100 Best The Grand Budapest Hotel Quotes

- It's a hell of a view. I give them that, for what's it's worth.
- I agree.

- The Grand Budapest has become a troops' barracks.
- I shall never cross its threshold again in my lifetime.
- Me neither.
- Never again shall I...
- Actually, I think we might be going in there right now after all.
- Dmitri.
- Agatha.

- Serge X and his club-footed sister, plus his own mother!
- Nobody move.
- Everybody's under arrest.
- Who's out the window?
- Agatha!
- 310-bis.
- Hang on! Here I come!

M. Gustave: Why do you want to be a lobby boy?
Zero: Well, who wouldn't - at the Grand Budapest, sir. It's an institution.

[Zero has just shown M. Gustave the newspaper article announcing Mme. Céline's death]
M. Gustave: Dear God!
Zero: I'm terribly sorry, sir.
M. Gustave: We must go to her.
Zero: We must?
M. Gustave: Tout de suite. She needs me, and I need you, to help me with my bags and so on.
[to a voice within his suite]
M. Gustave: Attendez-moi, darling.
[to Zero]
M. Gustave: How fast can you pack?
Zero: Five minutes.
M. Gustave: Do it. And bring a bottle of the Pouilly-Jouvet '26, in an ice bucket, with two glasses, so we don't have to drink the cat piss they serve on the dining car.

- "'Tis oft'-remarked, no single, falling-flake does any other
- "in its pure and perfect form..." Somebody's coming.
- Are you Monsieur Gustave of the
- Grand Budapest Hotel in Nebelsbad?
- Uh-huh.
- Get on the next cable car.

- The identity of the owner of the hotel was unknown to all of us.
- Each month, his emissary, known as Deputy Kovacs, arrived to review the books and convey messages on behalf of the mysterious proprietor.
- On these occasions, Monsieur
- Gustave and our business manager,
- Herr Becker, met with him in private consultation above Reception.

Mr. Moustafa: [on M.Gustave] There are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity... He was one of them. What more is there to say?

- Two ducks roasted with olives.
- Rabbit, salad?
- Mmm.
- Pouilly-Jouvet '52, plus a split of the brut.
- That should provide us ample time if I commence promptly.
- By all means.

- "while the lark song of a guttersnipe..."
Jopling: I never trusted that butler.
- He's too honest.
- DMITRI ON PHONE: Too honest, you say?
Jopling: Mmm-hmm.
- Right, well, be that as it may, find him quick and make it snappy.

- contains an amendment to the original certificate, which, as prescribed by law,
- I will read to you now.
- The authenticity of this document has not yet been confirmed by the presiding magistrate, so I ask that all parties be patient and refrain from comment until such time as our investigations can be completed.

M. Gustave: [Upon seeing Ludwig's map of Checkpoint 19] Who drew this?
Ludwig: What do you mean, "who drew this"? I did.
M. Gustave: Very good; you've got a wonderful line, Ludwig! This shows great artistic promise.

[first lines]
Author: It is an extremely common mistake. People think the writer's imagination is always at work, that he's constantly inventing an endless supply of incidents and episodes; that he simply dreams up his stories out of thin air. In point of fact, the opposite is true. Once the public knows you're a writer, they bring the characters and events to you. And as long as you maintain your ability to look, and to carefully listen, these stories will continue to...
Author's: [shooting at him with a pellet gun]
Author: Stop it! Stop it! Don't! Don't do it!... Uh, will continue to seek you out, uh, over your lifetime. To him, who has often told the tales of others, many tales will be told.
Author's: Sorry.
Author: It's all right. The incidents that follow were described to me exactly as I present them here, and in a wholly unexpected way.

- Are you Monsieur Gustave of the
- Grand Budapest Hotel in Nebelsbad?
- Uh-huh.
- Switch with me.

- MR. MOUSTAFA: The next morning,
- Herr Becker received a peculiar, last-minute notice from the office of Deputy Kovacs, postponing their scheduled meeting, in perpetuity.
Ludwig: Let's blow.

- Good evening, Mr. Desgoffe und Taxis.
- I'm Monsieur Chuck.
- We've booked you and your sisters into the King Ferdinand Suite.
- Good evening. General von
- Shrecker asked me...
- Who's that?
- I beg your pardon?
- I think that girl's got my picture. Excuse me.

- will have been violently executed.
- You hit the nail on the head,
- Mr. Gustave.
- We got fake documents, second-hand street clothes, a rope ladder made of sticks and bunk-linens, but we need digging tools, which are proving hard to come by in this flop-house.

M. Gustave: What is a lobby boy? A lobby boy is completely invisible, yet always in sight. A lobby boy remembers what people hate. A lobby boy anticipates the client's needs before the needs are needed. A lobby boy is, above all, discreet to a fault. Our guests know that their deepest secrets, some of which are frankly rather unseemly, will go with us to our graves. So keep your mouth shut, Zero.

- You see? There are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity.
- Indeed, that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant...
- Oh, fuck it.

- proceed according to the rule of law.
- Not agreed.
- This stinks, sisters.
- Did he just throw my cat out the window?
- I don't think so.
- No. Did he?
- Jopling?

- Go to sleep.
- Yes, Herr Mendl.
- Hide this.
- No.
- Okay, but take it anyway.

M. Gustave: [Following Mme. Céline's death] All of Lutz will be dressed in black... except her own ghastly, deceitful children, whom she loathed and couldn't bear to kiss hello. They'll be dancing like gypsies.

Zero: Do you have an alibi?
M. Gustave: Of course. But she's married to the Duke of Westphalia. I can't allow her name to get mixed up in all this monkey business.
Zero: Monsieur Gustave, your life may be at stake.
M. Gustave: I know. The bitch legged it! She's already on board the Queen Nasstasja, halfway to Dutch Tanganyika.

M. Gustave: I give you my word, if you lay a finger on this man, I'll see you dishonorably discharged, locked up in the stockade, and hanged by sundown.

Young: Is it simply your last connection to that banished world - his world, if you will?
Mr. Moustafa: His world? No, I don't think so. You see, we shared a vocation, it wouldn't have been necessary. No, the hotel I keep for Agatha. We were happy here, for a little while.
Mr. Moustafa: To be frank, I think his world had vanished long before he ever entered it. But I will say, he certainly sustained the illusion with a marvelous grace.

M. Gustave: How does one come by front row aisle seats for a first night at the Opera Toscana with one day's notice? How does one arrange a private viewing of the tapestry collection at the Royal Saxon Gallery? How does one secure a corner table at Chez Dominique on a Thursday?
[to Ivan, on the telephone]
M. Gustave: Ivan, darling, it's Gustave, hello!... Well, I was until about five minutes ago. We've taken it upon ourselves to clear out in a hurry, if you see what I mean... Well, through a sewer, as it happens... Exactly! Listen, Ivan, I'm sorry to cut you off, but we're in a bit of a bind. This is an official request. I'm formally calling on the special services of...
[Title: THE SOCIETY OF THE CROSSED KEYS]

- Is it very beautiful?
- Beyond description.
- "E'en the most gifted bard's rhyme can only sing
- "but to the lack of her and all she isn't!
- "His tongue doth..."
- Can I see it?
- I don't see why not.

M. Gustave: You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it.

Zero: [Reading a letter from M. Gustave] "My dear and trusted colleagues..."
M. Gustave: [narrates] I miss you deeply as I write from the confines of my regrettable and preposterous incarceration. Until I walk amongst you again as a free man, the Grand Budapest remains in your hands, as does its impeccable reputation. Keep it spotless, and glorify it. Take extra-special care of every little bitty bit of it as if I were watching over you like a hawk with a horse-whip in its talons, because I am. Should I discover a lapse of any variety during my absence, I promise swift and merciless justice will descend upon you. A great and noble house has been placed under your protection. Tell Zero if you see any funny business.
Zero: [finishing the letter] "Your devoted Monsieur Gustave."

M. Gustave: [to Mme. Céline's corpse] You're looking so well, darling, you really are... they've done a marvelous job. I don't know what sort of cream they've put on you down at the morgue, but... I want some.

- May I offer any of you inmates a plate of mush?
- No? Anyone?
- You with the very large scar on your face?

Dmitri: If I learn you ever once laid a finger on my mother's body, living or dead, I swear to God, I'll cut your throat! You hear me?
M. Gustave: I thought I was supposed to be a fucking faggot.
Dmitri: You are, but you're bisexual.

- You're the first of the official death squads to whom we've been formally introduced.
- How do you do?
- Plus ça change, am I right?
- Uh, that's a migratory visa with stage three worker status, darling.
- Read this.

M. Gustave: Well, what does it say? Where is it? What's it all about, damn it? Don't keep us in suspense, Serge, this has been a complete fucking nightmare! Just tell us what the fuck is going on!

- while Monsieur Gustave and I continued east into the Zubrowkian Alps, toward our high-altitude rendezvous with the butler Serge X.
- As a precaution, we disembarked quietly in the freight yard just outside the station.
- L'air de Panache.

- I'll draw it up right now.
- I, Monsieur Gustave H, being of relatively sound mind and body, on this day, the 19th of October, in the year of our Lord 1932...
- MR. MOUSTAFA: He never told me where he came from.
- I never asked who his family had been.

M. Gustave: May I offer any of you inmates a plate of mush? No? Anyone?

Madame D.: Come with me.
M. Gustave: To... fucking Lutz?
Madame D.: Please!
M. Gustave: Give me your hand. You've nothing to fear. You're always anxious before you travel. I admit you appear to be suffering a more acute attack on this occasion, but truly and honestly... oh, dear God, what have you done to your fingernails?
Madame D.: I beg your pardon?
M. Gustave: This diabolical varnish; the color is completely wrong!
Madame D.: Oh really? Don't you like it?
M. Gustave: It's not that I don't like it; I am physically repulsed.

- "whilst the muskets cracked
- "and the yeomen roared 'Hurrah!'
- "And the ramparts fell.
- "'Methinks me breathes me last, me fears!' said he..."
- Holy shit! You got him!
- Well done, Zero!

M. Gustave: [Gustave and Zero are examining "Boy With Apple" in Dmitri's study] This is van Hoytl's exquisite portrayal of a beautiful boy on the cusp of manhood. Blond, smooth skin as white as that milk, of impeccable provenance. One of the last in private hands, and unquestionably the best. It's a masterpiece. The rest of this shit is worthless junk.

- and head for the Maltese
- Riviera, once and for all.
- Very good! You're so extraordinary, Zero.
- Thank you.
- A moment of silence in memoriam of a devoted servant killed violently during the conduct of his duties.
- Goodbye, Serge.
- Okay, let's go.

Madame D.: Will you light a candle for me, please?
- In the sacristy of Santa Maria?
- GUSTAVE H: I'll see to it myself immediately.
- Remember, I'm always with you.
- I love you.
- I love you.

Henckels: Who's shooting who?
Dmitri: That's Gustave H., the escaped murderer and art thief! I've got him cornered!
M. Gustave: That's Dmitri Desgoffe und Taxis! He's responsible for the killing of Deputy Kovacs, Serge X and his club-footed sister, plus his own mother!
[pause]
Henckels: Nobody move; everybody's under arrest.

M. Gustave: You're the first of the official death squads to whom we've been formally introduced. How do you do?

- Are you Monsieur Gustave of the
- Grand Budapest Hotel in Nebelsbad?
- Uh-huh.
- Put these on and sing.

- I know, but the bitch legged it.
- She's already on board the Queen
- Nasstasja halfway to Dutch Tanganyika.
- Don't give up.
- MR. MOUSTAFA: The details of the conspiracy, now a matter of public record, were, at that time, impossible for us to apprehend.

M. Gustave: Give me a few squirts of L'air de Panache, please, will you?
[Zero doesn't move]
M. Gustave: Can I not get A squirt, even?
Zero: I forgot the L'air de Panache.
M. Gustave: Honestly, you forgot the L'air de Panache? I don't believe it. I mean, how could you? I've been in jail, Zero! Do you understand how humiliating this is? I smell! That's just marvelous, isn't it? I suppose this is to be expected back in... Where do you come from again?
Zero: Aq-Salim-al-Jabat.
M. Gustave: Precisely. I suppose this is to be expected back in Aq-Salim-al-Jabat, where one's prized possessions are a stack of filthy carpets and a starving goat, and one sleeps behind a tent flap and survives on wild dates and scarabs. But it's not how I trained you! What on God's earth possessed you to leave the homeland where you obviously belong and travel unspeakable distances to become a penniless immigrant in a refined, highly-cultivated society that, quite frankly, could've gotten along very well without you?
Zero: The war.
M. Gustave: ...Say again?
Zero: Well, you see, my father was murdered and the rest of my family were executed by firing squad. Our village was burned to the ground and those who managed to survive were forced to flee. I left because of the war.
M. Gustave: I see. So you're, actually, really more of a refugee, in that sense?
Zero: Truly.
M. Gustave: [chagrined] Well, I suppose I'd better take back everything I just said. What a bloody idiot I am. Pathetic fool. Goddamn, selfish bastard. This is disgraceful, and it's beneath the standards of the Grand Budapest. I apologize on behalf of the hotel.
Zero: It's not your fault, Monsieur Gustave. You were just upset I forgot the perfume.
M. Gustave: Don't make excuses for me! I owe you my life. You are my dear friend and protégé and I'm very proud of you. You must know that! I'm so sorry, Zero.
Zero: We're brothers.
[they hug]

- Romantic Poetry,
- Volume One.
- Monsieur Gustave recommended it.
- I have a copy of my own as well.
- I ruined the surprise,
- I suppose.
- I'll go ahead and open it, anyway.
- Read the inscription.

M. Gustave: [interviewing will walking] Experience?
Zero: Hotel Kinsky, Kitchen Boy, 6 months. Hotel Berlitz, Mop and Broom Boy, 3 months. Before that I was a Skillet Scrubber.
M. Gustave: Experience, zero.
[to various workers]
M. Gustave: Straighten that cap. Pleasure's all mine. These are not acceptable.
[back to Zero]
M. Gustave: Education?
Zero: I studied reading *and* spelling. I started my primary school. I almost finished...
M. Gustave: Education, zero.Good morning Cicero. Call the plumber. Family?
Zero: [hesitates] Zero.

Dmitri: [discovering the painting's disappearance] What's the meaning of this shit?
Laetizia: "Boy with Apple"? I thought you'd hidden it.
Marguerite: Why are you only noticing now?
Carolina: I assumed you took it. I assumed it went to the tax appraiser.
Dmitri: ...Are you fucking kidding me?

- I copied it down.
- It reads as follows,
- "Pack your things stop.
- "Be ready to leave at moment's notice stop.
- "Hide-out is vicinity of Gabelmeister's Peak stop.
- "Destroy this message all my love full stop."
- Where's the basket?

- of a beautiful boy on the cusp of manhood.
- Blond, smooth. Skin as white as that milk.
- Of impeccable provenance.
- One of the last in private hands, and unquestionably, the best.
- It's a masterpiece.
- The rest of this shit is worthless junk.

- This was also when I met Agatha, but we won't discuss that.

- Come on! Let's go!
Zero: What do we do if we catch him?
- GUSTAVE H: I don't know.
- He's a homicidal psychopath.
- Let's stop.
- I can't. I can barely steer.

- M. Gustave ?
- Can I help you?
- Yes. Serge.
- You can wrap this up. please.
- Wrap up --
- Wrap up -"Boy With Apple"?

- They only had the half-ounce.
- We should give him something as a symbolic gesture.
- How much money you got? 42
- Klubecks and 3 postage stamps.
- Give me 25. Yes.
- Bless you.
- Please.

M. Gustave: You can't arrest him just because he's a bloody immigrant, he hasn't done anything wrong!

M. Gustave: Serge X, missing. Deputy Kovacs, also missing. Madame D, dead. "Boy With Apple", stolen. By us. Dmitri and Jopling, ruthless, cold-blooded savages. Gustave H, at large. What else?
Zero: Zero, confused.
M. Gustave: Zero, confused, indeed. The plot thickens, as they say. Why, by the way? Is it a soup metaphor?
Zero: I don't know.

- I've had older.
- When you're young, it's all fillet steak, but as the years go by, you have to move on to the cheaper cuts, which is fine with me, because I like those.
- More flavorful, or so they say.
- Why are we stopping at a barley field?

Deputy: Did he just throw my cat out of the window?

- Pretty picture.
- Sixth floor.

- Where's Boy with Apple?
- None of your goddamn business!
- I'm going to blast your candy-ass once and for all right now.
- Drop your weapon!

M. Gustave: Rudeness is merely an expression of fear. People fear they won't get what they want. The most dreadful and unattractive person only needs to be loved, and they will open up like a flower.

Monk: [At the observatory] Are you Monsieur Gustave of the Grand Budapest Hotel in Nebelsbad?
M. Gustave: Uh-huh.
Monk: Get on the next cable car.
Monk: [On the cable car] Are you Monsieur Gustave of the Grand Budapest Hotel in Nebelsbad?
M. Gustave: Uh-huh.
Monk: Switch with me.
Monk: [At the monastery] Are you Monsieur Gustave of the Grand Budapest Hotel in Nebelsbad?
M. Gustave: Uh-huh.
Monk: [Hands them robes] Put these on and sing.
Monk: [Inside the monastery] Psst. Are you Monsieur Gustave of the Grand B...
M. Gustave: Yes, dammit!
Monk: Confess.
M. Gustave: I'm innocent!
Monk: No, no.
[indicates confession booth]

Mr. Moustafa: When the destiny of a great fortune is at stake, men's greed spreads like a poison in the bloodstream. Uncles, nephews, cousins, in-laws of increasingly tenuous connection. The old woman's distant relations had come foraging out of the woodwork.

- They were in their first condition.
- It couldn't be maintained, of course.
- Too decadent for current tastes.
- But I love it all just the same, this enchanting old ruin.
- How did you come to buy it, if I may ask?
- The Grand Budapest.

Monk: Psst.
- Are you Monsieur
- Gustave of the...
- Yes, dammit.
- Confess.
- I'm innocent.
- Hmm? No, no.

- How's our darling Agatha?
- "'Twas first light when I saw her face upon the heath,
- "and hence did I return, day-by-day, entranced,
- "tho' vinegar did brine my heart, never..." [ALARM BLARES]
- Very good. I'm going to stop you there because the alarm has sounded, but remember where we left off because I insist you finish later.

Agatha: Something's on the back of the...
- Agatha!
- Agatha!
- Are you all right?
- I think so.
- Something's on the back of the picture.

- She's very well, thank you.
- I adore her.
- Send my love.
- I will.
- Your companion was very kind to me when I was a lonely little boy.
- My men and I apologize for disturbing you.
- I beg your pardon, sir.

Agatha: Six.
Dmitri: Hold it.
Dmitri: Six.
- Compliments of Herr Mendl.

- Don't keep us in suspense.
- This has been a complete fucking nightmare.
- Just tell us what the fuck is going on!
- Serge?
- Serge? Serge!
- Bloody hell. They've strangled the poor slob.

- He hasn't done anything wrong.
- Stop it, damn you!
- Never mind, Monsieur Gustave!
- Let them proceed!
- GUSTAVE H: Ow! That hurts!
- You filthy, goddamn, pock-marked, fascist assholes!
- Take your hands off my Lobby Boy!

- Zero.
- Six, Igor.
- Why do you want to be a Lobby Boy?
- Well, who wouldn't, at the Grand Budapest, sir?
- It's an institution.
- Very good.

Henckels: By order of the commissioner of police, Zubrowka Province, I hereby place you under arrest for the murder of Madame Céline Villenueve Desgoffe-und-Taxis.
M. Gustave: I knew there was something fishy. We never got the cause of death. She's been murdered, and you think I did it.
[runs away]

- Let's put him in the Duke Leopold Suite.
- Secretary Woroniecki's office cabled.
- He's checking in a day early.
- Rooms 401 -2-3.
- Tell Tactical Logistics we're moving them to a standard double on the third floor.
- They'll need more space than that.

M. Gustave: If I die first, and I almost certainly will, you will be my sole heir. There's not much in the kitty, except a set of ivory-backed hairbrushes and my library of romantic poetry, but when the time comes, these will be yours. Along with whatever we haven't already spent on whores and whiskey.

- Thank you.
- I'm sorry.
- Who are you?
- Otto, sir, the new Lobby Boy.
- You haven't been trained properly.
- A Lobby Boy never provides information of that kind.
- You're a stone wall.
- Understood?

- GUSTAVE H: Blessings upon you both.
- ...not only was Agatha immensely skilled with a palette knife and a butter-cream flourish...
- Mendl.
- Go.
- ...she was also very brave.
- I believe she was born that way.

Zero: What happened?
M. Gustave: What happened, my dear Zero, is I beat the living shit out of a sniveling little runt called Pinky Bandinski, who had the gall to question my virility. Because, if there's one thing we've learned from penny dreadfuls, it's that when you find yourself in a place like this, you must never be a candy ass; you've got to prove yourself from day one. You've got to win their respect. You should take a long look at HIS ugly mug this morning.
[Takes a sip of water and laughs]
M. Gustave: He's actually become a dear friend.

Pump: Where you headed, mister?
- Skiing? Sledding?
- Mountain climbing?
- Three Klubecks.

- Well, it begins, as it must, with our mutual friend's predecessor.
- The beloved, original concierge of The Grand Budapest.
- It begins, of course, with...

Dmitri: [about M. Gustave] This criminal has plagued my family for nearly 20 years. He's a ruthless adventurer and a con artist who preys on mentally feeble, sick old ladies! And he probably fucks them, too!
M. Gustave: I go to bed with all my friends.
[Dmitri punches M. Gustave, Zero punches Dmitri, Jopling punches Zero]

M. Gustave: [sees soldiers enter the hotel] The beginning of the end of the end of the beginning has begun. A sad finale played off-key on a broken-down saloon piano in the outskirts of a forgotten ghost town. I'd rather not bear witness to such blasphemy.
Zero: Me neither.
M. Gustave: The Grand Budapest has become a troops' barracks. I shall never cross its threshold again in my lifetime.
Zero: Me neither.
M. Gustave: Never again shall I...
[Zero spots Agatha]
Zero: Actually I think we might be going in there right now after all!

- MR. MOUSTAFA: The war began at midnight.
- Pffeifelstad fell by lunch under heavy shelling, and 10 battalions surged across the long western border.
- High-command advanced to Nebelsbad.

M. Gustave: [of Mme. Céline] She was dynamite in the sack, by the way.
Zero: She was 84, Monsieur Gustave.
M. Gustave: Mmm, I've had older. When you're young, it's all filet steak, but as the years go by, you have to move on to the cheap cuts. Which is fine with me, because I like those. More flavorful, or so they say.

M. Gustave: [Regarding "Boy with Apple"] I'll never part with it. It reminded her of me; it will remind me of her, always. I'll die with this picture above my bed. See the resemblance?
Zero: Oh... oh, yes.
M. Gustave: [Just minutes later] Actually, we should sell it. Sooner rather than later.

- I had asked for her hand in marriage and she had agreed.
- Will you marry me?
- Yes.
- We did not have 50 Klubecks between the two of us.
- No one knew, of course, but, then, who would have cared?
- We were each completely on our own in the world, and we were deeply in love.

- Have you ever been questioned by the authorities?
- Yes, on one occasion
- I was arrested and tortured by the rebel militia after the Desert Uprising.
- You know the drill, then.
- Zip it. Of course.
- You've never heard the word "van
- Hoytl" in your life. Okay, let's go.

Pinky: Me and the boys talked it over. We think you're a really straight fellow.
M. Gustave: Well, I've never been accused of that before, but I appreciate the sentiment.

Dmitri: You're not getting "Boy with Apple", you goddamn little fruit!
M. Gustave: How's that supposed to make me feel?

Serge X.: There's more.
M. Gustave: Okay...
Serge X.: To the story.
M. Gustave: I get it, go on.
Serge X.: I was the official witness in Madame D's presence to the creation of a second will to be executed only in the event of her death by murder.
M. Gustave: A second will?
Serge X.: Right.
M. Gustave: In case she got bumped off?
Serge X.: Right.
M. Gustave: Uh-huh...
Serge X.: But they destroyed it.
M. Gustave: Oh dear.
Serge X.: However...
M. Gustave: Uh-huh...
Serge X.: I pulled a copy.
M. Gustave: A second copy of the second will?
Serge X.: Right.
M. Gustave: Uh-huh...

- She admires you as well,
- Monsieur Gustave.
- Does she?
- Very much.
- That's a good sign, you know.
- It means she "gets it."
- That's important.
- Don't flirt with her.

[after having escaped from Checkpoint 19]
M. Gustave: How's our darling Agatha?
Zero: [Reciting] "'Twas first light, when I saw her face upon the heath, and hence did I return, day by day, entranced, though vinegar did brine my heart, never w..."
M. Gustave: Very good! I'm going to stop you there because the alarm has sounded, but remember where we left off, because I insist you finish later!

- "united, for an instant,
- "as they crossed the stratosphere of our starry window?
- "One from the East and one from the West."
- Very good.
- Don't flirt with her.
- Why are we stopping at a barley field again?

- His body was found stuffed in a sarcophagus behind a storage room at the Kunstmuseum late last night.
- He was short four fingers.
- What do you know about that?
- Nothing.
- Escort Mr. Jopling off the premises.

Jopling: I've got to hand it to him.
- DMITRI ON PHONE: Jesus Christ.
Jopling: I didn't see that coming.
- Well, what do you want next?
Dmitri: Talk to the club-footed sister again, and, this time, be persuasive.
Dmitri: Goddamn son of a bitch.

Serge X.: Forgive me, Monsieur Gustave, I never meant to betray you. They threatened my life and now they've murdered my only family.
M. Gustave: No! Who'd they kill this time?
Serge X.: My dear sister.
M. Gustave: The girl with the club foot?
Serge X.: Yes.
M. Gustave: Those fuckers!

M. Gustave: I was perhaps for a time considered the best lobby boy we ever had at the Grand Budapest. I think I can say that. This one finally surpassed me. Although I must say, I am an exceptional teacher.

M. Gustave: Who's got the throat-slitter?