The Best The Good Place, Season 4, Episode 12 Quotes

Chidi: Are you Hypatia of Alexandria?
Hypatia: Yup. How's it hangin'?

Eleanor: Okay, well... I have a solution. Remember what I said to you when you were going through your midlife crisis, one earring, red convertible phase?
Michael: "You look so stupid"?
Eleanor: After that.
Michael: You said that every human is a little bit sad all the time because you know you're going to die, but that knowledge is what gives life meaning.
Eleanor: [turns to face the group] The way to restore meaning to the people in the Good Place... is to let them leave.
Janet: Leave? And go where? This is the last...
[pause]
Janet: Oh.
Michael: Can we just do that?
Eleanor: You're the head of the Good Place now. Seems to me you can do whatever you want.

Eleanor: [meeting Hypatia of Alexandria] First question: How do you get the "of" in your name? Is it just, like, where you hung out the most? Like, am I Eleanor of the Cheesecake Factory Bar?

Hypatia: I used to be cool, man! I studied so much... things. Art and music and the, uh... the one with the number piles? Where I'd be like, "Two!" and you'd be like, "Six!"
Chidi: Math?
Hypatia: Yes! And then I came here, where time stretched out forever, and every second of my existence was amazing, but my brain became this big, dumb blob.

Janet: It's so nice to get to work alongside another Good Janet.
Good: Yes, it is!
Musa: Hey, Janet, can I get a Coke?
[Good Janet holds up a Coke]
Musa: No, a water.
[Good Janet holds up a glass of water]
Musa: No, a lamp.
[Good Janet holds up a lamp]
Musa: No, a cat.
[Good Janet holds up a cat]
Janet: [frowns] So people just ask you for things with no rhyme or reason?
Good: Yes, and then I get them for them! It's great!
Musa: Can I get a spaceship?
[Good Janet motions to a spaceship]
Musa: No, one huge Junior Mint.
[Good Janet holds up a huge Junior Mint]
Musa: No, a Coke.
[Good Janet holds up a Coke. Musa takes it and walks away]

Hypatia: [looks at her football jersey] There's math on my shirt.
Eleanor: Come on!
Hypatia: Is it an S or a math?

Chidi: [meeting Hypatia of Alexandria] I'm a huge fan! I had a poster of you on my wall in high school! Well, actually, it was just a poster of Trinity from "The Matrix", but that's how I imagined you would look because you're so cool!
Eleanor: Oh, is she the reason you got beat up so much?
Chidi: She's one of 'em!

- but I swear I will never get sick of wings!
- Well, I'll see you all tomorrow.
- And every tomorrow after that.
- You know, Michael, at the end of the day, you were right.
- Everything is fine.

Eleanor: Hi, everyone, can I have your attention, please? Hi, my name's Eleanor Shellstrop. Hope you're having fun at our Flor-izona British library extravaganza. I guess you don't really have fun anywhere, which is the point. It doesn't seem like this is paradise for you. You've basically been on a never-ending vacation, and vacations are only special because they end.
Chidi: So we have an idea. We're gonna set up a new kind of door. Um, somewhere peaceful, so that when you feel happy and satisfied and complete, and you want to leave the Good Place for good, you can just walk through it, and your time in the universe will end.
Tahani: You don't have to go through it if you don't want to, but you can, and hopefully, knowing that you don't have to be here forever will help you feel happier while you are.
Paltibaal: What will happen when we go through it?
Janet: Well, we don't really know, exactly. All we know is, it will be peaceful and your journey will be over.
Michael: You led great lives. You earned your place here. So stay here as long as you like. Use the Green Doors to see and do every single thing you want to see and do. And when you're ready, walk through one last door and be at peace.

- It feels like
- I'm on my way home.
- Flying puppy!
- You're almost there!
- Just a little further.
- Flying puppies?
- Dang it, Michael, why didn't you think of that for your neighborhood?
- These guys are good.

Hypatia: On paper, this is paradise. All your desires and needs are met. But it's infinite. And when perfection goes on forever, you become this glassy-eyed mush person.

Tahani: We just redesigned the system, and soon millions of people are going to start pouring in thinking they're in paradise, only to become a joyless husk.
[gasps]
Tahani: It's Coachella. We've invented Cosmic Coachella! We have to fix this!

Tahani: I feel just like Dorothy when she lands in Oz. Excited, incredulous, much taller than everyone else around me.

Eleanor: Well, I'm not giving up. We worked too hard and went through too much, and I'm not just gonna sit back and turn into some slack-jawed, sweatpant-wearing orgasm machine! Oh my God, I'm describing my dream existence like it's bad. What is wrong with this place?

Eleanor: I guess you don't really have fun anywhere, which is the point. It doesn't seem like this is paradise for you. You've basically been on a never-ending vacation, and vacations are only special because they end.

Michael: Jason, your lifelong dream got old that quickly?
Jason: I mean, monkeys and go-karts was fun for a while. Then I was like, "Oh, you know what'd be cool? Hippos and go-karts." And I was like, "Yo, what about Draculas with jet packs?" I did, like, fifty combos, and then I just kinda wanted to hang out with you guys again.
Hypatia: Okay, that's it in a nutshell. 'Cause you get here and you realize that anything's possible, so you do everything, and then you're done. But you still have infinity left. This place kills fun and passion and excitement and love, 'till all you have left are milkshakes.

Janet: Okay, I now know everything about the Good Place. In a nutshell, it slaps. First thing to tell you, humans can't see the Good Place all at once or their brains will be scrambled.
Jason: Cool. Maybe I'll finally get some of those squiggles on my brain. Doctors say my brain is smooth as an egg.

Michael: Okay, nothing to do but announce the big change. Whatever happens... it's cool, my babies. It's very cool.
Eleanor: [smirks] You smoke that weed, bud?
Michael: [giggling] I did. I was kind of freaked out, so I smoked some grass. But now I'm great! Let's change the afterlife and then... Taco Bell.
[a Taco Bell burrito appears in Michael's hand]
Michael: Oh! Baby!

Jason: Monkeys are the ideal go-cart opponents. They're funny enough to give the finger, but not smart enough to win.