The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 8, Episode 20 Quotes

Amy: According to the codicil of the Relationship Agreement which you insisted upon, we're not allowed to pout or be moody on date night.
Sheldon: You know I just put that in because of uterus stuff.

Sheldon: I can just picture them all right now at Feynman's house, probably discussing Schrödinger and at the same time not discussing Schrödinger.

Sheldon: I used to believe in evolution, but since I've evolved, I find I have outgrown it.

Kevin: Hey man, yo, is everything okay, Wil? 'Cause it's been, like two minutes and you haven't even brought up Stand by Me.

Wil: Hello, caller, you are on with Penny and Wil from Serial Ape-ist 2.
Caller: I don't have a question. I just want to say I'm a big fan of the movie. I've seen it, like, ten times.
Penny: Okay, well, I'll apologize for the first time, but the other nine are on you.

Josh: So, I have to ask, was the robot sexy?
Howard: It was actually just a mechanical hand.
Josh: 'Cause that's all you need, right?
Howard: You are my brother.

Raj: So, how's it going with the title to the house?
Howard: Great, it's all done. The lawyer tracked down my father and got him to sign it over. I didn't have to meet him, I didn't have to talk to him, I don't even know where he is.
Raj: Wow, so you're not curious at all?
Howard: Nope.
Raj: What if he's in prison? What if he's a spy? What if he's in a Beatles cover band? I'm just saying, if he's got your nose and haircut, he'd make a killer Ringo.

Raj: Enough chit-chat. How do we know you're who you say you are?
Josh: Why would I lie?
Raj: Okay, you make a good point.

Wil: Leonard, a moment ago, you were dead set against Penny resuming her acting career, but now you're all for it. Is it fair to say she played you like a violin?
Leonard: Yes it is, Wil.

Amy: When there was a lice epidemic at my school, everybody got it except me. I tried to fool everyone by sprinkling sugar in my hair, but I just got attacked by bees.

Leonard: Well, you can spend the rest of the day being bitter about this...
Sheldon: Agreed.
Leonard: I was going to say "or," but why bother?

Sheldon: Do you think there's a chance that an asteroid could hit the Earth, destroying Feynman's house and everyone in it?
Amy: No, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, buckle up. You're in for a cranky night.

Sheldon: Do you need some pajamas and a toothbrush?
Amy: Would it alarm you to know that two years ago I've hidden some in your apartment for just such an ocassion?
[Produces bag containing pajamas]
Sheldon: It would, but you know how much I admire preparedness. But how did you know we'd be in the living room?
Amy: Who said this is the only one I hid?

Penny: Okay, instead of protecting me, why don't you try being excited when something good happens?
Leonard: I'm always excited for you. I'm excited that you found this new job where you're making decent money.
Penny: Decent? I make twice what you make.
Leonard: Wait, twice?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: Like times two, twice?

- Do you need to borrow a toothbrush or pajamas?
- Would it alarm you to know that I hid those things here two years ago...
- Just in case this ever came up?
- It would, but you know how much
- I admire preparedness.
- How did you know we'd be in the living room?
- Who says this is the only one I hid?

Howard: Settle this. Those little animated pictures on the Internet, are they called "gifs" or "jifs"?
Leonard: Well, the G stands for "graphics." That's a hard G, so I'd say "gif."
Raj: What? The guy who invented it says it's "jif."
Howard: I'm sorry, do you mean the guy or the juy?

Josh: I've always dreamed of having a brother to play catch with.
Bernadette: Hmm, keep dreaming.
Howard: Hey, I threw out the first pitch at an Angels game.
Josh: Wow.
Bernadette: He did it with a robot.
Josh: You had sex with a robot?
Howard: That's not what she meant.
Raj: But technically, yes.

Sheldon: I'll give you three guesses why I'm so irritated.
Howard: Well, uh... something happened different from the way you wanted it.
Sheldon: I guess news travels fast.

Penny: What is the harm if I audition?
Leonard: Well, what if you get it?
Penny: I don't know, I make a movie, we could become rich and famous, win an Oscar, a Golden Globe and live an incredibly wonderful life.
Leonard: From a Kevin Smith movie?
Kevin: Oh, I'm hanging up now.
Wil: Don't you listen to him, buddy. You're awesome! You're one of the greatest directors of our time.
Kevin: I don't have a part for you, Wheaton.
Wil: [Hangs up on Kevin] And that was Kevin Smith

Sheldon: I'll get the blankets, you Google how to have child-like fun.

Amy: Have a seat on the floor.
Sheldon: Not there. That's my spot.

Leonard: Well, you kids have fun. I'm going to go to sleep.
Sheldon: Leonard, don't you want to see the inside of the fort?
Leonard: Yeah, I'm good.
Sheldon: Oh, come on. I really wanted to tell someone they can't come in.
Leonard: All right. Sheldon, may I please come into your fort?
Sheldon: I want to say no, but it's just too glorious. Come on in!

Penny: So, how many people listen?
Wil: Most people download it later, but usually a few thousand people listen live.
Penny: What? A few thousand people listen to you talk about nerd stuff?
Wil: Again, right in the ears, straight to the feelings.

- No, I'm good.
- Oh, come on.
- I really wanna tell someone they can't come in.
- Okay, fine.
- Sheldon, may I please visit yourfort?
- I wanna say no, but it's too glorious.
- Get in here.
Leonard: Thank you.
Amy: Have a seat on the floor.
Sheldon: Not there. That's my spot.

Penny: I think I started to suspect it was a bad movie when I looked at the script and saw the title, Serial Ape-ist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill.

Penny: I've never been on a podcast before.
Leonard: Well, you picked a good one to start. Wil's had lots of great guests, Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, Michael Dorn, Gates McFadden.
Penny: Those are Star Trek people.
Leonard: Yes.
Penny: I only figured that out because I've never heard of any of them.

- Oh. Sheldon, I'm sure it's not because they don't think you're an elite scientist.
- Yeah, I bet you anything it's just because you're a pain in the ass.
- You're just saying that to make me feel better.
- You can spend the rest of the day being bitter...
- Agreed.
- I was gonna say "or," but why bother?

Wil: You know that the movie actually has a little bit of a cult following.
Penny: Really?
Wil: I was at a science fiction convention and I saw a woman dressed as your half-ape character.
Leonard: Oh, if she was with an Indian guy dressed like a banana, that was just my friends, Howard and Raj.

Amy: What are we doing? This is a fort. Let's sit on the floor.
Sheldon: Roughing it? Okay.
[Sits on floor. Gasps]
Sheldon: Everything looks so big from down here. This must be how Leonard feels.