain without vodka?
Penny: No!
[pause]
Penny: Yeah.

Penny: Here's something people do not know about me. When I first moved out to L.A. I did a topless scene in a low-budget horror movie about a killer gorilla. After I did it I felt so ashamed. Thankfully, that thing never came out.
Sheldon: Ah, I've seen that! Yeah. 'Serial Apeist'.
[Penny gasps in horror]
Sheldon: Howard found it on line the day we met you.
Penny: Ohh!
Sheldon: It was literally the moment you walked out the door.

Penny: Tell me something about you I don't know.
Sheldon: I own nine pairs of pants.
Penny: Okay, that-that's a good start, but I was thinking maybe something a little more personal.
Sheldon: I see.
Penny: Mm.
Sheldon: I own nine pairs of underpants.