The Best Tom Wu Quotes

Colonel: [to Eisenhower] You have to stay in there till you calm down, you lunatic. Wonder what's bothering you.
Mother: I know. Tonight you die.
Colonel: [draws gun] Ladies first.
Mother: You will not shoot me. You are superhero. You help people. You do not hurt them.
Chris: That's super-villain territory; or, as I like to call my little gang, The Toxic Mega-Cunts.
The: [waves] Hi.
Colonel: [takes gun; clicks; Mother Russia realizes it's empty] Yeah, just like your head.
Genghis: [Mother Russia overpowers Colonel, pulls out a machete and stabs him] Yeah!
The: Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
[Mother Russia uses Colonel's coat to wipe his blood off her blade]
Chris: I did my homework on you, Colonel. You used to be Sal Bertolinni, didn't you? Did a few jobs for my dad back in the day before you got born-again?
Colonel: [dying] I used to hangout with a lot of losers.
Chris: Is this how you thought you would die, Sal? Dressed like an idiot?
Colonel: Who are you supposed to be?
Chris: I'm the Motherfucker, and I'm here to end Kick-Ass, not just kill him. I am going to shit on everything that he loved. Let's trash this place guys.
[picks up mail statement]
Chris: Miranda Swedlow. Who's that, Sal? She one of the whores on your team?
[googles her name and matches her with her face on the poster]
Chris: Night Bitch. All snuggled up to Kick-Ass. Looks like our boy's got a new hot pocket.
Mother: Want me to kill his dog?
Chris: The dog, Jesus Christ, I'm not that evil. Cut the old man's head off. You guys hungry? I'm starving. Let's go get some pizza.
Mother: Don't worry, I kill you first.
[wraps legs around Colonel's neck]
Colonel: Justice Forever...
[snaps neck; dies]