The Best The Big Bang Theory, Season 9, Episode 3 Quotes

Penny: Amy got her ears pierced, she broke up with Sheldon, and she made us eat penis cookies.

Amy: In the spirt of the bachelorette party, I baked cookies shaped like male genitals.
Penny: Oh, Amy, you didn't have... Wow! That is anatomical!
Amy: Thank you. The veins are blue gummy worms.
Bernadette: Oh, look. Jewish and gentile.
Amy: I had some dough left over.

- Well, if you need a green hand, why not just use the hqu?
- Oh, please. The hqu would never get across the border with that temper.
- Guys, excuse me, not that calling one of the avengers isn't a perfectly reasonable choice, but we're scientists.
- Don't you think we can figure this out using actual science?
- Yes. We could use science, but it's your bachelor party. Lighten up.

- to an unknown destination for an entire weekend?
- Oh, not just him, you're coming, too.
- Oh, and how do you think you're going to get me to do that?
- Unhand me! This is ridiculous!
- I told you to put tape on his mouth.
- And I told you he bit me.

Howard: I bet he picked up a lot of cute grad students in this bad boy.
Sheldon: And talked about physics with them!

Amy: Sheldon had this clause in the relationship agreement forbidding cosmetic surgery unless it's to look like a Klingon.

Bernadette: Come on. Leonard's doing bachelor stuff. You sure we can't take you to a strip club?
Penny: No, if I wanna see a naked dancing man I just flush the toilet while Leonard's in the shower.

Sheldon: It's bad enough I'm being taken against my will. I don't see why it has to be in some hippie's mobile sex dungeon.

- I did not kill him.
- The vet took care of that.
- Ten, 12 months ago.
- You didn't tell me for a year?
- Well, apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?
- Uh, love you, slugger. Gotta go.
- Okay, Amy, your turn.

Amy: If my mother could see me now, she'd send me to the sin closet.
Bernadette: That's a joke, right?
Amy: The joke was on her. I could still watch TV through the slats.

Sheldon: Are you really going to let them take you in a van to an undisclosed location?
Howard: Oh, you're coming too.
Sheldon: Oh? And how are you going to get me into that van?
[Cut to Sheldon tied and blindfolded as he's carried into the van by Leonard and Howard]
Sheldon: Put me down! This is ridiculous!
Howard: I told you we should have put a gag in his mouth.
Raj: And I told you he bit me!

Amy: My mom said pierced ears were for whores, pirates and genies.

Howard: There's something about this van I think you'll find interesting.
Sheldon: Does it run on syphilis?

Leonard: If there was a hidden compartment, don't you think you'd be stuffed in it by now?

- recovered from the Van is now thermite.
- Great.
- Couple pinches ought to do the trick.
- Is that enough to melt the lug nut?
- Well, let's start small.
- We can always add more.
- You put up a good fight, lug nut.
- But you've met your match.

Bernadette: Amy, I noticed your status still says "in a relationship" on Facebook.
Amy: You're right. I should probably let all of my Facebook friends know. Penny, I'm no longer in a relationship.

Penny: Before I made that call, my pig was alive and happy, rolling around in the mud. Now he's illegally buried in our back yard next to my great grandmother.
Bernadette: Really, they didn't eat him?
Penny: No, he was a beloved member of the family.
Bernadette: The breakfast meat family?

- Wow, this one's really stuck.
- Are you turning it the right way?
- No, I took the other four off and when I got to this one, I thought,
- "I'm in a rut, let's shake things up."
- Here, let me try.
- You're right.
- It doesn't turn the other way.

- Yeah, if it makes you feel any better,
- I pierced Amy's ears and her mom made her sit in my closet.
- We blew up feynman's Van.
- My dad killed my pig with his tractor.
- I spent the night in Mexico with Sheldon.
- You win.

Sheldon: Are you all up on your yellow fever inoculations?
Howard: You don't need yellow fever shots to go to Mexico.
Sheldon: You can never be too careful. I had mine last year before going to EPCOT.