The Best The Good Place, Season 1, Episode 13 Quotes

Michael: The time has come to innovate. The human afterlife can be more fun; for us, obviously. Not for the people we're torturing. Who cares about those dummies?
[laughter; a whiteboard is rolled in]
Michael: I present to you the perfect recipe for my proposed experiment: four people perfectly suited to make each other miserable. I am going to design an afterlife where they torture each other.
Shawn: We've tried this. Humans are very reticent to torture each other. Even getting them to do simple things, like pulling out each other's teeth, is like... I can't think of the right analogy.

Eleanor: What the fork?
Eleanor: Why can't I say fork?

Chidi: I feel like I failed you.
Eleanor: No. Don't ever think that. I was dropped into a cave, and you were my flashlight.
Tahani: Oh. Good-bye forever. I will miss you so much.
Eleanor: [hugging] I'll miss you too, you sexy skyscraper.

Eleanor: Holy motherforking shirtballs.

- but it's a good system.
- I mean, it works, right?
- They laugh but don't rock the boat here, pal.
- Just try to do a good job.
- She groans: French vanilla?
- Regular anti-matter's fine.
- Why flavour it?
- Michael murmurs: A good job.

Eleanor: You saw us all on Earth: a selfish ass, an idiot DJ, a tortured academic, a hot rich fraud with legs for days - side note, I might legit be into Tahani.

- my first neighbourhood, to be perfect.
- Somehow I blew it and...
- Now you're all suffering and for that, I'm deeply sorry.
- This is truly the saddest day of my life.
- Joll y circus mus/c

Eleanor: What the fork's a Chidi?

Eleanor: I'll miss you too, you sexy skyscraper.

Eleanor: Okay, I guess I'll speak first. Jason and I are the mistakes. We're the ones who misled everybody and dragged you all into this mess, so we should go to the Bad Place.
Chidi: [simultaneously with Tahani] Agreed.
Tahani: Yes.
Eleanor: Okay, I thought you were at least gonna pretend to fight me on that, but whatever.

- See ya soon.
- Ding hi there.
- Who are you?
- I'm Janet.
- I think this is yours.
- After I was rebooted,
- I found it in my mouth.
- What?

Eleanor: It took me a while to figure it out, but just now as we were all fighting, yelling at each other and each one of us demanding we should go to the Bad Place, I thought to myself, "Man, this is torture." And then it hit me: they're never gonna call a train to take us to the Bad Place. They can't... because we're already here. *This* is the Bad Place.
[camera zooms in on Michael, who cackles maniacally]
Michael: Oh, man! I can't believe you figured it out!

The: Chidi, don't go. I don't care if you don't love me. I love you. It's the only thing that makes sense to me in this crazy world. And I...
Michael: No, stop, Vicki. They figured it out.
The: They...?
Michael: They know it's the Bad Place. Eleanor figured it out.
The: [dropping her act] Ugh, man! This was supposed to be my big moment! I just rehearsed that speech for, like, three hours! Damn it, Eleanor, you are the worst.
[turning to leave]
The: You can all suck it.