The Best The Office, Season 5, Episode 17 Quotes

Michael: Okay, I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet?

Michael: Okay, we need a golden-ticket idea to get us out of this mess. Yes?
[Pam has her hand raised]
Pam: Does that mean an idea that blows up in our faces later?
Jim: Good one.

[arguing with Jim and Pam]
Andy: Put your heart out there, it's liable to just turn into this blackened, carbon brick, where it has barbecue sauce of shame and rage. And two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that.

Michael: Hey, hey, hey. You idiot.
Darryl: Start over.

Kevin: Nice... boobs.

Michael: There is no movie called Willy Wonka! It's called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!
Pam: It's actually based on the book called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

- No way. It's the kgb.
Jim: Ding dong.
- I'm not answering that.
- Yes, you're going to.
- You answer it!
- I'm not going to answer it.
Jim: Ding dong. I'm not going to answer it. It's the kgb.
- The kgb will wait for no one!
- It's true.

Stanley: I've got a golden-ticket idea. Why don't you skip on up to the roof and jump off?

Michael: Why do you have a diary?
Dwight: [whispering] To keep secrets from my computer.

Michael: We think a lot a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something, and I will say what you're thinking.
Dwight: Okay, what am I thinking right now?
Michael: Nacho chips.
Dwight: No. I was thinking about how the skin is the largest organ of the body.

- I'm just going to say to you everything that I'm thinking.
- Okay. I think you have the best smile.
- I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie.
- Okay.
- Nice...
- Boobs.

Jim: Well, all I'm saying is it's a first date, so just keep a respectful distance.
Kevin: Right.
Pam: I don't think Jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her.
Jim: No, that is what I mean.
Pam: Shush.

[as David Wallace congratulates Dwight for the golden-ticket idea and Michael tries to get Dwight to admit it's not his]
Jim: You're talking to Dwight Schrute, the biggest "Wonka" fan I know. I mean, you've been talking about that movie for years.
Michael: What?
Jim: [to Dwight] You know what, I even made fun of you when you dressed up as Willy Wonka to pitch this idea, and, for that, I apologize.
Dwight: Apology rejected.

Andy: Every compliment has to be backhanded. "Oh, I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair."
Pam: That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
Jim: Guys with girlfriends don't.

Dwight: Knock-knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: K.G.B.
Michael: K.G.B. wh...
Dwight: [smacks Michael] WE will ask the questions!
Michael: What the HELL was that?

David: Pam, do me a favor, don't send me those notes.

Creed: Good work, kid.
Dwight: Thanks old man.

Michael: I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so...
Jim: [interrupting] Okay, well, I lost a ton of money today. And I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed, too.
Michael: Thank you. Jim is with me.
Jim: Absolutely not. I'm mad at you.
Michael: Well, you know what, Jim, it is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed: That's not why.

Michael: I have written these things because it is my responsibility as manager of this branch to profiligate great ideas.

Kevin: I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook over-thinker.

Michael: Pam, knock-knock.
Pam: [Whispering] I'm on the phone.
Michael: [Also whispering] I know you are, knock-knock.
Pam: [On the phone] You can fax it over. Yeah, five, seven, zero, five, five, five...
Michael: [Trying to distract Pam] Four, nine, one.
Pam: Zero, one.
Michael: Seven, four.
Pam: Seven, five.
Michael: Flive, line.
Pam: Zero, one. Seven, five. Than you, bye-bye
[Hangs up]
Pam: That really makes us look unprofessional.
Michael: They will never know it was me doing it. Here we go, knock-knock.
Pam: [Exasperated pause] Who's there?
Michael: Buda.
Pam: Buda who?
Michael: Buda this bread for me, won't you?
[Leaves a loaf of bread and a piece of butter on the table]
Michael: .